Nony101 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Hey everyone. I'm getting married soon. Things with my fiance have been going pretty well since the last time I posted. I come to you with a problem. My fiance is having a lot of friends coming in to town for the wedding. They want to take her out for her bachlorette party, but from what she was telling me of what they have planned, they're going for the stereotypical what you see in movies kind of bachlorette party. I didn't have a party because I chose not to. She's not the type of girl that would enjoy a movie style bachlorette party. I trust her, but it's the other people I don't trust. They're planning on having strippers there, and other oddities, that I definitely do not approve of. Like I said, I trust her, but alcohol and peer pressure make people do things they don't want to do. The worst part is that her family seems to be okay with this behavior. I told her that I am not. What do I do in this situation? I'm more reserved, so she understands what I think is appropriate and not appropriate. I trust her, and I know she would not hurt me. The party is this weekend, and our wedding the following week. If anything happened during the party that I did not approve of, I would cancel the wedding. I will not start a marriage on unfaithfulness and mistrust/misjudgement. Why is this so hard? Why does society do this to the sanctity of marriage? I just want to be faithful to my wife and vice versa. I want to be her first and only, yet society says it's ok to have a one night fling like this. Am I overreacting here? If not, how do I communicate that there are very real irreversible consequences? I will not marry someone I cannot trust and is easily manipulated to be unfaithful.
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 "If anything happened during the party that I did not approve of....." What would that be? You said you trust her but not some of her whoohoo party girl friends. So some of them might play up, but your gf shouldn't. Have a chat to her best friend who you trust 'hopefully' and express your concerns to her and hopefully she will watch out and back the others off from encouraging what you deem as inappropriate behavior I don't think you can stop this party from going ahead as you said she's not the conservative type of girl like you in this regard. I think you are cooking up extreme outcomes here, when you start talking about being faithful. You think she is going to blow/bang a stripper?
bobsmith76 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Hey everyone. I'm getting married soon. Things with my fiance have been going pretty well since the last time I posted. I come to you with a problem. My fiance is having a lot of friends coming in to town for the wedding. They want to take her out for her bachlorette party, but from what she was telling me of what they have planned, they're going for the stereotypical what you see in movies kind of bachlorette party. I didn't have a party because I chose not to. She's not the type of girl that would enjoy a movie style bachlorette party. I trust her, but it's the other people I don't trust. They're planning on having strippers there, and other oddities, that I definitely do not approve of. Like I said, I trust her, but alcohol and peer pressure make people do things they don't want to do. The worst part is that her family seems to be okay with this behavior. I told her that I am not. What do I do in this situation? I'm more reserved, so she understands what I think is appropriate and not appropriate. I trust her, and I know she would not hurt me. The party is this weekend, and our wedding the following week. If anything happened during the party that I did not approve of, I would cancel the wedding. I will not start a marriage on unfaithfulness and mistrust/misjudgement. Why is this so hard? Why does society do this to the sanctity of marriage? I just want to be faithful to my wife and vice versa. I want to be her first and only, yet society says it's ok to have a one night fling like this. Am I overreacting here? If not, how do I communicate that there are very real irreversible consequences? I will not marry someone I cannot trust and is easily manipulated to be unfaithful. This is entirely an appropriate reaction for you. You have already said that if something happens that you don't approve of then you will cancel the wedding. Why not just give her an ultimatum: either cancel the bacherlorette party or cancel the wedding. Of course, she will cave. Or you could just give an ultimateum of the parts of the bacherlorette party that you don't like, such as the stripper part. That's what I would do if I were you. Having strippers at a bacherlorette party is entirely inappropriate. Let us know what you decide to do.
Noproblem Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 The more you say "I trust her.", the more you seem not trusting her at all. If she loves you, she won't do anything wrong.
Author Nony101 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Thanks for the responses everyone. I tend to be one that goes to the worst case scenario. Having had some time to "cool off", I feel better. She knows how I feel, and her best friend is making efforts to have the stripper cancelled (the person hosting is one of the out of town guests). Having typed it out and received some responses, I feel a lot better about the whole thing. In the end I know that she loves me and she wouldn't do anything to cause me to not trust her. Initially I think I was just upset. Marriage is about trust and committing your life to one person, yet for some reason we have these parties based on the premise of "one last fling" before being "tied down".
ascendotum Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Having typed it out and received some responses, I feel a lot better about the whole thing. In the end I know that she loves me and she wouldn't do anything to cause me to not trust her. Initially I think I was just upset. Marriage is about trust and committing your life to one person, yet for some reason we have these parties based on the premise of "one last fling" before being "tied down". You say that but reading between the lines here its clear you don't. I know you are factoring in alcohol, but still you don't really trust her otherwise you would be fine with a stripper. There are going to be plenty of witnesses there so it is a huge risk for her to do anything freaky. Also I don't know where you quite get this term from 'one last fling'. Its a night to go a little wild with your friends but its not going to full on debauchery where fling = blowjob with a stripper. If you don't like her looking at a naked man, I'm not going to tell you how you should feel, but it seems more than that to me. If the stripper gets cancelled and she is cool with that (I'm sure some of her friends will be disappointed), then its a happy outcome for you. If she would have forbidden you to go to a strip club then she can't complain.
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Just like you can't start a marriage on mistrust, you can't start one with an ultimatum. You have to clarify to her what behavior is OK & what's not. If you don't want strippers say that. If you don't want her to have any fun, you may need to compromise on that one. I don't know what you mean for stereotypical bachelorette party. I've never done the same thing twice at a bachelorette party. One was in somebody's living room; we gave the bride to be joke gifts: fuzzy hand cuffs, vibrators, crotchless panties etc. One we went to a male strip club. One we went to a comedy show. One we wore sexy gowns & went to a black tie charity ball. One we got the best table in the house at some steak house, drank a bunch of champagne & ended up riding around NYC in a limo. One we rented a party bus & bar hopped through a resort town with the bride to be wearing a t-shirt that said bride & a fake veil. One we went to a spa & got massages & facials. DH & I had a joint one; we took all our friend to the bar where we met. Any good relationship is based on communications. You two need to discuss your expectations.
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