Znder Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I'm not sure if my ex is fully over me. She broke up with me two weeks ago because she wanted to party and wasn't ready for a serious relationship. When we were together we we're intensely in love. Even looking at engagement rings. And I remember the way she would look at me and I could just see it in her eyes that she could never love anybody but me. She always wanted me to be with her and her family on events. She finally ended things and I could tell the spark was gone however the night of the break up she tweeted "this is the hardest thing I've ever done" and she texted me saying I need to come get my stuff because it being there is just too hard of a reminder of me. I noticed a week later she started talking to some guy a few days later and she was ignoring my texts so I just went me. I love her so much and I think she likes this guy she even slept with him. But I feel like he's just a rebound and she doesn't realize it. She deleted all our pics from twitter and Instagram I think to convince this guy that he's not a rebound and that she really is over me. Maybe she even thinks she's over me with this guy. I was an amazing bf to her and spent almost every cent on her and all my time. I'm moving on and trying not to wait for her but it hurts thinking that she got over me just like that. The memories of me and her seem to mean nothing to her. It's only been two weeks. Is she ever gonna realize what she gave up and that she still loves me?
Author Znder Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 It was only 6 months but it was the most amazing relationship I've ever had. I know anybody would say things like this after a heart break but I really have never met someone like her. We made SO many memories together in 6 months. We always joked about how it feels like we've been together forever. The guy she likes now is the opposite of me. A jerk. I know even though we had an amazing relationship she would still get over me faster than if we we're together a longer time. I just don't see how she makes it seem like I never even existed after only two weeks.
Shields boy Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I take it she is young if she is not ready for serious relationship. I must say 6 months isn't the longest of ones. I would say this guy is clearly a rebound, but I would not hang around for her. You don't want a girl who cannot handle being single for a couple of weeks. I would say this is the GIGS she is going through. Your best bet will be to heal yourself and give it time before you put yourself back out there. When you meet someone better, I bet this girl will come crawling back.
OwMyEyeball Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 What could she possibly tell you that wouldn't rekindle the possibility of a reconciliation she's not seeking? Or cause you greater harm in admitting truths even she isn't certain of? She's not doing anything to you she's doing it for herself. There's no meaning in her actions that relates to you. Only you create the meaning that right now you see. The relationship is over and as such so are the responsibilities you each held for the other's well being. And even that claim for responsibility is a bit of a stretch for a 6 month relationship. The pain is very real. Accept it. Live it. Express it (non-destructively). And for the sake of your sanity and healing, go No Contact. 1
Author Znder Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 Thank you for your reply. I honestly would have done anything for this girl. To see her seemingly not care about me anymore and she's even already sleeping with some guy she barely knows really hurts. I just hope she realizes what she had with me. At the beginning she wanted a serious relationship but now she has changed her mind. It's just hard for me to believe that she has gotten over me or doesn't love me anymore. I want to believe she's hiding those feelings so the other guy doesn't feel like a rebound because the other day he tweeted "I ain't about to be nobody's rebound" and right after that she deleted all our pics. Maybe she is over me but I want to believe she still misses me
OwMyEyeball Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 It's very understandable and common to experience what you're feeling. Unless she's a sociopath she has not eliminated her feelings for you, but has enough distraction to keep them from bothering her as much as yours are hurting you. Don't take those repressed feelings as a sign of hope. They're now far too confused with her other wills, desires, passions, addictions, habits, values and all those other concepts that define each of us. It's too complicated to salvage. The difference here is that you have an opportunity to grow yourself. An opportunity to better understand yourself and what you want from not just a relationship, but from life. That may seem like a pipe dream from the way you're feeling right now, but the sooner you distance yourself from her - in contact and in thought - and invest in yourself, the sooner you will not just recover, but evolve into a better person. Whatever path she's on that's now her own business and you should make every effort to make sure it's never any of yours. Go full no contact. Get together with friends. Get into your hobbies and passions. If you're not sure what those are, all the better that you're now single to explore them. It's so much harder to truly know who we are when our identity gets caught up into a relationship. 2
Author Znder Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 I cannot thank you enough for that response. I fell for her so hard and now she's gone. I get mad at myself sometimes because I think I should fight for her back or that I could've done something better but I realize it's her choice. She was always kinda depressed with her life because her lack if friends and partying. Now she finally got what she wanted, I just wonder if it'll make her as happy as she thought. I know that happiness comes from within so I just wonder how long it'll take before this new life wares off and she's depressed again because of the lack of people who truly care about her like I did. I'm going full NC however and some days are better than others but I'm hoping to get over her soon. Thank you again that response really boosted my confidence.
