Summer Fling?

[DollWelch]

I recently, and by recently I mean in the last couple of weeks, met someone off an online dating site (OLD). He and I have gone on several dates, I would say about 4 or 5 dates thus far.

 

The dates have been good, I can definitely tell he has enjoyed spending time with me. We kissed on the second date, though on the first date I noticed he wanted to go in for the kill, but it didn't pan out accordingly. The last date he and I were together, he suggested I come back to his place for a movie. At first I was hesitant, but figured why not. I thought this could either make or break the courtship that's been established. He and I hung out, watched a show and attempted to a movie -but became sidetracked with making out. Soon after I went home.

 

I haven't heard from him since -as it has been about 4 days. He generally isn't much of a texter, he usually contacts me a day or two before he wants to get together. So I am thinking he will probably continue to do so, unless I never hear from him again.

 

Question(s):

 

1. Where is this going exactly?

2. Should I ask next time I see him? (If at all.)

3. Is this a summer fling?

4. By the 4th or 5th date, is it normal to question where things are going, or is it best to continue dating until the right time comes up to discuss such matters?

5. Is he just looking to bed me and nothing more? What is he thinking?

 

I know those are quite a number of questions, most of which are reiterating the same thing. But at this point I'm not sure what to do or how to feel.

 

Thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

Summer flings are more born of geographic proximity . . . you only see each other because you are both spending time at a resort.

 

I suppose his request for a movie at his place was an indication that he wanted sex & that suspicion is somewhat bolstered by his failure to contact you for 4 days, however there is no meaningful evidence.

 

Why not organize a date & you invite & treat him?

 

I wouldn't press for a "talk" just yet until things get steadier & more reliable. I also wouldn't be intimate until the talk is had.

[KaliLove]

1. Nobody here could possibly know the answer to this.

2. NO! That would put pressure on him and make things very awkward. Just let things progress naturally. 4-5 dates is not that many.

3. Again, nobody here knows the answer to this.

4. It's normal to think about it..it's uncomfortable to ask.

5. Please see answer to questions 1 and 3.

 

Just relax. If it happens it happens. You're allowed to contact him too if you want..you don't have to solely rely on his whims.

[Assasda]

This is what I'm thinking too.

If youre so worried about him, why dont you invite him out, rather than racking your brains.

 

Holdout on sex until you build some rapport with the guy and know a little bit more about him, is my advice to you

[DazedandConfused8]

though on the first date I noticed he wanted to go in for the kill, but it didn't pan out accordingly.

 

What does this mean?

[KatZee]

Question(s):

 

1. Where is this going exactly?

2. Should I ask next time I see him? (If at all.)

3. Is this a summer fling?

4. By the 4th or 5th date, is it normal to question where things are going, or is it best to continue dating until the right time comes up to discuss such matters?

5. Is he just looking to bed me and nothing more? What is he thinking?

 

I know those are quite a number of questions, most of which are reiterating the same thing. But at this point I'm not sure what to do or how to feel.

 

Thoughts?

 

1. No where, to be honest.

2. No.

3. Sounds like a summer fling/booty call.

4. No. Don't EVER ask where things are going. The second YOU have to bring it up, is the second you've lost all control of the situation and he has you where he wants you. A guy who is so into you will lock you down. You won't need to ask, "where is this going?" Because you will already know.

5. I think that's fairly obvious.

 

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but 4 dates doesn't make a courtship. He was trying to be physical almost right off the bat. The second you didn't put out when you went over to his place was the second he decided to bounce out.

 

Guy's won't stay with anyone longer than a few dates if they aren't putting out and that's what they're looking for. They're not interested in trying to get to really know you, they want to get some superficial things out of the way and then try to hook up. Guy will either get it, or not.

 

Especially since this is OLD there's tons of other women who are willing to put out immediately.

[Fondue]

Did he try to sleep with you when you went over?

 

He probably did and you probably thwarted his attempts.

 

So he got pissed.

 

An invitation to someone's house means they want to put it in you. By accepting the invitation, you pretty much agree to "it."

 

If you then end up pushing him away, he's gonna get pissed and will act out by either A) never seeing you again, or B) keep you hanging for a few days, making you wonder what happened and sweat it a bit. He's probably exercising option B.

 

Here's the thing (and this is for both men and women), we take rejection seriously. Some of us act out afterwards because we feel you wasted our time, or gave us mixed signals.

 

NEVER accept an invitation back to someone's place if you are not ready. It just is what it is. Once you're to have sexy time, then you're ready to come over. Until then, tell them that there are other venues to hang out and that you prefer them until you're more comfortable.

 

Just last summer I had a similar experience. A girl wanted to come over to my house to watch a movie. I told her my place is private and I like to keep it that way. I told her there's only reason anyone should come over, as there are other places to watch a movie. SHe knew what she was agreeing to, and she still wanted to come over. Once the clothes started to come off, she got hesitant, told me she's not ready for that yet, and tried to shut me off. I told her to pick up her ****, leave my house, and take the bus home. I kicked her out right there on the spot. No one deceives me like that. SHe was the hottest girl I ever had my arms around, too. I don't put up with that kind of shenanigans though; regardless of who you are.

[Tayken]

1. No where, to be honest.

2. No.

3. Sounds like a summer fling/booty call.

4. No. Don't EVER ask where things are going. The second YOU have to bring it up, is the second you've lost all control of the situation and he has you where he wants you. A guy who is so into you will lock you down. You won't need to ask, "where is this going?" Because you will already know.

5. I think that's fairly obvious.

 

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but 4 dates doesn't make a courtship. He was trying to be physical almost right off the bat. The second you didn't put out when you went over to his place was the second he decided to bounce out.

 

Guy's won't stay with anyone longer than a few dates if they aren't putting out and that's what they're looking for. They're not interested in trying to get to really know you, they want to get some superficial things out of the way and then try to hook up. Guy will either get it, or not.

 

Especially since this is OLD there's tons of other women who are willing to put out immediately.

 

 

But women on the other hand do?????? Don't kid yourself sweetheart...especially if the guy is really cute to the point he wets your panties

[GoBlue]

Nobody can answer those questions - time will tell. Do yourself a favor, do not get physically involved. Dating is for the purpose of finding a partner for the long run not to satisfy sexual urges. By refusing to go there, you will find out what his intentions are. As a man who is well aware of our sexual nature, I can say with personal experience that if he is interested in a relationship then he will wait. I hope this is a help. Good luck!

[KatZee]

But women on the other hand do?????? Don't kid yourself sweetheart...especially if the guy is really cute to the point he wets your panties

 

Listen sweetheart, you FAIL on the attempt to condescend me by making this a gender war. I love how you just made this post about you. It's not about you. I'm responding to a FEMALE OP in regards to her MALE interest. But nice try.