Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) Hey everyone, Monday and Tuesday came around. same old story. I asked her whats the plan for Monday night. She told me if she got enough sleep ?!!!!?! she could later if not Tuesday Night. The evening came and she did not mention us hanging out at all..she did not bother to bring up anything its as if I didn't ask. That was the final straw for me in terms of asking her to hang out. Tuesday rolls around - I do not text her until 5 pm on purpose I ask her " how is ur day off?" Cuz I know she told me she doesn't work Mondays and Tuesdays. She replies " Lol. Day off I worked" I ask her I thought u had Mondays and Tuesdays off ? she says: Things Changed I started at a new restaurant yesterday and am leaving the old one next week. she didn't even bother to tell me this yesterday - you would think its pretty big news not to mention. You guys see what I am talking about? The stories keep constantly changing with her. I am getting so pissed off and annoyed its not even funny anymore. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I tested her and wanted to see if she would keep her word on the plans she said might happen. I asked if shes home and she said she is. I asked if I could call her to talk to her its important. She sends me a picture of her mom sleeping in the living room and said I can't now. shes sleeping. can we do it later? I said it's pretty important can you go to another room? she's like no I won't go to another room when you can text me it I told her I don't want to text you it it needs to be said over the phone. She keeps being defensive as if she is either not home anymore, has someone over, or is going to leave somewhere so she can't be on the phone. I tell her is it going to be a problem? I don't get what the issue is..u live in a house u can find a room to talk to me in. * KEEP IN MIND SHE TALKED TO ME FOR HOURS WHILE I WAS ON VACATION ON THE PHONE- SUDDENLY NOW ITS A PROBLEM? * This was about 2. 5 weeks ago! Basically to keep things short. she ends up not replying for 2 hours. says she passed out and continues to tell me to text it to her this was at 12 at night. I keep my stance and say no It needs to be in over the phone ( I wanted to confront her on the phone and basically ask her whats her deal..whats happening between us and to basically stop with the excuses and games and all that) She says: If it was that important you would have told me and not waited this long. I said to her I didn't know it would take 5 hours to get you to talk to me over the phone. Shes like I don't even know whats so important you could tell me. Either way she basically said she doesn't have time for this she needs to go sleep she works a double shift tomorrow and said she tries hard to make time for me (??????????????) and that I am acting up and making things complicated. She ended up going to sleep I replied with I asked for a simple phone convo to talk to you instead of through text. I didn't know it was going to be such a problem. its fine though you don't have too and called it a night. This girl is legit unbelievable. She is completely defensive and is definitely hiding something. The question now is..What do I do? I tried to confront her about it on the phone she clearly won't talk to me on it..when she did before? There has to be someone else in the picture I don't see why else she wouldn't talk to me. What doesn't make sense is if she was with someone else why continue to talk to me and make plans to flop? She is busy with work..so how can she juggle everything? I have no idea... what do you guys think? and what should I do now? I really do not want to confront her over text either...but I am getting extremely annoyed with her behavior its actually unreal how different she is acting. WHAT IS HER DEAL? Edited August 6, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) I have been in these situations in the past with both my ex's. I know what signs to look for and I know when someone is interested and when they want to see you. Dodging ur attempt to talk on the phone for 5 hours is completely sketchy and strange. She even said the fact that I want to talk on the phone with her about something important is strange. She got all defensive and tried to make it seem like she tries so hard to make time for me blah blah. (SHE HASN'T EVEN MADE TIME TO SEE ME FOR AN HOUR THESE PAST 9 DAYS) I got this chick a small present for her bday while I was on vacation. Ready to give to her. Ive been asking everyday to hang out and I even got her flowers last week for the first night we were suppose to see each other but she flopped and she tells me im acting up and where's the rush????!?!??! She knows I got her the flowers too and even msged me in the morning about it and said " Are you gona give me them tonight?" I said Ye i want too because i want to see you . but its all on you if you want too. She said she will try and that never ended up happening either. this was a week ago!! Edited August 6, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) I think he has shown A TON of interest and is pretty clear about his interest. The reality is she isn't willing to make time for him - whether that's because she's focused on work or she isn't that interested, it doesn't matter. He getting upset and all isn't going to help the situation. Best for him to easy off the gas pedal. Yes that's exactly it. I have done my part she is the one who continues to be flaky. If she was not interested she wouldn't tell her mom and all her friends about me and tell me she did. Why would she do that if she had someone else? I don't want to be paranoid but judging from her actions and my past experiences with girls - I really do not see the issue here. If she wanted to see me she would. something is holding her back. I don't want to keep asking her about it though. she isn't giving me much other than she is really busy now and has a lot going on. I want this girl but how can she expect more out of me Its been 9 days and I still haven't seen her. She expects me to wait around for when she has free time? like wtf? Either she is playing hard to get or I have no idea what her issue is because she isn't giving me good signs at all. its just a bad feeling to have in your gut and you can feel something isn't right Am I being unreasonable here? She makes it seem like I am rushing into things when she said to me " I dont get where the rush is" ITS BEEN 9 DAYS since ive been back!!!! wat does she expect from me? Edited August 6, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 what to do???? you have OCD or something??? GIVE UP! 1
truth_seeker Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 This girl sucks. I know you feel like you're losing and it's eating you up inside, but you have to cut your losses. Make her feel it's her loss by you walking away from her. 1) ignore her. 2) if she is persistent, you tell her to meet you at a spot. You go, but make sure you're with another girl. If she doesn't show up, you got a girl with you. If she does show up, you act like you don't need her. This will get her blood boiling.
