The those that remain single have issues?

[Moonborn]

But I did want to love and be loved, and it hasn't happened - and was told by several guys on this forum, that it was my fault for not landing myself a man before my "value/shelf life" ran out.

 

Whoever said that to you was an idiot, I wouldn't value what they say that much .

 

The world is full of people who will try to get you down to make themselves feel better. It's up to you not letting them do that.

[mikethemechanic]

Many singles have bad habits that can cost them their relationship I.e inattentiveness, negativity, social media addiction, poor email/texting communication, lying, tardiness, poor work ethic, disheveled, poor diet, sloth, alcohol and drug addiction, temper tantrums, lone wolf syndrome, inefficiency and my favorite poor grammar have you ever met someone who talked like " whud up G" or " I love it when haters and guns come together blocka" I know a girl who on scale from 1-10 would be a 9 but guess what she talks like that and is perennially single.

Edited August 10, 2014 by mikethemechanic

[hotpotato]

That's what most seemed to want from me. I didn't give it to them.

 

I do have issues with anxiety and self-esteem, that have affected all of this for me, but a part of that has also (for the most part) been the men who actually hit on me, versus those who said nice things, but didn't make a move (for whatever reason, I wasn't good enough for them).

 

My sister and her husband met on a penpal list for people with anxiety disorders, years ago. They were married two years ago. Me? I tried to deal with my issues first. When I was ready to meet someone, fall in love, have my own life... I just want to *scream*. It isn't just about romantic relationships for me, it's everything else, as well. But I did want to love and be loved, and it hasn't happened - and was told by several guys on this forum, that it was my fault for not landing myself a man before my "value/shelf life" ran out. I'm so glad that when I was younger, I wasn't aware that I supposedly had an expiration date stamped on me: my 30th, or 35th birthday. I didn't discover that until I registered at LS.

 

Thats ls for you...Women expire when theyre 35, but let me say something about a 70 year old man who thinks its hot to hit on women young enough to his granddaughter...id be a man hating chauvinist!

On ls women expire at 35. I guess men expire sometime between 80 and death.

[mikethemechanic]

That is very hurtful but you need to let it roll right off you, because it is a lie.

 

Those guys don't even count in your world. They are living in an alternate universe where you probably never ventured even when you were younger; I know I didn't.

 

Don't give up.

it's sounds like she believes that lie.

[MikeySears]

Well let this be my first post here . Pretty difficult for me but here we go. I'm 29 and Dutch so don't flame me on my spelling here. I will do my best. The last time I had a relation pfff well when I was 18 untill 21. So for about 3 years it was on. But since she moved to another country for her study so we grew apart. She got a new boyfriend (She talked to me about it ). I got my own place and started working.

 

Since then I've never had any girlfriend in my life not even sex. For some reasons I blame myself but also "Insecurity". I had a bad couple of years in the start when I got my own place. That broke me a bit. I became very bitter and angry to everything. It cost me a couple of years to get out but I'm still here.

 

I always have that feeling in the my back of head. That if I find a nice girl I want to be sure that I can support her. At this rate I can't. I know it is a two way street. But my main problem is for not getting any at the moment is shyness. I act like a Jackass for some reason when I get shy. It is purely a defense for not letting someone know I'm shy. After a while I just gave up.

 

But their is still anger in me and the type of girls I like pick that up in an instant. But that's my feeling?! This is me purely honest now at the moment and feels like a load of my heart. Ty for reading..

 

Michael

[Teraskas]

Well let this be my first post here . Pretty difficult for me but here we go. I'm 29 and Dutch so don't flame me on my spelling here. I will do my best. The last time I had a relation pfff well when I was 18 untill 21. So for about 3 years it was on. But since she moved to another country for her study so we grew apart. She got a new boyfriend (She talked to me about it ). I got my own place and started working.

 

Since then I've never had any girlfriend in my life not even sex. For some reasons I blame myself but also "Insecurity". I had a bad couple of years in the start when I got my own place. That broke me a bit. I became very bitter and angry to everything. It cost me a couple of years to get out but I'm still here.

 

I always have that feeling in the my back of head. That if I find a nice girl I want to be sure that I can support her. At this rate I can't. I know it is a two way street. But my main problem is for not getting any at the moment is shyness. I act like a Jackass for some reason when I get shy. It is purely a defense for not letting someone know I'm shy. After a while I just gave up.

