Helpful advice needed on my situation PLEASE!!

[strange love]

Ok heres a quick synopsis of my situation.

 

I met someone over a year ago (aug 03)

First day I met her, we didnt leave each others side. Day turned into evening, evening turned into morning, morning into day into evening until I ended up at her place and after that day I started staying with her.

 

We had our share of ups and downs and I had problems that she gave me help working through.. looking back I was pretty stressed out at the time and I was snapping at her I kind realize now while writing this although many friends said any woman would have helped me, I see the unselfish effort that she made. Dont get me wrong I helped her out as much as I could to.

 

In any case where I am at now is late august 04 after breaking up and getting back together again, and going through so many ups and downs I just told her stop calling me and get out of my life. Within a few days some of my stuff was dropped off at my friends place.. I felt sick to my stomach. Although I had asked for my stuff back for many months actually getting some of back didnt feel so good it was though a bond was broken.. That was sept 04.. oct o4 I decided to send her a lovely romantic email. She responded back with an angry one.

 

So that was that I didnt try and contact her. Finally in late december she pops up on MSN but doesnt message me. She does this about once a week until I message her and she answers back in a monotone.. until she starts lashing out at me.

WELL THE NEXT TIME she shows up she gets angry again then mentions she wishes to tell me off over the phone.. so I said be my guest, but I was down in the dumps about something so listening to her bitch at me wasnt what I needed, I know I should have listened as sometimes thats all someone wants is for you to listen to them bitch but I didnt know how to deal with. So I ended up telling her dont call me or contact me anymore, I hung up. After a few minutes I was hoping she would call again...im sure you have all been there.

 

So Finally one day she called me on the phone and was really nice. Although she did sound a bit insecure and she was asking me alot of questions... from the chat it seemed like she wasnt seeing anyone, and any guy she mentioned she would add hes just a friend.

I didnt hear from her, and since I have no way to contact her except email or msn

and any emails I sent she didnt seem to be reading so I thought alright Ill just wait.

My intuition told me it would be probably a good idea to email but I wasnt sure.

Finally she jumped on msn and she was very angry again.. ahhh mama mia

 

I logged off.. A few days later she was messaging me and I can remember was her typing "you dont like me anymore?"

but i wasnt around to reply.

 

Since then I sent 3 valentine e cards, she picked up every single one, I really thought that was a good sign. And my friend said he thought he saw her walking by my shop in the evening last week, im really hoping that was the case.

 

The last thing I did was send another cutesy e-card but she hasnt picked it up yet.

I guess its like this.. I used to be so good at playing this dumb game and now I guess that I actually really do have some pretty deep feelings for this person its thrown off my wiring.. I what im looking for is some insight into what may be going on inside her head.

 

strangelove

[RedTigerNY]

hey strangelove, thanx for reply to my post.

 

she was prob angry at first when u sent that romantic email. did u apologize in the email? a sadder i'm sorry kind of email mightve worked more, b/c saying get out of my life then sending a romantic email? that mightve freaked her out. she is prob sayin to herself how can this guy say such mean things to me then turn around 180 degree. she prob thinks u take this thing too lightly. she mightve not taken the email as u being sincere. simple seems to be better, the romantic email and love notes i think is what threw it off.

 

girls wanna think theres a wound to heal and u treatin it lightly (or at least to HER eyes it appears) makes them frustrated and angry i think. i would stop w the romantic stuff and go to her hands empty plain and simple and bare urself to her cos thats what it seems she wants.

 

please no more cutesty emails to her. i think she senses the fakeness. i mean i know u truly care for her, but these emails just dive past the point - that u want to be w her and didnt really mean what u said w 'get out of my life'.

 

also - do u remember what made her happy when u all were together?

[strange love]

Yes

 

I do remember

she likes little things. Im sure should would like this latest cutesy email I sent if she would even bother to open it. She constantly watched stuff like spaceghost coast to coast and.. she liked stuff like harry potter and shrek..etc.. teddy bears

I even made her a cd once..

 

One thing she was upset about a long long time ago was she asked me exactly when we met.. I was like sometime in august.. she didnt seem too impressed so i actually went back and figured out the exact day. The last time I talked to her she asked me and I knew I even told her i wrote it down ..she seemed happy and somewhat impressed.

 

But in the meantime I wonder if she will contact me ever again...?

[RedTigerNY]

invite her over to watch spaceghost with you ..

 

or even find a tape of an episode that was her favorite (and hopefully urs too) and surprise her w it when she comes over.