Elle1975 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 I'm not sure why you keep trying to get her to see you. My guess, she figured out that you were insecure and controlling. Your "testing" is juvenile, and she saw right through it with your "it's important" excuse. Just drop it already. You are making a fool of yourself. She is not interested. She might keep you around as an ego boost, or for whatever else bad reasons, but she's not the one. Do yourself a favor, block her number, and move on to something more rewarding than chasing this girl down. 2
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) I'm not sure why you keep trying to get her to see you. My guess, she figured out that you were insecure and controlling. Your "testing" is juvenile, and she saw right through it with your "it's important" excuse. Just drop it already. You are making a fool of yourself. She is not interested. She might keep you around as an ego boost, or for whatever else bad reasons, but she's not the one. Do yourself a favor, block her number, and move on to something more rewarding than chasing this girl down. the reason I wanted to talk to her on the phone was to basically tell her I don't want to play games you either want something from this or you don't. Maybe she knew what I was gona ask so she didn't want to be put in a spot she couldn't get out of So this girl talks to me over a month. Talks to me on the phone for a few hours 2 times while I am on vacation. sends me pictures, asks me to send pics, tells her mom about me, tells her friends about me. Tells me she can't wait to see me, constantly was flirting with me and now suddenly wen I am back she makes excuses and doesn't want to see me? Can you see why I am pissed ? That is completely unacceptable behaviour on her part. She makes plans n than cancels every time to make new plans. If she wasn't interested in me in the slightest why go through the trouble of talking to me so much we exchanged over 6000 messages on FB alone while I was gone. ye u can use the attention excuse but it's not like I was jus giving her attention either. yet when I brought it up she said she's just busy. So she is either playing hard to get or she has no idea wat she is doing. She even told me on the phone that she was going to make me wait a month to see her when I came back on purpose to test me because she thinks I'm a player. Maybe she actually is tryin to do that ? Edited August 6, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Oh my f'ing god, you are acting like a spoiled child now, let it go already. Everyone has told you she isn't that into you atm. Date other women pleazzzzzzzzze. It wouldn't surprise me she is catfishing ya, and she isn't who you think she is. 1
deathandtaxes Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 She even told me on the phone that she was going to make me wait a month to see her when I came back on purpose to test me because she thinks I'm a player. Maybe she actually is tryin to do that ? OMFG dude really? Why do you keep making excuses and rationalizing her behavior? You already sunk down to her level with the whole call me bit. And now this delusional tripe? Maybe you do deserve to be led around. It will be a good lesson to learn. Then the next time somebody on this board has a situation similar to your situation, you will have the life experience to tell them 'whoahhh not such a good idea' etc. Best of luck, OP
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) Hey guys we talked about everything last night. I told her straight up I want to know if we are on the same page and I do not want to waste my time and put in effort for something that won't happen. She basically told me she's scared that we are rushing into things too fast and she wants to slow things down and go with the flow and take it easy. She's acting like this because she has been hurt in the past and doesn't want to get into something so quickly (she told me this over the phone before due to her ex and rel of 4.5 years) She also probably wants to see how badly I truly want her and said she doesn't want to feel pressured into something, she has a lot going on with work and other crap that she wants to take things slow for right now. She told me its up to me to see if this is worth my time or not. She told me over the phone while on vacation that its gona take a lot to win her over and that I need to put in work and she doesn't want to come off as easy because she thinks im a player (prob has trust issues and that I just just want to hook up) I told her that is not the case at all. I told her I've waited over a month just texting and that I do not want to be a texting buddy to her and don't understand how we have rushed anything since It's been 10 days since I have been back and we haven't seen each other. It's been 43 days in total since we started talking with my vacation in it. I told her she needs to look at it from my point of view also because she has given me mixed messages while over there saying she can't wait to see me and now she doesn't want to rush things. I really want this girl but what I also can't wait around for her we have been talking for over a month now just texting and calls but still nothing in person. I told her you can't expect me to wait 3 months just texting you and that I have been patient. I said I wasn't asking for much out of you I just wanted to see you in person after talking this much. I told her I wont pressure her into hanging out and she can when she feels ready. What approach should I take to this??? Do I tell her I will be patient with her and give her the indication I will talk to her until she's ready to see me?? AND to tell her that I need her to be honest with me and tell me that she isn't going to play around with me and she does have true intentions for the future because I do not want to get ****ed over? OR Do I put my foot down and just stop contacting her and tell her I do not want to play games and deal with excuses anymore because its been over a month now and I can't wait around forever?? Plz help guys. I really don't know what to do. I am in complete LIMBO right now Edited August 7, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
