USMCHokie Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 lol that's not a very good reason why to do it lol.. just cuz guys do? so what? No, your reason to do it is because you're very attracted to him.
jay1983 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I am a straight guy and I am not interested in sex just for sex's sake. I tried it, and it's not for me. So there you go. Not everybody is the same. Of course this is the internet. People rob and kill other people all the time. I guess it's time for me to go to the local bank with a gun and get some cash? That's a great comparison. sarcasm 1
Wisecrack Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 As the famous motto says 'just do it' but make it clear to him you're not looking for anything more. Simply do what girls do when a guy gets attached and she is not interested and hopefully he will get the message. If not, it'll be valuable experience to the guy for personal growth in my opinion. 1
isisisweeping Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Such great advice in such few words. You're absolutely right. I'm not obligated to watch out for anyone's feelings. I beg to differ. We are responsible for doing the best we can not to hurt other people. That means HONESTY immediately even if it might cost you the sex. It even means if he says he's okay with it but acts as if he thinks it may win you over to him, and you know it won't, cutting him off. Let's be good people, here. Being good is not just the absence of being outright despicable. 5
ascendotum Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Just bang him. Who cares? If he gets hurt, it will be because he invested way too much way too quickly and set himself up for a fall. He needs to learn not to do that. Same goes for women then too. Its on them if the hope for more and get disappointed, though in this case she knows its a sure thing he will get get heartbroken when she skips out of his life on onto the next guy. Some guys wouldn't mind it, but others wont. I had a fling with a girl I was gaga over who was taking a break from her usual type. I don't regret it one bit, as I was already smitten with her anyway and was going to really miss her when she moved interstate. As long as she is upfront, let him make the decision and he can't whinge.
MGX Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Don't do it, It sounds like you know he'll get hurt. You can easily find a man to have unattached sex with. Yeah. I'm sure she can find plenty of other willing participants. Just bang him. Who cares? If he gets hurt, it will be because he invested way too much way too quickly and set himself up for a fall. He needs to learn not to do that. That advice sounds so selfish, Ronald. Hopeful shouldn't go out to hurt people to satisfy her own gratification. Better she tell the guy her actual intentions upfront NOW than deal with the resulting drama LATER. 1
Tbisb74 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 And I think you will find that the advice would be the same, in either situation, as a recent thread indicated. It's the same advice given in FWB threads. If there's emotional involvement on one side only, it becomes wrong. So guys, stop with the complaints. You know its irrational. Honestly, all these "if the situation was reversed, the advice would be different' complaints: I have sincerely never seen it to any degree here. And if it HAS happened, (rarely!) there have been enough arguments from same-gender members saying it's wrong to be biased....
littleplanet Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 OP, The opposite of being honest is pretending that you feel something you don't. If you're not comfortable with that, then your course of action is pretty obvious. That being said - I doubt he's made of porcelin and liable to break... (or is he?) You see - if he knows you're ravenously attracted to him, but adverse to any relationship development.....and he happens to be attracted to you....then the ball is back in his court. He's the one who gets to decide whether to take the tumble, or not. He retains the dignity of his own informed choice. And if he's just too damned attracted to turn you down in spite of..... well then - but regardless, you both get to act like informed adults. Assuming the outcome beforehand......could very well be the mood-killer. (but laws of attraction tend to get outlaws arrested.) 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Recently I met a great guy, and I'm into him. I'm attracted to him, we share similar outlooks on life ladida and all those details. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I'm incredibly attracted to him. I want to sleep with him. My dilemma is here. He likes me more than just for sex. I fear that if I sleep with him, I might end up hurting him far more because what I want from him is carnal, and what he wants from me is a bit more than that. We haven't slept together yet, and I'm afraid that if we do, he might latch on and hope for more and i'll just end up "breaking his heart" when really all I wanted was sex. How do I approach this situation without hurting him? Should I voice that I just want to bang him? (kills the mood though) Or should I just go through with it and express my intentions only if things start to get complicated? Wish I could just go ahead and do it, unfortunately I'm far too sympathetic and refrain from doing what I want because I don't want to hurt others. *sigh* Sucks being one of the good guys Are you really asking this question as a woman? this is a man we're talking about, right? This is one of the luxuries you have as a woman, being able to have sex with no-string as most men are pretty willing, and since most guys are used to hearing women looking for a relationship/something serious/long-term/marriage you might be a much needed break from that...stress free situation, in theory anyway. Look, if he's a nice guy he might actually get hurt because he's more likely to chase after you and want more from you then...if he's your normal everyday joe then he's going to be perfectly fine...however if he's the type of guy that has a big ego he's not going to be happy with you just wanting sex, he's going to make you