JustSomeGuyHere Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Just wondering if anyone has EVER not regretted it?
Jenmarie Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Yes. I was in NC for nearly three months. In those three months, I made sure to focus on self improvement. Sure, it was hard (we were together for two years and I was the dumpee) but I made sure I kept myself busy with friends, family, hobbies, interests and I just purely focused on myself. It was really hard for me not to break it but I managed not to for months. I eventually broke NC, by texting him and spoke of a mutual interest and didn't mention the break up at all. I ended the conversation shortly after on a lighter note, then he asked if we could talk more and I agreed. We eventually got back together and we are still together to this day. I'm usually against breaking NC, because our emotions get the best of us and backtrack ourselves by breaking it, but I definitely don't regret it because we got back together on good terms and we took care of the problems that caused us to break up while we were apart. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself, and work on self improvement while in NC. Don't count down the days, start living and gain your independence back. 1
bulldogz Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Wow, awesome story in post #2. Nice to see something like that every once in a while. But to the OP... When I broke NC about 128 times in six weeks, it became a trainwreck that I don't think even Chris Pine and Denzel Washington could stop (reference to movie Unstoppable) It didn't help that I had very little post-BU experience, and that the BU preceeded an anniversary of a death in my family, and that I was drinking more than usual, and lost control of my nicotine patch habit, and was very sad, and hopeless, etc. Umm yeah, if you can do better than my sad story, good luck. 1
Dork Vader Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I'll let you know in a few weeks. I just broke NC with an ex I have not spoken to in over 7 years. I was absolutely in love with her. It took me a long time to get to a point in which I could date again. I heard rumors she was heart broken. But we had to go our separate ways.. We'll see where it goes though I'm thinking at the moment it's going no place. She asked me if I was still dating I said ya.. Gave her my number and told her to text me sometime. For the most part my NC back to communication has not gone well for me. I've done it a few times and it just never pans out.
Author JustSomeGuyHere Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 I've never actually regretted it. It feels good to inject the drug, but it will kill you in the end. Wow...Ouch.
Ordinaryday Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 it depends on what you want out of it.... if you are the dumpee and you hope by breaking NC you are going to somehow say something SO AMAZING you will convince them to come back to you then you ARE going to be disappointed. but sometimes the dumpee wants to 'clear the air' or apologise or something and has no intention of getting back with their dumper, they just want to be forgiven for perceived wrong doings. and provided they werent too horrible the dumper will usually forgive them so I suppose in this case breaking NC 'works'. I dont know cos I have never done that, once they dump me I am through, I dont care if they hate me.
zhaulk Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I broke NC with my not recent ex about 2 months ago, I don't really regret it. We aren't getting back together, and it was more about burying the hatchet. This..was after 2 years of no contact, however... So I would probably say not to break NC.
hoping2heal Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) I broke NC a few times when I was younger because I knew nothing about NC lol. The one time I purposely went NC I did break it, and we didn't end in a reconcile - but at the same time I don't regret it. Reason being, I went abrupt NC like as in dumped one day - next day I was NC for about month and a half. I started to have the same thoughts many people have... "what if he thinks I hate him and doesn't know I'd get back with him" "what if he's afraid to reach out to me because I won't speak to him..but maybe he WANTS to reach out to me!" You know the ones... I think we have to keep in mind that every situation is different. I have yet to find anything in life where a "one size fits all" approach works for everyone. Anyway, breaking NC helped me to realize that guess what? It's over. Like, really over. It's possible I would have continued to entertain these little fantasies in my head about him being out there and lovelorn over me but thinking it was no use because of the NC bit. He wanted to break up and he meant it. In hindsight, I'm so grateful that he did end things. We never should have been together in the first place. There were deep problems and incompatibilities that I was too eager to ignore because of my feelings (we've all been there, haven't we?). Now, in an ironic turn of events. About a year after our BU he started reaching out to me. This went on for a few years, actually. What did he want? I'll never know. I didn't respond to any communication or read anything in the form of words. Maybe he wanted to reconcile? Maybe, but the choice he made the first time was the right one. I was able to see that in hindsight. I went back to NC btw (full in total - no contact, no looking at social media, no nothing) shortly after breaking it that first time and it did help once I knew it was *final*. That's when I learned time doesn't heal anything, it's acceptance that is the healer. We think time does it because sometimes we're able to reach acceptance through the passage of time. Edited August 5, 2014 by hoping2heal 2
Summerrose2013 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Nice post Hoping2heal, I saw a lot of myself and my past RS in your words. My ex recently got back in contact wth me after a month of NC (I had asked him not to contact me anymore) - he left me a (nice/expensive/practical) gift in my front porch. I think he wants to prove that he is not an A-Hole, but the fact is, I simply dont care any more. I sent him a polite reply, he tried to initiate more conversation but it was boring for me, I have no interest in him anymore, I did not ask him any questions to provoke further communications, and happily this contact dried up. I am so grateful to be at this place now, and it has taken time, a lot of looking at myself, my life, and my goals, and getting off my behind to sort my life out to get here. Getting back with him would mean giving up my new life, spending weekends with him again (he is the most unsociable person you would ever meet, never wanted to do anything), and I would now rather be out with my new friends, (male and female) and exploring the world. I look at him like an old pair of red shoes that I loved and adored in the shop. I took them home and loved them, even though they pinched my feet and ultimately gave me bunions and blisters and then walked away from me......and now, I am back in the shoe shop, there are many new lovely pairs of shoes....I don't know if they will pinch and hurt me after I wear them for a while....but there is a chance they might be the best pair of shoes I've ever had too, and I'm enjoying trying them on....why would I drag out that old red pair that let me down - I'd rather take my chances with a new pair.
erklat Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 snip I sense that the gift was the attempt to buy his way back into the relationship and that you are actually the dumper in this story? I don't blame him though. I tried that also while I was bargaining.
