netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 my boyfriend took his pants off during a cuddle and pushed under my skirt even though i don't wanna go that far yet. i told him i don't wanna, but then the month after that he pulled my underwear down and touched there. i broke up with him but i feel guilty because i am in love with him. is sex a big enough reason to break up or should i have stayed with him and had sex with him anyway? i was going to wait until engagement but my rule is getting in the way of love.
PegNosePete Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 You don't need to justify your reasons for breaking up to any kind of ombudsman or industrial tribunal. You can break up with someone for whatever reason you like. Your rule is getting in the way? More like, his actions are making you uncomfortable. It's not your rule that's getting in the way, it's his behaviour! 5
Author netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 You don't need to justify your reasons for breaking up to any kind of ombudsman or industrial tribunal. You can break up with someone for whatever reason you like. i'm not sure if my reason was big enough or whether i made a mistake
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 i'm not sure if my reason was big enough or whether i made a mistake If it was a big enough deal to you then it was a big enough reason to break things off. Simple as that. 1
Author netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Big enough for who? big enough or was i being silly, because love is bigger than sex issues? If it was a big enough deal to you then it was a big enough reason to break things off. Simple as that. it was big enough for me but are males in the world ok about waiting till engagement or is my rule silly? will i ever meet a male who thinks its not silly?
PegNosePete Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 netballgirl, there is somethingyou need to learn in this life, and that is not to give a damn what other people think!!! Your reason for splitting up was big enough for you. That is all that matters! Who cares what other people think? It's what YOU think that matters. Of course there are males in the world who will have similar rules to you. And of course there are many males (especially at your young age) who will want sex, but will understand your feelings and be prepared to wait. But there's also plenty who will tell you it's a silly rule and that you should put out. So which of them should you believe? NONE of them! Go with YOUR OWN feelings, not somebody else's. Never, ever be pressured into doing something you don't want to do. 2
Author netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 netballgirl, there is somethingyou need to learn in this life, and that is not to give a damn what other people think!!! Your reason for splitting up was big enough for you. That is all that matters! Who cares what other people think? It's what YOU think that matters. Of course there are males in the world who will have similar rules to you. And of course there are many males (especially at your young age) who will want sex, but will understand your feelings and be prepared to wait. But there's also plenty who will tell you it's a silly rule and that you should put out. So which of them should you believe? NONE of them! Go with YOUR OWN feelings, not somebody else's. Never, ever be pressured into doing something you don't want to do. thanks Peg as long as i can be married one day and marry the person i love, i'm ok with my rule then. i only made the rule because i like sex too much and i might sleep with too many people if i don't have a rule. i think its a smart rule but i am in love with my exbf so i feel bad about my rule
mammasita Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 You didn't break up with him over sex.....You broke up with him because he does not respect you. Sure, the underlying subject was sex, but what he was doing was totally crossing the boundaries you set. GOOD FOR YOU! Don't feel guilty at all. He was wrong. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll have a wonderful relationship eventually. 2
No Limit Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 If he won't take no for an answer to sex or doesn't want to wait until you're ready, he's free to go. This isn't a silly reason either, there are many people who wished they had waited. 1
Author netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 You didn't break up with him over sex.....You broke up with him because he does not respect you. Sure, the underlying subject was sex, but what he was doing was totally crossing the boundaries you set. GOOD FOR YOU! Don't feel guilty at all. He was wrong. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll have a wonderful relationship eventually. he said i am selfish because i leaned on his lap during cuddles for erections. i might be to blame a bit but i agree he did not respect me when he took his and my underwear off thanks i'd like that a lot, i love being in a relationship, and even with my rule i like kissing and cuddling all the time probably more than talking even! i miss it a lot since breaking up If he won't take no for an answer to sex or doesn't want to wait until you're ready, he's free to go. This isn't a silly reason either, there are many people who wished they had waited. i regret when i was 15 i did not wait and broke the law with 2 elder people so i'm really careful now and even saw a therapist that my mum made me see for addiction. maybe i'm too careful now but better than going by instincts
