Natsu21 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Honesty time, men! Ya'll need to be real honest(women can chime in too) Would you trust your girlfriend if she had a LOT of guy friends? Leave your responses in the comment section BELOW.
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I wouldn't trust a guy who didn't like me having male friends. I have close, good, and best friends of both genders. Friends that have been there for me through thick and thin for years, while relationships have come and gone. There's no way I'm ditching my friendships for the sake of a new romantic partner. If they were simply a little jealous however I'd make efforts to include them, introduce them, show them there's nothing suspicious afoot. My current boyfriend has plenty of close girl mates, he even lives with three of them (although he's spent about a night there since he moved in four months ago as we've been basically living together at mine), he will happily go with one of them alone out for drinks to see a band etc. when I'm busy and can't make it. I honestly don't get the problem, if you can't trust your significant other around people of the opposite gender it doesn't say much about how you view them. If somebody wants to cheat, they will, whatever silly childish restrictions you place on them. And any independent, mature man or woman worth their salt will run a mile once they sense that you're trying to control them. 2
Author Natsu21 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Okay. I hear you, Across the Universe... Now someone, preferably a male, I want your take on it, since the majority of the census of women will be the same(no offense, I'm asking males for their input mostly, cause girls...don't think like guys. Your take, fellas?
marcjb Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) No, I've already learned from past experience that anyone with too many "friends" of the opposite sex or no friends of the same sex cannot be trusted. I was engaged to someone and don't plan on going through that again. I hear things like "I would never give up my friends, what if the relationship doesn't work out". These people are just sabotaging the potentially good relationship right from the start because they are already planning for the relationship to not work out longterm. It's amusing that some people think their opposite gender "friends" will be sticking around when they're older, or that their "friends" significant other will also be putting up with the same behavior. Even if it's subconscious and the person doesn't realize it, their "friends" are nothing more than their very own backup plans which they are creating... Edited August 4, 2014 by marcjb 2
FrostBlaze Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) Yes. Meet every now and then and just talk kind of friends ? k. Hang often and BFF opposite sex friends?(single ofc) No. In general no, those are backup plans, i've experienced it myself and seen it being done by other girl "friends" of mine. The moment they break up, they start flirting and hitting on all their close male friends, or they do it even before the breakup.(not all, but most) It's just nature, men and women can't stay friends without sexual tension, you just need one of them to slip up for **** to happen. Only iron willed people actually resist, but they are few. I'm not some relationship breaking ho', but i like to flirt since i kinda got the hang of it with a lot of my female friends that have BF'z. Out of all of them, only one has strict boundaries and ignores anything sexual i do, rest would and have jumped me for some loving, good thing i refuse. I just like to tease them cuz i'm practicing for myself, but lol. My ex's flirted and left for BFF'z gettin to close, or when i got dumped by one she immediately hooked up with one of her known male friends soo... Short answer. Yes, big problem, me no likey ! Also you have to deal with the fact that people cheat, you may never know but they do, often with their friends. I was baffled 1 week ago at work when my co-workers started talking about this, they all decided to admit they have cheated on their wives, except for 1 girl out of all 12 people present there. (excluding myself also), so 10 cheated. xD That girl that didn't cheat was talking very highly of her partner, she obviously respects him. The problem these days is that most people don't respect their partners and give in to temptation, it's why cheating and having opposite sex friends is such a big problem. Edited August 4, 2014 by FrostBlaze 2
marcjb Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) Also, I guarantee that in most cases, the person with all the opposite gender "friends" has had sex with at least a few of them before. If someone wants to act single, they should remain single and not drag another person's emotions through the mud. They can go have "fun" with all of their "friends"... I won't be part of it. Edited August 4, 2014 by marcjb 2
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Your Q is asked a LOT. I always believe pre-existing friends are part of the deal. They have to be genuine friends only not EXs who are mislabeled as friends. There have to be bright line boundaries & the new BF needs to be welcome at the friend events. 3