Author Znder Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 This was the last text message I sent to her. She never replied just put "one less problem without you" on twitter which hit me hard cuz she was never that cold and mean. Anyways this is the text "Hey.. I can't really do this anymore Aly.. I fell in love with you so hard, and I miss you so much but that's why I have to do this. I want to be friends so bad but I come home every night crying my eyes out and you have no idea how much it hurts that I love you so much. I really do want to wait for you to make a decision but I just can't. It's too hard I can't move on I can't even function. I miss the memories we made and how upset you'd be if I fell asleep on you at night. I miss the way you looked at me in the car and that smile you'd always give me. But that's all gone now and I'm trying to accept it but it's hard for me to when I feel like you're saying I could have that back. You're right tho things are changing and your changing and you wanna go out and do things. I care about you so much and I hope you see what you have with me and try to stop me from leaving but I know it's not that simple so I don't expect it. I don't even wanna hit send I'm balling my eyes out already. But I gotta do what's best for me too and being depressed all day because I can't move on is just terrible. I'd do anything for you, you are my dream girl but I just can't bare this anymore it's too much. I remember after our first date you tweeted "I'd rather go to a movie with you than a big party anytime" and that's what I miss. Not that I don't want you to go to big parties but that you're time with me was better than anything else. I'm just rambling now because I don't wanna hit send. I love you too much to do this but I feel like I'm out of options. It's the little memories like when we went to see million dollar arm an I had the runs and I was so embarrassed, or when we talked in British accents and even made up a story, or when I'd come see you after work and I'd always bring you gum or flowers or candy, or how you always had to sit with your feet on the chair in the movies, and all the spongebob references we made, and who could forget "bro..bro stop" alright I'll stop now and hit send. I just can't wait any longer. Idk if you still care or not but I had to send this."
Author Znder Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and although she had doubts she believed she did the right thing. Although I didn't want this I pretended to agree and we went our seperate ways. However that night I made the rookie mistake of texting her and told her if this is what she wants then okay, but if she has any doubt in her head just give me a second chance. She said to give her some time to think about her decision and maybe we can talk about it. So a few days later we talked about it and we agreed to give eachother more space but not go nc. She had a guy lined up in case we didn't work out she even admited it when we talked. But then we argued over something dumb I dnt even remember and she stormed off not even saying goodbye to me and that was the last I heard from her. So the next day I texted her an over nostalgic text reminding her of our fond memories together and that I can't wait anymore I need to move on. And she ignored it and now I've come to find out through social media she's sleeping with this new guy already. He's obviously a rebound but it still hurts because I still feel strongly about her. We were so in love even talking about moving in together. I believe she ended things because she has gigs. She always complained about how boring her life was and how she wants to party the last few weeks of our relationship. I've seen threads that if you never ask for her back she's guaranteed to come back but I've only asked for a second chance once and now I'm full NC. Did I still already ruin my chances with her even with one attempt. Or is there still hope. I'm not gonna wait around for her I'm still gonna heal and think about myself. Even if she doesn't come back for a relationship will she ever come back to reconcile? Edited August 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Moonborn Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You didn't ruin anything, because there was nothing to be ruined. If she loved you she wouldn't run with that other guy. Stay NC and shut her off from your life until you are back to your feet (which is going to take more than you think it will at the moment). Don't think about reconciliation now. She's gone. She made her choice. There is absolutely nothing you can do to win her back if she doesn't come by herself. Read the stickies in this forum section, they contain useful information that will help you cope with what is happening. I know it seems crazy to think about your life without her now, but it will get better if you stick to no contact.
Moonborn Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I've seen threads that if you never ask for her back she's guaranteed to come back I don't know where you read this, but it is absolutely false. There is no way to guarantee that somebody will come back. They will come back if they want to, not because you did some clever trick or followed a strategy.
Ordinaryday Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I don't know where you read this, but it is absolutely false. There is no way to guarantee that somebody will come back. They will come back if they want to, not because you did some clever trick or followed a strategy. it sounds like the OP is confused or misunderstood some of the advice he has read about NC. while there are no guarantees in NC, people are told not to contact the dumper begging, pleading, with declarations of love, etc, as this will push them FURTHER AWAY. people are told just to leave the dumper alone and try to move on with their life. ironically this is the BEST CHANCE for an ex to come back, if you leave them alone, but it is IN NO WAY GUARANTEED, many exes NEVER come back (mine certainly havent) BUT (a huge but) IF they come back it will be because they are curious about you and how you are going. they WONT be curious about you if you keep bombarding them with texts or begging them to come back. sounds like the OP misunderstood a post about the BEST WAY to get an ex to come back (which is in no way guaranteed) and took it as a given.
