Is it racist if you prefer certain ethnic groups when dating?

[CrystalCastles]

I stumbled on some thread a while ago about people finding some ethnic groups attractive, and others not. Some posters found that racist. Is it?

 

I personally think it isn't, but I'd love to hear what other people think/have experienced. I think its always good to be open minded though, because if you find an attractive person in an ethnic group whose members you're generally not attracted to, why not date them?

 

I think people can't help who they're attracted to.

 

Any thoughts?

[jay1983]

I think that's a problem women usually have. I've seen so many OLD profiles were women say "I only date white guys". Funny thing is a couple of them weren't white. One was filapino and the other cuban or something like that. Guys usually don't care and would date any women they find attractive.

[DazedandConfused8]

I stumbled on some thread a while ago about people finding some ethnic groups attractive, and others not. Some posters found that racist. Is it?

 

Of course not. We're meant to stick together.

[BlueIvy]

I am of African decent, an Islander, and am attracted to pretty much only date Black men. Because I am considered beautiful by many, men of other ethnicties find me attractive and some pursue me but I never take them seriously because they aren't my preference. I could see myself dating an Arab if he's not Muslim though, some of them are fine! lol I hung out with white guy once and went on a date with a Caribbean Indian but again I didn't take them seriously.

 

I do think I am open-minded where if a man outside my ethnicity/race was cute and we seemed to have chemistry, I would be open to dating him but he would have to be socially conscious and open-minded.

 

Most people prefer/date their own ethnicity, people relate most to what looks like them/are like them.

 

I think it's racist if you don't want to date someone simply because of negative stereotypes/perceptions you have of a group, but at the end of the day, we all have a choice to date who we want.

[USMCHokie]

In today's liberal ultra-accomodating society, it's racist to say the word race. Or even think it.

 

That being said, I don't believe it's racist at all, but I also find a lot of things society deems racist as not racist. Each race possesses a particular set of physical characteristics , and media and popular culture have done a pretty good job of focusing attention on certain physical traits as "attractive." And it's no surprise that many of these traits are shared by members of a single race, especially men.

 

So no, I don't think it's racist at all. Preferring a man with a particular skin color or facial structure is no different from wanting a man who has a penis. It's physiological.

[somedude81]

I don't believe that there is anything wrong with not wanting to date people of certain ethnicities.

 

It's impossible for people for people to be attracted everybody.

 

Personally, as a half white, half Hispanic male, I am most attracted to white girls and Hispanic girls. I'm also into Asian girls just because.

[CrystalCastles]

I am of African decent, an Islander, and am attracted to pretty much only date Black men. Because I am considered beautiful by many, men of other ethnicties find me attractive and some pursue me but I never take them seriously because they aren't my preference. I could see myself dating an Arab if he's not Muslim though, some of them are fine! lol I hung out with white guy once and went on a date with a Caribbean Indian but again I didn't take them seriously.

 

I do think I am open-minded where if a man outside my ethnicity/race was cute and we seemed to have chemistry, I would be open to dating him but he would have to be socially conscious and open-minded.

 

Most people prefer/date their own ethnicity, people relate most to what looks like them/are like them.

 

I think it's racist if you don't want to date someone simply because of negative stereotypes/perceptions you have of a group, but at the end of the day, we all have a choice to date who we want.

 

Well said. This is also what I think. Hence why I wrote in my OP that its good to be open minded.

 

I think it also depends on the population of the city you live in. I am Russian, and most of the guys I have found attractive are Russians, Serbs, Ukrainians or other Eastern Europeans. Very few outside of that culture. There are many Chinese people in my city and I found some of them attractive. Few Arabs and even fewer black men. So I think its hard to find someone in that group who is attractive because there are so few of them in my city!

 

And I think it is true about preferring your own ethnicity. Though there are also people I have encountered here in my country, Canada, who don't care and can date anybody. But I think they don't really associate themselves with a particular ethnicity.