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Your communication with your Ex sucked. You never really established your boundaries with him. Did he know that you wanted to wait until you were engaged or even married to do those things? Did you discuss what you're okay with doing intimately and what was off limits? Does he truly know how you feel on the subject or even why you feel the way that you do? Did you even discuss possibly redrawing those boundary lines if the time came where you felt more comfortable with him to maybe do some more adventurous things with him? I think because there wasn't strong communication of boundaries, he mistook every little gesture from you as a green light to other things. I think you would have had a better relationship if those boundaries were discussed and understood. However! Don't get mad at a guy for testing those boundaries every once in a while! We are guys after all! We spent 9 months of our lives trying to get out of a womb and the rest of our lives trying to get back into one! You need to remember this for your next relationship. TALK! DISCUSS!! and make sure your partner understands what you're comfortable with and what you're not. 3
Author netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Your communication with your Ex sucked. You never really established your boundaries with him. Did he know that you wanted to wait until you were engaged or even married to do those things? Did you discuss what you're okay with doing intimately and what was off limits? Does he truly know how you feel on the subject or even why you feel the way that you do? Did you even discuss possibly redrawing those boundary lines if the time came where you felt more comfortable with him to maybe do some more adventurous things with him? I think because there wasn't strong communication of boundaries, he mistook every little gesture from you as a green light to other things. I think you would have had a better relationship if those boundaries were discussed and understood. However! Don't get mad at a guy for testing those boundaries every once in a while! We are guys after all! We spent 9 months of our lives trying to get out of a womb and the rest of our lives trying to get back into one! You need to remember this for your next relationship. TALK! DISCUSS!! and make sure your partner understands what you're comfortable with and what you're not. yep when we started cuddling i said that because of my addiction issues i made a rule to not take my underwear off unless i'm engaged. yep i said he can touch me as much as he likes as long as my underwear stays on. yep he i told him everything i told my therapist. nope i never discussed withdrawing the boundary lines. females were in the womb 9 months too ok i could discuss more with him, maybe i could change the boundary line for him.
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 yep when we started cuddling i said that because of my addiction issues i made a rule to not take my underwear off unless i'm engaged. yep i said he can touch me as much as he likes as long as my underwear stays on. yep he i told him everything i told my therapist. nope i never discussed withdrawing the boundary lines. females were in the womb 9 months too ok i could discuss more with him, maybe i could change the boundary line for him. No, no, no!!! Do not change what you've promised yourself and what you're comfortable with for a guy. Stick to your convictions. If this guy can't understand why you want to wait, then he's not worth holding onto. I don't know about other guys on here. But, if it was me, I wouldn't want to do anything with a girl that it would make her feel uncomfortable to be around me. If you want to wait; well, then that's your right and what you feel most comfortable with. Don't change that moral just to keep a guy. Personally, if you give in, you'll end up resenting this guy for him making you go back on a promise to yourself. Most important thing you can do is stay true to yourself. If you want to do those things, it's because YOU WANT TO! Not, because you felt pressured to keep him around. That's not fair to you. 1
Author netballgirl97 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 No, no, no!!! Do not change what you've promised yourself and what you're comfortable with for a guy. Stick to your convictions. If this guy can't understand why you want to wait, then he's not worth holding onto. I don't know about other guys on here. But, if it was me, I wouldn't want to do anything with a girl that it would make her feel uncomfortable to be around me. If you want to wait; well, then that's your right and what you feel most comfortable with. Don't change that moral just to keep a guy. Personally, if you give in, you'll end up resenting this guy for him making you go back on a promise to yourself. Most important thing you can do is stay true to yourself. If you want to do those things, it's because YOU WANT TO! Not, because you felt pressured to keep him around. That's not fair to you. only my underwear stopped me from breaking my rules, but actually when he pushed my undies down i ran away so i guess i really am not ready to break my rule
Chi townD Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 only my underwear stopped me from breaking my rules, but actually when he pushed my undies down i ran away so i guess i really am not ready to break my rule No, but it put you in an uncomfortable position. Uncomfortable enough that it made you run away.
thekid36 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 my boyfriend took his pants off during a cuddle and pushed under my skirt even though i don't wanna go that far yet. i told him i don't wanna, but then the month after that he pulled my underwear down and touched there. i broke up with him but i feel guilty because i am in love with him. is sex a big enough reason to break up or should i have stayed with him and had sex with him anyway? i was going to wait until engagement but my rule is getting in the way of love. One of the most important things about a relationship happens to be respect. It does not sound as if his actions suggest that he completely respects you. You do not need to apologize at all for wanting to wait. He should basically be the one who apologizes for making you feel uncomfortable. Because respect goes beyond sex and this one specific situation. If he does not respect you as to this then who knows what other problems may come later on? Not that they definitely will. Just that there is more of a chance perhaps. You definitely deserve someone who will compromise.
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