Boymeetsgirl Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I know this is a dumb question.. But recently since finding out my ex girlfriend is dating the guy I always suspected I've pretended to be cool with it and told her I would still like to be friends etc. Even asked a few times lately if she wants to meet. Had 2 months no contact before that though. I've said today that I'll be here for her if she needs me! I'm feeling like this is all school boy errors. I actually would have her back which is the annoying thing. I still partly blame myself for neglecting her towards the end of our over 1 year relationship. But we moved to different states and didn't see each other for months.. even though she tried so hard to meet me I kept stalling it. 3 months later and I start getting less and less contact when we were in constant contact everyday.. so I panicked and insisted we met and told her all the 'I love you's' I had in me. obviously to no avail. Literally devastated.. still am! But I feel like I shouldn't be so nice and act like a pussy! Should I just tell her exactly how I feel.. Angry, disappointed, I think what she did was a horrible thing as it was obvious she was becoming more than just friends and used other excuses for the break up. I feel like laying it all out and telling her that I love her but how she treated me at the end was such a low thing to do. Basically saying I didn't trust her was part of her BU reasoning.. but I was right all along! Exact guy we argued over she's now with!! WTF Can't sleep properly, eat properly, concentrate and constantly thinking of her.. this is almost 3 months since the BU
Justsimplyliving Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Honestly man, I am going through it right now. Let it go your going to wander to many things and its going to melt your brain. I am doing it right now wondering if she strung me along and now finally found something different so she pushed me to the curb. If you really want her back don't I repeat don't agree or want to be friends or that is exactly where you will end up. You need to go NC do not talk to her just don't do it it makes this whole process so much worse. I am struggling I really am I know she is trying to be with someone else whether it admitted or not. You need to respect yourself before you respect anyone else. Give your heart a break if she wants to come back to you she will. Distant yourself if shes going to come to you let her do it herself.
PegNosePete Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Why would you want to get angry? What will that achieve? Bring her running back to your arms? Seems unlikely. Why would you want ot stay friends? What will that achieve? It will just make you more depressed as she tells you all about the problems she's having with her new bf (that's what friends talk about right?). No, neither of these options is good for you. The best is to simply cut contact and move on. 1
ThorntonMelon Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I know this is a dumb question.. But recently since finding out my ex girlfriend is dating the guy I always suspected I've pretended to be cool with it and told her I would still like to be friends etc. Even asked a few times lately if she wants to meet.Very Bad. Had 2 months no contact before that though.That's good - and you survived, so you know you can do it. I've said today that I'll be here for her if she needs me! I'm feeling like this is all school boy errors. I actually would have her back which is the annoying thing.Not good. I still partly blame myself for neglecting her towards the end of our over 1 year relationship. But we moved to different states and didn't see each other for months.. even though she tried so hard to meet me I kept stalling it. 3 months later and I start getting less and less contact when we were in constant contact everyday.. so I panicked and insisted we met and told her all the 'I love you's' I had in me. obviously to no avail. Literally devastated.. still am!Sounds like her version of LS gave her advice and she took it. Good lesson for your future. But I feel like I shouldn't be so nice and act like a pussy! Should I just tell her exactly how I feel..No. She knows how you feel. Angry, disappointed, I think what she did was a horrible thing as it was obvious she was becoming more than just friends and used other excuses for the break up. I feel like laying it all out and telling her that I love her but how she treated me at the end was such a low thing to do. Either you mean what you said above about taking responsibility for your actions and understanding you may have pushed her away, or you don't. Until you resolve that you're not going to move forward. Basically saying I didn't trust her was part of her BU reasoning.. but I was right all along! Exact guy we argued over she's now with!! WTF Can't sleep properly, eat properly, concentrate and constantly thinking of her.. this is almost 3 months since the BU Nothing about this is abnormal for three months out. If you can get therapy, do it. See your friends, get exercise, etc. Know you're going to meet someone else and when you do, you want to treat them right so you're not back here after someone else ends things because you didn't know what you wanted. Good luck.
