xxxDantexEmmelixxx Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 'kay, so me and my GF have made these promises lately - no lying - no hiding - no cheating - and no giving up.. so me and my GF were just having a game of questions, now, I'm glad she seems to be starting to be fully honest... and she was quite open with some stuff she hid not so long ago, that we've argued about so much (I seem to have this little quirk when I always know if someone is lying, hiding something deep and dark, or I shouldn't trust somebody..) and I was sure she was still hiding something, I've been sure for about a month now, and I finally found it out today... I' not gonna mention it here, cuz it seems pretty ridiculous, and I know I'll get hate, but lets just say.. I have anxiety, and trust issues... so finding things out finally, that I've asked abou so many times isn't exactly comforting to say the least... I just keep finding out new stuff, that I wish I didn't know... but I must know.. it seems I must know everything about their past to be able to even slightly trust a person... even though I always end up getting hurt... but when there's something I don't know, it eats away at me.. sorry I'm not making so much sense right now, I'm just not myself... it's like: 1) I don't trust her, but don't get hurt so much.... but live an untrusting relationship, which, as we all know.. gets nowhere... or 2) trust her, but just be broken inside... the trust is necessary... but I just don't seem to be able to get anything right.. she seems like the perfect girl... we were just made for eachother... nearly everything... and I know people have their flaws, I have many, but it seems me and her were meant to be.... but we weren't meant to be... if that makes sense.. she is like my true love, I love her more than I can love anybody, cuz I'm always hostile and ignorant of all but a select few people... and she's different from the other girls... she has helped me through so much, and vice-versa... we've liked eachother for quite some time, and we are perfect for eachother... one would think.. I couldn't live without her, I'd have no-one to go to, fail miserably at college and getting work cuz I'd just be so broken and sick all the time... and eventually die prematurely.. or end it all myself there's so much pointing towards the conclusion that no matter how perfect she seems, she is poison.. and I should cut her losse before she eats away at me anymore.... but then that could just be my issues and anxiety speaking to me... making the wrong choice... I know if me and her make it so far, which we have the capablility to do, as were both patient and mature... to last until were 20/21, and move in together over here in the uk, we would live a perfect life in a flat in Leeds, do our little unique things, like going out for midnight walks, holding hands, and carrying her under the stars, having our monthly mini-anniversary where I'd take her out for a meal, an go do something romantic like go see a movie, go on a nice boat ride, go up the lake district, or something.. have a feast, and have an intimate, sexual night.... then I'd do much better on our yearly anniversaries, taking her out somewhere really posh, getting a hotel room together, go on a fancy cruise or something, have our junk-food feast (we eat like fat people even tho we're skinny xD) have a passionate night.... we'd be happily married.. have 3 gorgeous kids, and just be.. happy.. I want to be the guy laying next to her in bed... I want to be the guy pressing my lips against hers... I want to be the guy putting the ring on her finger... I want to be the guy holding her hand, and leaving our mortality behind as we fade away.. together... Everything is just gonna be so perfect.... but I'm not sure we can make it round this obstacle... everything always seems possible and perfect for me.... but something always gets in the way, and I doubt that'll stop now... I feel like I've already lost the girl I truly loved.. the Emmeli I used to know... I'm just broken.. shattered into a million pieces.. and I have no-one, or nowhere to go to for help.... again, sorry for not making much sense and seeming kinda off in my writing style, just kinda don't have the energy, or willpower to do anything right now...
Bumpin in My Trunk Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 it's like: 1) I don't trust her, but don't get hurt so much.... but live an untrusting relationship, which, as we all know.. gets nowhere... or 2) trust her, but just be broken inside... the trust is necessary... but I just don't seem to be able to get anything right.. My ex knew I had this gut feeling too. She couldn't hide anything because I would find out anyway...and she hated it. Anyway, I'd talk to her about it. And if u can't, then just leave her. Ik it's easier said than done but I learned the hard way. If you can't trust someone it is best to let them go. If they don't even show with their actions that they want to fix and earn your trust then just end things.
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