5yrs together, I'm going to implement 30days NC.

July 30, 2014

Hi all,

I just wanted to hop in and share my story with you guys. Perhaps some people can guide me to the right direction.

I'm 23, she is 21 - we've been together for 4 years.

Background

At the first two years I was controlling the whole relationship. I was somewhat alpha and I didn't really put much effort in showing her how much I love her. I didn't give her any gifts, I didn't say her nice things. I was just completely nonchalant with her. All I wanted was sex. Yet, she was still highly interested in me.

Then after 2 years, I somehow started to fall for this girl. We had just a great time and so on. I took her for granted and cheated on her which resulted on she cheating on me as well.

We had huge fights and since that I SLOWLY started to become her doormat. I started to feel insecure and needy. I just coulnd't think that I would live without her.

Then after a year or so, she dumped me - I went completely crazy about it. At first I begged, pleased her, then I said some bad stuff to her. The more I talked to her, the more I pushed her away. After few weeks post break up I realized that she had a rebound. Right after that I went NC.

After a week or so, she wanted to know what I'm up to. She told me that she wants me back. I told her that she has to end the rebound guy and then we can have a talk and see if there's more for our future.

I kept NC, until she started to cry and really begged me to come back (she dumped me). She left her rebound and everything was somewhat good, but we didn't REALLY worked on our issues that resulted the breakup.

We talked about babies and marriage and she CONSTANTLY gave me hints that I should engage with her. I didn't.

However, as I said. I'm still highly insecure and I always whined about she being on her phone. She has a lot of male friends and I don't really like that she is chatting with them when I'm together with her.

For me, this is like some form of cheating. We had a LOT of arguments about it. She told me that I'm great boyfriend, but I don't respect her and don't accept her friends.

She is somewhat right about it, I said some bad things for her and never really took us on the same level. I've always put myself "higher" than she is. My things are better, I'm always right etc. However, I did her gifts, I took us on a sunny vacation and I even gave her some money. (I'm working, she's in unversity)

But this phone issue and constant chatting really turned things OFF for me. I started to behave more badly and this resulted in another BREAK UP.

Today:

We were just on our holiday trip for 14 days - everything was fine until we returned. She just told me that she needs some "space" and literally disappeared. I was shocked.

At first I went into argument about it, but then I remembered that it would only push her away.

I waited 3-4 days and told her that we should work things out. I told her that: "I would try to be more respectful towards you and I'll not get angry about you chatting with bunch of guys" (she doesn't have female friends, maybe 1-2 only).

I also told her that she should stop being on phone so much when we are together, because I'm feeling somewhat worthless when your partner is constantly messaging or doing other activities (instagram,facebook) on the phone.

Then she said she needs some more time to think about it. I wanted to know exact dates when she could tell me if she wants to work things out or not, but she went more angry and told me that she will say it, but don't know when.

She also told me that, this is a ONLY a break and we are getting back together for sure. She admitted she loves me, but she feels that I'm disrespecting her too much and she feels bad about it. I told her that maybe we should just talk things out so we can be better person towards eachother, she agreed, but not now.

It has been 5 days since the "I need break". What should I do next? I don't want to go complete NC, but I would like to let her know that I'm not going to be available for her. She will start miss me soon, but I have feelings that she is not going to change. She definitely wants me back at some point, but THEN I would actually like to CONTROL this relationship or just get along with her - I want her to respect me, so I could respect her.

She might have another guy on the line, no doubt about it, but she just might want some time to re-think since we are both not satisfied with the current situation.

So my question - how should I act when she contacts me (it will probably be a week or so of NC)?

Should I be non-chalant? Should tell her that I'm busy? Should I tell her that I would like to breakup. Should I just keep NC until she would be knocking on my door and asking for another change?

I really want to work out this relationship with this girl, but she needs to understand she can't act like that to me.

What are your advice for this? Sorry for bad english, but I'm really trying to get my life together.

