Ordinaryday Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 The only reason I ask this question is because although my ex had what seemed like quite a few reasons for dumping me, one that included not wanting to be in a serious relationship which I'm not sure is true or not because of the other reason that include me being insecure and jealous and clingy. She never out right said those things but mentioned things that I would do that reference those qualities. I finally actually realize that I was just making myself unnattractive and I know now so I know I can fix those qualities but how can I show her without contact? Or should I ask her out to coffee one day and explain I see the error of my ways? I totally feel like this is all my fault now and I can't get over losing the love of my life because of this stupid mistake. I want her to know that I've reflected the breakup and I now realize what I've done. Please help with advice idk what the best thing to do is for her to see the change. We never see eachother outside of our relationship dude you are totally going about it the wrong way!!! you say she thought you were needy and clingy, well contacting her to say "Im not needy and clingy anymore! Ive changed" IS BEING NEEDY AND CLINGY! She broke up with you. at this moment she does not want you in her life. work on IMPROVING YOURSELF! Never mention her to mutual friends!!! if YOU HAVE to try and show her how much you have changed DO IT INDIRECTLY - set your fb profile to PUBLIC, unfriend her but dont block her, and odds are she will check it from time to time - show people how much of a great time you are having through awesome fb photos, stories and updates. but DONT CONTACT HER! That is the very definition of being needy and clingy!
Author Znder Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 That's why I'm having trouble of deciding what to do. I know if i try to tell her I'm not needy that I'll just be being needy but if I don't tell her then she'll just assume I still am. That's why I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. But I guess social media is my best hope so I'll stick with that.
Ordinaryday Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 That's why I'm having trouble of deciding what to do. I know if i try to tell her I'm not needy that I'll just be being needy but if I don't tell her then she'll just assume I still am. That's why I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. But I guess social media is my best hope so I'll stick with that. dont contact her! any contact will push her away!! odds are she wont come back to you! But if she ever does (and it is a HUGE but, there are NO guarantees) she HAS TO DO IT THROUGH HER OWN FREE WILL, is wondering how you are going or her missing you or something. right now SHE DOESNT WANT TO TALK TO YOU and any contact from you will just PUSH HER FURTHER AWAY! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) That's why I'm having trouble of deciding what to do. I know if i try to tell her I'm not needy that I'll just be being needy but if I don't tell her then she'll just assume I still am. That's why I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. But I guess social media is my best hope so I'll stick with that. What you need to do is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! The best way to show that you aren't needy is to not be sucking around. If she cares enough to wonder if you are being needy or not, she'll be the one to seek you out. But yeah, you should not break No Contact until you really couldn't care less what could come of it and until you couldn't care less about having any sort of relationship with that person, or until they say "I made a mistake and I want you back." Otherwise, stay the hell away. And in reading your threads, you aren't in the same solar system of being ready for contact. Edited August 7, 2014 by Simon Phoenix 1
Author Znder Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Thanks guys I'm doing good so far in the nc part. I used to always check her social media sites till I saw something that destroyed me so now I stopped that too. The hardest part is wondering what she's thinking or doing. It's easy not to call or text her but not seeing what she's been up to on social media is the hardest part. Usually I would check to see if she would post anything about missing me or how she made a mistake and now I just wonder what's going on and I usually assume the worst and it just gets my heart racing. But other than all that I'm doing my best and healing.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Thanks guys I'm doing good so far in the nc part. I used to always check her social media sites till I saw something that destroyed me so now I stopped that too. The hardest part is wondering what she's thinking or doing. It's easy not to call or text her but not seeing what she's been up to on social media is the hardest part. Usually I would check to see if she would post anything about missing me or how she made a mistake and now I just wonder what's going on and I usually assume the worst and it just gets my heart racing. But other than all that I'm doing my best and healing. You aren't in No Contact if you are checking social media. You have to 100 percent stop doing that.
