todreaminblue Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 simplifying. the reason you dated bad boys is that you wanted to. i wanted to change them yes once true colors appeared...they didn't present as bad boys when they asked me out and i accepted......they were in fact the opposite very attentive , kind, generous, persistent,protective, dynamic, confident, active.......deb
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Woah!!! I am not interested in that loser! I am mad at the fact that I can't get a decent guy for the life of me, but yet he gets decent girls. It really confuses me cause he literally has nothing going on. I don't do drugs, I go to school and I am studying Biology. I have a good head on my shoulders. I live with 3 other roomates and I have my own car. I also work full time, so I can keep my head above water. So to make a horrible accusation that I "dabble in drugs" is absurd! I also never dated him, cause when I first knew him I liked his sense of humor, but by the time I was on my third outing with him, I said "I'm done! He's a loser!" Cause I heard how the way he talked. His personality and sense of humor quickly repulsed me. He started acting like a piece of ****, and disrespecting women and talking **** on people and I heard from people about how abusive he was to his ex. The guy is a piece of ****, and he gets brutal. I witnessed it, he was in this girl's face and that is when I concluded my opinion on him and I said "Wow! Never contact me again! Douchebag!" So I moved on. I am just "civil" with him, I see him here and there and I just say "Hi" and "Bye" to him. I am just mad cause I don't get how a decent girl like me can't get a decent guy yet he's trash and the biggest piece of crap that is walking around yet, he gets women that are "decent? Doesn't make sense to me.
Tayken Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 i wanted to change them yes once true colors appeared...they didn't present as bad boys when they asked me out and i accepted......they were in fact the opposite very attentive , kind, generous, persistent,protective, dynamic, confident, active.......deb Or it could just be that all the signs were there to start with, but you chose to ignore it because your were being blindsided by something else...yes, that
M30USA Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Don't you know basic psychology 101? Good girls are attracted to jackass guys. And vice versa--good guys are attracted to biotches.
carhill Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Oh my! I am so sorry about your friend's passing! That is so sad! Thanks, me too! He left behind an adult son. When he was on his meds, he was a wonderful friend and a helluva worker. Off them, with mania in full bloom, watch out! I sincerely believe the key to these personalities is that they read people extremely well and can adapt their technique to those readings. It's almost like breathing to them. Perhaps these observations underscore how we each have gifts. Some of us are gifted intellectually, some socially, some physically and some a combination. When someone has that 'whatever' that defines charisma, there's very little that can stop them, short of a bullet or the grim reaper. We saw that with JFK. A bullet stopped him. Talk about women getting wet in his presence. Whoa. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Or it could just be that all the signs were there to start with, but you chose to ignore it because your were being blindsided by something else...yes, that I am not sure i quite understand what you are saying tayken......i think trying to be compassionate once i found out they had problems and sticking by them .i am loyal.....so i stick by people through obvious flaws because i see i am not perfect either......and i hope i can make a difference somehow.....once i see the true them......i like to believe what they fronted to me is more prevalent and i can bring them back to that guy i first met......but i have since decided not to be so compassionate....... if you think i like bad boys....i dont really ......i believe bad boys can change and thats a problem..because i cant fix everyone or the guys i date because i become emotionally invested in them and i am accepting......i ended a bad boy relationship after three months...because he wasnt willing to change, so i believe i am changing ........deb
SpiralOut Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 They like him because they're naive - that's assuming that they really are as decent as he claims they are. A guy like that doesn't know classy when he sees it. He has to guess. They probably think they are special enough that he won't be as mean to them as he has been to other people. Maybe they think they are the girl he will change for. 1
SJC2008 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 The majority of our "people picker" comes from the relationship we had with our opposite sex parent in our formative years. It doesn't matter how "nice" the women who like him are. Paraphrasing what other posters have said, they have issues too. I never bought into the 'Jerks get all the girls' and similar arguments, it's just not true. There are tons of relationship dynamics and there are plenty of nice guys paired up but for some reason, the jerks are talked about ad nausium. When people struggle with things they look for answers. So guys who struggle with women start looking for answers on the net and read things like women don't like nice guys and they *think* that's their problem. 2
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 I agree with you guys! It's what I am hearing from him, I don't know these girls personally so I really don't know how much of "good girls" they really are. See I am a good girl myself but I didn't fall for him, I gave him a chance. Cause everyone told me, "He's a loser" and I said "I will figure that out myself" Cause I don't like to hear what other people say, I like to form my own opinion, so I went out with him, I always believe in 3 lol. So I was ok with him on the first outing, then the second outing came along and I am not liking him that much, then the third outing I was completely repulsed. Cause I gave him a chance but he proved everyone right, he has a reputation for being crazy, an ahole, a user etc. I saw that right away though, so that is what I don't get about these so called "nice girls" he goes out with, cause how can you get along with an addict if you are not one? How can you get along with someone that gets really vicious about people? If you are not that? That is why it's so confusing cause these girls can't possibly be decent girls to be going out with him. This new girl he has does seem nice, but I really don't know her. I have no idea, it's just what I heard from him. Like I said I am civil with him and just talk to him here and there, but I am not friends with him. Either this girl isn't really decent or she is really desperate cause I don't get how you can like someone who literally has nothing to offer, He's not cute, he has no luxuries, he is an addict, like if you are a "good girl" how can you relate to that? How can you relate or like someone that is so far gone and literally has nothing to offer anywhere? And has nothing for you? All the guys I go out with end up being douchebags and I always screwed over, yet he gets winners! Can't believe how unfair that is. lol.