OK_computer Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Anyone has a chance to win the lotto. Anyone can get struck by lightning. In the short term breaking nc went well. But eventually the same underlying problems resurfaced so I went NC again..this was 6 months ago. In the long run breaking NC is a bad idea imo. But each story is different. I won't go back though.
Dash23 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) I just broke no contact a few days ago. I broke up with with my ex (whom I have years of history with) in January/February ish due to some life issues/relationship challenges and we remained friends with contact here and there. She eventually cut me off and said we shouldn't be friends for a while, which gave me 3 months to really think about things and the decision I made to break up. A big reason we also broke up is because I "didn't want to change and I didn't love her" in her words, hence leading to us not being happy in many ways. After 3 months, I realized I actually DO love her, but refrained from contacting her since I heard through the grapevine she had a new guy that is making her happy beyond belief and seems to be the "one" even though it's only been a month and a half for them. So I respected her wishes, and it's not like it would do me any good to tell her now, its "too late" in her mind. To my surprise, she recently messaged me saying if I would like to catch up sometime I could let her know. I knew this meant 99% chance that she has completely moved on and is ready to be "friends" with me and that there was a 1% chance her and Mr. Perfect didn't work out. But I knew I had to tell her what I realized. We had a full casual hang out day together, I steadily learned of the new guy she had, and told her that I had some things I would tell her at the end of the day and we may not be able to talk again. I explained what I've realized, that I love her, and that I'm happy for her. I also mentioned if she was single at the moment, I'd move a mountain and go away with her in a heart beat, but I'm too late and unfortunately timing is everything. She was receptive, appreciated it, but naturally indifferent to what I had to say at this point. I even made her a memory book of our 10 years together (majority of the years we were just friends do to her long distance work arrangements) with pictures and quotes and wrote her a letter better explaining what I've realized in the last 6 months. It wasn't with intentions of breaking her up but more so a "our time has come and gone, but this is what I've realized, and I love you, and you deserve the best and I know you'll get it" type letter. Almost a bit of a goodbye even. So, did breaking NC go well? She thought I never loved her, and now she knows, and since I've known her for a long time as friends even before our relationship, I think it's great for her to hear. I also wasn't worried about "confusing" her since I could tell she was in a good spot with her new guy and it wouldn't throw her off. It's one of those, regret it if you don't say it kind of things, it would have eaten me up forever. Did it go well for ME though? I had no expectations but it's impossible to not think what MIGHT happen down the road now that she knows, so in a way it sets me back as well. It's like I wanted us both to get closure and although it's now "done" and I feel I accept it for the most part, but It has plagued my thoughts for months now and still does now since we just talked for the last time potentially in a long time. Edited August 5, 2014 by Dash23
gaius Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I don't think I was ever on strict NC but I did talk to one of my ex-girlfriends for the first time in a very long time the other day and it was really weird. She sounded the same, she had the same memories but the dynamic was totally different. It was almost as if my girlfriend had died and her twin sister took her place. I think I prefer to remember her as she was before she died.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 It went well for me once in an unexpected way. Due to some work things I ended up having to talk to the guy who absolutely crushed my heart to smithereens over a year ago. I tried to be friendly. His first words to me were "hey, glad to see you unblocked me", then "congratulations on your new life" and I mentally lost it. When I went home I wrote him a surprisingly short and calm email reminding him of what I went through during that breakup and explaining that while I was over him, the pain was very real and I was not going to pretend it didn't hurt. (Also, "congratulations"? Are you f-ing kidding me?) I heard later from his friends that he was mortified. He doesn't want me back or anything like that, but apparently he still feels incredibly awful for how he handled the breakup and he was secretly hoping that I didn't hurt anymore. Tough s---, pal. I may have moved on but that pain is going to be part of me for a while; it's just that I've learned to live with it. The weird thing is that once I finally did it, something disappeared from inside of me. It was like taking out a splinter. I wasn't mad anymore. I didn't even realize how mad I was. It was just gone. It went a long way towards helping me heal, and I'm grateful for that.
onoff Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Both my ex and I broke NC several times in a span of almost 20 months. We had some decent moments, but they never sustained. Usually, it ended up with unnecessary emotional drain and a sense that I was "back to square one". A part of me regrets it, but a part of me does not. I felt when NC was broken, I discovered that my ex is just as human as me. She was thinking about me and she felt a range of emotions. Breaking NC resulted in some good catch up conversations that did not deal about our relationship, but our lives in general. It also showed that we still had an emotional and sexual spark (though however shortlived). Now all that does not mean that we are compatible or we can get back together - but it was a good boost for me temporary. On the other hand, I always wondered how things would be if neither of us contacted each other after the initial break up. Perhaps, I would have moved on from her faster. 1
Summerrose2013 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 I sense that the gift was the attempt to buy his way back into the relationship and that you are actually the dumper in this story? I don't blame him though. I tried that also while I was bargaining. No sadly not, he ripped my heart out and dumped me by text....we were friends before we were in a RS but I'm not interested in going back to that place now. Think the gift was more like in chimpanA-2-chimpanZ's story - he wants us to be pals now, so he doesn't feel like a complete ****E that he actually is/was to me - it's a guilt present and frankly I don't want or need it. It's funny how someone (him) can be crapped all over by his ex wife and be heart broken and I spent ages making him feel good about himself again (he used to tell me this) and then I get dumped - nothing like passing the pain forward eh? If I ever need to break up with someone in the future I will be damn sure to do it in person, and with compassion.
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