July 30, 2014

I really want to work out this relationship with this girl, but she needs to understand she can't act like that to me.

Dude. She really can act exactly like this to you! Here she is acting like that, and here you are just DESPERATE to get her back. So if she knocked on your door tomorrow asking to come back what would your answer be? I am sure it would be "yes"... which shows her that she CAN act just like she has done and you will take her back without even a blink of the eyes.

Chances are extremely high that there is another guy on the radar. She wants to see how things go with him first, that is why she is delaying you. If things don't work out with the new guy then she can come back to you as Mr. Backup.

Are you OK to be treated like that? I certainly wouldn't be OK with that.

July 31, 2014

Thanks.

I should really set some boundaries and perhaps we really need a break from this toxic relationship that is currently bad for both of us.

I just a chat with her today and told her that I'm accepting the break and it really should be a proper one - at least a month or two.

She went crazy about it and told me that it's not anything serious and she just wants to be alone for a little. She said she doesn't want to break up, but she wants to be some time alone to figure out whether or not we should be together.

I didn't answer and I'm now in somewhat NC.

What should I do next? I know she will start chatting me after a week or so, or start saying that she misses me etc, but I think it's pure manipulation.

Should I stick with NC? For how long?

I mean, I would like to work out with this girl OR stay friends with her after I'm no longer in love with her. I don't want to be douche towards her, but I really don't know how to act in this situation.

July 31, 2014

What should I do next? I know she will start chatting me after a week or so, or start saying that she misses me etc, but I think it's pure manipulation.

I think you're right. That is exactly what she will do. I think you should stay NC until / unless she says in no uncertain terms that she wants to be with you. You could send her one final message, something along the lines of "OK. Let me know when you have made your decision". Then ignore anything except a definite yes/no. If it goes on for more than a week with no decision then assume it's a "no", and that the break is permanent.

You are not a douche for sticking up for yourself, and refusing to be treated like a doormat.

July 31, 2014

I think you're right. That is exactly what she will do. I think you should stay NC until / unless she says in no uncertain terms that she wants to be with you. You could send her one final message, something along the lines of "OK. Let me know when you have made your decision". Then ignore anything except a definite yes/no. If it goes on for more than a week with no decision then assume it's a "no", and that the break is permanent.

You are not a douche for sticking up for yourself, and refusing to be treated like a doormat.

Thanks PegNosePete,

It helps that someone like you are willing to share your thoughts.

I had a chat with her today and she told me that she is going to pick up is stuff tomorrow and leave the apartment. I questioned her that "Why are you going to take all your clothes when you say it's only a pause". And she said that she needs to wear something in the meantime.

At first I thought I would just write a small letter for her tomorrow and say something that:

"I know that this relationship hasn't been the best and we both have issues that we don't like about eachother, but we should really take a serious BREAK, because it can't continue like that. I hope that's the right choice and let's see what future brings for us. In the meantime there's no point to be in touch unless something changes. Best, My name".

Not sure if this is overkill or not, perhaps I should just leave a notice like you said: "OK, let me know once you REALLY want to work things out.

The thing is, I know this girl a lot and she will be sending me some breadcrumbs after 5 days or so. Something along the lines "Let's meet up", "Why are you ignoring me, do you really want to throw away 4 years so easily :S" etc..

But I really do want this break to be a longer so I can put myself in control or just get over her. I'm just choosing between being a nonchalant towards her or just NC alltogether. I'm not going to spoof her insta/fb anyway, since I've blocked them from my computer (no personal block towards her).

I think nonchalant could be even better since I can show her that I can talk to her yet I don't need her to be by my side or know what she does. She could tell me that "I want to meet you so we can talk", but then I can something like "I'm sure you can get a better guy than me, I'm currently not interested in a relationship at all" - and then I'm somewhat in the control. Not sure if this is wise thing to do, but just a though.

Or you think I should go NC all the way?

Cheers.

