sickoflove11 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 While having a few drinks in new york my best friend asked if i thought she would ever cheat on her bf. I thought the conversation was light so being honest I told her no, but maybe if she was really drunk because she does flirt a lot with other guys when she is drunk... She is pretty much the only friend I have (hence why I'm asking you guys) and somehow I have this pattern with friends. I can never keep them. Obviously it's something wrong with me and I'm trying to change. She was upset by this and I apologized, I never wanted to hurt her feelings and it was a stupid thing to say. After NY she didn't talk to me for weeks then texted me saying how she hasn't been talking because she was really hurry. I responded but is there anything else I can do or is the relationship done? I know words can hurt more than anything and it is probably something she will never forget. Please help me out, I've never messed up this bad in our friendship and I'd really not like to lose my best friend.
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 You have apologized. Time has passed. Invite her to do something with you & hopefully you can just gloss over it like it was nothing & it inconsequential. At the next appropriate instance, make a point of commenting on her trustworthiness & fidelity 1
Author sickoflove11 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 You have apologized. Time has passed. Invite her to do something with you & hopefully you can just gloss over it like it was nothing & it inconsequential. At the next appropriate instance, make a point of commenting on her trustworthiness & fidelity Well the problem is she didn't bring it up until 2 weeks after it happened so now we are in different states. We do not live in the same state anymore so we can't just hang out and move past it. She has other friends there so now I am just insignificant hundreds of miles away. We have been best friends from a distance for 2 years but nothing like this has ever happened. I guess if she thinks that little of our friendship to keep angry about this is it best I just let it go? I can't change the way she feels and I can't take back what I said. I think maybe she knows it's true to an extent but I'm the only one who would say it and now I risked our friendship.
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 At least reach out & talk to her. But don't mention the incident. Get back to normal.
Author sickoflove11 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 How should I reach out to her if she will not respond to my texts? I think she may want to be left alone but idk for how long or if that will fix anything.
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Call her. You can't heal an emotional wound by hiding behind technology. You could also try sending her a snail mail letter or card telling her how much your friendship means to you. 1
Author sickoflove11 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 That's a good idea she likes getting cards I will try that. I'm almost 100% positive she wouldn't answer my phone call, half being she is busy a lot of the time and the other half it's easy to decline. Thank you for your advice.
preraph Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I really don't know why that upset her so much. She asked a question that was begging for a frank response and she got one. You've done all I think you should do. She wouldn't have asked the question out of the blue if she wasn't thinking about it -- unless she's not who originally brought up the subject and it was you, in which case she was probably already mad when she asked the question. 1
Author sickoflove11 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 I feel the same way.. she asked and I gave her an honest answer. That is something I think a best friend should and would do. But she is saying a best friend wouldn't feel that way. So I am confused. She brought it up it was just a light joking conversation but of course I answered honestly. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut. So do you think I should just wait for her to contact me now? I am still sending her a letter because I think texts are so informal. I think she might just hold it against me since I am far away. She has other friends she can call up and talk to about her problems or whatever. I guess that just means she doesn't value our friendship that much if this is what ruins our friendship right?
preraph Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 You need to stop grovelling right now because unless you brought up the subject of her cheating first, you did nothing wrong. You need to ask her why she would have asked you such a question if she wasn't thinking about cheating and remind her that that is obvious and that you have Freud on your side on that and that all you did was give her the circumstances under which you thought that since she was already thinking about it anyway, that she might actually do it. please stop apologizing to her. She is brow-beating you and doesn't sound like much of a friend to have this lopsided a relationship where she gets to ask you loaded questions but your obligation is to tell her that even though she's clearly thinking about cheating, you could never envision her self-righteous, pious, Madonna-like person doing such a thing. Please. This sounds like one of those "Mirror mirror on the wall" things.
Author sickoflove11 Posted August 10, 2014 Author Posted August 10, 2014 That is what I am starting to realize. She is the one who doesn't seem like a best friend and I am so desperate not to lose her that I am "grovelling" like you said and making myself miserable. I realize now that I care too much for people who aren't as equally invested and I just end up getting hurt. I don't think there is any going back so really I just want to move on now. I don't want to communicate with her unless she initiates contact which she hasn't since I apologized through text 3 days ago (the only other apology was when it happened in person 2 weeks ago). I know what she has been doing so if she cared she would have taken time to talk to me. It is only making me more depressed trying to hold on and continuously worry about fixing our friendship. I won't let her affect my health.
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