Omei Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) I have a feeling you have somewhat of an obsessive dislike for this guy, you should find something else to put your energies into. Ps having a car doesn't turn you into an adult its a luxury item like a TV same with an apartment tho people see them as milestones and they are growing up these things you mention are materialistic they dont make your personality mature. Anyway you said this guy does crack? Why is he even remotely in your life who cares about him, a violent history? Why did you even give him a chance. Edited August 7, 2014 by Omei 2
irc333 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Yeah, I've seen my share of women who "take in" bums , which pretty much describes the OP's "aquaintences" Even to the point where they let the guy move in with them and then sit around all day and play video games and of course, be unemployed. Seen it time and time again, but they avoid men with stable jobs, law abiding, and don't break other people's personal property. (See previous post on the last, lol) 1
Tayken Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I am not sure i quite understand what you are saying tayken......i think trying to be compassionate once i found out they had problems and sticking by them .i am loyal.....so i stick by people through obvious flaws because i see i am not perfect either......and i hope i can make a difference somehow.....once i see the true them......i like to believe what they fronted to me is more prevalent and i can bring them back to that guy i first met......but i have since decided not to be so compassionate....... if you think i like bad boys....i dont really ......i believe bad boys can change and thats a problem..because i cant fix everyone or the guys i date because i become emotionally invested in them and i am accepting......i ended a bad boy relationship after three months...because he wasnt willing to change, so i believe i am changing ........deb So you keep deluding yourself that you can change people then? If a man tries to change you, won't you equate that to mean he is "controlling" like most women claim when the emotions start to run wild? Unless you are a Doctor, then I think it's just something that you have in your head that you can save the day. Do child molesters change?????
stillafool Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 OP if this guy is such a horrible person why are you still talking to him? Why were you so attracted to him that you went out with him in the first place? Especially 3 times. Whatever you saw that made you date him 3 times would be the same reason other girls date him. That's not hard to understand. You are still communicating with him. 3
truth_seeker Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 It's confusing to me how this piece of crap get girls that are supposedly "decent" when he's an alcoholic, he says he does coke "occasionally" hmm , he can't hold a job, all he does is talk bad about people, he's vindictive, he has a horrible history with women and was even violent with his ex. He is extremely confident, but still he's not that nice and he is just trash. I am a decent girl and for the life of me I can't find a decent guy, I don't get how he has these pretty women that fall for him when he is such a loser. He doesn't have a car, and he doesn't even have his own apartment, etc. And he's like 28 years old. I'm 22 and I have my own car, and I am living with 3 other room mates in an apartment. According to him this new girl he has doesn't swear, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink....so she's a very good girl and an angel basically, then why in the hell is she with him? If she's such a "good girl" and "decent" Then how could she relate to a person like him? I am decent girl and I didn't fall for his crap. I am very giving and loving, but even though I liked him I knew there would be nothing that would come of the relationship because I am on a completely different path and I am NOT like him, and I knew how much of a bad person he was so I knew it wouldn't work out, so I don't get how these "decent" women don't see it too? Or is there more to the story with women like that? Maybe they're not decent for all I know. I don't get it why a girl like me gets losers and he gets decent girls. Makes no sense! Possibilities... 1) He looks just like Scott Eastwood - http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1357797/thumbs/o-SCOTT-EASTWOOD-570.jpg?6 2) He's got a huge d-ck 3) These women you consider "decent" are more likely damaged in the head and go for losers. 1
Tayken Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Possibilities... 1) He looks just like Scott Eastwood - http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1357797/thumbs/o-SCOTT-EASTWOOD-570.jpg?6 2) He's got a huge d-ck 3) These women you consider "decent" are more likely damaged in the head and go for losers. As a non betting man, I am leaning towards this option. Some women can't even handle a "huge d-ck", and will complain of hurting
