Decisions and observations.

[tnimbus]

It's getting close to 3 months since I absolutely stopped my EA and went full NC with my exOM. It was online only, but it still did damage. From the tiny amount of time perspective I've had, I see how damaging it was to my LTP, myself, and my life. I also see how very lucky I am that I still have my LTP and that he loves me and forgave me. It could've been so much worse. Our life together is getting better, and our lives are getting better. I will always have to carry that I became involved with someone else though....and that because of that, I tainted something wonderful. I hope that taint goes away someday.

If nothing else, I learned lessons, hard ones, faced myself and really dug deep into what my true values are. I'm still doing this. My partner is as well....I had the EA, but my LTP and I both faced that we were letting things slide...good things like date nights and intimate talks...and not so good things...like conflicts and little annoyances that grew because we kept quiet. It's so very easy to sink into complacence and familiarity...there is danger in doing that.

I think the one main thing that saved my 19 year relationship is that I made a very firm decision to STOP, absolutely stop my EA, and have absolute NC. I came completely clean about it, didn't trickle truth, or try to hide anything. I gave my LTP my xom's name, contact info, where I talked to him, all of our emails that I had...everything, then deleted all of it. I was and am transparent now in everything I do. It feels a great deal better to not be hiding a huge and poisonous secret. Our relationship is getting a lot better..it's a good place to be..a happy place. Yes, we still have tiffs over who takes out the recycling...but the trust is growing again.

Trust...that's what it comes down to....something I value, something that is priceless...something that once lost, can be next to impossible to regain. I'm regaining it from the one I love more then anything, and I would never risk losing that priceless treasure ever again. In making a stand and a firm decision to walk completely away from something deeply hurtful, I walked into my life and a hopeful future.

If someone out there is going through this...I don't judge you...but I urge you to make a stand, walk away and walk into your life. It hurts, yes...but it's worth it. Living in truth, as hard as it can be sometimes, is the way forward...it's the way to trusting yourself again, and growing the trust of those in your life who mean the most. I hope this helps someone today.

[Red123]

That was a great post. I commend you for living authentically. You remind of the things my H is saying as we are trying to R. It's very hard but if both people want it it's possible. Good luck.

[tnimbus]

Thank you Red123. Yes, it can be very hard, we still have our hard days. I think living authentically is what is saving us. We both are trying our best to be100% present..in other parts of our lives as well....it's making a difference. Good luck to you too.