5 years together - I went NC, she wants to reconcidle, I'm not so sure about it.

[petspaan123]

I've been dating with my girlfriend for approx 5 years now. I'm 23, she is 20. We started to date when I was 18 and she was 15! We have had some on/off periods, lately. Mostly becuase she cheated on me few years ago and I went extremely needy/insecure about her. She has always came back to me, no matter what I do.

 

Lately, she has been hiding her phone from me and it has been made me even more insecure about it. She wants to get married with me, but at the same time acts very immature. I snooped on her and found out that she has been flirting with another guy for a while.

 

Few weeks ago she told me that she wants some space and she isn't sure about me.

 

She accused me of being too insecure and nervous all the time. I accused her for not putting enough effort in this relationship. Trust is VERY important factor for me, but it seems like she is a bit slutty and likes to flirt a lot. I guess she found a rebound, I quickly agreed that this relationship isn't THAT good and we really need that break. Then I went NC for 10 days and during that time she got her stuff from the apartment. She has been sending me some "I miss you", "we should get back together" text messages, but I have been numb. I told her that this is an ongoing issue and we really need to fix eachother before we dive into relationship again.

 

She left some of her stuff in my apartment and we agreed on a meetup tomorrow. I'm going to give her stuff and she is going to hand me the apartment key.

 

Now, I know she will start talking about "us" and the "relationship" and I'M NOT SURE HOW TO ACT....

 

I really want to keep NC for a while, at least 21 days, preferably more because I'm pretty unhappy in this relationship. It seems that she has been taken me for granted and doesn't put much effort in it. And I think that I'm the only one who is really trying to get this to another level (marriage, kids) although she wants to engage.

 

Too long/didn't read:

 

Dated gf 5 years. Had some on/off periods. I went insecure, she started to flirt with another guys and is hiding her phone. She told me she wants a break. 10 days NC = she wants to talk about "us" and "fix" our relationship. I have a feeling that she is not ready for that and still needs some time to be without me. We are going to meet tomorrow for the (last?) time. What should I do, how should I act?

 

I really love that girl, but I don't want to get into toxic relationship.

 

Thanks.

[Chi townD]

You're already in a toxic relationship. She cheated on you and you stayed. She's been hiding her phone and you discovered that she flirting with another dude (I guess she forgot about the pain and misery you felt when she cheated on you the first time). She asked for "a break". Take a scientific wild ass guess she went the night she broke up with you? Dollars to donuts, it was right into the bed of the guy she was flirting with.

 

 

But, she probably discovered that he just wanted to "hit it and quit it" and she found out that this guy isn't dating material. And now she's trying to come back to her doormat. Now, How is that fair to you?

 

 

Problem is, you were dedicated to the girl you promised to be exclusive with. She didn't share that same dedication. She's always kept her eye out for "the next best thing".

 

 

Dude, she seems very immature and doesn't know what the hell she wants and that's unfair to you and you shouldn't have to deal with that! Yes, 5 years is a long time and it's going to take a long time to heal from this. But, THIS WASN'T YOUR FAULT!!!! You did nothing wrong to deserve to be cheated on.

 

 

So, the choice is yours. Do you want to stay with a girl that cheats on you and isn't as into you as you are of her? Or, do you take the tools that we can give you to help you heal and move on?