Should I break nc? [update]

[Znder]

I understand I'm young and I'll find love again. I just miss this girl immensely even in a non romantic way she was my bestfriend and helped me through everything. I know it's the same love story as so many others I just had this feeling she was the one for me and I never felt that way about somebody even in my other two ltr. Id do anything to have her back

[redbaron005]

when will she begin to grieve or miss me? A month? A year? Never?

 

Obviously, this varies based on many factors, but this old LS post helped me get a bit of perspective on how she was feeling. Just remember that missing you does not mean that she will contact you nor want you back.

[Znder]

I guess it just confused me how this NC works. If I'm out of sight won't I be out of mind? And if NC is for the dumpee to get over the breakup and move on why would it do the opposite for the dumper. Why would no contact make one person miss the other while helping the other get over it. And if that question can be answered I don't get how the more time that goes by the more te dumper misses them. I know this isn't always the case anyway but when it is te case I don't understand why. Psychologically why does the dumper even begin to miss the dumpee and why would it take longer rather than shorter?

[Znder]

It's my exes birthday today. Should I text her happy birthday? We've been broken up for 2 weeks and no contact for one week. I want her back, and I'm wondering if texting her happy birthday could open up the flood gates to her talking to me and reconciling. Or should I make her wonder why I didn't text her back. I'm really stuck on this issue please help with advice.

[marcjb]

She broke up with you? Don't initiate contact with her at all, no matter what. Don't answer to any contact from her unless she specifically says she wants to work things out. The wishing your ex a happy birthday is a rather cliché move. Don't do it.

[Missy0724]

Who broke up with who? And why?

 

If you reconcile, will the reason why you broke up be "fixed" or worked on, changed for the better?

 

Just things to think about.

 

If she broke up with you - NO, stay NC.

 

When someone breaks up with you, they have already left you, the relationship, way before the actually "breaking up". That means they have already emotionally begun to move on and are getting over you...and probably already thinking about or meeting, dating other people.

 

Just the way it works, as hard as it is to accept, believe me!

 

My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago. He is getting NOTHING from me. Unless he contacts me with a "sorry". And then maybe in time, a LONG time, we could be friendly, or friends. And that's just an IF. But have NO expectations, know he is dating, and have to not care, let it go. He broke up with me, he didn't want me anymore. And I will NEVER go where I am not wanted. Ever again...

 

It's called self love and self respect. And we all need more of that! :-)

[Znder]

I really am trying to think that way you know that it's her loss. I'm a great guy and I spent every dime on her and minute with her and loved it as did she. She broke up with me however because she felt like I was holding her down. She wants to go out and party. But just a month ago we were talking about kids and marriage. She is seeing someone but as far as I know its not serious because the guy is a douche and gets around. But that's what she wants. She said I was perfect and she'd never leave me for the party life which is exactly why she left me. I miss her so much it brings me to tears to type this. She was my bestfriend we acted like total idiots together even talked on British accents and told people were from London. I just miss my bestfriend and hope to god she misses me too and one day comes back.

[SoThatHappened]

Do NOT break NC.

 

Don't even think about it.

 

I'll find you if you break NC

[Znder]

I won't. It just hurts seeing her with someone else and be happy. I blocked her from social media so that I can't see anymore but I know she's having fun. I feel like no contact will just make her forget about me. I feel like no matter how much she loved me she'll never remember our memories like I remember them unless I show her but I know I can't. We were so happy together and she just stopped one day and broke my heart and gave me the cold shoulder.

[Survivor12]

I really am trying to think that way you know that it's her loss. I'm a great guy and I spent every dime on her and minute with her and loved it as did she. She broke up with me however because she felt like I was holding her down. She wants to go out and party. But just a month ago we were talking about kids and marriage. She is seeing someone but as far as I know its not serious because the guy is a douche and gets around. But that's what she wants. She said I was perfect and she'd never leave me for the party life which is exactly why she left me. I miss her so much it brings me to tears to type this. She was my bestfriend we acted like total idiots together even talked on British accents and told people were from London. I just miss my bestfriend and hope to god she misses me too and one day comes back.