clia Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I totally agree that you should forget this girl and start dating other women. I was seriously reading your post and giggling at how absurd this girl is being. I mean, look at this objectively: She basically told me she's scared that we are rushing into things too fast and she wants to slow things down and go with the flow and take it easy. 43 days of texting, no dates, no meetings in person, and she thinks things are going too fast? [she's acting like this because she has been hurt in the past and doesn't want to get into something so quickly (she told me this over the phone before due to her ex and rel of 4.5 years) She also probably wants to see how badly I truly want her and said she doesn't want to feel pressured into something, she has a lot going on with work and other crap that she wants to take things slow for right now. She told me its up to me to see if this is worth my time or not. This is not worth your time, at all. She told me over the phone while on vacation that its gona take a lot to win her over and that I need to put in work and she doesn't want to come off as easy because she thinks im a player (prob has trust issues and that I just just want to hook up) I told her that is not the case at all. In my opinion, you've done enough. How in the heck can you "win her over" when she won't even see you in person? Ridiculous. I told her I've waited over a month just texting and that I do not want to be a texting buddy to her and don't understand how we have rushed anything since It's been 10 days since I have been back and we haven't seen each other. It's been 43 days in total since we started talking with my vacation in it. Yep, right on. I told her she needs to look at it from my point of view also because she has given me mixed messages while over there saying she can't wait to see me and now she doesn't want to rush things. Does she understand that getting together with you for a date doesn't mean she has to marry you? Do I put my foot down and just stop contacting her and tell her I do not want to play games and deal with excuses anymore because its been over a month now and I can't wait around forever?? I think you should stop initiating anything with her. If she texts you, you can respond. Be polite and brief. But do not text her first, do not call her, and do not ask her out. But stop chasing her. And start dating other women.
fred123 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 wow sounds just like mine!! only difference is she didnt even pick up the phone or skype!! i have been there!!!!! i tell u wat happened. i was just like you getting clingy insecure and desparate only because like you i thought she was into me feeding me all these lines and messaging me. i had 3000 messages from her over 2 months!!! she is playing you. not interested!!! i got ****ed over hard. im sorry to say shes not interested in you. have you guys ever met in person before?
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) wow sounds just like mine!! only difference is she didnt even pick up the phone or skype!! i have been there!!!!! i tell u wat happened. i was just like you getting clingy insecure and desparate only because like you i thought she was into me feeding me all these lines and messaging me. i had 3000 messages from her over 2 months!!! she is playing you. not interested!!! i got ****ed over hard. im sorry to say shes not interested in you. have you guys ever met in person before? I saw her at a shopping mall downtown (I know of her from before because we are from the same country and involvement within the community so we knew of each other) I ended up adding her on fb. n she messaged me 3 days before I left on vacation at the end of June n that's how it started. We haven't stopped talking ever since. So like you go from " I CANT WAIT TILL UR BACK TO SEE YOU!!" to..ye we need to slow down things are going too fast..like wtf?!?! I called her out on it completely last night..i told her its a huge slap in the face when you go from I cant wait to see you and to hang out..telling ur mom about me and ur girlfriends, sending me pics, being really flirty and interested..calling herself my wifey...sending 6000 messages in total..we talked for a few hours while I was on vacation over the phone..now that I am back she has been avoiding talking to me on the phone..like what is with these games?!?!?!?... now we are going too fast we haven't even had one date yet!!??!?!?!? Edited August 7, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 I totally agree that you should forget this girl and start dating other women. I was seriously reading your post and giggling at how absurd this girl is being. I mean, look at this objectively: 43 days of texting, no dates, no meetings in person, and she thinks things are going too fast? This is not worth your time, at all. In my opinion, you've done enough. How in the heck can you "win her over" when she won't even see you in person? Ridiculous. Yep, right on. Does she understand that getting together with you for a date doesn't mean she has to marry you? I think you should stop initiating anything with her. If she texts you, you can respond. Be polite and brief. But do not text her first, do not call her, and do not ask her out. But stop chasing her. And start dating other women. It's an understatement to say I am frustrated this girl is legit insane. I have never experienced this hot and cold mixed messages in my life considering we sent over 6000 messages together while I was on vacation!!. She sent me pictures of herself, asked me to send pics, made plans for wen I came back, flirted with me constantly, sexual jokes too, everything..she gave me the expectation that she wanted to develop a relationship with me as soon as I was back. and now that I am back she completely backs off? WAT IS HER DEAL. How are things going too fast??!! I went out of my way to get her a small gift while I was on vacation to give to her because the day I came back was her bday so I wanted to surprise her and stand out and show her I cared. N this is how she acts???!?! She even knew about the gift too. I really am beyond disappointed..I feel like a moron and I couldn't have seen it coming....