Edited July 31, 2014 by vichyfresh

July 31, 2014

Or you think I should go NC all the way?

Yes, I do.

Hmm, seems she is wanting to pick up all her stuff. I would bet that a few outfits is not all she picks up. Seems like an exit strategy. If she simply says it's over then you may prevent her picking her stuff up, so she's spinning this "break" thing to keep you friendly and allow her stuff retrieval.

Don't send that letter. What will it achieve? She already wants a break. Her reasons all seem BS to me. You've been together 4 years. Nobody who has been together for 4 years should need alone time to figure out if they want to stay together. Something here definitely does not add up. Another guy seems highly likely.

If it were me, I would tell her that she has had enough time to think and that she needs to make a decision right now, in or out. Anything other than an emphatic IN, is an out. But then I make decisions fast, and expect others to as well. If you want to give her more time to make the decision then it's up to you. But don't allow her to keep you in limbo and throw breadcrumbs. Tell her the next message you receive from her will be her FINAL ANSWER.

July 31, 2014

Yes, I do.

Hmm, seems she is wanting to pick up all her stuff. I would bet that a few outfits is not all she picks up. Seems like an exit strategy. If she simply says it's over then you may prevent her picking her stuff up, so she's spinning this "break" thing to keep you friendly and allow her stuff retrieval.

Don't send that letter. What will it achieve? She already wants a break. Her reasons all seem BS to me. You've been together 4 years. Nobody who has been together for 4 years should need alone time to figure out if they want to stay together. Something here definitely does not add up. Another guy seems highly likely.

If it were me, I would tell her that she has had enough time to think and that she needs to make a decision right now, in or out. Anything other than an emphatic IN, is an out. I don't believe in "breaks". There is no such thing. You're either together or you're not. A break is just an excuse to test the water with others. Are you prepared to allow that?

Thanks,

I think if I would write that "IN OR OUT" letter then she would just say that I'm some "drama queen" and overthinking. But I guess it's right. I just want to some disclosure for what's happening right now. I just don't want to be in limbo anymore.

July 31, 2014

I am going through nearly the same thing. I have been in a relationship for the last 11 months (about to be a year). And she randomly would wake up one morning and second guess her whole life job,school,me everything. It has probably happened a few times but has only resulted in us talking less for about a week then things go right back to normal. This time she came over and just stated she wasnt happy and that it wasnt just with me it was with everything going on and we broke up. Since we have broken up she has been contacting me more than I have been talking to her sometimes 2-3 text after I had not responded. I am really in love with this girl but I am trying to play it so she comes back to me and I dont look like the one that needs her. I have been hanging out with my friends alot and talking to her minimaly. Anyone have some other good advice on this I really want her to be in my life.

July 31, 2014

I think if I would write that "IN OR OUT" letter then she would just say that I'm some "drama queen" and overthinking.

Well that would be an "I refuse to choose one of your options" response, which is not an "in" response, therefore it is "out" by default. Anything other than IN, means OUT.

July 31, 2014

Hi all,

I just wanted to hop in and share my story with you guys. Perhaps some people can guide me to the right direction.
I'm 23, she is 21 - we've been together for 4 years.

Background

At the first two years I was controlling the whole relationship. I was somewhat alpha and I didn't really put much effort in showing her how much I love her. I didn't give her any gifts, I didn't say her nice things. I was just completely nonchalant with her. All I wanted was sex. Yet, she was still highly interested in me.

Then after 2 years, I somehow started to fall for this girl. We had just a great time and so on. I took her for granted and cheated on her which resulted on she cheating on me as well.

We had huge fights and since that I SLOWLY started to become her doormat. I started to feel insecure and needy. I just coulnd't think that I would live without her.

Then after a year or so, she dumped me - I went completely crazy about it. At first I begged, pleased her, then I said some bad stuff to her. The more I talked to her, the more I pushed her away. After few weeks post break up I realized that she had a rebound. Right after that I went NC.