 

But their is still anger in me and the type of girls I like pick that up in an instant. But that's my feeling?! This is me purely honest now at the moment and feels like a load of my heart. Ty for reading..

 

Michael

 

Aha, at least someone a considerably closer to my country. (Belgium here. )

 

 

With regards to the topic: So wait...just because women reject me for the most ridiculous possible reason, that means there's something wrong with me ? That I as a single guy have issues ? I think not. I know I'm not perfect, but jeez...

 

2 other perfect examples today:

 

1:This one rejected me on POF by saying, and I quote: 'Hi ! Uhm...I am looking for some entertainment here. No serious relationship or something like that, because I have been heartbroken too many times.. Just a friend who I can rely on. I think its gonna be hard to find one here but I am giving it a try .'

So as a result of inconsiderate douchebags and complete idiots who purposely screwed it up in the past, guy such as myself who actually WANT commitment are rejected because they don't want to get 'hurt again'.

 

2: This one was 30 years old, and I contacted her. She turned me down because I graduated and am currently unemployed. She said she had a relationship with a student in the past who didn't turn out what she wanted. Some people are without empathy and understanding with regard of how much of a pain it is trying to find a job in the educational sector for new graduates.

 

All in all as I have said plenty of times: The door to commitment is more than open on my end, yet others do not share this desire and shun those that don't fit their requirements or are too scared of getting hurt again as past experiences have shown.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Teraskas

[nomadic_butterfly]

Of course, this may have been mentioned tons of times, but I am thinking that those that remain single (while others get married). Though, they may be great personality-wise, there's always some kind of underlying issue.

 

I always see these posts about Bi-Polar types....there seems to be an influx of these posts online on LS about how they are dating or got the heck out of dodge when they discovered this or some other psychosis going on with them.

 

Of course then there's the ADHD or ADD. These newly trending conditions as well.

 

But it seems those that remain single have some kind of mental issue that keeps them single. Ever notice this as a trend? Though I'm not perfect by any means, I know I have my flaws, but I don't consider myself Bi-Polar or have panic attacks.

 

I'm just noticing that those that struggle in dating tend to encounter these types. I guess as long as they are on their meds, its cool...but there comes a time when they get lazy and may lapse in taking them?

 

If it's not that, it's some kind of behavioural condition like low self esteem, grew up spoiled, or have this "It's my way or the highway" types.

 

I recall someone on here that when people seek out mates, they do so for their OWN agenda (must be married and have kids by the age of 30) and could really care less about their mates wants and desires.

 

 

Depends on if one is single by choice...or because he/she can't get/keep a mate. I have been single by choice for 6yrs. I have dated plenty, some for months at a time but knew myself and what I had to offer/need enough to not commit to anyone that didn't embody/complement that.

 

Au contraire are the people who desperately want to be in a relationship; so much so they are willing to lose themselves, have very low standards, hop from one brief relationship to the other. In some cultures such as my own, it's almost sinful to utter the "s" word when you're in your mid 20s.

 

I'd rather be honest with myself and others and WAIT on the right situation than to settle just to say I am not single. Too many people put up with crap just to front. I don't have the time or emotional/mental immaturity for that.

 

I am not ashamed of being single and on the bright side although I have been hurt badly several times, my belief in love and my desire to love and my aspiration to be loved in return has never been stronger. My future is bright and good things will come to me because I was willing to wait for them (though I am proactive when necessary i.e. career wise, etc.).

[Eivuwan]

Aha, at least someone a considerably closer to my country. (Belgium here. )

 

 

With regards to the topic: So wait...just because women reject me for the most ridiculous possible reason, that means there's something wrong with me ? That I as a single guy have issues ? I think not. I know I'm not perfect, but jeez...

 

2 other perfect examples today:

 

1:This one rejected me on POF by saying, and I quote: 'Hi ! Uhm...I am looking for some entertainment here. No serious relationship or something like that, because I have been heartbroken too many times.. Just a friend who I can rely on. I think its gonna be hard to find one here but I am giving it a try .'

So as a result of inconsiderate douchebags and complete idiots who purposely screwed it up in the past, guy such as myself who actually WANT commitment are rejected because they don't want to get 'hurt again'.

 

2: This one was 30 years old, and I contacted her. She turned me down because I graduated and am currently unemployed. She said she had a relationship with a student in the past who didn't turn out what she wanted. Some people are without empathy and understanding with regard of how much of a pain it is trying to find a job in the educational sector for new graduates.

