dntl841 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 My girlfriend and I of about two years have been having issues and yesterday she told me she needs time to think about things, I asked if it was a break or a break up, turns out she wanted a break up but said she loves me and is terrified of loosing me. I told her to take her time, I wont contact her and told her to call me when she knew where she was on things. Was this a good move? wtf should I do? I am pretty lost over the whole ordeal.
Ronni_W Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I told her to take her time, I wont contact her and told her to call me when she knew where she was on things. Was this a good move? wtf should I do? I am pretty lost over the whole ordeal. It kind of was the ONLY move...as far as she is concerned. But what you should do for yourself, is to take it as a permanent break-up. Yes, she said that she loves you and is terrified of losing you...but how those statements operate is to keep you hanging and on the back-burner, pining and helpless and waiting. She's got herself covered both ways, and if you let it happen, you will be exposed - to her whims, selfish ego needs - in all ways. I know it's tough...your own strength, courage, self-determination is called for and will be of tremendous help to you. Hugs.
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Just because she still has feelings for you & doesn't want to be the source of your pain doesn't mean she still wants to be in a relationship.
Author dntl841 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) Well, this is my nightmare. I did have the option of begging and pleading but that is a great way to turn her off completely. Should I have said more? Will not contacting her just make it easier on both of us? I just hoped she would come to her sense about things. Never been so lost, but I guess this was all my fault Should I send her a text saying that I am thinking about her? or contact her in some way? Edited August 5, 2014 by dntl841
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 If you want to salvage a relationship you have to talk to each other. Talk doesn't mean beg & plead. NC is the best way to get over somebody because there is no hope of reconciliation & it's truly over.
marcjb Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 is terrified of loosing me. Apparently she is not, and is a liar. Should I have said more? No. Will not contacting her just make it easier on both of us? Yes. I guess this was all my fault This is what she wants you to think. It takes two, and part of it is definitely her fault too. Don't be so hard on yourself and let her win by placing all of the guilt on you. Should I send her a text saying that I am thinking about her? or contact her in some way? No. She broke up with you. If you broke up with her, it would be different.
Author dntl841 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 So its safe to assume that "no contact" isn't going to make her regret it?
bubbaganoosh Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Look. If she wants to break up and yet she says that she loves you and doesn't want to lose you, what does that tell you. What it means is, she wants to be single, do her thing, and while she's doing what ever she has planned, she has you sitting there waiting for her to make her mind up or she gets tired of her adventures. If it's me, I tell her not to hold her breath if she thinks your going to wait. Let her know that if she loved you like she claims then she wouldn't have broken up with you and expects you to wait. Put the ball in her court and let her know that time waits for no one and your not putting your life on hold for her selfishness.
Author dntl841 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 I guess you are right. Whats weird is that she said that she cant handle the thought of me dating and hooking up with other girls and I pretty much said, "I love you but I can't be hanging on to this if you want out". ****ty thing happend though, I accidentaly sent her a text that was meant for someone else about plans to go out tomorrow, but realized after I sent it that it looks like date plans.
Author dntl841 Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 Sorry to bump this thread. It has been almost a week since the breakup and I can honestly say I am still miserable. I fight the urges to call, text or look at her facebook successfully. That said, I miss her so badly. I have no idea if she misses me, is getting over it, dating, etc. I just don't know what to do with my self. I try to keep busy by going to the gym, but I lack the energy to get good lifts and I feel weak. When I run, it reminds me of her (because we used to run together). I have been trying to keep my mind off of it, but I replay the break up daily. I get mad because I feel like her sister coached her through it, but miserable because she felt it had to happen. Thank you for reading, I just don't know where to vent my feelings. I maintain a strong face in front of family and friends. The only people I speak to are from my unit and its mainly because I am around them all day.
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