[CrystalCastles]

I think that's a problem women usually have. I've seen so many OLD profiles were women say "I only date white guys". Funny thing is a couple of them weren't white. One was filapino and the other cuban or something like that. Guys usually don't care and would date any women they find attractive.

 

I've encountered men who have this thinking too. My close guy friend doesn't date Chinese girls because he doesn't find them attractive.

[USMCHokie]

I think it's racist if you don't want to date someone simply because of negative stereotypes/perceptions you have of a group, but at the end of the day, we all have a choice to date who we want.

 

Stereotypes are based in truth. And if they weren't true, then how do they continue to perpetuate so strongly? And lastly, is there a difference between stereotyping and observing...? That is, if I observe something that happens to be a common stereotype, is my observation invalidated because it's a negative stereotype?

[ascendotum]

If its strictly because they do not physically appeal then I don't think so. If its a blanket generalization like, 'they stink', 'they look down on women', 'they mistreat animals', 'they are more lower class', 'they tend to cheat more', 'my friends look down on them and would look down on me', 'thay are lazy', etc, then yes I do think there is a racist element. A lot of times you wont get the true biases out of people though who are careful to avoid looking racist in more formal settings.

 

I have to admit I tend to find indigenous women less attractive. I couldn't see myself falling in love with a new guinea or an eskimo woman for instance.

[BlueIvy]

Stereotypes are based in truth. And if they weren't true, then how do they continue to perpetuate so strongly? And lastly, is there a difference between stereotyping and observing...? That is, if I observe something that happens to be a common stereotype, is my observation invalidated because it's a negative stereotype?

 

Stereotypes may have some truth in it but they aren't facts, so shouldn't be used to case a whole group in one light. It's best to judge people individual but most people tend to not do that. They perpetuate because many people want to put everyone in one box, even if many fit in the box doesn't mean all do.

 

Also, I think it's always important to look at the whys as opposed to what's on the surface but that's JMO.

[USMCHokie]

If its strictly because they do not physically appeal then I don't think so. If its a blanket generalization like, 'they stink', 'they look down on women', 'they mistreat animals', 'they are more lower class', 'they tend to cheat more', 'my friends look down on them and would look down on me', 'thay are lazy', etc, then yes I do think there is a racist element. A lot of times you wont get the true biases out of people though who are careful to avoid looking racist in more formal settings.

 

I have to admit I tend to find indigenous women less attractive. I couldn't see myself falling in love with a new guinea or an eskimo woman for instance.

 

I'll go down this little rabbit hole a bit...so let's say that racism generally is the denial of basic human rights based on one's race. I don't think being attractive and sexually desirable to others is a human right...so how is it racist to be discerning in attraction based on race? What right of another person am I violating if I choose not to date them based on their race? Do they have the right to get a date from me?

[BlueIvy]

If its strictly because they do not physically appeal then I don't think so. If its a blanket generalization like, 'they stink', 'they look down on women', 'they mistreat animals', 'they are more lower class', 'they tend to cheat more', 'my friends look down on them and would look down on me', 'thay are lazy', etc, then yes I do think there is a racist element. A lot of times you wont get the true biases out of people though who are careful to avoid looking racist in more formal settings.

 

I have to admit I tend to find indigenous women less attractive. I couldn't see myself falling in love with a new guinea or an eskimo woman for instance.

 

I prefer Black men and I like certain feature better than others, but I appreciate in beauty in various forms. But of course, some people don't think like me...and that's fine by me.

[somedude81]

In my experiences and observation, many stereotypes are based on actual characteristics. And those characteristics are why I would prefer not to date women of certain ethnicities. The only exception would be of women who have proven not to match those characteristics.

[ascendotum]

I'll go down this little rabbit hole a bit...so let's say that racism generally is the denial of basic human rights based on one's race. I don't think being attractive and sexually desirable to others is a human right...so how is it racist to be discerning in attraction based on race? What right of another person am I violating if I choose not to date them based on their race? Do they have the right to get a date from me?