After a week or so, she wanted to know what I'm up to. She told me that she wants me back. I told her that she has to end the rebound guy and then we can have a talk and see if there's more for our future.

I kept NC, until she started to cry and really begged me to come back (she dumped me). She left her rebound and everything was somewhat good, but we didn't REALLY worked on our issues that resulted the breakup.

We talked about babies and marriage and she CONSTANTLY gave me hints that I should engage with her. I didn't.

However, as I said. I'm still highly insecure and I always whined about she being on her phone. She has a lot of male friends and I don't really like that she is chatting with them when I'm together with her.

For me, this is like some form of cheating. We had a LOT of arguments about it. She told me that I'm great boyfriend, but I don't respect her and don't accept her friends.

She is somewhat right about it, I said some bad things for her and never really took us on the same level. I've always put myself "higher" than she is. My things are better, I'm always right etc. However, I did her gifts, I took us on a sunny vacation and I even gave her some money. (I'm working, she's in unversity)

But this phone issue and constant chatting really turned things OFF for me. I started to behave more badly and this resulted in another BREAK UP.

Today:

We were just on our holiday trip for 14 days - everything was fine until we returned. She just told me that she needs some "space" and literally disappeared. I was shocked.

At first I went into argument about it, but then I remembered that it would only push her away.

I waited 3-4 days and told her that we should work things out. I told her that: "I would try to be more respectful towards you and I'll not get angry about you chatting with bunch of guys" (she doesn't have female friends, maybe 1-2 only).

I also told her that she should stop being on phone so much when we are together, because I'm feeling somewhat worthless when your partner is constantly messaging or doing other activities (instagram,facebook) on the phone.

Then she said she needs some more time to think about it. I wanted to know exact dates when she could tell me if she wants to work things out or not, but she went more angry and told me that she will say it, but don't know when.

She also told me that, this is a ONLY a break and we are getting back together for sure. She admitted she loves me, but she feels that I'm disrespecting her too much and she feels bad about it. I told her that maybe we should just talk things out so we can be better person towards eachother, she agreed, but not now.

It has been 5 days since the "I need break". What should I do next? I don't want to go complete NC, but I would like to let her know that I'm not going to be available for her. She will start miss me soon, but I have feelings that she is not going to change. She definitely wants me back at some point, but THEN I would actually like to CONTROL this relationship or just get along with her - I want her to respect me, so I could respect her.

She might have another guy on the line, no doubt about it, but she just might want some time to re-think since we are both not satisfied with the current situation.

So my question - how should I act when she contacts me (it will probably be a week or so of NC)?

Should I be non-chalant? Should tell her that I'm busy? Should I tell her that I would like to breakup. Should I just keep NC until she would be knocking on my door and asking for another change?

I really want to work out this relationship with this girl, but she needs to understand she can't act like that to me.

What are your advice for this? Sorry for bad english, but I'm really trying to get my life together.

The first time she dumped you, she came back cause chances are, she didn't have a guy on lock.

You're definitely new to this. Just had a guy friend I know get told by his girl that she wanted a break. Days later, she wants to get with me.

Girl code: a break almost always equals a break-up. It's just that if these girls actually said "break-up" then that would lead you to actually move on, and if her little new boyfriend doesn't want her, or she gets bored, she won't have you around. That's why "a break" is just "cake-eating" for girls: trying to have it both ways.

And you don't deserve that.

The second time she did she's a little more sure. Someone's in the wings, I can feel it. I would suggest that you try to go NC till she comes back. If you absolutely have to contact her, do so, but don't expect anything out of it.

Here's a hard truth. Sometimes, people fall out of love. And you said she's 21. Yep, she's gonna want to see other grass, due to social pressures or just plain curiousity. My ex left me partially due to her friend's influence. I don't even recognize her anymore. And there's nothing you can do about. She wants someone else? Good. She failed your interview for marriage.

Go find someone who respects your feelings more and not keep you on a string like a puppett.