 

If she broke up with you because she felt that you were holding her down, apparently she didn't "love" spending every minute with you.

 

I'm sure you had great times together, but you need to take off the rose colored glasses--if she had been as happy as you want to believe, she wouldn't have broken up with you.

 

Think about this--you say you're a great guy, you spent every dime on her & SHE thinks you're perfect...so how do you trump all that??? You gave it your all & it wasn't enough--not because there is anything wrong with you but because she wants something else. Whether you or I or anyone else disagrees with her choices is irrelevant because they're HER choices to make.

 

I don't want to hurt you, but until you decide to accept that it's over there is nothing you can do (including hoping) to change that, you will continue to hurt yourself. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship and your best friend. Be kind to yourself. Don't waste emotional energy on trying to figure out a way to change her mind. She already knows who you are, what a relationship with you is like & how you feel about her....there's no need to remind her.

 

Stay NC.

[Znder]

I know there's nothing I can do and your right it's her choice. What I meant by se loved to spend every minute with me is she used to and that's what I miss. I could tell she stopped liking it so much as we argued over little things that she normally wouldn't care about. I know she loved me but at the same time I question how she loved me when she's with a guy already and doesn't show any sign of missing me. It's like I never existed in her life.

[marcjb]

That arguing over little things was her "gas lighting" (look it up). She was looking for excuses to argue with you so that she could try and justify breaking up with you. She most likely was talking to this person while you two were together and is the real reason why she wanted to break up, that's why appears to have happened fast with her being with someone else.

 

Someone like her is not worth your time. Would you really want to be with her again after she has shown you how easily she can discard you? I was in your shoes a few months ago. I know how you feel. Spend as much time as possible with family, friends and of course here. Don't worry, she will realize that the grass is not greener.

Edited August 6, 2014 by marcjb

[Znder]

Thank you. I'm trying. Nothing hurts more to find out that you meant nothing to someone who meant the world to you. I'm crying and grieving while she's forgotten about me and that's the hardest part to accept cuz in the love letters she's written me and the things she's done for me I thought she truly loved me

[marcjb]

It's good to get all the emotions out. What you are doing with grieving is healthy. She on the other hand will probably not go through the process, and it will affect her future relationships because she is probably the type to just jump from one relationship to another and is the reason why none of her relationships will ever last. In the end it will be her that is lonely. You on the other hand, don't change the way you are, and don't close yourself off emotionally from this experience. People like us will be the ones that know true love. People like your ex and my ex will not.

[Znder]

You're giving me hope. I'm just do depressed right now. She made me so happy. Made me feel like a king and a perfect man. She would look at me while I drove just smiling and when I caught her she'd just look away and smile even bigger. Idk what happened or why she changed her mind but it makes me feel like everybody sooner or later gets bored with me no matter what they say when they love me. And they move on like nothing happened. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm losing hope. I hadn't looked at her twitter for a week after we broke up, but in my head I pictured her crying and regretting her decision and looking at the hamster I bought us thinking about me but when I saw her on twitter I realized I was 1000% wrong.

 

And I know with time I'll move on and get over her which is why I'm scared because if she comes back one day I'll probly be over her but I dnt want to be if that makes sense. I still want her in my life.

[marcjb]

You're giving me hope. I'm just do depressed right now. She made me so happy. Made me feel like a king and a perfect man. She would look at me while I drove just smiling and when I caught her she'd just look away and smile even bigger. Idk what happened or why she changed her mind but it makes me feel like everybody sooner or later gets bored with me no matter what they say when they love me. And they move on like nothing happened. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm losing hope. I hadn't looked at her twitter for a week after we broke up, but in my head I pictured her crying and regretting her decision and looking at the hamster I bought us thinking about me but when I saw her on twitter I realized I was 1000% wrong.

