music_and_poetry Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Guys... I need support. It's been 6 weeks NC. Tonight I am coming to terms with the fact that he probably never cared about me. That I most likely meant nothing to him at all. That he wasn't over his ex. I thought I was doing well with my healing but this is the first time in six weeks that I am broken down, crying over him. I thought I was past this. I thought I was close to being over him. I realize I've been badly hurt by every relationship I ever had. I've been through things no one should have to go through. I thought I had found a guy who actually cared about me. But no. It turns out I was just a distraction. Why me? Haven't I had enough jerks in my life? I'm breaking down because I seriously wonder if I ever will find someone who will care about me and treat me right. I've never had that and because of all the bad experiences, I'm terrified of finding more heartache. I'm 25 and I feel completely empty and broken. 1
luvflower Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Could you be a bit more detailed? If not just know that you will get through this. Do you think he was ever sincere about you? Why do you feel you were a mere distraction? You're healing right now.Don't expect to feel peachy just yet. Although each day will be easier...
hoping2heal Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Sorry Op Whatever went on with your ex, whether he was just using you, or he's just a user in general- that part is not your fault. If you have a pattern of choosing uncaring men - realize it and do something about it. There are great guys out there. Men who will make you laugh and turn you on BUT also make you feel loved, cared for, valued by them. Accepting flaws within reason and giving the benefit of the doubt is one thing, but if you're staying way past the red flags waving and when you know something isn't really right...hoping things will change/improve...guess what? In reality that rarely happens. You can't meet one of the good guys if you're accepting mistreatment and less than from one of the bad ones and distracted by the bad ones and their bandle of drama. Everyone puts their best foot forward in the relationship at the start. It is totally useless that a guy acts like prince charming for 3-6 months and then suddenly turns into sir dark a-hole. If he can't be consistently a loving, trustworthy, and caring person then fk him and his first 3 or 6 months of "good acting" because it will get you nowhere but hurt. "No one is perfect" gets used way too much to justify behavior that is obvious signs the relationship or the person you're with isn't a good one. Stop settling!
Author music_and_poetry Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Could you be a bit more detailed? If not just know that you will get through this. Do you think he was ever sincere about you? Why do you feel you were a mere distraction?... Here's a link to my story He was in a serious relationship (5 years) before me. They lived together. He dumped her. It ended badly. They don't speak anymore. They broke up over a year ago and he's dated a couple of girls before we met. I never considered that I was a rebound. It makes sense though. He bailed as soon as I started wondering where things stood. We dated for 3 months and it was in the state of never seeming to progress. I was so kind to him. But I think I was a rebound. In that case, I'm sitting here crying over someone who probably never cared about me. It's been 6 weeks and I've gotten NOTHING. Not even an apology. I feel so hurt. Again.
Lostdreams Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Dear M and P I read your story and will give you my thoughts 3 months is a really short time for the relationship - even though I know you were really attached - be glad this didn't go on longer. At least there was honesty at the end to stop this going further and you said it yourself - YOU were making all the efforts. I think when you look back you will realize it should have been the start of the "honeymoon" phase but the relationship didn't really seem to get off the ground -It sounds like he was just not ready to commit. You should never be giving more than you receive - you were simply not on the same page Stay in NC it's the best place to be - so be strong and keep going forward Seems like there's a lot happening in your life - 3 new jobs and soon to become a lead-singer in a band. This is great and I'm sure you will make lots of new men-friends doing that - but you have to become more selective Use this time to work on yourself. You seem like a great out-going girl - you will have plenty of opportunities and at 25, the world at your feet. I wish love was like a tap which we could switch on or off - it would make life much easier and we would hurt a lot less. I guess you, me and a lot of people here have to find the "off" tap in our heads to be able to move forward. So keep your chin up
Smilecharmer Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 When we live our lives for others, when we sacrifice ourselves to keep the broken men, and when we settle for less than honesty, fidelity and niceness, we lose the part of ourselves that demands to be treated better, the woman who commands respect. Let go of the past and tell yourself that love isn't something you give until you receive it and giving everything before you know their character isn't even on your radar.
Author music_and_poetry Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Hi Everyone, Just wanted some perspective on this. On August 30th, one of my mutual friends is hosting a really awesome game night at this comic book store (yes I'm a nerd). Both him and I were invited. We both RSVPed "maybe" on the Facebook event. But my guess is, he will be there. I'm wondering if I should go. I am aware that I won't be able to avoid him forever. We have the same group of friends. It's how we met. Part of me thinks I should go so that the break-up is not continuing to control/impact my life (where I go, who I spend time with, the decisions I make etc...) The other part of me knows I'm still not 100% over this yet and thinks maybe I need to not be there and protect my heart. I know my friends will want me there. They've been my friends for many years before I even met this guy. Thoughts? Opinions? I still haven't made up my mind...
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 When did you split? Personally I still avoid going to stuff where I might run into my recent ex (dated for the latter half of last year and he dumped me, I never saw it coming and while I can look back now and see it wasn't right for either of us, I was devastated). No matter how awesome the event, I would still rather stay at home alone and have some me-time than risk running into him, when I know I wouldn't be able to enjoy the night, I'd feel awkward and weird at best, upset and angry at worst. I just know I'm not ready so I don't put myself in that situation. Don't go to prove a point if it's only going to upset you. You'll know when you're ready to be around him again because you won't have to come on here and ask the question. 1
stillafool Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Don't go and protect your heart. It will be a set back.
Dork Vader Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 That is a difficult choice. Can you find other options? I've found sitting at home in these situations is the worst. I often can not distract myself enough to not think about it and the relationship. That said I find something else to do... 1
Author music_and_poetry Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 When did you split? June 21st.
Feelbettersoon Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Seems like a long enough distance to go to a mutual event. If it was still within 30 days of BU I wouldn't of gone, but you still need to live your life!
shoegal4 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I don't know...most probably wouldn't agree...but I would go. I think enough time will have gone by at that point. You have to face it sooner or later. I would go for these three reasons: 1. to get it over with (especially since you said you're going to see him out eventually with all of your mutual friends) 2. To show him that you look and feel amazing 3. You're still off living your life without him ("Yes i am here and you are here and I DON'T CARE). If it gets to be too much, you bow out early and go somewhere else with friends. I say go for it.
Author music_and_poetry Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 Thanks everyone. I'm going to try to go and possibly face him. If I'm feeling really worried about it, I'll just make other plans. 1
Author music_and_poetry Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 It wasn't intentional. We have have the same group of mutual friends (it's how we met). Tonight I invited one of my girlfriends over to my place for dinner, drinks, and games. So much fun! All was going well until her ride came - her boyfriend came to pick her up and in the passenger seat, I could see clearly, was him. I was in the lobby of my building when I could see him from a distance sitting in the car. I quickly hugged her goodbye in the lobby and headed upstairs. This way I wouldn't have to go outside, make eye contact, awkwardness, etc. I realize he's in my group of friends but I didn't expect him to be coming by tonight. In terms of no contact, do you guys think I handled the situation correctly? As soon as I realized he was in the car outside, I said goodbye in the lobby so I wouldn't have to face him. Good move?
Zapbasket Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Yes. I'd have done the same thing. How do you feel?
Author music_and_poetry Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 Yes. I'd have done the same thing. How do you feel? Like I'd seen a ghost lol, tonight was so fun that he wasn't even on my mind and just like that he's in a car outside my apartment building
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