want more and then ditch you. But...I'll tell you right now, a lot of women say "I'm not looking for a relationship right now or anything serious" and then lo and behold then magically find themselves "in love"...it really depends on the guys behavior, I think that's the biggest factor there...not many women that I've heard from men say how a woman actually stuck to not wanting anything serious, it's a pretty common topic...most will tell you they say that at first and then just end up wanting a relationship, the only time I see it go against the man in that situation is when the girl doesn't feel as strongly about the guy as he does, and that's usually the nice kind of guy that attaches to women or tries to save them from themselves, and want to be heroic and fix you. I'd say just have sex with him and see what happens, if you tell him ahead of time you want nothing serious it might actually be relief and make him stick around longer instead of feeling like he has to run away as soon as he bangs you to avoid you catching feelings. I question the legitimacy of this post, but whatever, that's the answer. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 But...I'll tell you right now, a lot of women say "I'm not looking for a relationship right now or anything serious" and then lo and behold then magically find themselves "in love"... That's an extreme generalization. You should be careful with that, cuz you're severely mistaken. There are just as many men who find themselves in the exact situation. I think it's very narrow-minded to assume it only applies to women.. I guess I should have cleared up that I don't want a relationship or anything serious with HIM. He's not the kind of guy I would want to bring home or display as being the man by my side. Just like how there are women that you can see yourself marrying vs just banging, there is the same equivalent for women. There are men we can have awesome sex with, and there are men we can see ourselves as being partners with. This post is about a man I may potentially have awesome sex with. I'm not worried about developing feelings... 3
isisisweeping Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 With the title of the thread, I was hoping I could use this But I cannot advise it! Not without fully being brutally clear with him first
RedRobin Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 It's highly likely that he is only saying he wants a relationship because that is what he thinks women want to hear, or he wants the option of that... and that is what gets a lot of guys laid... when deep down, all he is looking for is sex too. You don't know him well enough to know what his real intentions are. In the beginning, lots of people say things they want to be true or may be lying outright. You just don't know. My only advice is that you be consistent in YOUR words and actions, and be upfront. But give him the courtesy of making the best decision for himself... just in case what he is saying isn't BS. 1
BikerAccnt Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I can't see any guy turning down sex. Really? You're obviously young. I've turned down sex when I'm not interested in a woman. At least, now that I'm older I have. Sex is much better if I'm invested in someone. Much, much better.
jay1983 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Really? You're obviously young. I've turned down sex when I'm not interested in a woman. At least, now that I'm older I have. Sex is much better if I'm invested in someone. Much, much better. I'm 31. Did you read what she wrote? He likes her.
mtber75 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I can't see any guy turning down sex. I turned down sex before... Only because she was pretty wasted and I didn't want to deal with the consequences! 1
jay1983 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I turned down sex before... Only because she was pretty wasted and I didn't want to deal with the consequences! I was referring more the OP's situation.
RonaldS Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Yeah. I'm sure she can find plenty of other willing participants. That advice sounds so selfish, Ronald. Hopeful shouldn't go out to hurt people to satisfy her own gratification. Better she tell the guy her actual intentions upfront NOW than deal with the resulting drama LATER. It's really not selfish at all. In general, as a society, we have become very emotionally soft. We want instant gratification, instant value, instant ROI, instant fulfillment and we expect to not suffer any losses in the process. Further, we go to great lengths to shield ourselves from pain. Therefore, when the inevitable losses occur, we aren't equipped to handle them. Pain, loss, hurt, disappointment....these are real world things that can (and probably will) happen to all of us. Best that we learn to cope. If somebody builds something into something it is not because they haven't learned to temper their enthusiasm and expectations and they end up being bitten in the ass....well, those are the breaks. Live and learn. And I think we build this idea of 'hurting' somebody, in a relationship sense, into something way bigger than it is. We're not talking about life or death, we're not taking about terminal illness. We're not talking about imprisoning and torturing somebody. We're talking about whether or not a relationship with another person works out. Nobody dies from not having a relationship work out (at least not directly). And people who do shelter themselves from pain...they actaully end up hurting more in the long run. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Tell him the truth, and let him decide. But I wouldn't advise you to move forward with this. I've been in your situation, and though the guy said he was totally cool with it, in time he told me he was falling in love with me, then when I stopped seeing him because I did not feel the same way, all his anger issues and craziness came out, and he accused me of using him. Up front he had given his full and eager consent to participate. 2
slizl Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I wish there were more women in the world like you:laugh: 1
