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My wife has walked out on me....again!

Dtmotoman

By Dtmotoman
in General Relationship Discussion

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Dtmotoman New Member

Dtmotoman

Posted
Posted (edited)

Male / Married...or separated? / 2 kids / now living alone.

 

My wife and I had been going through a really bad patch the last few years and really hadn't done anythingabout it. She told me on our family holiday in January that she wasn't happy with me anymore. She wasn't happy with the way our relationship was going and after I listened to her I kept asking what was wrong as I was confused. After a few weeks of her being down and distant, I started to feel like there was nothing I could do and asked her to go to work and when got home, to make a decision on what she wanted to do(wasnt open to couple counselling). When she got home she had decided that she wanted to seperate. Initially she just wanted space, so I moved into the spare room. After a couple of weeks I got onto doing my own personal counselling and when I'd get home I'd attempt to talk to her. Unfortunately she didn't want to listen and it was all over according to her. I repeatedly tried to talk but just kept getting the cold shoulder. One day I simply had enough, and in an attempt to make her see since I packed the car with all our photos and some of her things and asked her to leave. After a week or so I begged her to come back so we could work things out, but to no avail. After about a month I found out that she was moved in with her friend(female) and renting a room each for her and the kids. All along and right up until June I had been actively trying to get her to talk and work things out but there was no sign of it.

 

In June she called out to the house and asked me could we give it another go? I said yes and we remained in separate houses until we could sort things out. After about a week of things being great together I just knew something just wasn't right. So I checked her phone and messages and found out that she had slept with someone else. I lost it!! I tried to get over it but I kept bringing it up. We finally after a couple of weeks started to settle down, and even toyed with moving back in and started couple counselling.we went to the zoo with the kids one day and had a great time, and when leaving each other that day kissed and said that things were going to work out. The next day I sent a loving text and got no reply....confused! I asked what was wrong and she said we'd discuss it later at CC. I pushed the issue and it turns out that it was something that I said to the kids about mammy coming back home to live together. From this point on she has just decided that it's all off again and there is no going back....its over! She's happy on her own now, more time to herself,no arguments with me etc but I want to make it work and she doesn't....what do I do? 1 month apart and counting!

Edited by Dtmotoman
marcjb Established Member

marcjb

Posted
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She had an affair and cheated on you, yet she is the one trying to make you look like the bad guy. I would of divorced her the second I found out she slept with someone else.

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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Yep - go into investigative mode and find out who she is having an affair with...

 

90% of the time, that is the reason.

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Tayken Established Member

Tayken

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I guess it's true that..."once a cheater, always a cheater". It's up there with criminals, child molesters, drunks and gamblers

 

You my friend are being Cuckhold

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No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Go search a good lawyer/an attorney. You'll need it.

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Dtmotoman New Member

Dtmotoman

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Unfortunately guys it wasn't quite as cut and dry as I make it out to be. The guy in question was supposed to be a friend of hers, but one night she called over to talk things out about our relationship, and he took advantage of her being so emotional....so I'm told anyway. It was a one night stand she said and I honestly do believe her. To date she is just keeps harping on about how "my actions have consequences" and that I shouldn't have thrown her out of her home or looked at the phone as it was nothing to do with me because we were separated and was none of my business. Kop out if you ask me! She said that she didn't tell me because she had tried to put it behind her and was trying to forget about it. She knew I wouldn't be able to deal with it(she was right) and that it would only hurt me. I actually love this woman to pieces, but I think the fact that she has done it and got caught, has driven her away again. She's been unwell for the last 4 weeks over all the stress of it and I'm genuinely concerned about her well being. Should I even bother and forgive her or should I walk and leave with my head held high to fight for full access to the kids?

seekingpeaceinlove Established Member

seekingpeaceinlove

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She cheated on you and then point blank told you that the marriage is over. What should you do, you ask? The only thing you can do: Divorce and begin the healing process.

 

Your wife has 100% checked out of your marriage and it's likely been this way for a long time now. Once a woman has checked out emotionally..believe me..it's done. Begging and pleading is nothing but wasted energy at this point. Use that energy to close this chapter in your life and start the healing process.

 

Read through this forum and reach out to your loved ones for support.

 

Good luck and I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time.

Edited by seekingpeaceinlove
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SummerLuvR Member

SummerLuvR

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She cheated on you and your family and THEN makes everything YOUR fault?

 

I agree with the others, plan on getting a divorce. At least talk to a lawyer.

 

She is selfish. You need to put you and your children first and move forward.

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marcjb Established Member

marcjb

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Besides my own experiences, this is another example of why I will never trust a woman again with male "friends". How many times did she tell you he was "just a friend"?

 

Your wife (hopefully soon to be ex) is a grade A manipulator. Get rid of her. I doubt she is even really sorry for what she did, and only that she was caught.

Edited by marcjb
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Dtmotoman New Member

Dtmotoman

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So, yesterday was supposed to be our 4th cc session together and it didn't go ahead as she was sick.

 

We spoke on Monday in the car for over an hour, but again I keep getting told it's over, move on, you will find someone else.....sorry but I've heard it all before! She agreed that she would keep going to couple counselling "in order to make things as amicable as possible". I had asked her was there any point in going so, as that's not really what it's intended for.etc etc. yesterday she text me to confirm that it was cancelled? Eh, NO! I'll be there and it's still going ahead. She assumed that I was cancelling it after the conversation Monday?? I only asked was there any point!

 

She agreed to go anyway and I left it at that. About an hour before we were due for the appointment I get a text saying she can't make it and didn't feel well. I got so pi**ed as I'd been waiting to talk to her all week, that I text back saying "well you looked fine 5 mins ago"(saw her getting off the train). Rang her, got no reply. 10 mins later she calls in full blown temper saying that she was genuinely sick. I told her that it was fine and that I had already cancelled it and the fact she was sick it wouldn't be a good idea to go anyway.. She said that she was going anyway (give me the guys number)and how dare I accuse her ect. She then proceeds to put her mother on the phone to have a go at me about bullying her into going and that she was really sick. Anyway she rang the counselling service and they cancelled on her as she was not well. I decided to drop in on my way home and apologies for acusing her of backing out when she wasn't, and as you can imagine it was not appreciated.

 

At times I see glimmers of hope now and then, but really don't know if I should keep fighting for what I know is right for our family, or just move on and tear us apart.

No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Quit the friggin' counselling. Get your divorce rolling.

beatcuff Established Member

beatcuff

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considering the responses it is obvious that where you post dictates the type of responses you will receive.

 

OP, i suggest you re-post in the Separation and Divorce section. you will receive REAL advice on what to do.

 

first - stop.

second - do NOT leave the family home.

third - continue your MC, go even if she does not.

fourth - meet with a local attorney. this does NOT mean D, it is so you understand what will happen.

fifth - STOP arguing with S. that will only reinforce why she wants out.

sixth - start with 180 AND STICK TO IT. those in the separation section will offer far better direction but in brief: 180 gives two benefits: 1 - S will see you not longer as a 'safety' that may lift her 'fog'. 2 - it will start you on your path to being single.

 

good luck.

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