hotpotato Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Okay. I hear you, Across the Universe... Now someone, preferably a male, I want your take on it, since the majority of the census of women will be the same(no offense, I'm asking males for their input mostly, cause girls...don't think like guys. Your take, fellas? I"m a female, and I say male friends are not friends. They are f budddies and potential future boyfriends. What male friends offer is not different from what one could get from a bf or f buddy. 3
AnneT1985 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I think a diverse mix of pre existing friends are healthy. I'd have questions if anyone only hung out with one gender though. Best of luck to you! xx
Author Natsu21 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 One of my friends, who is older than me but not my much, we've been friends for a year. She has a boyfriend now, and he knows about me and is extremely jealous. Sad thing is, he's justified. You know how when guys get friendzoned the girls hardly pay attention to them? She constantly wants to and likes hanging out with me and admitted to me being a very attractive guy. Now with that being said. Is he right to feel threatened? Yes. Cause a lot of times, but not always, girls can have male friends, but those male friends aren't just there for the "talks" at least not all the time. Being friends is a CHOICE....but biologically , we are bred to...well breed. Why do you think unattractive women don't have lots of loyal male friends(unless it is KNOWN she's easy, then they stick around only when it's convenient for them.) A man once said "A man(or woman) is only as faithful as their options." Sadly, I find that to be becoming more true as time passes. It's a choice to remain faithful. That's why I believe men and woman CAN be friends, by choice But women tend to seem to believe, wholeheartedly in general, that all the men they are friends with would turn down a piece of their pie if given the opportunity. We are your friends. Difference is, while we'll go get a few beers and play sports with the guys, we'll be trying to go after your pie. This has been a Natsu21 announcement. 1
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Honesty time, men! Ya'll need to be real honest(women can chime in too) Would you trust your girlfriend if she had a LOT of guy friends? Leave your responses in the comment section BELOW. It would bother me if the guy was in constant contact with my girlfriend. She should only be having occassional contacts with male friends not everyday 1
marcjb Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) It would bother me if the guy was in constant contact with my girlfriend. She should only be having occassional contacts with male friends not everyday Yes, big difference between "friends" and acquaintaces. Acquaintances are ok, "friends" are not. I'm all too familiar with the games people will play. "Oh, them? They're a "friend". "I'd like you to meet one of my "friends". "Honey, I made a new "friend" at work / school today". Translation: "We used to ****" / "I'm keeping my options open". I have no reason to keep a bunch of female friends, and from my experience if I meet someone who has a bunch of male friends, it's not a red flag that I will ignore again. They will be nexted immediately. Edited August 4, 2014 by marcjb 1
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Yes, big difference between "friends" and acquaintaces. Acquaintances are ok, "friends" are not. I'm all too familiar with the games people will play. "Oh, them? They're a "friend". "I'd like you to meet one of my "friends". "Honey, I made a new "friend" at work / school today". Translation: "We used to ****" / "I'm keeping my options open". I have no reason to keep a bunch of female friends, and from my experience if I meet someone who has a bunch of male friends, it's not a red flag that I will ignore again. They will be nexted immediately. I have 2 female platonic friends and that's all I need so I agree
central Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I don't care how many male friends she has. I do care about how she behaves in their company, and when, where, and how often she sees them and communicates with them. Basically, I trust her if she acts in a trustworthy and transparent manner, and does not exclude me from meeting them or being (sometimes, at least) involved in activities. This goes both ways, and she would have to have a comparable attitude about my female friends.
newmoon Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 as a few people said, i think it's ok if they are casual friends. a phone call now and again. maybe a dinner here and there. but everyday contact, or frequent texts and calls means that person ins't investing in you/your relationship and that is an issue. everyone is entitled to friendships of both sexes, but not if that friendship is so close it becomes a primary source of interest even after you have a partner
Woggle Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 It depends on if they are true friends or orbiters waiting for a weak moment to pounce on her. There is a huge difference and it any man who has been around the block a few times can tell when it is more than just friends. A woman's entire demeanor towards you changes when she is interested in another man. When it is just platonic that doesn't happen.