 

When you put it like that then no its not racist.

An average looking Mongolian dude living back in his homeland would probably have not too great a difficulty finding a wife. If this guy somehow got a job and lived in Rome. he would have a hard time. The Italians 'generally' don't like to date outside their race I find, and their country is not really welcoming of immigrants. Italian women shunning him because his look just does not appeal to them, is not racist. Even if they did not like the way he dressed and his mannerisms its still not racist. If they wont date him because they worry about what their friends might think of her, then its a little more racist. If they wont date him because they look down on Asians, then absolutely its racist. They might be upfront on this in the company of their close friends, but would just say 'he's not my type' in more formal mixed company settings.

[jay1983]

I've encountered men who have this thinking too. My close guy friend doesn't date Chinese girls because he doesn't find them attractive.

 

So he wouldn't date Lucy Lio or Jamie Chung?

[ascendotum]

In my experiences and observation, many stereotypes are based on actual characteristics. And those characteristics are why I would prefer not to date women of certain ethnicities. The only exception would be of women who have proven not to match those characteristics.

 

I do to, however if a person refused to even consider dating someone straight off immediately or refused to want to get to know them because of a stereotype then that starts to get racist. The person's individual character & attributes should be the basis for refusing to want to have anything to do with them, imo.

[jay1983]

When you put it like that then no its not racist.

An average looking Mongolian dude living back in his homeland would probably have not too great a difficulty finding a wife. If this guy somehow got a job and lived in Rome. he would have a hard time. The Italians 'generally' don't like to date outside their race I find, and their country is not really welcoming of immigrants. Italian women shunning him because his look just does not appeal to them, is not racist. Even if they did not like the way he dressed and his mannerisms its still not racist. If they wont date him because they worry about what their friends might think of her, then its a little more racist. If they wont date him because they look down on Asians, then absolutely its racist. They might be upfront on this in the company of their close friends, but would just say 'he's not my type' in more formal mixed company settings.

 

I get the same thing from asian girls. They don't seem to like my as*, (aside from one nutjob) I think at worst, I'm average looking.

[USMCHokie]

I get the same thing from asian girls. They don't seem to like my as*, (aside from one nutjob) I think at worst, I'm average looking.

 

But you're white...?!

[somedude81]

I do to, however if a person refused to even consider dating someone straight off immediately or refused to want to get to know them because of a stereotype then that starts to get racist. The person's individual character & attributes should be the basis for refusing to want to have anything to do with them, imo.

 

That made me think of something.

 

Is it racist to only have certain ethnicities checked when doing a search in online dating?

 

Essentially by filtering them out of my results I am refusing to get to know them.

[USMCHokie]

That made me think of something.

 

Is it racist to only have certain ethnicities checked when doing a search in online dating?

 

Essentially by filtering them out of my results I am refusing to get to know them.

 

Do you check off both men and women in your search...?

[somedude81]

Do you check off both men and women in your search...?

 

LOL, are you going to call me sexist?

[USMCHokie]

LOL, are you going to call me sexist?

 

No, as long as it's not racist to filter based on race. I don't understand why people get their panties in a wad over race...I am a minority race, and there were plenty of instances when i did OLD where my race was not listed on women's "looking for" lists... Was I supposed to send them a message accusing them of being racist? I just not understand what goal all this racism nonsense accomplishes at the end of the day...

 

More blame the world rather than blame yourself silliness...

[jay1983]

But you're white...?!

 

I'm Lebanese, but never the less. I don't think I have features they like, I'm heavy bearded, big lipped, I have hair on my arms and chest.

 

IDK just my guess.

[USMCHokie]

I'm Lebanese, but never the less. I don't think I have features they like, I'm heavy bearded, big lipped, I have hair on my arms and chest.

 

IDK just my guess.

 

Oh, then never mind. They only like white guys.