The those that remain single have issues?

[irc333]

Of course, this may have been mentioned tons of times, but I am thinking that those that remain single (while others get married). Though, they may be great personality-wise, there's always some kind of underlying issue.

 

I always see these posts about Bi-Polar types....there seems to be an influx of these posts online on LS about how they are dating or got the heck out of dodge when they discovered this or some other psychosis going on with them.

 

Of course then there's the ADHD or ADD. These newly trending conditions as well.

 

But it seems those that remain single have some kind of mental issue that keeps them single. Ever notice this as a trend? Though I'm not perfect by any means, I know I have my flaws, but I don't consider myself Bi-Polar or have panic attacks.

 

I'm just noticing that those that struggle in dating tend to encounter these types. I guess as long as they are on their meds, its cool...but there comes a time when they get lazy and may lapse in taking them?

 

If it's not that, it's some kind of behavioural condition like low self esteem, grew up spoiled, or have this "It's my way or the highway" types.

 

I recall someone on here that when people seek out mates, they do so for their OWN agenda (must be married and have kids by the age of 30) and could really care less about their mates wants and desires.

[Moonborn]

As it is almost always the case, I feel that excessive generalization leads to false conclusions here. Sure, some of the people who end up staying single may have issues. It is even possible that a significant number of those who stay single has some sort of problem. But every single one of them? Nope. I think that's a too strong statement, unless there is clear evidence (as in, scientific research) to support that.

 

There are also many people who stay single because they want to stay single, but I am guessing they are not included in the discussion here.

[elseaacych]

Maybe they just haven't found the right person to deal with their issues yet.

 

People who are all kinds of broken are capable of getting into long term relationships, evidenced by my ex. He was able to move on right away after dumping me. I will not list all of his issues on here, but they were multitude.

 

I, on the other hand, have many flaws as well, and a few redeeming qualities. I detest being single, and I would love nothing more in life than to once again be in love again, and have that person love me back with the same passion. I will not "settle". But, I know it will happen on it's own time, so I have to open up and date around.

[central]

But it seems those that remain single have some kind of mental issue that keeps them single. Ever notice this as a trend?

 

That mental issue - in some cases - may simply be intelligence!

 

Traditional marriage is a bad deal for men these days, but even so, most will still marry. Millenials will have a lower marriage rate than past generations, however, and in part this is due to the negatives of marriage.

[hotpotato]

That mental issue - in some cases - may simply be intelligence!

 

Traditional marriage is a bad deal for men these days, but even so, most will still marry. Millenials will have a lower marriage rate than past generations, however, and in part this is due to the negatives of marriage.

 

Agreed, this is especially true for a female.

 

I like to gain new hobbies all the time. Rest assure that is not always an enduring trait. I want to try new things and learn a lot while I'm here on this earth, and I'm not going to change that to be with a man.

 

I can be moody and depressive. I may have add or something as well. That being said, i think the biggest things between me and being in a relationship is being cerebral, introverted, and happy being single. I'm fine being by myself!

 

People say you need to be happy by yourself to date someone else, but I'm not sure if that's always true. One can become too happy and accustomed to being alone.

[MidwestUSA]

One can become too happy and accustomed to being alone.

 

Oh, the horror!

 

 

I would say the 'rule' about being happy alone before involving someone else is true almost all of the time. Notable exceptions are when both people are miserable, and enter into something just for the company.

[carhill]

Those who remain single may have issues, but it is debatable whether those issues are always unhealthy. 'Issues' can simply mean differences and, as we've plagiarized from the French, 'vive la difference', or 'appreciate diversity'. Remaining single is a part of that diversity, as is any other life path.

[SmartDude]

I could easily start a new thread with the tittle:

 

"Why are single people so happy and married people so messed up"?

[TouchedByViolet]

People say you need to be happy by yourself to date someone else, but I'm not sure if that's always true. One can become too happy and accustomed to being alone.

 

There is a lot of truth to this.

[hotpotato]

Oh, the horror!

 

 

I would say the 'rule' about being happy alone before involving someone else is true almost all of the time. Notable exceptions are when both people are miserable, and enter into something just for the company.

 

Or they are very content to be alone and a relationship doesnt add much to their lives.

[hotpotato]

There is a lot of truth to this.

You get good at what you practice, and I've practiced being single. In fact, I've nearly forgotten my last relationship.

 

I could easily start a new thread with the tittle:

 

"Why are single people so happy and married people so messed up"?

 

When you're single (no kids helps too), you do what you want when you want. Right now I am tentatively planning a road trip and a trip overseas and starting yet another hobby. If I want to, i can spend all night on the beach by the water, nobody's gonna tell me I can't.

[rester]

All sorts of different types of people have issues like bi-polar, ADHD, and ADD. Single, married, rich, poor, red headed, blonde, etc. There's no evidence of a trend that it's all single people or only single people. There are plenty of really messed up individuals that have been married for decades. Doesn't mean there's a trend that all married people have issues. Read through the other man/other woman category. Plenty of married folks with issues. Doesn't mean there's a trend that everyone in a relationship has issues.

[insert_name]

Speaking from a guys point of view, there are so many messed up women out there that rejection and perennial singledom is in some ways validation that you DON'T have any issues!

 

For all the guys who got rejected for allegedly being weird/creepy/too nice/some kind of social stigma you have a high chance of finding a girl who rejected him then hooked up with a guy that made her life a misery and she validates his behaviour by putting up with it.

