This is a Warning.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I visit loveshack.org every now & then to follow up on my past threads and also to read other members stories, as well as to keep myself in check when it comes to relationships & relationship issues, and due to my own experiences with break ups and other similar situations in life, I have acquired a lot of invaluable knowledge.

 

So I am writing this as a warning to anyone who is dying for a second chance to try and “work things out” with their ex.

 

Getting back with an ex is a miserable process.

 

When people tell you things will never be the same, they are right.

 

Things will NEVER be the same.

 

Once the break up occurs, that relationship is dead, it’s over, it’s finished, there is no going back.

 

There normally is one reason why a break up occurs:

 

The attraction is gone.

 

Whatever way to want to spin it, that’s the reason,

 

And in most cases, the dumper ends up banging someone else shortly after the break up.

 

Now the attraction can come back, normally when the dumper starts missing the dumpee, as long as the dumpee maintains NC and doesn’t beg, plead, remain friends, etc.

 

The dumper may even want to reconcile, & in most cases the dumpee will welcome them back with open arms…

 

However.

 

To forgive is one thing; to forget is a whole other story.

 

You are kidding yourself to think that you can just suppress the fact that your love has been deflowered by someone other than you.

 

It’s an image that will be burnt in the back of your mind, possibly forever.

It’s an extremely difficult process to forget, and is the main reason why so many attempted reconciliations don’t actually reconcile.

 

Because you don’t trust them.

 

You can try to convince them, yourself and anyone who doubts it that you do.

 

But deep down, seeded deep within your subconscious... (Sometimes not so deep) you don’t trust them.

 

How could you?

 

If you were dumped you are always going to have the thought of them with someone else in the back of your mind.

 

You are always going to be wondering whether or not they are going to up and leave again.

 

This is where the over-thinking starts, the insecurity, as well as the insanity that you drive yourself into during the whole process.

 

You are always going to be playing games, either with them or in your mind.

 

It’s very hard to feel the same security that you did before the break up, because the security is literally broken.

 

Even if everything appears to be all rainbows and butterflies again, it’s not the same, you know it & they know it too.

 

I do believe true love conquers all & there are plenty of couples that do work it out, get married, have kids, etc.

 

but true love is a rarity and may take a lifetime to find, if ever.

 

In most cases, its best to save yourself the misery...

 

Start over and move on.

 

You’ll thank me later.

[SoThatHappened]

I generally agree with most of that, but not everything you wrote is an absolute.

 

There are so many variables to people and their relationships.

 

Again, I agree with you, but the statements aren't 100% one-size-fits-all.

 

Good post though.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I generally agree with most of that, but not everything you wrote is an absolute.

 

There are so many variables to people and their relationships.

 

Again, I agree with you, but the statements aren't 100% one-size-fits-all.

 

Good post though.

 

 

You're right, *I may have come off more absolute than I wanted too, & I do believe you can work things out with an ex and live happily ever after if the love is strong

 

 

& truly there on both ends.

 

 

 

However for the majority, This is what they will experience once they have their foot back in the door

[erklat]

You are so right.

 

How do you cope with the lack of trust ?

 

If that even happens to me I have already grew so far in resenting her.

[Dork Vader]

I agree with most of what you said. How ever I am unsure if attraction is the root cause of all splits. I suppose that depends on how you define attraction. But I think interest is more appropriate.

 

 

I will dump girl friends because they are dishonest. It does not mean I do not find attractive. I simply feel I can not trust them. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with them.

 

 

Can the attraction come back? I suppose it's possible.. Will things always be tainted by the past experience sure.. You're damn straight if they sleep with another person I will not look at the same way.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You are so right.

 

How do you cope with the lack of trust ?

 

If that even happens to me I have already grew so far in resenting her.

 

It takes a real sincere effort on the dumpers part to make the dumpee feel secure, and its still hard to get past what has happened since the breakup.

 

Once the euphoria of a second chance fades, the reality of the situation sets in.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I agree with most of what you said. How ever I am unsure if attraction is the root cause of all splits. I suppose that depends on how you define attraction. But I think interest is more appropriate.

 

 

I will dump girl friends because they are dishonest. It does not mean I do not find attractive. I simply feel I can not trust them. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with them.

 

 

Can the attraction come back? I suppose it's possible.. Will things always be tainted by the past experience sure.. You're damn straight if they sleep with another person I will not look at the same way.

 

Eh, interest, attraction whatever you wanna call it, when people do ugly things they become ugly to me.

 

pretty is as pretty does, at least when it comes to people I want to be involved with.

 

Either way, I think it depends really on what happened to cause the break up, and what happens shortly after.

[SoThatHappened]

It takes a real sincere effort on the dumpers part to make the dumpee feel secure, and its still hard to get past what has happened since the breakup.

 

And who wants to spend the time and energy allowing someone to get your trust back.

 

Eff 'em... Use that time to spend it with someone better.

 

I'm not against second chances, but after being burned... not worth my effort to "allow" someone to try to make me trust them again. I have better things to do.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

And who wants to spend the time and energy allowing someone to get your trust back.

 

Eff 'em... Use that time to spend it with someone better.

 

I'm not against second chances, but after being burned... not worth my effort to "allow" someone to try to make me trust them again. I have better things to do.

 

Exactly.

[No Limit]

I wish a friend of mine didn't get back together with her ex. Turns out she isn't as mature in relationships (likes to play "games") as she is normally.

 

Well, her game worked at the beginning of this year; after she met with a guy a few times her ex just drove to her house and cheated on his GF with her. Broke up with her a day later and got together with my friend, who didn't care one bit about the cheating part.

 

To have more time for her oh so great boyfriend who loves her and only her (in reality he's a rude idiot who isn't liked by anyone but her, but my friend somehow takes that as a compliment and confirmation that they are "soul mates") she left a job she waited months for and then kept looking and just took whatever she got. Once again she has been bullied out of her latest job and is once again unemployed. On top of that, a few days ago - after months of no contact because her BF dislikes me as much as I dislike him - she called me again, we chatted for a while and she told me that she's getting sick of his moods and they just annoy each other.

 

Short; their relationship is breaking down again for the same reasons it did the last time and she sacrificed an awesome job and many friends for it. Not worth it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I wish a friend of mine didn't get back together with her ex. Turns out she isn't as mature in relationships (likes to play "games") as she is normally.

 

Well, her game worked at the beginning of this year; after she met with a guy a few times her ex just drove to her house and cheated on his GF with her. Broke up with her a day later and got together with my friend, who didn't care one bit about the cheating part.

 

To have more time for her oh so great boyfriend who loves her and only her (in reality he's a rude idiot who isn't liked by anyone but her, but my friend somehow takes that as a compliment and confirmation that they are "soul mates") she left a job she waited months for and then kept looking and just took whatever she got. Once again she has been bullied out of her latest job and is once again unemployed. On top of that, a few days ago - after months of no contact because her BF dislikes me as much as I dislike him - she called me again, we chatted for a while and she told me that she's getting sick of his moods and they just annoy each other.

 

Short; their relationship is breaking down again for the same reasons it did the last time and she sacrificed an awesome job and many friends for it. Not worth it.

 

 

 

 

great example. & definitely not worth it.

 

 

 

 

like I said, once the initial excitement & euphoria wears off after getting a second chance, & the reality sets in and you see things for what they really are.