Potz4prez Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Holy ****, this thread... OP, be up front, sleep with him if he's still down (and you don't think he's crazy). He's an adult. He can make his own decisions. Don't let an internet forum cockblock him and yourself without giving the guy a say. 1
preraph Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 No matter what you tell him, if you have sex with him, he's not going to believe it if he doesn't want to believe it. You never said why you're not interested in a relationship with the guy. If you do this to a guy who has a real obsession with you, well, you're seen Law & Order. He might never go away no matter how much you want him to. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 That's an extreme generalization. You should be careful with that, cuz you're severely mistaken. There are just as many men who find themselves in the exact situation. I think it's very narrow-minded to assume it only applies to women.. I don't see nearly as many men fall into this situation as I do women. From discussing topics with men and women, it's far more common to hear men complaining about feeling pressured to commit than it is for women. For women it tends to be more situational, case maybe here or there, but for men it's typically a common theme. Yes, women can have their own individual experiences and perspectives, but in general I'm very confident in my assessment overall as a whole. And that's even keeping it mind I've known a few female players who had a pretty good hold on men. I guess I should have cleared up that I don't want a relationship or anything serious with HIM. He's not the kind of guy I would want to bring home or display as being the man by my side. Just like how there are women that you can see yourself marrying vs just banging, there is the same equivalent for women. There are men we can have awesome sex with, and there are men we can see ourselves as being partners with. I think that was clear and I understand what you're saying, I'd like to be able to say that this is something I have seen happen... a woman makes a statement, holds true to it no matter what, even if she does catch feelings...but the reality often is she does not, maybe you're a different kind of woman but unfortunately I tend to see all reason go out the window or what was said before once feelings are involved...but I don't know you on that level personally I'm just telling you what I know and feel very confident about, so if I had to place bet on a situation like this just knowing nothing about why you don't want a relationship, what your history is like, what kind of person you are...in general my bet would never go in favor of the woman, even if here and there it was on the man...in the end I know I'd be far more ahead than my losses, it's a no-brainer of a bet for me. This post is about a man I may potentially have awesome sex with. I'm not worried about developing feelings.. Don't know why you feel so confident in that, maybe you don't see something or feel something you'll feel a few months from now...maybe the sex will play tricks on your mind if it is that amazing, maybe you'll see some endearing and compensating qualities you didn't see before, maybe you'll find something out about him that makes you see him in a different light as a man. I'm just saying, these are the kinds of things I see happen...maybe you're immune to that, maybe you just know he really isn't relationship material but like i said, I've not seen that stop a lot of women into thinking something could still develop even if they genuinely felt they were serious at the time about not falling...so unless you're a player, I wouldn't ride it off just yet. .... Another thing is, If you reject this guy for a relationship it can trigger a lot of reactions from men that has not a whole lot to do with you, because that doesn't necessarily mean he's necessarily crazy about you or that into...so I guess without understanding or even acknowledging any difference, you might potentially see that all men who chase are genuinely invested...which would help in understanding why you might see more of a balance to this equation.
Author Hopeful30 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 I Don't know why you feel so confident in that, maybe you don't see something or feel something you'll feel a few months from now...maybe the sex will play tricks on your mind if it is that amazing, maybe you'll see some endearing and compensating qualities you didn't see before, maybe you'll find something out about him that makes you see him in a different light as a man. Why is it so shocking that a woman thinks this way? And why does it matter why I don't see relationship material in him? I just don't. Also, your basing you generalizations on what you read online, and keep in mind that most men who are heartbroken over falling in love with a f*ck buddy (for example) don't exactly go on forums and cry about it. Women are more likely to do this because we are more expressive of our feelings. So although your generalization may hold true with your personal experiences, it's extremely biased because online forums aren't the best example of the majority of people. If anything, it's an example of the kind of people who choose the internet to cope/get advice/talk to others. So if women are more likely to fall inlove, you should specify women who go online to talk about these things, not all women.
Imajerk17 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 I am confused. If he is such a great guy whom you have so much in common with, then I am not seeing why you don't actually want *him* as your boyfriend. If there are "lots of red flags" which I somehow suspect there are, then I'm not seeing how anything good can come from you getting further involved. 1
BikerAccnt Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 I'm 31. Did you read what she wrote? He likes her. 31 is young...and yeah, he likes her, as relationship material. Not as FWB. If I liked someone, but knew they only wanted sex with me and no relationship, I wouldn't sleep with them. Regardless of if I wanted sex with them or not. If the sex came sans relationship, I'd pass. 1
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