nousername21 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Before I say what's going on, let me make it clear that I do have anxiety. I have a tendency to work myself up over nothing and I'm trying really hard to get that under control and I've been doing a lot better. Because of that I never really know when there's an actual reason to be concerned or if I'm just overthinking things. I would like an objective opinion on things. I really don't need harsh criticism about how I'm "over reacting" and "going to ruin my relationship" "being needy" etc. I already know how dangerous jumping to conclusion is to a relationship, that's why I'm posting here to get some objective opinions before I work myself up. You may have seen my post about my boyfriend getting a new job. Well he's had it for about a week. It's not really a job where you work super hard. It's more of a lounge. He pretty much helps sale stuff and sets up hookahs for people to smoke out of. There will be an hour or so at a time in which no one will come in. A lot of people around his age go there. I wasn't too worried about this until a few things happened that made me worry. Reasons to worry [reasons that I've thought may explain then in barracks]: -On days, I don't go up there and hang out with him (his idea and NOT because I freaked out on him or anything, just because on slow days it's boring and on busy days they could use some help) he's irritable with me. He doesn't want to answer any questions about his day at work for a while (Questions such as anything funny happen today). (On days I do go, we discuss things that happened immediately) -He has turned me down for sex a couple of times after working there. We kinda of have sex like normal, a little less, but in the past, if I initiated it, it always happened. [i'll give him that maybe he's just tired. Even though it's not a lot of work, he's used to sleeping about 10-12 hours a day and he can't anymore.] -He seems to care A LOT less about my feelings on things. A lot more critical of things I say and is quick to be snappy. [He's always been a little snappy or just overly sarcastic. We both tend to be but it just seems like it's happening more often than usual] -It's currently his day off and while we did have sex, it was a little different. We didn't kiss and it was quick. He woke up at 3pm and he is now going back to sleep. He spent the rest of the day on the computer, not really having any conversation with me. [We did this sometimes before he got a job. We've been together for a while now, so we don't always have to be hanging all over each other.] It just seems like to me since our time together is shortened, he should be a little bit more attentive. A few reasons that make me feel a little better: -We do cuddle like normal -Nothing seems fishy when I go up there -I've stayed up there for a few most of his shift before My main worry (which is probably stupid) is that there's some girl at work that's become a regular and he hangs out with her and even if they don't have anything really going on yet, he's slowly starting to see things he doesn't like in me. (Like I said, it's a lounge and girls his age come in all the time). Maybe I'm being dumb and this is all consistent with just being over worked. He works 60 hours a week now and just started doing this the Saturday before last, after a couple of months of just chilling. I would just like a few objective opinions. If you think something maybe up, or if I'm just overreacting. Our relationship was great up to this point and maybe I'm just making problems where there are none. I realize I have a tendency to do that, which is why I'm not sure which it is this time. If it sounds like just my anxiety then I'll be able to handle this without annoying him with it. Which is what I'm getting better at doing.
dogeared Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Crazy. However, if it really bothers you, I don't see why you couldn't check in with him on how he's doing now that he works such long hours. I would just refrain from bringing up everything you brought up in this post. I do think it's a little weird that he's hanging out with some girl who comes in to smoke all the time? But you didn't really give very many details, so maybe it's not that weird. You obviously know about it and it's not a secret. I had similar jobs when I was in college, and definitely you make small talk with regulars and it doesn't mean anything.
regine_phalange Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 My main worry (which is probably stupid) is that there's some girl at work that's become a regular and he hangs out with her and even if they don't have anything really going on yet, he's slowly starting to see things he doesn't like in me. (Like I said, it's a lounge and girls his age come in all the time). Maybe I'm being dumb and this is all consistent with just being over worked. He works 60 hours a week now and just started doing this the Saturday before last, after a couple of months of just chilling. Unfortunately, after some honeymoon time, this emerges most of the times. The thing is, how does he address the things he does not like in you? Is he always complaining? Does he appreciate you for other things? Is there a possibility that you spend too much time together?
Keenly Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 The guy is just adjusting to a new job. Its been one week be patient.
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