morbot_k Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Yes that's exactly it. I have done my part she is the one who continues to be flaky. If she was not interested she wouldn't tell her mom and all her friends about me and tell me she did. Why would she do that if she had someone else? I don't want to be paranoid but judging from her actions and my past experiences with girls - I really do not see the issue here. If she wanted to see me she would. something is holding her back. I don't want to keep asking her about it though. she isn't giving me much other than she is really busy now and has a lot going on. I want this girl but how can she expect more out of me Its been 9 days and I still haven't seen her. She expects me to wait around for when she has free time? like wtf? Either she is playing hard to get or I have no idea what her issue is because she isn't giving me good signs at all. its just a bad feeling to have in your gut and you can feel something isn't right Am I being unreasonable here? She makes it seem like I am rushing into things when she said to me " I dont get where the rush is" ITS BEEN 9 DAYS since ive been back!!!! wat does she expect from me? The more you want this girl right now, the less likely you will be get her. It's kinda the way it works - once you get desperate for someone, people tend to run away. I've learned the hard way in life. Take it slow, and let her chase you a bit. If she doesn't chase, it means she is not interested. It's not hard. If a woman likes you, she makes plans or effort to reach out. If she isn't sure, she flakes and hedges. The more drama and complexity you introduce, the more her interest will wane as the fun and excitement is replaced by obligation and heaviness. Do yourself a favor. Take a break. Take a month off and see how you feel. Then if you still think like her, you can try hitting the reset, but only if you can maintain control and not freak out.
smackie9 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 ah she's prob got someone else on the hook that she fancies more, but keeping you on the back burner if things don't work out with the other guy. OR (and most likely) she is talking to the ex again, and sitting on the fence about him. When they do a 180 degree turn it's usually because of someone else.
deathandtaxes Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 This is why you go by what a person does as opposed to what a person says. Don't beat yourself up, OP. Just don't give her the time of day anymore. Stand up. Brush yourself off. Move along.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) Hey everyone Past 2 days she has texted me first and I guess she realized I have pulled back and she was starting the convo more even sent me a pic of herself (which she hasnt done in a while) maybe shes trying to gauge my reaction to it all. I played it off cool and didnt give her any attention for it. I told her I had plans at night and she was really interested in what I was doing and asked me again later in the night How my plans are going and if the birthday party I am at is fun. She told me shes heading to sleep and to have fun. I told her good night and we will talk tomorrow. I said that on purpose to make her think I will text her.but I have no intention on doing so. I have taken my foot off the gas since she told me I was rushing into things and taking it too seriously and that we should take it easy and go with the flow. I haven't asked to see her for a few days and won't. I also haven't been texting her first and waiting all day to go by. A complete contrast to before when we would message each other throughout the day. its been 46 days that we have been talking and its going to be 2 weeks almost since I have been back from vacation. She still is talking to me and making conversation (clearly she still wants to maintain contact with me) Do I just continue to act cold and pull back? or Should I straight up just tell her I don't want to be your texting buddy anymore its been too long and I have been more than patient. if you want to see me let me know..if not i will have my answer. I AM GETTING EXTREMELY IMPATIENT I also do not want to ignore a girl to get her attention I find that so childish its unreal *** (I do not want to ignore and cut her off )I just hate ignoring someone especially someone I have been talking too this long. its either I tell her straight up I am tired of the games and excuses and this is how its going to be..or I continue to talk to her and act cold and see what she does?? *** Edited August 9, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) I would just tell her to stop wasting your time. And stop clinging onto the hope that things will change, because they won`t got that? good, be done with it. Edited August 9, 2014 by smackie9
Mike B. Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 It is really time to stop your obsession over this woman. She can never be attracted to you at this point. I hope the police don't find her stuffed in your trunk or any thing. 2
fred123 Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 It is really time to stop your obsession over this woman. She can never be attracted to you at this point. I hope the police don't find her stuffed in your trunk or any thing. she never was! he had no chance fron the beginning. its not his fault! doewnt matter wat he did she wudnt like him. ur just her friend and even if u did meet up u wud go in with expectations and dont be suprised if she meets up with u just as a friend
