Jump to content

Break NC with an old ex to break daily awkwardness.. yes or no?

OK_computer

By OK_computer
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

Posted
Posted

Okay PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR ASKING..

 

Should I break it?

 

Here are the facts:

1. I don't have feelings for her anymore

2. She has a bf

3. Things ended badly between us about a year ago

4. We see each other everyday it's cold stares daily, super awkward, and not healthy. There's still about 2years together, and this stuff daily not affecting me but it doesn't help with all my other problems.

5. I'd rather just end the arguing and see if she'd just like to be civil. We don't have to be friends, just acquaintances

6. This time (since its an OAOA with many BUs) it's different as in no feelings are involved except to eliminate awkwardness. No love. Im over her. I'm done. Im sure she is too.

 

 

My question is, should I just bring the situation with ex to an "hi/bye" state, just to beat the awkwardness? I feel it saves energy to be a hi bye type of RS.

 

My question is..IS NC TO HI/BYE a good idea for someone who sees their ex (eventually a mutual BU) on a daily basis to beat the awkwardness? To the clear the air?

 

B/c she is always with this new guy, and she tries to flirt more when she sees me with him, as if to try to make me jealous or hurt me or whatever. I was to tell her i don't love her, but i'd like to be cordial..I have no intention of getting closer than a hi/bye.

 

Opinions please. (dont ream me PLZ):sick:

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

I could NEVER allow myself to talk to an ex again, even as an acquaintance, but that is just me.

 

for one, I would be terrified that if she thought we were now "friends" that she could tell me how she is going in life: how her new boyfriend is, how happy she is with him, etc. I could NOT handle hearing that.

 

for two, if we were to talk again no matter what I say SHE WINS: If I am rude to her she can think to herself "oh what a jerk! thank God I dumped him, so better off without him" and if I am polite she can think "see he is doing all right! I felt a little guilty about dumping him but seeing that he is doing just fine makes me all right, no harm done!"

 

for me it is just better to never speak again.

  • Like 1
erklat Established Member

erklat

Posted
Posted

I agree. Don't touch the stove to see that it is hawt after all.

  • Like 1
  • Author
OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I could NEVER allow myself to talk to an ex again, even as an acquaintance, but that is just me.

 

for one, I would be terrified that if she thought we were now "friends" that she could tell me how she is going in life: how her new boyfriend is, how happy she is with him, etc. I could NOT handle hearing that.

for two, if we were to talk again no matter what I say SHE WINS: If I am rude to her she can think to herself "oh what a jerk! thank God I dumped him, so better off without him" and if I am polite she can think "see he is doing all right! I felt a little guilty about dumping him but seeing that he is doing just fine makes me all right, no harm done!"

 

for me it is just better to never speak again.

 

Well that's the thing..Im not saying Ill be friends with her. I want to be acquaintances perhaps, just hi/and bye not a word more. Just acknowledgment, not reuniting or anything like that.

 

I have to see her for the next 2 years almost everyday, if it was any other case I would probably not even think about it.

  • Author
OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

Posted
  • Author
Posted

come on guys..i need some feedback..

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487424-what-would-you-do-if-you-your-ex-were-empty-hall

 

You don't have feelings for her? That isn't a fact because if that were the case you wouldn't be posting a thread once a week and getting so affected by her. Let's be honest. It's much easier to deny the truth to justify the excuse.

 

The only awkwardness you feel is the one that you're creating for yourself. You're trying to find ways to break the ice with her because that helps you soothe the pain and discomfort you feel from not speaking to her.

 

Read the thread above. So much analysis over someone you don't have feelings for? A little over a month ago you posted about your ex and another guy and it was killing you.

  • Like 1
  • Author
OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487424-what-would-you-do-if-you-your-ex-were-empty-hall

 

You don't have feelings for her? That isn't a fact because if that were the case you wouldn't be posting a thread once a week and getting so affected by her. Let's be honest. It's much easier to deny the truth to justify the excuse.

 

The only awkwardness you feel is the one that you're creating for yourself. You're trying to find ways to break the ice with her because that helps you soothe the pain and discomfort you feel from not speaking to her.

 

Read the thread above. So much analysis over someone you don't have feelings for? A little over a month ago you posted about your ex and another guy and it was killing you.

 

 

You're right..I guess that answer is a flat no. How do i not make things awkward without breaking NC then?

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
You're right..I guess that answer is a flat no. How do i not make things awkward without breaking NC then?

 

Under what circumstances is it that you see each other every day?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
You're right..I guess that answer is a flat no. How do i not make things awkward without breaking NC then?

 

Things won't be awkward if you don't make them awkward.

 

We see each other everyday it's cold stares daily, super awkward, and not healthy.