 

All in all as I have said plenty of times: The door to commitment is more than open on my end, yet others do not share this desire and shun those that don't fit their requirements or are too scared of getting hurt again as past experiences have shown.

 

You don't look for commitment on POF lolllll. That's mainly a hookup site. Try some of the paid services like eharmony or match.com.

[Teknoe]

Well let this be my first post here . Pretty difficult for me but here we go. I'm 29 and Dutch so don't flame me on my spelling here. I will do my best. The last time I had a relation pfff well when I was 18 untill 21. So for about 3 years it was on. But since she moved to another country for her study so we grew apart. She got a new boyfriend (She talked to me about it ). I got my own place and started working.

 

Since then I've never had any girlfriend in my life not even sex. For some reasons I blame myself but also "Insecurity". I had a bad couple of years in the start when I got my own place. That broke me a bit. I became very bitter and angry to everything. It cost me a couple of years to get out but I'm still here.

 

I always have that feeling in the my back of head. That if I find a nice girl I want to be sure that I can support her. At this rate I can't. I know it is a two way street. But my main problem is for not getting any at the moment is shyness. I act like a Jackass for some reason when I get shy. It is purely a defense for not letting someone know I'm shy. After a while I just gave up.

 

But their is still anger in me and the type of girls I like pick that up in an instant. But that's my feeling?! This is me purely honest now at the moment and feels like a load of my heart. Ty for reading..

 

Michael

 

If it makes you feel any better, I have a longer streak than you going, pal.

 

My last GF was when I was 21. We broke up December 2004. I am currently 31, and am quickly approaching 10 years of being single since my last relationship. I feel this is somewhat abnormal, and I think I have in the back of my mind that maybe I'm just not cut out to be in a relationship, or maybe I'm not "boyfriend material." I've become very lazy in the last couple years, preferring to entertain myself at home with my simple pleasures, rather than going out and meeting lots of different people. I think in a way, I prefer being single (less pressure, no expectations). I dunno. It's kinda how I've been the last 6 months or so. I've tried with several girls in those 10 years, but always got friend zoned. Honestly, I don't know what to expect from the future.

 

In the last 6 months since my last rejection, I too have gone in defense mode. I feel my heart has been stomped on and rejected so much that I just gave in and said mentally, "Fine, single it is." Now that I've stopped yearning to impress the opposite sex so much, I find I'm happier than before when I was scurrying around doing favors and trying to impress my crush.

[jay1983]

You don't look for commitment on POF lolllll. That's mainly a hookup site. Try some of the paid services like eharmony or match.com.

 

They have same people, when I searched match, right on the first 2 pages were 5 of the same girls I messaged on OKcupid.

[Eivuwan]

They have same people, when I searched match, right on the first 2 pages were 5 of the same girls I messaged on OKcupid.

 

Sure there are some overlap, but you'll probably do a little better by going on sites that are meant for finding long-term partners.

[Phoe]

why do you think that is phoe that dating hasn't gone well for you?

 

Dunno. Don't care really, it doesn't matter.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I have pretty much relegated myself to a new belief: Being single isn't bad, and if this is how the rest of my life plays out, I'd still be perfectly fine/content.

 

That's how I always felt.

 

I always said "Sure, I'd really like to have a relationship, but if not, I still am happy and content and am living a good life"

 

I'd be amazed at how much time would pass when I stopped even thinking about it.

[Teraskas]

You don't look for commitment on POF lolllll. That's mainly a hookup site. Try some of the paid services like eharmony or match.com.

 

Perhaps in America that's the case.

I merely checked out POF to see what was going on there and ironically there were little to no women interested in hooking up either lol.

There were perhaps 2 pages in total with regards to women from Belgium, and the majority of those were indeed not looking for commitment.

 

I checked out Eharmony once, and there were barely any Belgian women on there.

Seemed like a grand total of 20, out of which 17 had been inactive for years.

 

Match.com is a considerable improvement though, tried that once, got severa dates out of it, but the majority just seem to be using it as an ego-boost tool.

Paid site or not, it doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference as the majority of the site is still comprised of free accounts.

Edited August 11, 2014 by Teraskas

[sm2281]

I tried to date a bipolar guy once. He sent me retard jokes. My son is mentally handicapped with a degenerative brain disease and nearly invalid. Needless to say i didnt continue that.

That is all.