 

Swings and roundabouts. Singles aren't ****ed up- PEOPLE are ****ed up.

[preraph]

For me to marry, which is an agreement to compromise and sometimes acquiesce and do things you don't want to do for their sake, it would have to be someone who had better ideas then me and better organization problem-solving skills, and that just never happened. Plus we'd have to have common interests. Some people want daily companionship and will put up with a lot to get it. That probably accounts for about half the marriages. I don't need it or even want it daily.

[leavesonautumn]

Speaking from a guys point of view, there are so many messed up women out there that rejection and perennial singledom is in some ways validation that you DON'T have any issues!

 

For all the guys who got rejected for allegedly being weird/creepy/too nice/some kind of social stigma you have a high chance of finding a girl who rejected him then hooked up with a guy that made her life a misery and she validates his behaviour by putting up with it.

 

Swings and roundabouts. Singles aren't ****ed up- PEOPLE are ****ed up.

 

Well that escalated quickly.

[GemmaUK]

I never felt any urge to marry.

 

My parents were happily married for 28 years until my Mum passed away.

 

I learned female independence from my brother who is 7 years older than me.

 

I learned from him that every person deserves respect.

 

I am now in my forties (was in a LTR from age 22 to 36 - I chose to leave and don't regret that) and men my age are controlling/have entitlement syndrome or are just mostly badly out of shape and want someone slim/stuunning.

I am slim, I am also told I am stunning but I am not interested in a large guy who takes no care of himself, dresses badly, is unkind and thinks I should be there to cook for him and do his laundry...in return for.....what exactly?

Love? Hmmm...Love is HARD WORK when all you get from a guy is 'I'm just a guy so this is it. I am just a guy so am unable to be anything other than I am and it's down to you to pander to my whims' My LTR wasn't that lame. Why are some men that lame?

 

Single is a lot less hassle!

I have other stuff that is important going on like work and hobbies that I love.

Why would I want to suddenly give my me time to some guy who wants arm candy and a cook. washer and cleaner?

 

It's a no brainer for me.

Maybe at some point might 'look' again but it is really tough when you weigh up the pros and cons! Do I want the hassle again? I don't know that I do.

[kolleamm]

Or maybe it's the people in the relationships that have the problems. You can't be happy with yourself so you seek approval somewhere else. It's not hard to get a relationship with anyone, but finding one with the right person is. People may brag here and there that they have a relationship while you don't and then when you take a closer look you realize they are not even with the right person and would be better off.

[insert_name]

Well that escalated quickly.

 

Yup, suggesting that relationship status is not an indicator of someone's mental health is so controversial that I almost didn't post it!

[Phoe]

99% of my life has been spent single rather than in a relationship, and I also consider myself more mentally sound and stable than the majority of people.

 

Me being single never had anything to do with mental health. If any man ever legitimately chose not to pursue me because he thought my singleness meant I was "defective", then I just feel sorry for him to have such a closeminded mentality. Not my loss at all.

[irc333]

True, some of us get so accustomed to being single that we might have a hard time adapting to an actual relationship. lol.

 

You get good at what you practice, and I've practiced being single. In fact, I've nearly forgotten my last relationship.

 

 

 

When you're single (no kids helps too), you do what you want when you want. Right now I am tentatively planning a road trip and a trip overseas and starting yet another hobby. If I want to, i can spend all night on the beach by the water, nobody's gonna tell me I can't.

[irc333]

Good points, I think when people...even if they are actively looking, are only doing it to suit their own agenda than the person they are interested in.

 

For instance, a woman that has some kind of goal of being married with children by the age of 30 so she give interrogative questions at speed dating events.

 

 

 

I never felt any urge to marry.

 

My parents were happily married for 28 years until my Mum passed away.

 

I learned female independence from my brother who is 7 years older than me.

 

I learned from him that every person deserves respect.

 

I am now in my forties (was in a LTR from age 22 to 36 - I chose to leave and don't regret that) and men my age are controlling/have entitlement syndrome or are just mostly badly out of shape and want someone slim/stuunning.

I am slim, I am also told I am stunning but I am not interested in a large guy who takes no care of himself, dresses badly, is unkind and thinks I should be there to cook for him and do his laundry...in return for.....what exactly?

Love? Hmmm...Love is HARD WORK when all you get from a guy is 'I'm just a guy so this is it. I am just a guy so am unable to be anything other than I am and it's down to you to pander to my whims' My LTR wasn't that lame. Why are some men that lame?

 

Single is a lot less hassle!

I have other stuff that is important going on like work and hobbies that I love.

Why would I want to suddenly give my me time to some guy who wants arm candy and a cook. washer and cleaner?

 

It's a no brainer for me.

Maybe at some point might 'look' again but it is really tough when you weigh up the pros and cons! Do I want the hassle again? I don't know that I do.

[Smilecharmer]

True, some of us get so accustomed to being single that we might have a hard time adapting to an actual relationship. lol.

 

Irc, I thought you were dating someone.

[irc333]

Irc, I thought you were dating someone.

 

I was, it didn't work out.

[No Limit]

I do have trust issues. But I guess 2 years of bullying can do that to a person.

My gut hasn't failed me ever since though.

 

"Why are single people so happy and married people so messed up"?

 

That would make a fun thread.

[Smilecharmer]

I was, it didn't work out.

 

Sorry I brought it up....I hope you find someone amazing for you.