[strange love]

I wish it was that easy

 

see she moved (still in city)

 

and changed her number

 

any contact I have had is through MSN or her phoning me.

 

so...

[RedTigerNY]

is the city far away?

 

b/c in person is more impactful and sincere/serious than msn/phone, which is more convenient and doesnt have as much effect.....

[englishrose]

hi Strange love thanks for replying to my post.

 

Thanks for your advice i will certainly think about taking up Yoga !!!!

 

As regards to your problem perhaps I am not the best person to give advice but heres what I think.

You and her seemed to be picking moments when one of you is upset.You say you asked for your stuff back and then when she gives it back you get upset.

 

My husbands stuff is still in the house its like he's packed for a holiday!!

If I dont get any joy from him within the next few weeks I will take the decision to move all his stuff out . So although it appears you only said it in the heat of the moment she has actually carried out your wishes. She obviously feels that you want to make the final break by asking for all this and she is hurt by this.

 

It appears that everytime you try to contact her she gets angry. I too am getting angrier by the day each time my husband stays away.

 

I think the best thing for you to do is to contact her and invite her out for a drink or a meal and sit down and try and talk to each other. If she is anything like me (and I like cuddly soppy things and shrek etc ) perhaps you could send her a nice bouquet of flowers .

 

Like I said before I am not the best person to ask with everything that is going on in my head but I can see some of your girlfriends behaviour in me and I can understand why she is blowing hot and cold.

 

All of my friends have given me the advice that I should stay calm and be so nice to him but it is very very hard not to get angry with someone when they treat you like this.

 

I wish you all the best and I hope you get it sorted

[strange love]

yes i know

 

No shes in the same city as me perhaps even a few blocks away

but i dont know where..

 

so u see my dilema (sP)

 

all i can do is bide my time and work on my physical appearance and tidy up the shop.. i guess she usually pops up when i least expect

 

how are u doing on your NC?

[strange love]

Hi Englishrose I didnt see you reply to my post

way back when she dropped off my stuff it wasnt all of it..

 

I guess I would have to wait for her to either drop by my shop

bump into me somewhere or wait till she is really nice to me and in a good mood

I dont know when that will happen if ever

 

The thing that makes things tough is

 

- I have no idea where she lives

- I dont know what her phone number is

 

I guess I can only wait and thats it.

 

The last time I went through this she phoned me and phoned me.

this time theres really no contact and she is realy angry.. she wasnt angry like this last time. I kinda think she met someone..

or

maybe she is still too angry at me to chat

[nan]

Hmmmmm.

 

So I haven't talked to you in a while and was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing, but I guess you are just as confused as ever.

 

I'm really not sure what to say to you but it almost sounds like she's playing games. In which case you said that you used to be really good at playing back, so maybe you have to do that.

 

Or maybe she really is pissed at you, in any case all you can do is just keep hanging around and letting here know that you are still thinking about her. It sounds like you did a good thing with sending her the valentines. These are the kinds of things that you can do to show her that you are still thinking of her without being creepy and stalker-like. I think you doing alright.

 

Let me know.

 

Talk to you soon.

 

Nan

[smile]

Sorry I havent been around to read or reply. The comics are going great. There is a book of Sin City out now I think I am going to get.. since the comic is out of print. Looks like a graphic novel type thing.

 

Anyhoo about your situation. I have no idea what she is thinking, neither do you ... so maybe take into consideration that maybe she doesnt know what she is thinking either. And sometimes the more you push for an answer that someone has yet to come to , the angrier and more frustrated that person gets.

 

I know this sucks but you have to give her space. You have to let her come to you now. I know it sucks and there are a million possibilities as to why she hasnt called and most of them are bad... but you cant decide its bad without knowing for sure. I have found that the things I made up in my head as far as my ex goes were far more gruesome than the truth. In my case the truth being his head was too mixed to know which way was up.

 

Give her space. And live your life. I know it is so sucky that the ex always knows just how and when to give just enough so you start wondering again. False hopes and all. But you have to take this time to be you... and realize you can go on without her.

 

Sometimes a person has to lose, or come close to losing, something in order to realize what it means. I could never appreciate my ex the way our relationship was. Its only now after so much time and crap that I can see all the stuff I took for granted. Give her the space and time to come to these truths on her own.

 

She knows you care, and I am sure that means the world to her. Now let her figure out how she feels about it all. Girls like to be swept up sure, but this is a second time around... and , at least for me, that means more reality than before... honesty... with myself and to myself... I hope that makes sense.