RonaldS Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 There's so few guys that know what they're doing anymore that even a guy that's a disaster like that can do pretty well if he does. Plain truth spoken clearly. 1
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 I have a feeling you have somewhat of an obsessive dislike for this guy, you should find something else to put your energies into. Ps having a car doesn't turn you into an adult its a luxury item like a TV same with an apartment tho people see them as milestones and they are growing up these things you mention are materialistic they dont make your personality mature. Anyway you said this guy does crack? Why is he even remotely in your life who cares about him, a violent history? Why did you even give him a chance. No I am not obsessed with him! I m just mad at the fact he gets decent girls and he's the biggest piece of **** walking around yet guys always use me, or end up not being the "nice guys" they portray. It's confusing to me cause it's not even women that are drug addicts, or that are complete low lifes. Also I didn't know about these things until after my third outing. I didn't know much about him, and yes I was attracted to his sense of humor, but that can only go so far, when he is acting like a disrespectful ahole. I do just talk to him here and there, but I don't personally pick up the phone and call him. I only talk to him when he calls my phone incessantly or he calls too much THEN I finally answer and I keep the chit chatting short. I am just civil with him, but no I am not interested nor do I ever want him, cause we both are on different paths and it wouldn't work, plus his obnoxious behavior and his disrespect turns me completely off. I am not trying to sound like I am better than everyone when I said "I have a car" I am not trying to sound uppity at all, I'm not. I'm a broke college kid lol. I am just making the point that I have everything straightened out and I have a good head on my shoulders, yet this fool can't keep a job, isn't living on his own, doesn't have a car, etc. Yet he gets nice girls? That was mainly the point. And yes I do give people chances, I believe you should always give people chances before judging them. I heard some things what people said, and I figured I would form my own opinion, it's just the type of person I am, but he told me personally on our third outing, that he did Coke and he has the signs of someone who is an alcoholic but he won't admit that, but he definitely is.
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Yeah, I've seen my share of women who "take in" bums , which pretty much describes the OP's "aquaintences" Even to the point where they let the guy move in with them and then sit around all day and play video games and of course, be unemployed. Seen it time and time again, but they avoid men with stable jobs, law abiding, and don't break other people's personal property. (See previous post on the last, lol) Yeah. It makes no sense! Lol. OP if this guy is such a horrible person why are you still talking to him? Why were you so attracted to him that you went out with him in the first place? Especially 3 times. Whatever you saw that made you date him 3 times would be the same reason other girls date him. That's not hard to understand. You are still communicating with him. I was only attracted to his sense of humor. I quickly learned though he was a piece of crap, that's what I don't get. Cause I quickly learned he was a total loser so I don't get how these so called "nice" women don't see that, cause I am a decent girl and I saw that right away. I only talk to him here and there, I am just civil. I don't pick up the phone and personally call him. I only pick up if he calls me a lot and THEN I answer it. I am not at all interested in that loser he has nothing to offer, and he's a complete douchebag, and a loser. Possibilities... 1) He looks just like Scott Eastwood - http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1357797/thumbs/o-SCOTT-EASTWOOD-570.jpg?6 2) He's got a huge d-ck 3) These women you consider "decent" are more likely damaged in the head and go for losers. Very well could be possible, cause I can't think of any other logical reason!
stillafool Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I was only attracted to his sense of humor. I quickly learned though he was a piece of crap, that's what I don't get. Cause I quickly learned he was a total loser so I don't get how these so called "nice" women don't see that, cause I am a decent girl and I saw that right away. I only talk to him here and there, I am just civil. I don't pick up the phone and personally call him. I only pick up if he calls me a lot and THEN I answer it. I am not at all interested in that loser he has nothing to offer, and he's a complete douchebag, and a loser. Yes but the point is you were attracted to him enough to go out with him in the first place. Whether it was his humor or his looks you accepted a date and went out with him 3 times. Why wouldn't these other girls find his humor or whatever attractive as well? You still care enough to start an entire thread about this so called Loser.