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Honestly man, I am going through it right now. Let it go your going to wander to many things and its going to melt your brain. I am doing it right now wondering if she strung me along and now finally found something different so she pushed me to the curb. If you really want her back don't I repeat don't agree or want to be friends or that is exactly where you will end up. You need to go NC do not talk to her just don't do it it makes this whole process so much worse. I am struggling I really am I know she is trying to be with someone else whether it admitted or not. You need to respect yourself before you respect anyone else. Give your heart a break if she wants to come back to you she will. Distant yourself if shes going to come to you let her do it herself. So how do I take away the friendship I've already offered and we've agreed on? She probably just see's me as an annoying pussy that can't get over her and keeps messaging (meeting with mutual friends soon and I invited her a few times ) have done 2 month NC but she probably didn't even realize as she's all happy with the new dude! I thought offering friendship and support if she needed it was the mature thing to do and I didn't want to become the bitter ex BF acting childish.
Zahara Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 So how do I take away the friendship I've already offered and we've agreed on? She probably just see's me as an annoying pussy that can't get over her and keeps messaging (meeting with mutual friends soon and I invited her a few times ) have done 2 month NC but she probably didn't even realize as she's all happy with the new dude! I thought offering friendship and support if she needed it was the mature thing to do and I didn't want to become the bitter ex BF acting childish. You offered "friendship" because you hoped that the little open door would help your chances with reconciliation. It wasn't the mature thing to do, it's what you do when you're fearful of letting go. Now that the "friendship" avenue didn't work it's charm, you're wanting to lash out and tell how you feel because you're bitter and angry. There was no friendship. You can't have a friendship with someone when you are emotional about them. She's in a relationship. Time for you to just fall off the radar.
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Very Bad. That's good - and you survived, so you know you can do it. Not good. Sounds like her version of LS gave her advice and she took it. Good lesson for your future. No. She knows how you feel. Either you mean what you said above about taking responsibility for your actions and understanding you may have pushed her away, or you don't. Until you resolve that you're not going to move forward. Nothing about this is abnormal for three months out. If you can get therapy, do it. See your friends, get exercise, etc. Know you're going to meet someone else and when you do, you want to treat them right so you're not back here after someone else ends things because you didn't know what you wanted. Good luck. Thank you for the break down of my post.. makes a lot of sense! I know I just need time. But it's hard to let go of someone you deeply love.. and then the new BF bombshell throws up so many more mixed emotions of heartache, pain and questions.
Author Boymeetsgirl Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) You offered "friendship" because you hoped that the little open door would help your chances with reconciliation. It wasn't the mature thing to do, it's what you do when you're fearful of letting go. Now that the "friendship" avenue didn't work it's charm, you're wanting to lash out and tell how you feel because you're bitter and angry. There was no friendship. You can't have a friendship with someone when you are emotional about them. She's in a relationship. Time for you to just fall off the radar. Makes a lot of sense.. thank you! I know I need to just pick myself up and man up! I did offer friendship for the slim chance of getting her back. You saw right through me. Should I just drop off the edge of the earth? Or should I actually say something about being friends isn't going to work for me? Should I delete off facebook? Whole 9 yards? Edited August 5, 2014 by Boymeetsgirl
Zahara Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Makes a lot of sense.. thank you! I know I need to just pick myself up and man up! I did offer friendship for the slim chance of getting her back. You saw right through me. Should I just drop off the edge of the earth? Or should I actually say something about being friends isn't going to work for me? Should I delete off facebook? Whole 9 yards? Yes, drop off and start focusing on your healing and moving on. No need to let her know that the friendship isn't working when you never had a friendship to begin with, in the real sense. Block FB, her number, etc. Start fresh. Make this day 1 of your new beginning.
bubbaganoosh Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Look. If she's seeing a guy that you thought she was messing with while you were with her, then she lied to you. Is that what you want in a woman? The only way out of this mess is by just moving on and let her go. You'll find the right girl but not until you end all of this with your ex. If it means going no contact and stopping the friendship, then do it. Right now you have to be number one in your life because in her eyes, you aren't.
ThorntonMelon Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 You should live your life without her in it. If she were to get in contact and told you she loved you and would do anything to make things right between you, well, you could consider it. Consider that your gift to her. You don't need to send her anything.
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 You offered friendship. Okay, but let me ask you this. Since you offered up this friendship, how many times has she texted you or called you first? I'm going to take a stab at it and say......none! Or maybe even once. She's not taking your offer of friendship seriously. I seriously doubt she'll be missing you if you started NC; especially if she discovers that you know about this other dude and that you discovered that you were right all along. She'd rather not try to explain and lie to you again. Time to heal and move on, dude!
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