[strange love]

Well.....

 

it has been so long since anyone replied to my post.

Ms. Smile..... Im not really sure if NC is such a good idea amymore. I wonder if you follow astrology or had any experiences with Tarot cards.

I know this sounds extremely hoaky and perhaps delusional. I check my horoscope out everyday and hers as well. Lately for a string of days my horoscope says things like well heres an example

------After weeks of thinking this thing over, you're absolutely ready to have that sit-down chat with someone -- the one you've been trying to put off indefinitely, whether or not you realize it.------

or

-----You're better at holding a grudge than you admit to yourself. Free yourself from the past to make room for more love in the future. -----

or

------The realm of romance has a riddle for you to solve, one that requires you toss out one of your favorite delusions and remove one of your favorite veils. You'd be wise to hop to it.-----

or

------Don't let hurt feelings get in the way of a sincere apology. Kiss and make up -- it's the very best part of disagreeing.

 

and so you see.... theres more where that came from seems a bit too coindental too me.

Now in regards to TAROT cards I started messing around with the cards as somewhat of a stress/boredom reliever I found they helped me to get through a few days at times..

Lately I had some weird stuff happening, ie psyhic occurances. Talking to people and knowing stuff about them or things that were going on in their life that I shouldnt otherwise know about..

I was pretty freaked out by these episodes. I have since not bothered to play around with that stuff except the tarot cards. Wow I cant beleive im opening up on here about this stuff, I really prefer to not discuss this stuff since it can be looked at as being very KOOKY.

In any case every time I do my TAROT cards I get the same message.. and I think thats weird.....

 

And so I was up really early this morning... and I thought alot about my situation

and about where im at now. I basically have this huge weird electic shop thats filled with Bikes, toys, dvds, comic books, records, cds.. Its a bikeshop /cd shop and I live in the shop. I really havent opened the shop since oct 15th Ive become somewhat of a hermit. I was thinking whats really at the root, what really makes me soo soooo sad. And its not having her around.

It started back in august when I realized ms. A (my ex) and my best friend and sidekick mr.J were 2 people I might be better off cutting ties with. So he left the shop... and I told her to not bother me anymore. It was only after they were gone

I realized despite the ups and downs, That these 2 were the most important people in my life. I have since explained this to mr. J and I have a much better friendship with him now.. but I never confessed this to Ms. A.

I mean despite her driving me up the wall etc.. My bussiness thrived.. and with her gone I didnt predict Id lose all interest.

And to top it all off that day she was nice to me she was plugging me for info and I didnt really confess my feelings to her.

Its funny you say she knows I care

im not so sure..

 

strangelove

[smile]

Well I cant write you off as a kook for the tarot card thing or even the horoscope thing. Sometimes its a crazy coincodence and sometimes its much more than that. I believe in a divine order and all that jazz.... so I dont think youre crazy. Whatever gets you through the night right?

 

As far as the rest goes. I have gotten tons of advice here and while it has been much appreciated the best advice I have gotten is that I have to do what I feel is right. I can read this post and even chat with you but it is still something I am somewhat detatched from. Not like I dont care... I mean its not my life.. I can read it or I can not read it... I am not IN it. Wow its sounding jerky but I dont mean it that way. The same can be said of my situation. Its justs words to you... even if you ultimately care about the outcome.

 

ANYWAY what I am getting at is.. I dont know her or the feelings. I only know what I read and it seems so easy to give you advice... way easier than for me to take advice. Geesh this is just getting mucked up.

 

You need to do what you need to do. Do what fulfills you. If you need to plow through until the bitter end ( or to a new begining) then you need to. If you need to tell her again then do it.. if you need to find her talk to her apologize , explain, whatever then you do it.

 

I can hope you dont get hurt, I can give you all the advice I wouldnt take. But in the end you need to do what you feel is right. I think acting on your impulses is what leads you to your life. The mistakes and the triumphs.

Life hurts yeh so what sometimes it does... but its the hurt and the risk that makes the sweet simple moments so incredible. You go out and find the love you want.

 

I hope it works out the way you want it to, or even any way. Resolution is so freeing ( I imagine). I have chosen what I have and have gotten some crap here for it. But I really believe you need to make it right in your heart.

I am sorry about the no action suggestion. It was just me wishing that life could work itself out somewhere for someone... and hey you seem like a good guy. I hope it works out for you.