Is she testing me? Did I pass?

[mrspaceman]

I know my last post was a bit long, but any thoughts on that?

 

I have been doing lots of fitness and being active to try and keep my mind off of her, which is sort of helping.

 

Since she said she was busy with family but would write me this week, I respect her space and I am not writing her until then.

 

I feel this girl is worth the wait and time. However she makes time to meet once a week, which I find makes it difficult to really create a strong bond. Would I be asking too much or being too needy to want to meet her more than once a week?

[TAV]

Good questions, so obviously I must sound a little bit obsessive, that is one of my personality traits that I wish I had more control over, but then what control do we really have when we are in love? Perhaps why I posting on this forum to make sense of all this and also I do value outside objective insight. I also do not want to drive my friends too crazy talking about this.

 

I definitely see this girl as my potential wife, I have since I met her. I honestly did not believe in love at first sight and thought it was not possible. That is until I first encountered her and our eyes met, there was something so powerful there and we really hit off well during that first meeting. I have had some long term relationships with girlfriends in the past, but never experienced anything like that on a casual meeting, perhaps that is why I am putting so much stake into this as I think when one experiences this, it is so rare that it should not be thrown away so easily.

 

I also think it may be a good idea to see other people as women do this all the time, though I sincerely hope that is not the case with her. The problem I have with that is my own morals come into question here, I am a 100% loyal person, I feel like this is almost like cheating, which I would never do and never have. I believe to start a solid relationship there, you need to build trust, perhaps I am naive for thinking this way, but I really believe in this. However since we are not really committed, I guess it would be okay to meet other women right? I do have options, I was thinking perhaps just meeting them if nothing else, so I am maybe more relaxed when I do meet her during our weekly meetings.

 

I agree and have come to the realization that she may be a little immature, indecisive with what she wants from herself and therefore unsure of what she wants from me. Age is not always the factor when it comes to maturity, but she is a few years younger than me, so I think it is fair for her to be at this stage. I do believe I am a really good catch for her and I do show that, but try not to overdo it too much.

 

I spoke to her today and she has family visitors, but she said will contact me next week for us to meet. I will not contact her and I am definitely going to give her some space and myself too.

 

I do not believe this is a passing phase for me as I have felt this way for the better part of a year. When we first met, things got a bit too intense, we took a break and then we were just hanging out as friends and then recently she started suggesting these romantic things for us to do and I cannot really control my feelings for her, I really do love this girl.

 

This does help a lot actually, thank you for taking the time to give a meaningful response.

 

Re the bold part; I can understand where you are coming from. I'm the same kind of person. However, I never had to do the whole dating thing I read about her on LS, so I cannot really give you any advice there. I think it would not be for me either.

 

Maybe this is a bit too simple but if I was you I would not pursue her but wait till you meet someone with clearly the same morals and values as you so that you did not have to play these 'games' and waiting around for something that may never happen.

 

If I'm nuts about a guy only seeing him once a week would not be good enough for me. I'd want to know what was going on in his life and vice versa. It sounds to me like you are a nice way to pass some time and not boyfriend material to her. Maybe that is why she needed the input of her friends because she is unsure of what to make of you (and two of you).

[mrspaceman]

Re the bold part; I can understand where you are coming from. I'm the same kind of person. However, I never had to do the whole dating thing I read about her on LS, so I cannot really give you any advice there. I think it would not be for me either.

 

Maybe this is a bit too simple but if I was you I would not pursue her but wait till you meet someone with clearly the same morals and values as you so that you did not have to play these 'games' and waiting around for something that may never happen.

 

If I'm nuts about a guy only seeing him once a week would not be good enough for me. I'd want to know what was going on in his life and vice versa. It sounds to me like you are a nice way to pass some time and not boyfriend material to her. Maybe that is why she needed the input of her friends because she is unsure of what to make of you (and two of you).

 

Hello TAV, thanks again for your insight. I came to a similar realization over the past several days.

 

Since she said she would write to me sometime next week, I will respect her space and let her do so, maybe she needs time to make sense of what is going on as do I.

 

I realized a few things which could make this quite difficult to start something meaningful with this girl as much as I want to, maybe I am wrong, but this is what came to my mind.

 

There has been a bit of a role reversal in both of us, what we portray and how we behave when around one another. She likes to give the impression that she is very sure of herself, what she wants and has a very tough exterior, confidence is always attractive. I realize though, that by certain things she says, she is not really sure about any of those things, she has a lot of insecurities and I am okay with that as all of us are like that to some degree. I have also expressed that is it okay to feel this way and given her my support.

I on the other hand, I am in my early 30s and I have a pretty good idea of who I am as a person and most people find me to be quite confident and sure of myself, except with this girl obviously! When I am around her and only her, I can be a bit nervous, which is unfortunately is not attractive, I really try to keep my cool, but not always easy, so I think she sees that sometimes and tries to also make me feel at ease and boost my confidence around her, as you can see we are already quite helpful and supportive of each other, perhaps that is another reason why I see a bright future for us.

 

However I realized if she is not sure of herself or what direction she is going, than no matter what I do, she may just not want to be with anybody as she is quite smart and maybe she realizes she needs to sort herself out first, which I can respect, just makes things difficult as I really have strong feelings for her.

 

So where does that leave me? Well I think what I need to do is just go back to being her friend again and have fun together rather than trying to win her over, when I was my fun loving self, that is when she seemed to get closer to me but more importantly when we enjoyed the company of each other and had a good time!

 

I hope she has a similar realization and suggests maybe a less romantic activity and more of a fun one, if not I may just suggest that myself where I can be myself again.

 

Thanks again to this community for giving me some insight and to sort out these feelings. Let's see what I post after our next meeting...love is so complicated sometimes.