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 xxJuliexx Two things sprang to mind when I read your posts. 1. You may be having trouble attracting good guys because you spend too much time fixated on this guy. Who cares what or who he does? It doesn't -- or shouldn't -- affect you. 2. If you do keep running into him & he's even on the periphery of your circle, maybe you need a new circle. If he's part of your world, changing your patterns & habits may help you find somebody you deem more suitable.
ktya Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 OP, move on. Block his number and avoid him. You want to meet nice guys your going to have to be more forward and start asking them out. The reason for the proverb "nice guys finish last" is because they are too nice to just take what they want, which not coincidentally is something women find attractive. This post is analogous to the many snide quips I get from perpetually single dudes on here when I describe how I'm dating 9 great women right now at the same time ranging from 18 years younger than me to a year older. "Life isn't fair. Anyone who tells you so is selling something " - dread pirate Roberts, the princess bride
SpiralOut Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 No I am not obsessed with him! I m just mad at the fact he gets decent girls and he's the biggest piece of **** walking around yet guys always use me, or end up not being the "nice guys" they portray. You want to date someone nice but that's not happening for you, yet this guy gets to date nice people even though he doesn't deserve it. You are understandably frustrated. However, this guy won't be able to keep any of the "decent" girls he meets, because anyone decent will leave eventually. They may not walk away for a while. Maybe they won't even leave until he drives them away with his violence. But the end result is the same: he will drive them all away. You are better than him and better than that. It may take you a while to find what you are looking for, but when you do, you'll treat the guy properly, and you'll have a relationship that is actually good. And yes I do give people chances, I believe you should always give people chances before judging them. I heard some things what people said, and I figured I would form my own opinion, it's just the type of person I am, but he told me personally on our third outing, that he did Coke and he has the signs of someone who is an alcoholic but he won't admit that, but he definitely is. There is nothing wrong with giving people chances, but at the same time this may be why you end up with douchebags. Re-think WHO you want to give a chance to: what qualities are you willing to overlook, and which ones are immediate dealbreakers? 1
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 You want to date someone nice but that's not happening for you, yet this guy gets to date nice people even though he doesn't deserve it. You are understandably frustrated. However, this guy won't be able to keep any of the "decent" girls he meets, because anyone decent will leave eventually. They may not walk away for a while. Maybe they won't even leave until he drives them away with his violence. But the end result is the same: he will drive them all away. You are better than him and better than that. It may take you a while to find what you are looking for, but when you do, you'll treat the guy properly, and you'll have a relationship that is actually good. There is nothing wrong with giving people chances, but at the same time this may be why you end up with douchebags. Re-think WHO you want to give a chance to: what qualities are you willing to overlook, and which ones are immediate dealbreakers? Thank you! You seem to understand! It is very frustrating when I am a good girl but I always seem to be mislead somehow, or I know right off the bat that the guy is a douchebag. You are right! I do give people chances, however like I said I only do it in 3 lol. If I don't like a guy right away then I won't follow that, but if I kinda like a guy I will go out with 3 times and if I feel those 3 times weren't fulfilling or good, then I will drop him and not go out with him. That is my approach. But I see what you are saying and I thank you for being understanding! You're right! And that is probably why he goes through women like water lol, cause they do end up realizing he's a horrible person. It's still an annoyance to know that somebody like him can even get a pretty girl that is decent. Yet I get loser, douchebags who are not that attractive, or they are attractive but still end up being douchebags, it's just really unfair lol.
SpiralOut Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Nope it's not fair. All you can really do is ask yourself what can you do differently to attract the kind of guys you want. Think of all the energy you are putting towards hating this guy. If you took that same energy and put it towards fixing your problem, you'll probably forget all about him and maybe find what you are looking for. I do the same thing so I get it. I work hard to be a good person, then I end up with friends and dates who don't give a crap about me. I get angry at the mean-spirited people who attract nice people. How the hell do they do that? They are doing something right, even if they are jerks, so maybe there is something to be learned from them. Figure out how to get what you want, do what you need to do, and the anger goes away.
Recommended Posts