Brokenguy22 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Hello so my ex of almost 5 years broke up with me last year in September we have had NC and LC periods. Anyways so we talked this past weekend and she says the main reason she broke up with me because she feels like she is mothering me and doesn't want to do that and that's why she lost all romantic feelings for me. She is almost 2 years older than I am. So my question is what do I do about that? Are her feelings ever going to come.back? I mean I have accepted it is over but it bothers me that she said that... Do I still want her back? Yes I do so is there coming back from.this? Has anyone been in a similar place as I am? Thank you for reading!
Author Brokenguy22 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Why did she feel like she was mothering you? Well she would always advise me on how to do things and how to live and stuff but I never say it as mothering I loved it because she helped me mature mentally and emotionally. She just said cause she's older she will just see me like a son and won't let me live my life the way I want. I want to be an actor so I do that and model and she felt that it wasn't the right type of life for me. Then she has said stuff like this isn't the right decision but it has to be done. Its really weird cause we always talked about marriage I would tell her I'm gonna marry you one day and she would say 'I know you will'. And then when I told her she always said I know you will, she said "yes I said YOU will not that I will" I don't even know What that means!!! Lol
zen2475 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 It sounds like she has some poor personal boundaries and the feeling that she feels like she is mothering you is her issue. For whatever reason, she doesn't see you as a healthy, independent adult who can make his own choices about his life. If you want to act and model, you should go ahead and do that and it is not her place to make those decisions for you. There was a not a healthy, mutually supportive dynamic in this relationship and it's probably for the best it did not work out. At some point you would probably have started to feel stifled by her desire to control, and you would have resented that. It sounds like she has a lot of work to do on herself and her boundary issues. Meanwhile, bullet dodged. 2
Keenly Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 There is nothing you can do.she broke up with you because SHE did something, not because you did. Although I think its pretty dumb that she didn't want to ' mother ' you but she did it anyway. That part doesn't make sense. 2
Author Brokenguy22 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Thanks guys. She did never support my dreams and I called her out on that and she just said she is a realist and doesn't want to lie to me and say I can do whatever I want and stuff. And you are right I did nothing wrong Even her She says we never had bad times only good. Cause we didn't besides some arguments we got skin really well and just clicked. That's why I feel if there is some way to make it work I have to try ugh.Ah well guess some stories just don't make sense . And yeah I even told her then stop mothering me that's all on you it has nothing to do with me. Then she just got really mad and said I don't listen but it doesn't make sense lol I am listening! Ah well thank you guys I appreciate the input!
zen2475 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 It takes a lot more effort and assessment of life situations to be optimistic about. On surface glance of the world, it's pretty hard not to be pessimistic. Accepting that premise, it's really not that fine of a line between being a pessimist and a realist. But I also notice this a lot from people who are just insufferably negative about life. Personally I think it's a deflection tactic, it requires no further introspection into how they view the world. People say to them "Why are you so pessimistic?" and they respond "Pssh, I'm just a realist." Her inability to be supportive of you is founded from her own negative self narrative and world view and has nothing to do with you and your abilities. You were absolutely correct in that it is all on her, but her rebuttal of you "not listening" is also her inability to think or see outside herself and that other may just perceive the world differently. These are some pretty fundamental differences and probably not conducive to a mutually supportive, loving relationship. You may true to want to make it work on the perceived connection you felt, but I don't think she's capable of any real reciprocity in that regard, and that has nothing to do with you.
Strength in Healing Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 You dodged a bullet. She sounds pretentious and controlling. Unless you're a masochist, run along.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I was always mothering my ex & it done my head in I swear he couldn't even think for himself, would leave dishes unwashed until I asked him to do them, would leave clothes in the bathroom, wouldn't even do his own taxes unless I reminded him.. No one wants to have to treat their partner like a child x
Author Brokenguy22 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Thanks guys it just sucks cause I had honestly pictured everything with her. But good,bad who knows right? Maybe I'll see it was a blessing in disguise down the line. HeartbrokenNewbie thanks for the input but I was nor am I now like that I did everything I was suppose to do as an adult. She just said she never saw me as her husband in the future even though throughout the relationship she told me her self I already see you as my husband lol. Like I said she said that and that whole marrying thing during but now is just contradicting her self and says she never felt that way. The whole thing has had me confused more than anything. She herself has said on multiple occasions "no one will ever love me and much as you do".
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Would u say she took the lead in the RS or was it you/joint because women do like men to take the lead as much as we whinge & moan lol I would think the following.. "I'm always mothering you" means "I'm always mothering you & sometimes I want someone to mother me, to look after me & to take the lead" .. Women do like mothering but when it's constant it becomes a parent/child RS & that's when the woman's needs aren't met & she may aswell have a child, respect is lost & she will start to look for a "man" to "Mother" her x I'm going to be honest it's slightly concerning that you enjoy her mothering u as it's an adult RS not a teacher/pupil or Parent/child RS x
Author Brokenguy22 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 I did take the lead and was joint as well. I never said I enjoyed it but I never saw it as mothering more like she was teaching me because I had always been sheltered before her and she has always been independent and since we are both from.foreign countries we both live with out parents But she has always worked since 16 and I was going to school and started my real.job at 20 and before then I was helping my dad out with his business. She will be 28 this month and I am 26. She did mention a few times if only she was younger than me so guessing her being.older had to do with her feeling like she was mothering me as well. Then also she has said she wants to let me live life the way I want and not how she wants cause I'm a dreamer and she just want a a simple life..
Smilecharmer Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 It sounds like you just weren't in the same places in your life and instead of trying to mother you (which she definitely was doing anyway) she decided she wanted someone more compatible that fits in her lifestyle. Time to find someone equal who appreciates you and your dreams for exactly who and what you are. 1
Author Brokenguy22 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Yeah you are right that's all I can do now anyways. Almost been a year since and don't have much of a choice just have to accept it is what it is. 1
Recommended Posts