Black Cement Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) This morning I got a phone call from this girl I'm dating. She heard I've been going through a tough time, but I played it off. What's been happening is that I'm not over my ex, & I'm suffering from depression. Everyone thinks that I shouldn't date anyone, but I'm trying to move on with my life. So the new girl asked about what happened with me and my ex. I told her "it was a rough breakup." She said "I know its not any of my business, but I care for you, and it breaks my heart to see you like this. I'll see you tomorrow night and we'll do something, ok?" Truth is, i've been on the fence about this new relationship, nothing wrong with her, its just that I'm not over my ex. Should I open up to her and tell her everything? I don't want to push her away, because I still want to see if this goes forward....god this reminds me of Silver Linings Playbook. Edited August 4, 2014 by Black Cement
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) This isn't fair to either of you. If you've been sleeping with this girl then that needs to stop IMO. Friends? Sure. Nothing wrong with that. FWB? Not right now. Not possible for you, not emotionally anyway. Sucks she has to be a shoulder to cry on but whatever. My ex and I started out talking more or less the same way. Just remember, this girl is hurting because of your behavior more than she is letting on. I'm sure she does want to be there for you but at the same time, she's probably wishing she didn't have to dry the tears another woman made you cry. But lots of good RSs blossom this way. Who knows? Yes, talk to her. She deserves you to open up to her but only give the highlites of your last BU. I hated hearing my ex complain IN DETAIL to me about his ex. We care and want to be there for you and we'll even act as though we're not bothered by hearing about it but we really do not want to see or hear about how much you've been affected by your ex so much that you are still so noticeably upset about it...because you're obviously not over them yet. Yuk. Would you? How would you feel and what would you want if the tables were turned? Best wishes to you! J Edited August 4, 2014 by me85
Author Black Cement Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 This isn't fair to either of you. If you've been sleeping with this girl then that needs to stop IMO. Friends? Sure. Nothing wrong with that. FWB? Not right now. Not possible for you, not emotionally anyway. Sucks she has to be a shoulder to cry on but whatever. My ex and I started out talking more or less the same way. Just remember, this girl is hurting because of your behavior more than she is letting on. I'm sure she does want to be there for you but at the same time, she's probably wishing she didn't have to dry the tears another woman made you cry. But lots of good RSs blossom this way. Who knows? Yes, talk to her. She deserves you to open up to her but only give the highlites of your last BU. I hated hearing my ex complain IN DETAIL to me about his ex. We care and want to be there for you and we'll even act as though we're not bothered by hearing about it but we really do not want to see or hear about how much you've been affected by your ex so much that you are still so noticeably upset about it...because you're obviously not over them yet. Yuk. Would you? How would you feel and what would you want if the tables were turned? Best wishes to you! J Thanks, If you put it that way I guess I wouldn't like it if she was still wanted to be back with her ex. We had a convo last week about her and her exes, but she told me that she's over him, but they still see each other everyday at work. I kinda felt the jealousy and whatever. I'll open up to her then, but should I say that deep down inside I still want my ex back?!
CarrieT Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You should be honest with the girl and break up with her. You said you are on the fence about her. Make her life easier and let her be single so she can find someone that is really into her instead of waffling around and wishing for someone else.
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Thanks, If you put it that way I guess I wouldn't like it if she was still wanted to be back with her ex. We had a convo last week about her and her exes, but she told me that she's over him, but they still see each other everyday at work. I kinda felt the jealousy and whatever. I'll open up to her then, but should I say that deep down inside I still want my ex back?! If that's how you feel brother, then tell her. Of course, if you choose to tell her then things between you will definitely not progress romantically but they were probably never headed in that direction to begin with. She may disappear from your life slowly & politely OR she may still stick around and be a good friend to you regardless. Whatever the result, be fair to her and being fair means being completely honest with her. It's a win win when you really think about it. We can't live a lie. What good is that??
Author Black Cement Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 If that's how you feel brother, then tell her. Of course, if you choose to tell her then things between you will definitely not progress romantically but they were probably never headed in that direction to begin with. She may disappear from your life slowly & politely OR she may still stick around and be a good friend to you regardless. Whatever the result, be fair to her and being fair means being completely honest with her. It's a win win when you really think about it. We can't live a lie. What good is that?? I'll tell her the truth then, It's over between me & my ex, but the flame is still there. But I'll also tell her that I'd like to continue this relationship if she want's to. I really don't want to hurt her, she's really into me, but I'm not being fair to her. This new girl gets me, & I'm not doing a good job masking my depression. I heard time heals all things, maybe I'll start thinking with my brain instead of my heart. Maybe this girl is the right one for me.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I never recommend starting a new relationship when one person is very obviously not over their ex. I'm sorry OP, but I'd stay single for a while. Give yourself time to heal. You're right that it's not fair to the new girl. It also isn't fair to you, either - you need time to recover and not feel like your heart is with someone else. I'd let the new girl go.
Author Black Cement Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 I never recommend starting a new relationship when one person is very obviously not over their ex. I'm sorry OP, but I'd stay single for a while. Give yourself time to heal. You're right that it's not fair to the new girl. It also isn't fair to you, either - you need time to recover and not feel like your heart is with someone else. I'd let the new girl go. I would let her go, but I enjoy being with her. A guy has needs you know. She's great company, but I guess I'll take it slow. I need to figure this out before I get serious with this new girl.
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