THB1 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Hello Everyone! If anyone can make it through reading this mess then you are pretty fricking awesome. I don't even know if this is appropriate to put in this section but I was lost as to where to post this! To basically sum up my situation.. I fell in love with my best guy friend. We had been friends for years but our relationship was strictly platonic. We were both involved in relationships and I thought of him as the older brother I always wanted. Things took a turn in last fall when we both were having relationship difficulties. He had a girlfriend that he was constantly off and on again with. She was younger than him and wasn't ready to settle down. She would spend a majority of her time traveling all over the US then would come home to him for a few weeks and leave again. I know how much he loves her but she doesn't really feel the same way. She will tell him that she just wants to be friends with benefits and then she'll start dating other guys. He just keeps going back to her. During one of their "breakups" and after I went through a breakup we started spending every waking moment together. We spent months and months together and at first I was the one who didn't want a relationship because I had just broken up with my boyfriend. About five months into us dating ( we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend ) I found out that he slept with his ex when she was in town. I was devastated and we stopped seeing each other but once again we were back dating a few weeks later. At the beginning of June I really wanted some form of commitment meaning I was ready to be official but he told me that he didn't know if that's what he wanted. We stopped talking for a while and decided that we should just return to our normal friendship. We met up for breakfast today and I found out that he had spent most of the summer with his ex. She took a job across the country and this time her move is permanent. He was heartbroken and I think he just wanted my support as a friend. I feel like such an idiot. He literally thinks of me as the friend he can tell his relationship problems to . I have also moved on and he knows that but I am in such love with him. I've never felt like this and it's the most horrible feeling to know that he doesn't feel the same way towards me. I feel guilty that I have these intense feelings. I don't know what to do.
Strength in Healing Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 First off, this is why guys and girls should not be friends. Example #382. Ok, now that that is out of the way... The only option is to tell him it is too painful to see him simply as a friend, because you love him -- and then tell him you want to be with him, but until he shares those feelings, you two must cease contact. Tell him if the day comes that he feels the same, to reach out to you -- but then and only then. Then begin healing by not speaking. It is your only chance. Stay strong. 2
irresolute Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 you cannot be friends with him. Tell him goodbye and block him. I know how you feel. Stop communicating with him. Unfortunately, he'll probably never feel the same, and the only thing he'll miss is to chat with you when he's having problems with his ex (which he clearly loves) 1
BlueIvy Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Keep your distance because he obviously doesn't feel the same. That or just end the friendship. 1
Author THB1 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 I forgot I made this thread. The day after I posted it. He called me on the phone to once again discuss his ex and told me all about the new girl that he was hanging out with. I tried to remain friendly and give advice and that was hard enough. I didn't talk to him over the weekend until he starting sending me screen shots of conversations with another guy she dated. He wanted to talk to someone who she dated to help him get over it so basically he's crazy. Then he called me last night to tell me that he will not contact her again and that they are "really" over this time and that the other girl he was talking about was a just a friend. I really don't understand why he comes to me about all of this then wants me to think that they are really over and he isn't dating anyone. Sigh.
Zahara Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I really don't understand why he comes to me about all of this then wants me to think that they are really over and he isn't dating anyone. . It's because you're someone that has been a source of support for him, someone that has been there for him through his history with this woman. He's not going to give up the benefits that he got from you based on his friendship with you. I don't think he's trying to make you think he's really over her but more so him negotiating in his own mind that he's not going back to her. He's talking out loud and from a place of hurt. As for the other girl, it's just him confiding and telling you what's going on in his head, just as you would have a conversation with any friend. I'm not sure why you're putting yourself through the torture. If you're trying to be the "great gal" to get him to like you that way, it's not going to happen at this point when he is still clouded by his ex.
SoThatHappened Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I've been on the other side of your situation, THB1. Was great friends with a girl for 8 years. Golfed together, went to each other's bbq's, etc. The whole time we were friends I was in a long-term relationship. I had absolutely no idea she had feelings for me. Eight years... I had no idea. When I broke up with the LTR, the friend still didn't tell me she had feelings for me. Then I brought a date to a tailgate party, and $h*t hit the fan. She told me how she felt (she also did some really, really weird things), but I didn't feel the same. I tried as hard as I could to save the friendship. I tried for months, actually. In the end, we had to cease contact. Nothing I did could save the friendship. She was still hung up on her emotional feelings for me. Like irresolute, BlueIvy, and Zahara have said, you probably should cease contact. It sucks, especially because it sounds like you were close friends. But, if there are only romantic feelings on one side, that person is going to be hurt. Unfortunately, you're that person. Good luck with everything. I hope it works out. 1
mightycpa Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 First off, this is why guys and girls should not be friends. Example #382. That's ridiculous, of course. You don't develop feelings for everybody you befriend who is of the opposite sex. Now that this is out of the way .... You changed on your friend, and he didn't change with you. You tried dating, and that didn't take for him. So there's only one choice, you have to rid yourself of these feelings for him. Because you have years of friend history, it is actually pretty likely that once you get over this, you can return to being friends, so that's the good news. But until that day, you're going to get the same advice from just about everybody. Keep your distance, accept that it will never be and do whatever you'd do with other guys as if he IS just your friend. Before long, you'll find somebody else that you can moon over, and this crush will be long forgotten. I hope you get there quickly.
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