-Natsu

Edited July 31, 2014 by Natsu21

July 31, 2014

Keep your guard up. My breakup started with "a break" and slowly turned into the real thing when she started seeing someone else. She said all the same things that your girl has said.

Be careful friend.

July 31, 2014

Okay, this thread got me spun up!

STOP BEING HER DOORMAT!!! You said you are and she knows you are! She knows she has you wrapped around her little finger with all the begging and pleading you've been doing.

Here's the reality, taking a break= breaking up. Don't kid yourself. I can guarantee you that she is not acting as if she is a woman just taking a breather. She's probably already gone out on dates and probably has already slept with someone. If she finds someone she likes and she discovers that this guy is into her as well, she'll make this break more permanent. But, if this guy is a player and just wants to hit it and quit it. If things don't work out with new guy; well, she's got her lap dog waiting on the sidelines. She'll say, "Okay! Breaks over! I love you again!"

In the meantime, if you find out that she dated others you'll get, "Well, we were on a break and I went on some dates. It's not my fault you didn't date while we were on a break." Or, if you find out that she slept with someone, then you'll get the, " Well, I didn't cheat on you WE WERE ON A BREAK! What I did during the break IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! Because, we weren't together at the time. So, that doesn't count and you can't be mad." Don't you love technicalities!!!

Dude, let her go. Start living your life as if she's not coming back, because chances are, she's not.

Start complete NO CONTACT (NC). Ignore all texts and let all calls go to voicemail. She dropped you. She made the choice to have you OUT of her life. If she valued the relationship, she would have stayed to work on it, not run away for a "break". Committed couples don't do that. You need to block her from social media. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK! Let her know that you are gone! Let her see that she doesn't have you; that the dog is off that leash.

Dude, she doesn't want to be with you and I'm sorry that sounds harsh. But, you deserve better than to be strung along. Time to heal from this and move on.

July 31, 2014

Thanks ppl, it as really helped me.

So she was suppose to come at my place tomorrow to pick up her clothes. She also said she can be spend some time with me if I want to.

Tomorrow if he contact for meet up, I'll just go nonchalance and tell her something like "You can take your clothes, but I'm not interested in seeing you in face 2 face. You've made a break, here you go. Good luck"

August 1, 2014

Personally I think you should just throw all of her crap in a bunch of trash bags, maybe add in some real trash as well, and just leave it outside of her residence. Don't even bother giving her a heads up or reply to any of her texts or calls afterwards.

You are either IN a relationship or you are OUT. Those are the only TWO choices. Seems that she has made her choice. Now make yours.

Oh, and date a really hot girl and rub it in her face!

August 1, 2014

^ Don't do that. Not only is it nasty and low class, it may also be criminal.

Box/bag her stuff up properly. Open the door for her, hand the boxes over and say goodbye. No need for anything else. You don't want to have a nice cup of coffee, you don't want to talk, you don't want her to come in and spend 3 hours looking for that last pair of undies. Make sure you hand over ALL her stuff so she has no excuse to make another house call next week.

August 1, 2014

^ Don't do that. Not only is it nasty and low class, it may also be criminal.

Box/bag her stuff up properly. Open the door for her, hand the boxes over and say goodbye. No need for anything else. You don't want to have a nice cup of coffee, you don't want to talk, you don't want her to come in and spend 3 hours looking for that last pair of undies. Make sure you hand over ALL her stuff so she has no excuse to make another house call next week.

Seems reasonable

We had a chat yesterday and she told me that she is coming over today to take her stuff. She also has KEYS, I need to get them back.

However, she hasn't visited me yet. Not a single message/call. Not sure if she's coming at all.

I'm not going to get in touch with her. I guess I'll just pack her things and leave them near the door so she could pick them up.

August 1, 2014

Change the locks.

She may have copied the keys.

For the sake of a few $$, better safe than sorry.

August 2, 2014

I've been in NC for 2 days now. Today is going to be the third one.