 

And I know with time I'll move on and get over her which is why I'm scared because if she comes back one day I'll probly be over her but I dnt want to be if that makes sense. I still want her in my life.

 

I completely understand what you mean, and am still going through things myself (partially). It's been over three months for me. I am doing a lot better, but I do still have my moments. Whenever you feel yourself having a week moment just remind yourself of what she did to you, and how she discarded you so easily.

 

It's not your fault if someone "gets bored of you" because they didn't really get bored of you if they were just fine with you for months or years. These people have the grass is greener syndrome and think a relationship is always supposed to stay like it is during the honeymoon phase. They will always be looking for "something better" and never actually find it.

 

If these people are bored, it's really just them feeling empty inside and they try to fill that emptiness with new "things". This is how these people view other people, like "things".

Edited August 6, 2014 by marcjb

[Znder]

Thank you so much. Seeing that I'm not alone in this feeling really does help. I know the last relationship I was in it took me forever to get over cuz I always had hope she'd come back ider when I have up that hope but I finally did. I just can't wait for the moment I can be happy again. It's not fair that somek do can make you there priority for so long then drop you like nothing and expect you to be okay with it. At least my other exes had remorse and felt bad about what they did but the one I cared the most about shows she doesn't care at all and that just hurts. But thank you again. I'm gonna try and keep what you said on mind.

[marcjb]

Thank you so much. Seeing that I'm not alone in this feeling really does help. I know the last relationship I was in it took me forever to get over cuz I always had hope she'd come back ider when I have up that hope but I finally did. I just can't wait for the moment I can be happy again. It's not fair that somek do can make you there priority for so long then drop you like nothing and expect you to be okay with it. At least my other exes had remorse and felt bad about what they did but the one I cared the most about shows she doesn't care at all and that just hurts. But thank you again. I'm gonna try and keep what you said on mind.

 

Yes, same exact thing for me too. You are definitely not alone here. If there was ever anything you wanted to do in life, any kind of goal, now is a good time to do it. I did set aside some time after the breakup to allow for her to reconcile with me, but that time has ended now. I just ended up buying a condo and it has helped me focus on the present and future instead of the past.

[SoThatHappened]

I echo everything marcjb has said. The three of us seem to have experienced the same exact thing: a girl who is over-the-top "in love" with us, then in the arms of another man the next minute.

 

It stings... stings bad. The good thing is, as marcjb said, she will see that the grass isn't greener.

 

Also, relationships that start like her new "relationship" have the odds stacked heavily against them.

 

The absolute best things you can do are:

 

- NC

- Improve yourself in every way possible

- Hit the gym and hit it hard

- Stay single for a while

- Work on things you know you do wrong

- Educate yourself

- Post here

- Again, NC

 

NC won't make her forget about you. Actually, the opposite is true. She will wonder, "how can he just let go and completely cut me off?"

 

That's what you want... for right now. But the real reason behind NC is to fix YOU, not get them back.

 

Do anything and everything you can to prevent yourself from seeing anything on social media, instagram, and all the rest of that stupid, internet bullsh**.

 

You'll be fine. The first weeks suck. The first 2 months suck. But, if you do the things I listed above, you'll get much better much, much faster.

[bubbaganoosh]

I've read guides saying go NC for 30-60 days then initiate contact and that's how you get them back.

 

OK pal. Time for a wake up call. If you can go 30 days without contact, then you can go 60.

 

Now at the end of 60 days if you do something really stupid like contacting her again, do you know what you get?

 

Answer. You get to go to the back of the line and start all over after she rips you apart again and you start all over again.

 

Your never going to heal and get your head on straight by doing something like that. If you do, your a masochist and must enjoy pain.

 

The sooner you come to grips with the fact that it's over and you need to move on, the better you will be.

 

You can do it. It takes will power and a strong will. Stop all contact. Take her off your face book. Don't answer any texts or phone calls.

