Beebar Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I posted this in Breakups as well and was hoping I could get an opinion from here too. I met a guy on a 2-week-long trip, and I'm going back to his country for another semester. We had such a great time together (both emotional and physical) that he asked me to be his girlfriend and to keep things exclusive while I'm back home (and to be Facebook official). We've talked every day and lately he has been a little clingy, already talking about our future plans and him moving to my country when he finished school. His parents added me on Facebook and he is already making plans to introduce me to his extended family and best friends. His friends said they've never seen him so happy and he smiles like crazy every time he gets a text from me. He also said if anything falls through with my dorm during study abroad, I can stay with him. It is freaking me out and I regret allowing myself to get into this LDR that he is taking more seriously than me. I like him and want to spend time with him when I go back to his country, but I've already decided I do not want to continue things once I go back home from my second study abroad. I don't think we have enough of a foundation to go on after I leave. We've only been dating a month! I guess what I would say to him is that I don't think this is going to work long term but I would still like to have a good time during study abroad, and I think it would be better to end on a good note and get some closure in person rather than wait for things to get problematic when we are long distance. 1. Is this an okay way to approach this topic? To continue things while we are in person but have an end date in sight? I am fully aware that he may not want to continue things, but if he is willing then I would still like to spend some time together in person (I've been in LDRs before and know things can be quite different in person than when you're away from each other) 2. His birthday is this week...would it be better to have this talk now, or do I have to wait until after? I feel like it's phony if I wait. He's in his 30s and doesn't think his birthday is important, but I still don't want to be a jerk
TB Rhine Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 We've talked every day and lately he has been a little clingy, already talking about our future plans and him moving to my country when he finished school. His parents added me on Facebook and he is already making plans to introduce me to his extended family and best friends. Umm... you're dating exclusively. Across continents. Where did you pick up the idea that this was just a fun, no strings attached little fling. Oy, modern women and their victim mentality... 2
truth_seeker Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Umm... you're dating exclusively. Across continents. Where did you pick up the idea that this was just a fun, no strings attached little fling. Oy, modern women and their victim mentality... Women with victim mentality's are very dangerous. They're always on the lookout for a pawn to carry out their dastardly deeds. 2
somedude81 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 You need to tell him that things are moving too fast. Also, why did you let things move so fast? You've known the dude for two weeks and agreed to be exclusive. Why? Also I hope " We had such a great time together (both emotional and physical)" doesn't mean what I think it means.
truth_seeker Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I like the title of this thread "creepy LDR" yet she wants to continue having fun with this "creepy LDR"... so much for creepy being a bad thing? I wish she would do this guy a favor and let him love a real woman... 4
FnlyFrei Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I second what they said above me here...and I think you should just end it...he sounds like he is still in the honeymoon phase of infatuation...so its going to be hard on him. Just make it a clean break so he can recover faster. It isn't easy hurting someone else is it? Good luck and take care. 2
Zippy2000 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I posted this in Breakups as well and was hoping I could get an opinion from here too. I met a guy on a 2-week-long trip, and I'm going back to his country for another semester. We had such a great time together Interesting how this is creepy after having a good time. In my opinion I believe if you`re nto interested then tell him, and reduce and lower your contact. Why speak to someone everyday if youre not interested.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 If a woman met a man after two weeks abroad and immediately decided he was The One, going so far as to introduce him to her parents via Facebook and tell all her friends, this thread would be full of people yelling at the man to GTFO and run like hell. But because it happened to a woman, she's a "victim" and somehow manipulating the man? The casual misogyny on this site is astounding. OP, set your foot down now. Any 30-something acting like a teenager is not good. Don't wait until after his birthday. 1
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Umm... you're dating exclusively. Across continents. Where did you pick up the idea that this was just a fun, no strings attached little fling. ^ This. Exactly.
TB Rhine Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Your username is eminently appropriate, Chimp. She meets the guy, hits it for a couple weeks, agrees to enter into a long-term, exclusive relationship with him, then freaks out because he's "too invested?" Give me a break. What, did he gain a little weight or something? Unbelievable.
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I totally get you, I have been there myself. You really like the person, and before you know it they are planning your wedding and naming your future kids. Ya I it would creep me out too....way too obsessive so quickly, total turn off. I don't know why everyone is down on you about this, you can't help how you feel. Just explain HE IS moving way too fast and it's over whelming you. Then just call it quits. It's not your fault, these things just happen, it's just part of life. 1
O'Malley Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I'd suggest breaking up with him now, preferably by phone, so as to not let him get further emotionally invested in you. Find a polite, but firm and concise way of expressing that you don't feel enough chemistry to pursue something further, get past your guilt over not wanting to date him. It's not a crime to change your mind about becoming seriously involved with someone, and if he's a good guy, then he deserves to meet a woman who enjoys his personality and lusts after him. Use your second semester to make new friends and date other men casually. It's not a good idea to propose a casual sexual relationship or "just friends", even if he would be open to it. You are aware that he's wanting more from you than you're willing to provide, and he may assume that if you continue to spend time together that he can somehow change your mind. This doesn't mean that you can't end things on a friendly note and wish him well. 2
Moonborn Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 I guess what I would say to him is that I don't think this is going to work long term but I would still like to have a good time during study abroad, and I think it would be better to end on a good note and get some closure in person rather than wait for things to get problematic when we are long distance. There won't be any closure in person, and you wanting to have a "good time" when you know already that he is investing himself in dreams of a long term relationship is selfish and immature. On the other hand, he is getting attached to you way too quickly, which is also immature and quite possibly dangerous for you if you dump him when you are on your own in a foreign country. Cut it short now and go NC. 1
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