ElsaLetItGo Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 My situation is slightly different than most other stories here, and some may find it a bit silly. I was in a semi-LDR for two months with a guy I seriously considered to be my dream guy. We just clicked right away, and I felt something for him that I never felt with other people I’ve previously dated. We would Skype and text each other all the time, and it was great. We had a lot of things in common and similar life goals. It was like I finally found my nerdy prince charming that I had been waiting for. We had made plans to meet up over summer, and I was extremely excited about it. I was really crazy about this guy that I had this strong emotional connection with. I was looking forward to us making that connection even stronger, while also finally getting to establish the physical aspect of our relationship. Towards the end of our relationship, he became more distant. I would be the one initiating conversations most of the time. The replies started becoming half-hearted. We went almost a week without talking to each other (I felt that maybe I was being overwhelming, so I backed off to see if he would try talking to me first...didn’t happen). I decided to call him, and ask what the deal was...he let it go to voicemail. He replied via text about 5 minutes later. He apologized that we hadn’t talked, that he was really busy and stressed out, but that he missed me. We continued a conversation for a while before heading to bed, but things still felt off to me. Two days after this, I confronted him and asked if he still had feelings for me. He responded back mentioning once again how busy and stressed he was, and he emphasized that he knows he cannot handle a relationship right now, and he had been intending to have a talk with me. His life has not been easy since he was a child, and as a result, he struggles with mental illness. He told me he distances himself from people when he stresses out, and he apologized for that. I was pretty heart broken over this whole ordeal, so we went back and forth for a bit. I didn’t beg for him to reconsider. I realized he had been checked out for a while, and it hurt. The last thing I told him was that I thought he was a great guy, and I was sorry to hear he was going through a rough patch, but that I understood and respected his decision. He replied that he was sorry things turned out to be this way, and he needs time to stabilize his life. Later on that day, however, I saw that he had been active on Tinder, which is how we met. It hurt to see that we had not even been broken up for 24 hours and he was browsing at photos of strangers. During our relationship, he openly admitted to me that he still used the app to find friends. Deep down, it bothered me a bit that he did, but I really liked and trusted him, so I let whatever feelings of doubt that I had to just slip away. Now that the rose-tinted glasses are off, I can rationalize that while he may have been honest about not being able to handle a relationship, there’s more than a pretty good chance that he also lost interest in me. It’s been two months since the break up. We haven’t spoken since then. Neither of us has tried to reach out. I unfriended him on Facebook towards the end June, and haven’t looked at his page at all since July 10th. I feel like an idiot for even saying this, but there’s still a part of me that misses him. This was such a non-serious, short-term relationship, and I really feel that I should have been completely over this a long time ago. I think that I’m still just hung up on “what-ifs”. Since things ended before they even really got started, I sort of have this unrealistic idea of him. I thought there was a lot a potential for us to have a really solid thing. We had both expressed what we wanted out of a relationship; long-term, trust, open and honest communication, the usual things. I recently made a friend delete his number, texts, and pictures from my phone. I hadn’t looked at them for a couple weeks, but there’s relief in knowing I can’t access them anymore even if I wanted to. There’s some days I have wishful thinking that I’ll get that “magical” call or text that he misses me and wants to give it another chance, but given that we’ve been a part for as long as we were together and other circumstances, it’s probably never going to happen. I feel that if he really liked me like he claimed to and truly wanted it to work, he would've made an attempt by now. I just wish I’d get some sort of sign that he hasn’t completely forgotten or stopped caring about me. The only thing I can do is just continue trying to push forward.
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Generally when someone starts pulling back on their texts/calls/skype and becomes more distant it's a sure sign of them detaching from the relationship. I went through this personally, but through a face to face relationship. LDR take a lot of patience, and a lot of work to successfully happen. It's not impossible, and they do work from time to time. 2 months really isn't a long time to invest, and if it ended in such a short time frame you're better off in letting go and starting the healing process. One thing LDR's definitely require is a 100 percent commitment from both parties. Also if he ended things it's time to go straight into NC. You don't need to worry about how he feels, or if he cares. Time will tell should he try to contact you, but by that point you will have healed and seen things in a better perspective to determine whether it's something you really want to begin with.
gamman Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Hello there. Please don't take offense to this, but I'm guessing you're pretty young. So..... it's easy to fall in love with someone over the phone, and I'm not saying you're feelings aren't real. Often, though, in phone/text relationships, we tend to fill in the blanks with our own fantasies. And often the person on the phone who we are think we are falling in love with is not the person we would really want to be with in real life. I'm sorry, I know what you're going through is very real and very painful. As much as it hurts, I would move forward with your life without this person. This may sound strange, but there is a lot of learning and a lot of growth you are experiencing with this pain and experience. Go no contact, work on yourself, and I promise sooner than later you will meet some one in real life who rocks your world more this guy ever did. Go day by day. A broken heart sucks. (sounds like it's your first, welcome to life ) Keep busy. People are there for you. Good luck. You're going to make it out of this.