todreaminblue Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 i dont do romance with guy friends ......that means one on one dates or time together...normally theres a group.......in saying that i agree its hard to maintain true friendship with opposite sex friends...normally guys make their move .....sooner or later...if i am in a relationship and they make a move its disrespect because they would know i am in a relationship....i dont allow a guy i am with to eb disrespected or not acknowledged......if a guy i was with was unsure about any of my friends i would do what i could to make him feel more comfortable. if that meant limiting contact.....my relationship would come first......over a male friend...always has ..deb
44tt Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 i dont do romance with guy friends ......that means one on one dates or time together...normally theres a group.......in saying that i agree its hard to maintain true friendship with opposite sex friends...normally guys make their move .....sooner or later...if i am in a relationship and they make a move its disrespect because they would know i am in a relationship....i dont allow a guy i am with to eb disrespected or not acknowledged......if a guy i was with was unsure about any of my friends i would do what i could to make him feel more comfortable. if that meant limiting contact.....my relationship would come first......over a male friend...always has ..deb My female friend only talks to me on the phone when she is driving and that's how it should be lol
SmartDude Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I definitely support the woman I am with having male friends. Actually I would like the woman I am with to do whatever she pleases. If she chooses to stay with me she will stay, If she chooses not to stay with me she should leave. I don't see the harm of her having sex with other guys, If that is what she wants to do. If she finds someone who she has a better connection with, then perhaps they should be together. I only want a woman who chooses to be with me. It is that simple. If having fun with other guys turns her on, I say why not? I would prefer it to be out in the open. If a breakup is imminent then her having sex with someone else will only speed up the process. This benefits me in the long run as well.
44tt Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I definitely support the woman I am with having male friends. Actually I would like the woman I am with to do whatever she pleases. If she chooses to stay with me she will stay, If she chooses not to stay with me she should leave. I don't see the harm of her having sex with other guys, If that is what she wants to do. If she finds someone who she has a better connection with, then perhaps they should be together. I only want a woman who chooses to be with me. It is that simple. If having fun with other guys turns her on, I say why not? I would prefer it to be out in the open. If a breakup is imminent then her having sex with someone else will only speed up the process. This benefits me in the long run as well. You have a strong point lol
marcjb Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) I definitely support the woman I am with having male friends. Actually I would like the woman I am with to do whatever she pleases. If she chooses to stay with me she will stay, If she chooses not to stay with me she should leave. I don't see the harm of her having sex with other guys, If that is what she wants to do. If she finds someone who she has a better connection with, then perhaps they should be together. I only want a woman who chooses to be with me. It is that simple. If having fun with other guys turns her on, I say why not? I would prefer it to be out in the open. If a breakup is imminent then her having sex with someone else will only speed up the process. This benefits me in the long run as well. You have a strong point lol In an "ideal" world, sure. You see the problem isn't essentially this, but the fact that most people that behave this way, seeking the "greener grass" will not be open about it. What happens is that they want to keep you as a backup option while they test the "greener grass" and cheat. This is the problem. Cheating. Not that they want to be with someone else, but that people are this shallow to cheat, leaving the one that's been cheated on oblivious until it has been going on behind their back for months, or even years, or never knowing at all while the cheater actually changes their mind and stays with the partner they cheated on. Now if the person wants to go be with their "greener grass", fine. But my pasture will no longer be open to them once they realized they made a mistake. Too many people are clueless by the fact that the only "green grass" that exists is their own, but some people don't know that they need to water it. It's why they say "once a cheater, always a cheater". They are just so empty inside that they think they need to fulfill themselves with the external while the real problem is they are so empty inside. They don't really care about themselves, or anyone else for that matter. Edited August 5, 2014 by marcjb
SmartDude Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 In an "ideal" world, sure. You see the problem isn't essentially this, but the fact that most people that behave this way, seeking the "greener grass" will not be open about it. What happens is that they want to keep you as a backup option while they test the "greener grass" and cheat. This is the problem. Cheating. Not that they want to be with someone else, but that people are this shallow to cheat, leaving the one that's been cheated on oblivious until it has been going on behind their back for months, or even years, or never knowing at all while the cheater actually changes their mind and stays with the partner they cheated on. Now if the person wants to go be with their "greener grass", fine. But my pasture will no longer be open to them once they realized they made a mistake. Too many people are clueless by the fact that the only "green grass" that exists is their own, but some people don't know that they need to water it. It's why they say "once a cheater, always a cheater". They are just so empty inside that they think they need to fulfill themselves with the external while the real problem is they are so empty inside. They don't really care about themselves, or anyone else for that matter. My view works for me, Not saying it will work for anyone else. If done wrong it can be rather self destructive actually. Funny thing happens though. When I encounter the type of woman who lies and likes to keep secrets...My viewpoints on life act as a natural replant. It scrambles her mind and she looses interest quickly. She does not know what to do with me:D
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