It's hard :/

She still haven't called nor picked up her stuff from my apartment. The entire wardrobe of hers is here, damn.

August 2, 2014

Pack it up and drop it off at her folks house or give it to one of her friends. You should start removing things from your life that would remind you of her. And all of her clothes and nicnack's are a CONSTANT reminder of her.

Plus, she's dictating when and where she's going to get her stuff on HER time. Thus, putting you and your life on hold. Case in point, she told you that she was going to come around to get her stuff. She didn't, but I'm pretty sure you were stuck at your place because you thought she was coming over only to have her be a "no show" because she was off doing God knows what. How was that fair to you?

Pack up her stuff and get rid of it. You might find it a little depressing but at the same time; empowering. You're taking back your life.

August 3, 2014

Pack it up and drop it off at her folks house or give it to one of her friends. You should start removing things from your life that would remind you of her. And all of her clothes and nicnack's are a CONSTANT reminder of her.

Plus, she's dictating when and where she's going to get her stuff on HER time. Thus, putting you and your life on hold. Case in point, she told you that she was going to come around to get her stuff. She didn't, but I'm pretty sure you were stuck at your place because you thought she was coming over only to have her be a "no show" because she was off doing God knows what. How was that fair to you?

Pack up her stuff and get rid of it. You might find it a little depressing but at the same time; empowering. You're taking back your life.

I'm slowly starting to become more nonchalant about her and about her activities. It's been 10 days since she wanted a "break" and I've been 3 days NC.

I just went to party yesterday and I left my phone home so I can't send any "I miss you" type of messages to her while I'm drunk.

Guess what, today I had received a messaged from her from 4.11am saying "I miss you". Then at 10 AM she wrote "Have you blocked my phone?"

I haven't answered to any of her messages and I'm keeping my NC. Her clothes doesn't even bother me much since I'm looking for another apartment and I'm saying in the apartment only few times a week. I hope she will eventually pick up her stuff and quit contacting me.

However, it has been only 3 days NC and I still have huge feeling for her. Oh well, I got a long journey to go.

August 4, 2014

Quick update. I was in NC for 4 days. Today I came home and saw her packing her things. She said that she would like to get back together soon, but I rejected and told that it's not going to work. She almost begin to cry, but told her to pack all of her stuff and leave the keys on the table.

I came back home, but some of her stuff (10%) are still here and she DIDN'T leave me the key.

She is playing some real mindgames with me. We went into argumenting via text messages and she told me that she wants to get back together and work things out, but then I told her that: "I know you won't change" and then she said ".. Probably not yes.."

I guess things are fully over now, I just blocked her phone number and removed her as a friend from my facebook. I'm going to drop the rest of the stuff to her mother and then I can fully start my NC period. I feel so bad, I knew she will be coming to hurt me with her manipulation like "I miss you", "I think we should get back together". But now I feel that this relationship was REALLY devastating.

August 4, 2014

I know it's hard what you're going through right now. You're in the "acute pain" phase of your breakup. It's just like when you sprain your ankle. At first the pain feels agonizing so you take pain killers, and since you can't walk, you have to use crutches. Eventually, your ankle heals and you're able to walk on it again. Yes, you may have some scar tissue if you tore any of the ligaments around the ankle, but those serve as a reminder to you: if you can survive one ankle sprain, you can survive others. Your ankle be more sensitive to future injury but it's still tough enough to heal itself. You will survive this breakup, as long as you keep doing what you need to do, to take care of yourself. Until you heal.

Quick update. I was in NC for 4 days. Today I came home and saw her packing her things. She said that she would like to get back together soon, but I rejected and told that it's not going to work. She almost begin to cry, but told her to pack all of her stuff and leave the keys on the table.

I came back home, but some of her stuff (10%) are still here and she DIDN'T leave me the key.

She is playing some real mindgames with me. We went into argumenting via text messages and she told me that she wants to get back together and work things out, but then I told her that: "I know you won't change" and then she said ".. Probably not yes.."

