lovelust89 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I have been single for the past two years. I am 24 and had a 3 1/2 year relationship and another that lasted about a year with someone that treated me badly. Ever since my last breakup with my ex who broke my heart and basically treated me like dirt, I have had the worst luck dating. I have gone on countless first dates. It seems I never have any problems attracting the opposite sex. I am told I am a very fit and average looking woman. It seems I will go on a few dates with men and then after about 3-8 dates when things should be heading somewhere serious they start to fade. I am really not cligny, I am told by numerous people i'm independent. I have a stable job, I stay active have many friends. Some of the guys I've dated have even told me they think I am great, goofy, smart ect. So I don't understand why I have had no luck. Could someone please tell me what I could be doing wrong to scare them away?
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You have to take a look at yourself. What are the commonalities . . . similarities between all these dates besides you? Do you meet these men in the same way? Do you talk about the same subjects? Once you figure out the common link you can change it & see if that changes the outcome.
Sunny_cloud Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Are you meeting these men via online dating website, like pof? If yes, then stop worrying. Many people there quite often don't know what they want or are seeking for someone perfect, despite the fact that they are themselves far away from perfect. Of course there are always exceptions but these are common patterns in online dating. Don't pay attention to those who don't see the true value in you. Stay happy, enjoy life and the right person will show up.
Assasda Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I think that you have to value yourself. You said your last significant other treated you like dirt - That should have not happened , you should have broken up before you got treated that way. So value yourself, your opinion, have something to add to the guys like intellectually. Work on that, and take a look at all the commonaities that happen, when these dates fall apart and try to access the situation. ...And als, just enjoy the ride. Enjoy dating and dont take it so serious
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Well lets see, guys like you enough to ask for 3 to 8 dates. Ya you must be doing something to turn them off. Are you flirty, dress sexy, be somewhat physical, kissing touching or do you have a barrier up and it takes you awhile being comfortable around these guys? Do you bring up the topic of your abusive past relationships? There must be a common denominator like d0nnivain pointed out.
Dork Vader Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I sort of agree with smackie. Most guys wont invest more then 3-4 dates if they are not remotely interested. Their motives might range from looking for a fling, to wanting a serious relationship. It's impossible for us to know what you are doing wrong. It could be a lot of things.. You're meeting the wrong type of men. You're giving off red flags. Who knows? I'll let a few red flags slide. But there are some that send me running. Like wise I'm sure you have a few.. I'll try and write a list of red flags for you tomorrow. Do you have any male friends/family that could be your wing man so to speak?
oberkeat Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Speaking as a guy, I like to get some indication that the girl actually enjoys my company and values my time. I only want someone in my life who really wants to be in it. You mention that you're considered independent. Are you making yourself available/receptive to these guys' attempts to spend time with you (i.e., not canceling dates, demonstrating curiosity about them, their hobbies, likes, etc.)? Or do you act lukewarm or indifferent about them, such as never initiating date plans, never showing physical affection, etc? It's the guy's job to approach, but it's the gal's job to be receptive to his advances, if she's interested.
Gaeta Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 You are not doing anything wrong. It won't work till one does. Your story is a reflection of the past 3 years of my life. I meet men, they all want to see me again, we date a few times, I am better than butter and they fade away. 1. They were not ready to get serious and when the 4-5 date came rolling by they felt pressure rising. 2. Someone else got their attention 3. I picked a player without realizing it 4. They didn't like something in me, happens. So you just continue. What's the alternative? staying home watch tv! nah. Good luck, don't get discouraged.
Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 I have been single for the past two years. I am 24 and had a 3 1/2 year relationship and another that lasted about a year with someone that treated me badly. Ever since my last breakup with my ex who broke my heart and basically treated me like dirt, I have had the worst luck dating. I have gone on countless first dates. It seems I never have any problems attracting the opposite sex. I am told I am a very fit and average looking woman. It seems I will go on a few dates with men and then after about 3-8 dates when things should be heading somewhere serious they start to fade. I am really not cligny, I am told by numerous people i'm independent. I have a stable job, I stay active have many friends. Some of the guys I've dated have even told me they think I am great, goofy, smart ect. So I don't understand why I have had no luck. Could someone please tell me what I could be doing wrong to scare them away? Hmmm...here we go again, but question for you 1. do you pick these guys based on looks 2. are you concerned by other aspects about them that has nothing to do with sex 3. by that I mean do you look for commonalities / interests 4. do you give it up quickly because you are smitten 5. if the answer to 4 is yes, guys will make judgement
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