Author Znder Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 I'm saying I have stopped checking it, but the thoughts about what she MIGHT be posting can drive me crazy too
Ordinaryday Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I'm saying I have stopped checking it, but the thoughts about what she MIGHT be posting can drive me crazy too that's why you DONT check!! if you must block her but if you cant handle that just simply will yourself to stop checking on her - think of it this way - sure it hurts that she is not with you but just imagine the pain you would feel if you saw on her fb that she is in a relationship with a new guy and she posted photos of them kissing and stuff. that would KILL you, so dont set yourself up for that. I know, because a few years ago I fell for a girl and when she rejected me she begged to stay my friend (she really truly did like me as a friend, just not a lover) and I told her I wasnt comfortable doing that but she begged me to try so I did but it all went bad when she hooked up with some guy and posted photos of them kissing, on her fb timeline. seeing these photos killed me and I lost it and angrily accused her of leading me on, deliberately trying to hurt me, etc. I was really nasty to her and made her hate me for good. I regret it, what I should have done is just said firmly "Im not prepared to be just friends with you sorry. dont contact me unless it is about us getting together" and then ignored everything from her.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Thanks guys I'm doing good so far in the nc part. I used to always check her social media sites till I saw something that destroyed me so now I stopped that too. The hardest part is wondering what she's thinking or doing. It's easy not to call or text her but not seeing what she's been up to on social media is the hardest part. Usually I would check to see if she would post anything about missing me or how she made a mistake and now I just wonder what's going on and I usually assume the worst and it just gets my heart racing. But other than all that I'm doing my best and healing. its not easy man, ive been there, most people on this forum have too. best thing you can do is take the advice that's being given, stick to NC and believe she isn't coming back. if its easier, think as if she is dead. dead to you at least. a lot of people say death is easier to accept than break ups because of the finality of it. you gotta look at it that way, only way to keep yourself sane. and whatever's meant to be, will be, trust me on that.
Ordinaryday Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 a lot of people say death is easier to accept than break ups because of the finality of it. /QUOTE] yeah it's incredibly morbid and I mean no disrespect to anyone who has lost a partner through death but at least when they are dead YOU KNOW WITH 100% CERTAINTY that they arent coming back, it is final. when they dump you even if you are told it is final and you move on there can always be a tiny nagging doubt that they will breadcrumb you or want you back or you will bump into them in public or something, and this is a horrible feeling. at least with a death you KNOW they arent coming back.
marcjb Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 A breakup is worse than a death not because a question of it being final, but because with a death, the person most likely did not make the choice of leaving you. With a breakup, it is their choice. Knowing that someone chose to throw you away like a piece of trash doesn't feel good. 1
Author Znder Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 So I've been in NC for 2 weeks with my ex girlfriend who broke up with me to be able to party without being in a serious relationship. I miss her like crazy and I'll do anything to get her back so I've went nc to work on myself so that I'm not run by my emotions. She's probly over me already anyways but I still have hope. Anyways I've heard dating can help you move on, but for me it seems to have the opposite effect. Nobody seems to compete with my ex even the girls I find more attractive cannot compete with the connection I shared with her. I cannot get over her and I'm coming so close to contacting her telling her I still have feelings for her. What do I do guys? Any help or advice please
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) Stop "dating". Work on yourself. Improve yourself. Stay with NC until you don't give a crap about the ex. Then feel free to date. You have to get over your ex before you're any good for anyone else. Otherwise you will get hurt by more women or hurt those women because your heart still lies with the ex. Edited August 12, 2014 by SoThatHappened
Author Znder Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 I just feel like I still might have a chance with my ex and I can't get that hope out of my head. I keep thinking maybe she's just to stubborn to text me even if she really wants to she'd never admit "defeat".
Simon Phoenix Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I just feel like I still might have a chance with my ex and I can't get that hope out of my head. I keep thinking maybe she's just to stubborn to text me even if she really wants to she'd never admit "defeat". That hope isn't going to come to fruition with you sucking around her. If anything, you trying to appeal to her and not show respect for her decision will drive her away further. As for your second point, if her pride is more important than her love for you, than her love for you isn't exactly that strong is it? You need to stay No Contact and stop doing these mental gymnastics to try to justify being the needy, clingy, pathetic guy that can't take a hint. You need No Contact, at the very least, to get your head straight, because you are talking crazy.
AJG0507 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Your situation sounds a lot like mine. We were dating about a year, but about a month after she moved to college (only a 30 minute drive) she broke up with me. After we broke up there was hardly any contact, and then two arguments in a row. After that, there has been ZERO contact. I refuse to contact her first. Anyway, I was just wondering how long you kept NC and what ended up happening with you guys.
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