[mikethemechanic]

I read a stat the other day that women who slept with 20+ males had a 96% chance of never getting married. So are we to blame for dating woes?

[Georgia2014]

Oh, the horror!

 

 

I would say the 'rule' about being happy alone before involving someone else is true almost all of the time. Notable exceptions are when both people are miserable, and enter into something just for the company.

 

That is what my ex and I did we were both lonely and miserable so we got together then our relationship ended after nearly 4 months. I was just settling for the first guy who showed interest in me. It is for the best that it ended. I do see now he moved to quickly in the relationship. Once again that happened because I was settling for the first guy who showed interest in me.

[somedude81]

If you're single and you know you have issues; hide them!

 

Realistically though, the people that are single for very long stretches of time most likely do have some sort of issue. Something about them is not quite right and other people do pick up on this. Otherwise said individual would not be single for long periods of time, unless they were choosing to be.

[hotpotato]

I read a stat the other day that women who slept with 20+ males had a 96% chance of never getting married. So are we to blame for dating woes?

 

Is this true for men as well? Are you implying most women who are single are sleeping around a lot?

[TouchedByViolet]

Is this true for men as well? Are you implying most women who are single are sleeping around a lot?

 

That stat is made up bull sheet. IME, most women are having sex with someone.

[mikethemechanic]

Is this true for men as well? Are you implying most women who are single are sleeping around a lot?

No I'm not-implying that single women are sleeping around. What I am saying is that women are punished by other women for sleeping around. Women who slept around have hard time making friends. This makes it almost impossible to meet men.

 

Article: Promiscuous Girls Have No Friends

I am unable to post the link because it requires a subscription.

[Teraskas]

If you're single and you know you have issues; hide them!

 

Realistically though, the people that are single for very long stretches of time most likely do have some sort of issue. Something about them is not quite right and other people do pick up on this. Otherwise said individual would not be single for long periods of time, unless they were choosing to be.

 

Lol that's quite a hefty generalisation.

Last time I checked there wasn't overly wrong with me, if anything it's the no commitment women and the party-animals types which I constantly seem to run into...

[somedude81]

Lol that's quite a hefty generalisation.

Last time I checked there wasn't overly wrong with me, if anything it's the no commitment women and the party-animals types which I constantly seem to run into...

 

So you're completely fine with no issues at all, and the problem is you're having with dating is simply with all the women?

[hotpotato]

I can only speak for myself, but I have pretty much relegated myself to a new belief: Being single isn't bad, and if this is how the rest of my life plays out, I'd still be perfectly fine/content. In fact, I am enjoying being single now more than ever. After my last rejection, it hit me and now I'm like "screw it."

 

It is what it is.

 

Just figured recently I might never be a family man. Or if I do... it'll be in my mid-late 30s.

 

Thats how I feel. I can live a full, rich, exciting life without a partner. I will be just fine.

 

That stat is made up bull sheet. IME, most women are having sex with someone.

 

Yup. The numbers game is not a game that women can ever win.

[hotpotato]

No I'm not-implying that single women are sleeping around. What I am saying is that women are punished by other women for sleeping around. Women who slept around have hard time making friends. This makes it almost impossible to meet men.

 

Article: Promiscuous Girls Have No Friends

I am unable to post the link because it requires a subscription.

 

I dont follow. A woman can meet men at work, school, etc without the help of female friends. In fact, some women have mostly male friends already, and they choose bfs from their pool of male friends.

 

I dont understand...

[Teraskas]

So you're completely fine with no issues at all, and the problem is you're having with dating is simply with all the women?

 

Ofcourse I have issues, I highly doubt you're perfect either.

No matter how hard I try, I will never truly be rid of impactful health issues such as cancer and memory loss.

If anyone holds that against me and fails to take those factors in consideration, then they can take a hike as I certainly don't need them in my life.

 

Plus Leigh on these forums (as well as several others who sadly don't come to mind right now.) has stated many times that 'plenty of dumbarse, boring people get into relationships easily all the time.' and lowering yourself to such a level is not something to aspire to.

As with anything, it feels like a numbers game.

Eventually the right one will come along, but I feel that I have waded through enough crap as it is.

 

So yeah, contrary to the party-animal, and no commitment age peers, I do happen to know what I want from life and more than ready for commitment, lol.

Yet, such opportunities do not readily present themselves.

 

 

But with regards to guys who are essentially thugs, have a thousand pages long rap sheet, beat up women, etc. then indeed, I do NOT have issues.