morbot_k Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Hey everyone Past 2 days she has texted me first and I guess she realized I have pulled back and she was starting the convo more even sent me a pic of herself (which she hasnt done in a while) maybe shes trying to gauge my reaction to it all. I played it off cool and didnt give her any attention for it. I told her I had plans at night and she was really interested in what I was doing and asked me again later in the night How my plans are going and if the birthday party I am at is fun. She told me shes heading to sleep and to have fun. I told her good night and we will talk tomorrow. I said that on purpose to make her think I will text her.but I have no intention on doing so. I have taken my foot off the gas since she told me I was rushing into things and taking it too seriously and that we should take it easy and go with the flow. I haven't asked to see her for a few days and won't. I also haven't been texting her first and waiting all day to go by. A complete contrast to before when we would message each other throughout the day. its been 46 days that we have been talking and its going to be 2 weeks almost since I have been back from vacation. She still is talking to me and making conversation (clearly she still wants to maintain contact with me) Do I just continue to act cold and pull back? or Should I straight up just tell her I don't want to be your texting buddy anymore its been too long and I have been more than patient. if you want to see me let me know..if not i will have my answer. I AM GETTING EXTREMELY IMPATIENT I also do not want to ignore a girl to get her attention I find that so childish its unreal *** (I do not want to ignore and cut her off )I just hate ignoring someone especially someone I have been talking too this long. its either I tell her straight up I am tired of the games and excuses and this is how its going to be..or I continue to talk to her and act cold and see what she does?? *** Be light and playful. Take longer to respond to her texts than she does to yours. If you are getting impatient you will lose. Simple as that. You have to be more patient than her to have any chance at all.
Author UltimaWeapon Posted August 10, 2014 Author Posted August 10, 2014 (edited) If she wasn't interested She saw me in person the day we saw each other downtown. She knows how I look in person and has complimented me several times. Why would we talk and send over 6000 messages, photos of herself without me asking..tell her friends and mom about me..tells me constantly how she cant wait till I am back to see me. Even said she would pick me up from the airport the day I land. Asked for me to send pics. said I was very hot and attractive. Flirted with me all the time. Showed affection and good signs from the beginning. Spends over 6 hours on the phone with me while i was over there. She called me herself! She even asked me questions related to relationships and what I would do in certain situations. Told me she thinks I am a player and says it will take a lot of effort on my part to show her I want her. Ur telling me a girl who isn't interested would do any of that for over a period of a month and a half?? There was no way I could have predicted it to end like this if u go based off what signs she gave me- all her signs were completely positive and all ON HER END without me having any influence. She said it because she wanted too! And now she continues to remain in contact- I have taken a back seat and haven't texted her first these past 2 days. It has been her. She sent me a photo yesterday of herself! .I have stopped asking to hang out since she told me she wants to take things slow and to go with the flow whatever the hell that means. She has been in only one relationship. 4.5 year one and she has been single 2 years now (from what she has told me) so she doesn't seem like the type to go from guy to guy and to play games like this (that wasn't the impression I got out of her when we talked on the phone) She has good family values, doesn't go out to clubs and bars and focuses on school and work mostly. She even told me over the phone she would make me wait a month to see me to see how much I truly want her because she thinks I just want to hook up with her. I have no idea if she actually is doing this... Either she is playing hard to get or just stringing me along for whatever reason. Either way I can't take it anymore because her behavior DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. and that's one of the problems here I am trying to understand how someone can do a complete 180 in such a short amount of time. If she wasn't interested why do all of that- why put in all that effort for nothing in the end? For attention? Really?? Is she that desperate for attention she needed to go through all that ? I kept in contact with her during my one month vacation because I had a good feeling something was going to come out of it when I came back. I had completely positive signals and signs from her. So when I came back for her to behave like this was a huge slap to the face..so can you see why I am beyond pissed at this point? I had no way of knowing she would behave like this.. So that's why I don't know what to do now and am stuck in limbo because her behavior is out of this world Edited August 10, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
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