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emotionally unavailable?

starla33

By starla33
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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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this guy I went out with says he needs to have an emotional yearning for someone he commits to but he comes off totally emotionally dead and unavailable so how does he expect that to work out?

 

Hes not been "smitten" in 9 years

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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He just has to find the right person to give him that spark, someone he can feel excited about.

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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He just has to find the right person to give him that spark, someone he can feel excited about.

 

Hes dated and slept around a lot in 9 years. A little hard for me to believe that all those people sucked

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Hes dated and slept around a lot in 9 years. A little hard for me to believe that all those people sucked

 

I doubt he was looking for anything then, maybe NOW he has decided that he would like to settle down. Don't kid yourself some people can be quite content being emotionally detatched.

 

It's a difficult thing to adjust from a life of no emotional connection, to committed relationship. Fear of getting close to someone could be a factor, or fear of boredom, etc. At some point he will meet someone once he's figured out what he is looking for if that is what he truly wants.

 

I know someone like him that never really had a solid relationship for years after his divorce, then one day he fell for someone who wasn't emotionally available to him.....sadly he obsessed over her for sometime. Not too sure if he has finally let go yet.

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Assasda Established Member

Assasda

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well the thing is he wants a person to know him for HIM. not to know him for the facade that we all have when we meet people.

Thats what he means.

Get to know that part of him, and he's willing to make a connection.

 

To do that, you have to ask questions of him and be generally interested in his life, and hopefully he gets interested in your life too

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DazedandConfused8 Established Member

DazedandConfused8

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this guy I went out with says he needs to have an emotional yearning for someone he commits to but he comes off totally emotionally dead and unavailable so how does he expect that to work out?

 

That's not your problem :)

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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well the thing is he wants a person to know him for HIM. not to know him for the facade that we all have when we meet people.

Thats what he means.

Get to know that part of him, and he's willing to make a connection.

 

To do that, you have to ask questions of him and be generally interested in his life, and hopefully he gets interested in your life too

 

ive know this person for a few years now. That does not work.

Assasda Established Member

Assasda

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ive know this person for a few years now. That does not work.

 

It depends on how you know him.

Are you just an aquaintance with him?

 

Do you know why type of movies he likes? - not just assuming

Do you know his favorite food? - not just assuming

Do you know how he treats his family? - not just assuming

Do you know his ideas about different social subjects? - not just assuming

 

If you know all these, then he might just tell you that because he does not want to be with you.

- If you dont know these, youre an aquaintance, and dont really know him

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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ive know this person for a few years now. That does not work.

 

Then you are just going to have to ask him what is going on in his head.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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My guess is that he has an idea what type of girl he is looking for but his expectations could be unrealistic. Or he just has a narrow view of women in general.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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He just knows the type of woman he wants and hasn't met her yet. The others could have been okay just for sex and a bit of fun but he probably knew straight away that it wasn't going any further.

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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My guess is that he has an idea what type of girl he is looking for but his expectations could be unrealistic. Or he just has a narrow view of women in general.

 

I've been intimate with this person, but am trying to just be friends now since he seems to have some issues.

 

He said hes never liked anyone enough to even wait to have sex very long.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I'm no stranger to individuals that are emotionally unavailable. I don't waste my time with them, because I have better things to do that wondering why they are broken.

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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Being emotionally unavailable can help guys in many relationships.

 

How on earth can it help? Not being able to be close to a person and experience love is helpful?

 

Good luck with that :lmao:

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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Try being a man for awhile. showing too much emotion is a relationship destroyer for men.

 

Having no emotion at all for almost 10 years I'm pretty sure is not comparable to what you are talking about.

jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

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I know someone like him that never really had a solid relationship for years after his divorce, then one day he fell for someone who wasn't emotionally available to him.....sadly he obsessed over her for sometime. Not too sure if he has finally let go yet.

 

BRUTAL...it takes real work and strict NC for many many months. Prayers for that guy...would not wish that on my own worst enemy.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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You've known him forever, so what do you know about his family and upbringing? Maybe he is seriously dysfunctional because he came from a bad childhood.

 

For what it's worth I don't know why you'd keep going after this guy since you've known him 10 years and he's still got nothing for you. He'd probably be a real mess to live with.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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BRUTAL...it takes real work and strict NC for many many months. Prayers for that guy...would not wish that on my own worst enemy.

 

Hey I had many talks with him about it, but when you are in love you are in love. I believe you desire most what you can't have, that's why it's so hard to let go.

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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BRUTAL...it takes real work and strict NC for many many months. Prayers for that guy...would not wish that on my own worst enemy.

 

What is supposed to happen after many months of NC?

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Some guys coast through extended adolescence through their 20s, 30s, and even far beyond. It's a free planet and that's their choice.

 

I'm attracted to men not boys, so I avoid them.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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What is supposed to happen after many months of NC?

 

You get over your attachment and move on.

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