Chi townD Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 It totally baffles me that people will want to go NC with the mindset of getting back with their Ex's. In this case, an Ex that's bored and wants to party (without you) and is screwing the first person she meets after she left without any consideration to your feelings. The one thing you should be considering is going NC to heal from this relationship because you need to know that there are a TON of other girls out there that won't treat you the same way your Ex treated you. Girls that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and the only thing that is required is that you extend them the same respect.
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You did all the right things to bring about a reconciliation. You didn't cause the break up. The fact that she already had a new guy lined up tells me she was farther out the door then you realized. She knows where you stand. Don't chase her. Keep your dignity. 1
Author Znder Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Thanks for all the responses guys! I want to move on and make myself a better person but I do still love her. I've read guides saying go NC for 30-60 days then initiate contact and that's how you get them back. I've heard others however say that you should wait for the dumper to contact you and never make first contact. I know I should just get over her but my question is what is my best option of getting her back out of those options?
FortunateSon Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Both times reconciliation was attempted after my two long term relationships, it was the dumper who contacted me. In both instances the reconciliations failed after about about a year and a half after their old patterns reemerged. If she is sleeping with a new guy already as you mentioned, it is probably best move on and find someone else new, it will never be the same again with your ex long term and the trust will be gone.
Author Znder Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and now seems to be on the rebound with some new guy who is the opposite of me. I did everything for her and spent every penny I made on her because money didn't matter when I was with her I just truly loved her and for awhile she felt the same way. She broke up with me to live her single young life and not feel like she had to settle down so young. I understand her point but why give up someone who cared about her like i do. Anyways it's been 6 days of nc and I don't expect her to miss me soon but she seemed to move on quickly and I know she can't be over me already so when will she begin to grieve or miss me? A month? A year? Never?
Author Znder Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 And will she miss me sooner because of the rebound or will it take longer to miss me now that she is in the rebound.
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 She'll miss you when you're gone & completely over her. That always seems to be the case. If and when they do come back, it's too late. I'm sorry. My ex did this to me too, except he had already met a girl before we split up. I found out they were involved the same week he and I stopped talking. That was in January. Ya...he's been with her every since. He never stopped contacting me. In fact, he showed up where I work a few weeks ago, shocked the sh it outa me. He desperately wants to have his cake & eat it too. Just leave her be. Remind yourself, she moved on rather quickly so you couldn't have meant all that much to her in the first place. Feel better champ.
onoff Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 It really depends on how long you two have been together and how the relationship fell apart. How old were you two, was there a sizeable age difference? More often that not, she will miss you eventually (if she doesn't already). But I have a question for you OP. Do you really want her back? If she was able to move on to a rebound guy within two weeks, perhaps she does not love you the way you do.
erklat Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 He doesn't love her either but is afraid of loneliness and is panicking now. I had a gf who loved me endlessly. After we broke up she ended with a rebound aafter trying to reconcile for about a month. They were together for more than a year. They broke up not a while ago and I have a chance now, but I'm not 100% sure. BUT I would probably contact her if not for this forum where I learned how selfish breadcrumbs are.
Author Znder Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 We weren't together for an extreme amount of time, it was 6 months, but we were so compatible, we even did the cliche ending eachothers sentences. There's no doubt in my mind that she loved me more than anything. We broke up because she thought it was right. Were both 18 and she didn't want to feel like she was being tied down in a serious relationship. I tried to compromise and tell her I dnt mind if she goes out and parties cuz I trusted her but she didn't want that. She went from wanting to marry me and being excited she would spend her life with me to just wanting to party without me. And I believe she moved onto this guy because she can't be lonely or she gets really depressed. Even when we were together I had to leave for a couple weeks and she was home alone and she was crying her eyes out every night so I don't think she likes this guy as much as she wants or thinks she does she just has separation anxiety so she got with the first decent guy she met. I did everything and anything for her when will she realize what she lost.
erklat Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Either way you're both still very young. I don't see a live happily ever after epilogue here because of that. Better learn your lesson that woman 18-22 are fickle and have that in mind for future.
somedude81 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 It's been 8 months since my ex dumped me and she has never contacted me. Don't hold your breath.
Recommended Posts