Shashasha Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Had 3 great dates, and on the 3rd date while we were showering together, he told me he was having a moment and he said that he is not quite over his ex (fresh out of a breakup - 1 month!!) I tell him its okay and he seems a bit down but yet seemed like he was picking himself up for the rest of the date.. I message him today (2 days after date - I only did because after the second date, he messages after a week saying I am very quiet and why I didn't message - I told him I was busy and I said I will message the next time) Anyway, so i asked him whether he went for a musical he said he was going for. He replies with a 'I didn't go in the end' and nothing else. Should I reply him or even continue this whole thing?
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You're showering together after the third date!? 7
StumpyNB Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You're showering together after the third date!? Settle down people, its 2014! 1
Zahara Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 He must really not be over his ex because a guy in a shower with a girl all lathered up and all he can do is be mopey about the ex? You are probably the rebound he's using to try and distract himself from her. Not sure why you'd want to pursue this. 3
ktya Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Something about showering with you reminded him of his ex. I wouldnt worry about it. If you like him keep dating him. As we get older there are things that all guys cant get over about most of their exes; whether it was shallow like how hot they were or deeper like experiences that they could never possibly have with another girl. It fades with time but will always linger. There are moments where i miss my ex-fiancee, i broke up with her 7 years ago and she cheated on me and the breakup was horrible. The first few years it was really bad (we were together 9 years) but it did get better with time. I find it lame how many people will chastize someone for dating when they arent completely over their ex. Especially if they are honest about it. Men have two people in their lives they can open up emotionally to:. Their mother and their girlfriend. The loss of the girlfriend can leave a gaping hole in a mans life. There is no time a man needs a solid, empathetic woman more than recently after a breakup. Be there for a man at that time and you can earn his undying loyalty quite easily. I broke up with this jerry springer episode girl back in 2008. I met this girl shortly thereafter. Turned out she had BPD something feirce and the relationship was terrible after a few months. But she took my side and chased off the jerry springer episode woman and her trailer park family and really was there for me when i needed a solid woman. It didnt last because of the BPD but i tried like hell to make it work because of those few weeks. Be strong, ask him about his ex and the breakup, make him feel comfortable talking about it around you. You may land a very loyal boyfriend or even just a great friend. But you will win either way. 2
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Woah, pump the breaks girl. You should slow down. He should slow down. This whole thing is moving way too fast way too soon. 1
mammasita Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 They met on Tinder.....they showered, so what. That said, don't expect anything long term from this guy. #1 - because its Tinder #2 - because he's rebounding 1
Omei Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Settle down people, its 2014! That's what's wrong with the world that its 2014 nothing takes time and care anymore. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Be strong, ask him about his ex and the breakup, make him feel comfortable talking about it around you. You may land a very loyal boyfriend or even just a great friend. But you will win either way. I respectfully disagree. You are there to be his date and potential girlfriend, not his therapist. He will lose respect for you if you're willing to sit and let him ramble on and on about his ex. He'll start to see you more as a friend. At the very least he'll think you're insecure and nosy because you're prying into a breakup and relationship that doesn't concern you, after it's over. One month doesn't sound long enough for this guy to get over his ex enough for anything serious. I would take it for what it is, a rebound fling, or get away if you are concerned you might develop stronger feelings down the line. 2
Missy0724 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Just went thru this. BIG RED FLAG. Sorry, are you ok with being sloppy seconds? or being intimate with someone, knowing that they perhaps thinking of someone else? That means they are not 100% into you, especially emotionally. Yup, it will put you in the "friend zone". That's exactly what happened to me after 9 months. I tried to be supportive, understanding, a loyal girlfriend. Nice that he was using me for sex AND a therapist... Live and learn. Don't do it. Walk away. Because if you fall for him, the only one hurt, will be YOU. He won't care, because his mind somewhere else, on someone else. Sure, we all have others in our memory. But it should be in a healthy way. And if a guy is actually coming out and telling you, "I'm not over her." Please listen and walk away. It could be a stall tactic, too. To use you as a rebound, back up, bc he THINKS he will get over her eventually. So might as well get some action while he's "healing". There you go - sloppy seconds. Have some self respect and say Goodbye. Find someone who adores YOU and only YOU. If that is what you are looking for, your values. But everyone one different... 1
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 That's what's wrong with the world that its 2014 nothing takes time and care anymore. If only LS gave out awards for best post...this would surly win! I applaud this. 1
Author Shashasha Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Thanks for the advice everyone! I did message him and I asked him if everything was okay - he said it was 'okay, thanks' and I didn't reply him. Yeah, this is definitely a chapter closed. I cant be a second option and yes, I wont settle for anyone who doesn't treat me like the best. 2
HappyLove Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 You've gotta give it time to show that someone will treat you well. If you're already in the shower third date it won't be easy to find. I mean when you consider meeting off the net first date is just a meetup so really on 2nd date your in the shower. Crazy! Do you even know if he has STD's?
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