 

Why are you staring at her or making eye-contact? You're at school to learn. There's tons of other people to look at, talk to, etc. Why do you have to hold stares with her?

 

I'd rather just end the arguing and see if she'd just like to be civil.

 

End what arguing? You're engaging her?

 

This time (since its an OAOA with many BUs) it's different as in no feelings are involved except to eliminate awkwardness. No love. Im over her. I'm done. Im sure she is too.

 

If no feelings are involved, then there shouldn't be any awkwardness. Indifference means you don't care. But you care too much.

  • Like 1
  • Author
OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Things won't be awkward if you don't make them awkward.

 

We see each other everyday it's cold stares daily, super awkward, and not healthy.

 

Why are you staring at her or making eye-contact? You're at school to learn. There's tons of other people to look at, talk to, etc. Why do you have to hold stares with her?

 

I'd rather just end the arguing and see if she'd just like to be civil.

 

End what arguing? You're engaging her?

 

This time (since its an OAOA with many BUs) it's different as in no feelings are involved except to eliminate awkwardness. No love. Im over her. I'm done. Im sure she is too.

 

If no feelings are involved, then there shouldn't be any awkwardness. Indifference means you don't care. But you care too much.

 

I think I tell myself I don't care, but my actions are showing that I still do, or maybe deep down I still do. I try to so hard to keep so busy and ignore it, but it's right in front of me, her and her moving on which affects me.

 

I try my best to not make eye contact, but she sits like 20 ft away from me, and talks to people around my circles. Sometimes she comes and sits a seat away, or a row behind. If I leave the room then it seems obvious that 'oh he still cares' or when i compeletly ignore it my friends come up to me and say "are you ok, you're rather silent today' and i get reminded. I'm constantly being reminded of the past b/c its right in front of me. The more I ignore her the more it seems to her and my freinds that I am more affected by it.

 

Maybe I'm just mentally week and have a psychological problem, IDK.

 

What's the best way to approach this?

 

1. No eye contact whatsoever

2. Ignore her voice when I hear it, which is always

3. Keep busy and change my schedules and timings.

4. If i see her, look away and get away ASAP.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

Tell your friends to stop asking, talking, hinting, mentioning anything about your ex, even if it's to ask if you are okay. If you aren't okay, you will let them know. Tell them that you are trying your best to cope being around her and that if you leave, it's not because of them, if you are silent, it's not because of them -- and that they should just understand that it's going to take time for you to get over the hurdle. The least amount of reminders, the best. Tell them.

 

You're building awkwardness in your head. You're being too conscious about your every move, how you look, how you seem -- all swirling and getting magnified in your head. Then you start to feel self-conscious by your own perceptions and you start to behave awkwardly.

 

It's normal to feel weak when she is around but you don't have to hold "cold" stares with her. If you catch her looking, just look away.

 

If you hear her voice, then focus on reading your book, put your earphones on, get up and go take a walk. Some things you have to just face because there are no alternatives.

 

If you can change your schedule and timing, then do that.

 

If you see her coming your way, just look ahead and pretend she isn't even there. She knows she can get a rise from you after you noting that she flirts more with the guy when you're around. Don't give her that satisfaction. Pretend like she's another student walking the halls. No need to run and hide.

ThorntonMelon Established Member

ThorntonMelon

Posted
Posted

Here is the problem as I see it.

 

You're concerned about HER reaction to you. Who gives a damn what she thinks? If your friends think something is wrong, so be it. You should do what YOU need to do to handle the situation, and no one else's feelings should factor into it at at all.

 

That being said, you're crazy if you think talking to her is going to end the awkwardness. The awkwardness is you wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. We all have that in our lives in one way or another (until we don't, I suppose). But do whatever you have to do for you. Period. I cannot see where talking to her helps you.

  • Like 1
  • Author
OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Here is the problem as I see it.

 

You're concerned about HER reaction to you. Who gives a damn what she thinks? If your friends think something is wrong, so be it. You should do what YOU need to do to handle the situation, and no one else's feelings should factor into it at at all.

 

That being said, you're crazy if you think talking to her is going to end the awkwardness. The awkwardness is you wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. We all have that in our lives in one way or another (until we don't, I suppose). But do whatever you have to do for you. Period. I cannot see where talking to her helps you.

 

 

You're right Thornton.

 

I just thought that the hi/bye thing would soothe over any ill will and past fights, atleast to a point of 'benign indifference' But on hindsight I think it leads to more hurt in the long run. ie. I develop feelings for her again, she talks behind my back, etc.

 

Better to just leave it alone. There's no going back from NC, but sometimes I have there transient thoughts of "just maybe we can just get along..."

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...