Author ElsaLetItGo Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Generally when someone starts pulling back on their texts/calls/skype and becomes more distant it's a sure sign of them detaching from the relationship. I went through this personally, but through a face to face relationship. LDR take a lot of patience, and a lot of work to successfully happen. It's not impossible, and they do work from time to time. 2 months really isn't a long time to invest, and if it ended in such a short time frame you're better off in letting go and starting the healing process. One thing LDR's definitely require is a 100 percent commitment from both parties. Also if he ended things it's time to go straight into NC. You don't need to worry about how he feels, or if he cares. Time will tell should he try to contact you, but by that point you will have healed and seen things in a better perspective to determine whether it's something you really want to begin with. I knew it was not a good sign that he began pulling back communication with me. Particularly in our situation where we don't get to see each other often, it's a pretty huge deal. When it initially started happening, I tried to not overthink it as we both have busy lives outside of each other that are important to us and need our attention. After a while, though, I was just putting myself in denial and eventually had to call him out on it. It was one of those times that I truly hoped my gut feeling would be wrong. I definitely agree and understand how much effort is necessary for a LDR to be successful. It's not easy. If reconciliation even pops up as an option later on down the road, I do think we have a pretty good chance of making it work. We're really just shy of a 90 minute drive from each other, but being two car-less, broke college kids makes the situation seem more difficult than it actually is. I've been in the process of getting a car, as was he since we last spoke. I've been full NC for a solid month now. I have absolutely no idea what's been going on with his life, nor he I. Some days, I feel very tempted to check in on his Facebook again, but the thought of seeing something that I don't want to keeps me from opening that Pandora's Box. I have no intentions of trying to contact him, there's no need for me to. He knows how I felt about him. It's purely up to him to bring up the possibility of another shot. I'm really hoping the thoughts of him stop soon. I know I need to fully move on and not even think about him coming back at all. I suppose it doesn't help that I see his name almost on a daily basis -- it is a very common first and last name. I really hope "time heals all wounds" proves it self to be true! Thank you so much for the response, it is most certainly appreciated!
Author ElsaLetItGo Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Hello there. Please don't take offense to this, but I'm guessing you're pretty young. So..... it's easy to fall in love with someone over the phone, and I'm not saying you're feelings aren't real. Often, though, in phone/text relationships, we tend to fill in the blanks with our own fantasies. And often the person on the phone who we are think we are falling in love with is not the person we would really want to be with in real life. I'm sorry, I know what you're going through is very real and very painful. As much as it hurts, I would move forward with your life without this person. This may sound strange, but there is a lot of learning and a lot of growth you are experiencing with this pain and experience. Go no contact, work on yourself, and I promise sooner than later you will meet some one in real life who rocks your world more this guy ever did. Go day by day. A broken heart sucks. (sounds like it's your first, welcome to life ) Keep busy. People are there for you. Good luck. You're going to make it out of this. No offense taken at all, you are right. I'm halfway through Undergraduate school at the moment. I am definitely guilty of filling in the blanks with my own fantasies without a doubt. Since the relationship it self turned out to be short-lived, we never got into any type of arguments or disagreements on things. Since we never encountered any real problems, I have this warped view of him/the relationship as "perfect". The part of me that's able to rationalize things makes me know this isn't true, though. I have certainly learned a lot by going through this experience, that's for sure. I have never felt such intense feelings like this towards another person before. It's almost scary how one person can make you feel on top of the world one day, and the next day just make you feel completely broken. About a year ago, I was in a similar situation, but in the opposite position in that I wanted to end the relationship. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I realize that I could have handled that break up much better than I did. Life has a funny way of showing us things sometimes. This is the first of many more heartbreaks to come, I'm sure. He is not the first person I dated, and I know he won't be the last, but he was the first person I was really starting to fall for. I feel so hurt after just a short two month relationship. I cannot even begin to imagine how much worse I would feel had this been the result with much more time invested. I really appreciate the support! I had been lurking these forums and venting to my journal for a while. It's nice to just have a place to spill my heart out and have people cheering for me to move past this.
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