Should I call him today for an argument that I'm not sure whose fault it is?

[AccoutingAsh87]

We've been dating for 3 years now. All of this may sound petty...

 

On Monday I was on the phone with him, but i was in the process of taking my groceries upstairs to my house. My phone was in my purse while he was on speaker phone, but while in my purse the "mute" button was pressed; i did not press the button myself. I had so many groceries that i was carrying on my own and i had to make 3 trips. I locked myself out of my condo complex while on my second round of groceries and i got so frustrated. I got my phone out of my purse because i needed to make a phone call to one of my family members in order for them to open the door for me, and when i reached for my phone is when i noticed that my phone was on mute. I unmuted the phone and told my boyfriend that i will call him back. i did not give him an explanation regarding the scenario i was in because i was so frustrated at the time. He kept asking "whats wrong" what happened" "why do you need to call back" and i was so frustrated that i didn't give him an explanation. I didn't feel like i had to. I just say "okay" every time he tells me to hold on or that he's gonna call me back. So i got even more frustrated and told him "i'm going to call you back...bye" and hung up the phone, which is where i know i went wrong. He called me back asap telling me "why did you hang up" "you had me on hold this entire time and now you want to call me back", so i explained to him that my phone was in my purse, i did not put him on hold, and that the mute button was pressed. He didn't believe me. I said all of this in such a frustrated way because i was still locked out and i explained that to him. I then got really pissed when he thought i was lying about my phone being on mute. I hate when he tries to accuse me of lying and he knows that. After this, i think he hung up the phone on me because the phone got disconnected and i did not hang up. I didn't call him back nor did he call me back. So, it's been a day since we've spoken and we made a deal that we won't go more than a day without speaking to each other. Should I be the bigger person here and contact him? Or is this primarily his fault? Thoughts?

[WrinkledForehead]

It's both your faults.

 

Own up to your side of things and call him and talk to him. Getting into an argument takes two people and working through the argument takes two people.

[Zahara]

I'm not sure why you couldn't have just said, "Hun, I'm getting groceries up to the apartment so I'll call you back in 10." How hard was that? So, he's rambling while on speaker, while you're distracted by your groceries -- then probably was wondering why he was getting no responses from you for so long since he was on mute. He's then annoyed and asks you why suddenly you reappear with a short "call you back." You say that he was not entitled to an explanation.

 

You still fail to communicate and just hang up. It was an escalation on events.

 

This is all silly. Just pick up the phone and explain what happened -- you were frustrated, irritated and didn't deal with the situation in the right manner. No "primary" fault but just a situation that could have been better dealt with in terms of communication.

[PegNosePete]

I hate when he tries to accuse me of lying and he knows that.

It sounds like this is a running theme in your relationship. Without trust a relationship will never work out in the long term. This one petty scenario is just one small example of the troubles it can cause. Has his lack of trust caused other issues? I get the feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg we are seeing here.

[GemmaUK]

It sounds like this is a running theme in your relationship. Without trust a relationship will never work out in the long term. This one petty scenario is just one small example of the troubles it can cause. Has his lack of trust caused other issues? I get the feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg we are seeing here.

 

I agree.

 

I got into a few silly fight with my (thankfully now) ex.

 

He used to text me all day every day - he would get funny with me if I couldn't respond by teh time he wanted (if I was in a meeting or something).

At 5pm each day he would rattle off several texts which I never got a chance to respond to until around 6pm at the earliest. I had no idea that this was causing any problems but he blew up one day at me. He told me that as I finish work at 5pm I should be available to him from that time each evening.

I replied that my contracted hours are 9am until 5.30pm (he had never asked so I never thought to say - I just figured he was always free at 5pm!), that I have a 20 minute walk most of which is through a little populated and dimly lit area and that also I stop at the grocery shop on the way home most evenings

He also knew the route I have to walk to work (badly lit industrial area) and he also knew that I shopped for fresh food most evenings.