 

She hasn't said this but her actions say that she's got you on a string and has you on idle just in case things fall apart with the other guy. If you let her, then sure as $h!t, your back at square one again.

[Znder]

It's only day 8 of no contact and it's getting harder and harder. I know she's not missing me or thinking about me realistically, but then I have this thought in my head that it's a matter of time before she comes back begging. I haven't been on social media or anything like that and yesterday was her birthday which I didn't not tell her happy birthday and I'm wondering if she expected me too and is upset I didn't. She seemed happy last time I saw her and even though I did everything for her I feel so easily replaced. I didn't have a lot of money but I spent all of it on her, I didn't have a lot if time but I'd spend it all with her and I'd try and do fun romantic things, and I didn't have the nicest car. I feel like no matter how much I did for her she can easily find someone who will do those things for her if she tried and had more than me.

 

I never cry but these past 8 days that's all I seem to do just picturing how much better her life is without me in it. I just am so depressed and I'd do anything to have her back. I feel like there's nothing to miss about me or come back to tho. I made her laugh I created inside jokes I literally did it all and she did appreciate it. I just for some reason don't see her coming back because I'm so easily replaceable.

 

We have so many memories together and it seems like I'm the only one who still reminisces those times. I miss her so much.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It won't be easy, but you'll make it through.

 

Please reference the many guides on this forum that will help you make it through.

 

You have a long ways to go, but you'll get there.

 

stick to NC, contacting her will only make it hurt worse.

 

Trust me on this, you have to let her come to you, plain and simple.

 

In the meantime enjoy your new found freedom, I know it seems like its the last thing you want right now but trust me, you will enjoy it if you let yourself.

[Znder]

I keep trying to think if it as a win-win situation, that I'll either get over her or she'll come back. But my problem is deep down I don't want to move on because I still love her, and it's like I make myself miserable just so I don't forget about her. I'm even starting to blame myself for it because I noticed her becoming distant and not enjoying time with me and I smothered her. I should have let her be and I might still have her. I'm going to therapy tonorrow so I hope that helps. She used to be so depressed if I wasn't with her for something special or if I was gone for a week or more. She was even upset that I was getting more hours at work and it made me happy because it meant she loved being with me. Now she's gone and totally happy without me and I don't get it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I keep trying to think if it as a win-win situation, that I'll either get over her or she'll come back. But my problem is deep down I don't want to move on because I still love her, and it's like I make myself miserable just so I don't forget about her. I'm even starting to blame myself for it because I noticed her becoming distant and not enjoying time with me and I smothered her. I should have let her be and I might still have her. I'm going to therapy tonorrow so I hope that helps. She used to be so depressed if I wasn't with her for something special or if I was gone for a week or more. She was even upset that I was getting more hours at work and it made me happy because it meant she loved being with me. Now she's gone and totally happy without me and I don't get it.

 

You'd be surprised how many people felt the same exact way you feel now...

 

Hopeless.

 

But trust me this IS a win-win situation, but you need to focus on yourself and only you and let what will be, be.

 

I know it sounds much easier said than done but you just have trust me when I say you have no control over anything but bettering yourself, anything you try to do to make her come back other than genuinely looking to move on with your life without her will only set you back further and cause more pain.

 

Its a story that repeats itself constantly on this forum.

 

You don't need to learn the hard way bro.

[Znder]

The only reason I ask this question is because although my ex had what seemed like quite a few reasons for dumping me, one that included not wanting to be in a serious relationship which I'm not sure is true or not because of the other reason that include me being insecure and jealous and clingy. She never out right said those things but mentioned things that I would do that reference those qualities. I finally actually realize that I was just making myself unnattractive and I know now so I know I can fix those qualities but how can I show her without contact? Or should I ask her out to coffee one day and explain I see the error of my ways? I totally feel like this is all my fault now and I can't get over losing the love of my life because of this stupid mistake. I want her to know that I've reflected the breakup and I now realize what I've done. Please help with advice idk what the best thing to do is for her to see the change. We never see eachother outside of our relationship