I guess things are fully over now, I just blocked her phone number and removed her as a friend from my facebook. I'm going to drop the rest of the stuff to her mother and then I can fully start my NC period. I feel so bad, I knew she will be coming to hurt me with her manipulation like "I miss you", "I think we should get back together". But now I feel that this relationship was REALLY devastating.

Edited August 4, 2014 by writergal

August 7, 2014

Hi all,

I've been together with my girlfriend for 5 years now. She is 21, I'm 23. We started dating long time ago and we have been together ever since although we have had some on/off periods. However, I've never been into NO-CONTACT with her more than 7 days. So this is going to be somewhat different.

I'm going to test 30 days NC on my girlfriend and post the results below. I don't care if she will come back to me or not, I just want to learn how to live without her and become a better person. Will see how it goes.

Relationship:

Our relationship wasn't the best, we had lot of fights, but we always apologized for saying bad words and we always loved each other. She liked to talk about marriage, kids and engagement, but I wasn't ready for it. Mostly because I felt that she was too unstable.

The first two years were great. We had fun times, she was always there for me and everything was great.

Then after two years, things started to go downhill. I literally took her for granted and I didn't put much effort in this relationship. We weren't living together and we met 1-2 times a week.

We had many on/off periods, but I always went NC for 5-6 days and she was back. She always said that: "I missed you so badly and I can't live without you".

Suddenly, out of the blue she broke up with me and instantly got a rebound. She said that I wasn't putting enough effort in this relationship, I wasn't there for her and I was jobless and smoking weed with my mates.

She was somewhat right, I become way too beta at that time and I wasn't even putting much effort for my outlook/appearance.

So she went away with a rebound. At first I begged, made gifts, even cried for her so she could come back, but she said that "wait a month, and I'll be back with you. I just need to dump my rebound since I've realized that I actually want you". Then I went NC and she dumped her "new" boyfriend and we were back together.

In the meantime I got a proper job, quit smoking weed and managed to get a apartment as well and we started to live together.

However, we didn't really put much effort in fixing our relationship issues and things started to go downhill again. She was constantly chatting with "male" friends and I found her messages a bit flirty to say the least.

I always told her to quit being on her phone all time. She told me that I'm too insecure about her and I need to calm down a bit, since they are only her "friends". I'm not sure if they were her friends or not, but she definitely talked with them a lot.

I started to become more weak, I gained few pounds and I wasn't happy with myself and with this relationship at all. I had a feeling that we were not on the same page with the relationship.

At the same time, she become very dominant and wanted a lot of things from me. I literally bought her everything she wanted. I felt that I was being used, but at the same time she was kind to my as well.

2 weeks ago, she told me that she wants a "break" and needs to be sometime "alone". At first I went angry, but then I realized that it would only push her more far away. We were in NC for 5 days and she then came to my apartment to take her stuff. She said she wants to work things out, but yet she was taking her clothes. What pissed me off is that she came to my apartment with another guy. She said that it's her friend and he helps to pack.

Then 2 days went past and she sent me a text message: "I miss you" - I didn't reply.

Then 2 days went past again and she sent me a lot of stuff like "We should get together and talk about our relationship issues". I finally gave up and told that I'm willing to meet up.

When we met, she was a bit upset and I could see that she wasn't interested in fixing those relationship issues at all. All she said that I was nagging on her all the time because about her phone issue and we can't get back together unless I stop whining about it.

That shocked me, so I told her that this break will do good both of us. Then she cried and left.

After the meet up, she sent me another text message saying:

She: "You are a real douche that you are not interested in fixing our relationship".

Me: "Okay, let's talk about it, let's try to fix it. I'm in"

She: "You need to stop being so insecure and needy all the time"

Me: "Okay, you need to stop flirting with another males"

10 minutes no answer

Me: "Are you serious about getting back together, or not?"