 

Another incident was when I had got home to quickly finish packing and get the train to visit him. I would let him know that I would switch my mobile phone off so it had the fastest possible charge in the 20 minutes I had to change and pack before running off to the station.

He told me that I should be free to text as the phone would not charge faster if we were texting while I rushed about getting ready for my booked (timed) ticket for a 6 hour train journey.

 

The toe nail cutting incident was probably the most silly though.....this wasn't admissible as a reason to be another 10 minutes before I fired up my pc for a skype call....

I'm not sure when I was supposed to cut my toenails...nor eat, look after my house - do the dishes or hoover up, walk home in the dark being aware of what was around me for safety.....

 

OP, if you are experiencing anything similar to any of this...well...it gets you down and I understand why you would just not explain right at that moment.

After all of the above happened (the second incident above happened every single time I went to visit him and he got really angry with me for not texting and for switching off and charging my phone (for my own blimmin' safety on the journey!!) and caused huge problems - always me at fault of course. ) I reached the point of not wanting to HAVE to explain always.

It becomes really draining when you are just not trusted.

 

These things really did happen to me. I hope you are not experiencing the same kind of things...but if you are...we're here to listen. x

[Gaeta]

I'm not sure why you couldn't have just said, "Hun, I'm getting groceries up to the apartment so I'll call you back in 10." How hard was that? So, he's rambling while on speaker, while you're distracted by your groceries -- then probably was wondering why he was getting no responses from you for so long since he was on mute. He's then annoyed and asks you why suddenly you reappear with a short "call you back." You say that he was not entitled to an explanation.

 

You still fail to communicate and just hang up. It was an escalation on events.

 

This is all silly. Just pick up the phone and explain what happened -- you were frustrated, irritated and didn't deal with the situation in the right manner. No "primary" fault but just a situation that could have been better dealt with in terms of communication.

 

I fully agree with this.

 

Also, You need to relax. You got locked out of your place, so what? Do you always get this infuriated at stupid stuff life throws at you!

[leavesonautumn]

You should call him and explain the situation. You need to work on your communication.

[Assasda]

We've been dating for 3 years now. All of this may sound petty...

 

On Monday I was on the phone with him, but i was in the process of taking my groceries upstairs to my house. My phone was in my purse while he was on speaker phone, but while in my purse the "mute" button was pressed; i did not press the button myself. I had so many groceries that i was carrying on my own and i had to make 3 trips. I locked myself out of my condo complex while on my second round of groceries and i got so frustrated. I got my phone out of my purse because i needed to make a phone call to one of my family members in order for them to open the door for me, and when i reached for my phone is when i noticed that my phone was on mute. I unmuted the phone and told my boyfriend that i will call him back. i did not give him an explanation regarding the scenario i was in because i was so frustrated at the time. He kept asking "whats wrong" what happened" "why do you need to call back" and i was so frustrated that i didn't give him an explanation. I didn't feel like i had to. I just say "okay" every time he tells me to hold on or that he's gonna call me back. So i got even more frustrated and told him "i'm going to call you back...bye" and hung up the phone, which is where i know i went wrong. He called me back asap telling me "why did you hang up" "you had me on hold this entire time and now you want to call me back", so i explained to him that my phone was in my purse, i did not put him on hold, and that the mute button was pressed. He didn't believe me. I said all of this in such a frustrated way because i was still locked out and i explained that to him. I then got really pissed when he thought i was lying about my phone being on mute. I hate when he tries to accuse me of lying and he knows that. After this, i think he hung up the phone on me because the phone got disconnected and i did not hang up. I didn't call him back nor did he call me back. So, it's been a day since we've spoken and we made a deal that we won't go more than a day without speaking to each other. Should I be the bigger person here and contact him? Or is this primarily his fault? Thoughts?

 

Well you know which part you went wrong at.

You shouldnt have hung up on him.

 

But he seems like an insecure guy. You arnt wrong for anything else.

 

You should call him if you want to, but I think you should hold your ground, only apologize for what you know you did that was wrong