chrissie97 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months. we have been best friends for a year and decided that it wasnt enough. i love him so much and i can really talk to him about anything and everything. hes been saying to me that he cares about me and that he loves me and i totally believe him. hes not your usual arsehole you find at work. the problem is that he values peoples opinions too much. of course i tried to tell him this but it ended in a huge argument about everything and how our friends think the relationship is a joke. i absolutely love him to bits and i know how lucky i am to have him. it feels crazy that we havent kissed or anything and quite frankly i feel quite embarrassed by it. he is such a sweetheart and says things like 'we dont need to do things like that to show how much we care about each other'. which is adorable i admit. he said we can wait for as long as i want. because a few years ago i made a huge mistake which made me very insure about relationships and trusting people. i just feel like going into the physical side of things will make us closer and i think he needs to realise that his friends need to bugger off out of our lives. should i just kiss him spontaneously or talk to him about it first??? thanks chris xxxxxxxxxxx :love::love::love:
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Four months is a long time. How has it not happened!?
somedude81 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Wow, four months and no kiss?! You guys aren't long distance right? For the love of God just kiss him already.
Author chrissie97 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Four months is a long time. How has it not happened!? i havent got a clue! he just never did it like i expected him to and i thought if i did it..it would be too much for him. almost like he wasnt ready! 1
GemmaUK Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 4 months is a long time...but some men just won't initiate. They wait for her to. I've experienced it and so have friends of mine of all ages. The problem with that is when you have been together a while and they never initiate anything at all. They're more than happy when the woman initiates...but she has to initiate every time on any physical level, touching, kissing and sexually. They will always like holding hands though.They're happy to initiate that. My only thought is it could be the mamma-ho (Madonna-whore) complex in some men. Google it. Go for a kiss and see what happens..he might be 'happy as' but if you need it reciprocated you need to tell him rather than get in the routine of being sole initiator.
MGX Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months. we have been best friends for a year and decided that it wasnt enough. i love him so much and i can really talk to him about anything and everything. hes been saying to me that he cares about me and that he loves me and i totally believe him. hes not your usual arsehole you find at work. the problem is that he values peoples opinions too much. of course i tried to tell him this but it ended in a huge argument about everything and how our friends think the relationship is a joke. i absolutely love him to bits and i know how lucky i am to have him. it feels crazy that we havent kissed or anything and quite frankly i feel quite embarrassed by it. he is such a sweetheart and says things like 'we dont need to do things like that to show how much we care about each other'. which is adorable i admit. he said we can wait for as long as i want. because a few years ago i made a huge mistake which made me very insure about relationships and trusting people. i just feel like going into the physical side of things will make us closer and i think he needs to realise that his friends need to bugger off out of our lives. should i just kiss him spontaneously or talk to him about it first??? thanks chris xxxxxxxxxxx :love::love::love: He's your boyfriend and you guys haven't kissed yet? Amazing. He's a lucky man if there isn't any one-sided, unrequited feelings going on and both of you care very much for each other. I think you should kiss him on the lips gently (for starters) during a close moment soon. See how he deals with it. Either that or talk to him, letting him know you want to kiss.
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 So Chrissie97...I'm guessing you're at least 21/22? Have you ever kissed a guy? Has he ever kissed a girl? Are either of you virgins? I absolutely think if you're ready to be more physical then do tell him and if he isn't ready but you can't wait any longer to kiss him then do tell him that too. The point is, sit down and have a heart to heart with him asap. Never disguise your feelings. Keeping things bottled up will only hurt the RS.
slizl Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I hope I am wrong, but unless you are in 6th grade, I think he is probably gay. 4
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 In the context of kissing, "we don't need to do things like that to show how much we care about each other" sounds like an enormous red flag. If your partner has no desire to show you ANY amount of physical affection, there are serious issues at hand. 4
Allumere Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Is he driven by his faith? In other words if he is a very conservative Christian for example (I can speak to other faiths) I could see him not pushing or attempting anything physical as most of those actions they wait for til marriage. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 He might be worried about crossing the friends line, let's face it there is no way back once u have.. I would suggest vodka & deal with the aftermath the next day lol x Honestly tho it is going t have to take something to cross that line it's a massive step, harder than meeting an unknown & getting intimate! x
TAV Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 So you decided being friends wasn't enough and then you remained being friends? What made you decide to be bf/gf when it wasn't the desire your felt for your friend? I can understand him saying 'we don't need to do things like that YET to show how much we care about each other' and then refer to sex but kissing... ??? Unless you are 16 or so I think this is not natural and if I was you I'd wonder if he is asexual or maybe gay.
preraph Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Unless you're in your early-mid teens, he's gay. He probably doesn't even know it yet. 4 months is long enough. I once dated a gay guy for four years. He was nowhwere near admitting it to himself. He'd actually get jealous (since there was no nothing, I would occasionally see other guys -- a girl has to eat.)
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Unless you're in your early-mid teens, he's gay. He probably doesn't even know it yet. 4 months is long enough. I once dated a gay guy for four years. He was nowhwere near admitting it to himself. He'd actually get jealous (since there was no nothing, I would occasionally see other guys -- a girl has to eat.) This is just as freaky. You were in a relationship with no sex for 4 yrs?? I don't think it has to be a dichotomy. Horny hetro or homo. There are asexual people for whatever reason who not turned on by sex. Maybe this guy has low testosterone levels. Attracted to girls but without the drive to want to throw them on the bed and rip their clothes off. IDK. Its a weird relationship, and amazing this guy has found a conservative/inexperienced gf and wasn't friend-zoned.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Barring some type of religious conviction, age-related inexperience, preference for men, or some type of traumatic past experience involving a kiss....he's just not that into you. I cannot fathom why else he avoids kissing you after four months together. There are plenty of good men in my life whom I don't kiss - they're called friends. I personally could not be a with a boyfriend with whom I had zero physical intimacy, and who didn't seem keen on ever taking it there. Out of curiosity, why do your friends think the relationship is a joke? I ask because sometimes friends see things we either don't see or choose to ignore.
newmoon Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 maybe he doesn't need to kiss you because he's getting kiss fulfillment on the side. who knows. if you;re not kissing him maybe someone else is. you need to be an adult and talk about these things with your partner. it doesn't sound like anything more than a friendship though. the difference between friends and lovers is kissing and sex, so you're still friends at this point, unless it's like a dugger-side-hug relationship thing.
GravityMan Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Something doesn't quite add up here. I think there's more to this story. Even most devoutly religious guys don't mind kissing their girlfriends...they may wait 'til marriage to have sex, but it's highly likely they've gotten to the kissing, cuddling, making out point within the first 3-5 dates, if not sooner. OP, I think your "boyfriend" has some deep secret that is inhibiting his willingness to get physically intimate with you (or with women in general). Perhaps he's gay and either doesn't know it yet (assuming he's very young) or is ashamed of that and hasn't come to terms with it yet.
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