She: "Yes, but you need to change yourself"

Me: "Okay, let's meet up tomorrow and have a serious chat if you are REALLY interested in getting back together"

20 minutes no answer

She: "I'm busy tomorrow, I'm going to friends place, but maybe after a week or so we can get back together and talk about it"

Me: "Forget it, you aren't really interested in getting back, are you?"

She: "Just leave me alone".

BOOM. I was shocked. I finally gave in to her breadcumbs, but now she literally took the lead and I found out that she wasn't interested at all.

This all happened yesterday. I genuinely thought that she would actually want to fix that, but instead she will go out and have fun. How immature is this?

I think she have taken me for granted and she knows that I'll do everything to get her back. She also told me that: "We will be back together sooner or later, I still love you and you know it".

I feel like I'm being used as a backup plan and now I want to become more confident, better person. The thing is, I know she will start sending me breadcumbs again, like "I miss you", "let's get back together", but I'll avoid them ALL. Without she doing actions, I'm not going to answer her. NC is also going to be for healing since I know she might never change and might not even come back.

I'll keep you updated with her messages and she how things roll out. At the meantime, I'd be happy if you chime in and share your own opinion. I mean, I really like that girl, but I feel that I'm being used. I want to get back in control and let's see if NC does the trick or not.

The hardest thing is not spying her facebook/instagram profiles, but I'm doing my best to avoid it.

UPDATES:

1 day NC: I went to gym again, I haven't visited it for 2 years. It felt really good.

2 day NC:

3 day NC:

4 day NC:

5 day NC:

6 day NC:

7 day NC:

...

August 7, 2014

Never trust someone with opposite gender "Friends". It seems like you have handled things pretty well.

August 7, 2014

Yeah dude. She's done. Time to move on. She's flirting with guys all over the place and even brought some random dude to YOUR APARTMENT!!! That's ballsy right there!

She dumped you and hooked up with a rebound. She even went away with this dude on holiday together while you begged and pleaded. What do you think happened on that holiday? You think they stayed in their hotel room playing Rummy? Dude, she was climbing all over that guy like he was her personal Jungle Gym! Then, she gets back and says she needs a month with this guy and THEN she'll come back to you. And you stupidly agreed!

She didn't like the fact that you were unemployed, smoking weed and not established. So, what did you do? Stopped smoking pot, got a job and got and apartment. AND THAT STILL WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH!!!!

I love how she's making everything YOUR FAULT and even with your text exchange, she even stated that YOU have to change! YOU have to do this, that and the other! Well, what about her? What did she say that SHE needed to change about herself? Not a damn thing!!!

Since she's been with you, she's been breaking up with you for the sole purpose of hooking up with guys she's been flirting with. And after she's had her fun, she comes back claiming that, "Okay! Breaks over! I love you again!" Dude, she's had one foot out the door for the last three years of your relationship. She comes back to you because you are that safety and security net for her to fill those emotional needs until the next guy to flirt with comes along. You're her doormat that she gets to walk all over and she'll continue to do that to you because SHE KNOWS SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!

You need to heal from this and move on. You need to block her on facebook and unfollow her on all of your social media. She seems like the type of person that can be very vindictive if she doesn't get her way. Once she discovers that you aren't talking to her or responding to texts. Would shock me at all that she would start posting pics of her together with some guy (probably the douche rocket she had the balls to bring to your place). You don't need to see that crap. So, block her!

Dude, you're already making great strides to better yourself. Keep doing more! Go to the gym and work on that rock hard bod that girls are going to notice and like. The gym will also help you burn off the stress and frustrations you may be having.

Go to school! Take some online courses! Work towards that degree whether it be a Bachelors, Masters or Doctorate. This keeps you focused on your work and the more education you have, the better job opportunities open up to you. Then, travel! Save a little money out of each paycheck, and once you have enough money saved, go visit someplace you've always wanted to see!

Time to heal and move on.

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5yrs together, I'm going to implement 30days NC.

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