confusedstar Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I was in an Long distance relationship, and in the last few months I felt it drifting to an end after having a long period without seeing each other. He did not have time for me anymore, and he was going out with girls every night to night clubs. This made me very jealous and paranoid, but he brushed it off as work, said I was 'mentally sick' to think these things, and I believed him. However, one day I was told by a third party, that he was kissing and getting too close with those girls in night clubs. I got very upset, did not think to ask him first if it was true, and just confronted him over skype. He lost it, told me I was insane, and said the words 'you are not my girlfriend anymore, I am going to block you from everything'. And he did. Facebook, Imessage, Skype, everything. I thought it was over. I thought I would never see him again (as he lives in another country anyway). I thought the best thing would be to forget him ASAP. But I didn't know how to do this. I will be judged for this, but, the next day I found myself seeking comfort and company in the form of another ex boyfriend. Yes, I had sex with my ex. The day after my other ex dumped me. I knew it was a cheap thing to do, but it made me feel good, for a little while. BUT, a few weeks later, my LDR ex got back in contact, and he was angry with me for making no effort in getting him back. Apparently, the break up and blocking, was all a punishment. He was punishing me for my 'behaviour', confronting him about other girls. He would then message me occasionally, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. Then, he changed his picture to him hugging a girl in a nightclub. I lost it, believing that it was true about him cheating on me before. I was spiteful and told him that I didn't care about these girls, as I have already been with someone else. He then said I have CHEATED on him, and that his mother was right about telling him not to trust me (i've never met the woman), and that I have made him so upset, as I go and sleep with another man after a fight, meaning im not wife material. But, he admitted that he has been getting with a few girls in night clubs, just hasn't slept with any of them, but now he told me he will '**** girls every night'. He now has said he will never speak to me again, which is probably a good thing. But I wonder, was I the wrong person in this? I always blame myself, and would like another opinion
music_and_poetry Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Your ex sounds like a total manipulator, not a healthy situation at all. Posting those pictures, what is he 12? Do yourself a favor block him on everything and go find someone who listens to your concerns and doesn't try to make you into the bad guy. Because the truth is you need a man, not a Dad who will punish you for talking back 1
zen2475 Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I think you dodged a bullet with this guy. As the other poster said, someone who is interested in a loving, mutually respectful relationship will listen to your concerns and will do whatever it takes to allay them. The fact that he was blame shifting is a huge red flag on many levels. You did nothing to be "punished" for, and in a healthy relationship one does not "punish" your partner. You talk out problems in a respectful manner and try to find solutions. The bottom line is this guy is emotionally abusive and you do not deserve that. 1
newmoon Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 why would you accept that type of behavior from a guy who supposedly loves you and is in a relationship with you? he is/has shown you complete disrespect and you have every right to move on and do what you did. you're not the in the wrong for wanting a boyfriend to not be going out every night and posting pics of other women. that's wrong and that's on him. just forget him. 1
stillafool Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 You both seem very immature and I agree it's probably a good thing the relationship is over. He was probably having sex with other girls anyway. Being in different states makes it hard to maintain a relationship much less being in different countries. 1
CrystalCastles Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Nothing about your situation sounds the least bit healthy. Your bf, or ex, whoever he is, sounds like a manipulative psycho. He's punishing you? Please, what are you, like, 3? There are plenty of normal, good guys. Probably ones closer to where you live, too. LDR can be tricky and difficult to keep up with. You have to have a lot of trust with each other. Obviously there is no trust in your relationship anymore. You need to move on.
hoping2heal Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Wow, what a manipulator! NC is NOT supposed to be a form of punishment or control. It is so a person can heal after a break up by not having the other person continually thrust in front of them. That is the purpose of NC - of course, people do try to use that purpose to hurt, punish, or manipulate and what you gonna do there? But ya, nothing about the way he ever reacted was loving or caring or "husband material" so he really has no right to throw out the "wife material" jabs at you. He should have had some consideration and sensitivity for your feelings, instead he tried to make you think something was wrong with you to doubt him(red flag). Then breaking up and blocking you to punish you? Geeee what a handy way to ensure you don't ask about girls again. What's he got to hide? This guy is a twisty little ****head, is what he is. His Mom probably never said any of that and he's just taking low blows to try and get you to feel badly and like you owe him and deflect from his dirty deeds. Agree with others, you dodged a bullet. Beware of a guy who was most likely cheating (given his over the top defensive reaction to your insecurities) but makes you feel like you're in the wrong.
BlueIvy Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I was in an Long distance relationship, and in the last few months I felt it drifting to an end after having a long period without seeing each other. He did not have time for me anymore, and he was going out with girls every night to night clubs. This made me very jealous and paranoid, but he brushed it off as work, said I was 'mentally sick' to think these things, and I believed him. However, one day I was told by a third party, that he was kissing and getting too close with those girls in night clubs. I got very upset, did not think to ask him first if it was true, and just confronted him over skype. He lost it, told me I was insane, and said the words 'you are not my girlfriend anymore, I am going to block you from everything'. And he did. Facebook, Imessage, Skype, everything. I thought it was over. I thought I would never see him again (as he lives in another country anyway). I thought the best thing would be to forget him ASAP. But I didn't know how to do this. I will be judged for this, but, the next day I found myself seeking comfort and company in the form of another ex boyfriend. Yes, I had sex with my ex. The day after my other ex dumped me. I knew it was a cheap thing to do, but it made me feel good, for a little while. BUT, a few weeks later, my LDR ex got back in contact, and he was angry with me for making no effort in getting him back. Apparently, the break up and blocking, was all a punishment. He was punishing me for my 'behaviour', confronting him about other girls. He would then message me occasionally, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. Then, he changed his picture to him hugging a girl in a nightclub. I lost it, believing that it was true about him cheating on me before. I was spiteful and told him that I didn't care about these girls, as I have already been with someone else. He then said I have CHEATED on him, and that his mother was right about telling him not to trust me (i've never met the woman), and that I have made him so upset, as I go and sleep with another man after a fight, meaning im not wife material. But, he admitted that he has been getting with a few girls in night clubs, just hasn't slept with any of them, but now he told me he will '**** girls every night'. He now has said he will never speak to me again, which is probably a good thing. But I wonder, was I the wrong person in this? I always blame myself, and would like another opinion I am going to be real, be happy it's over. What you did was unhealthy because it only temporarily mask the pain. Both of you are immature but he is an ******* for treating you that way. Seems like he likes to be in control. Take your L and keep it moving, seem it wasn't going to work out anyway.
loversquarrel Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I guess I am one of those people who just can't seem to make much sense of LDR's, the very nature of them lack the fundamental of relationship development. As for your post - Neither one of you are mature enough to handle a meaningful relationship. He, according to you, was acting like a typical cheater by lashing out at you the way a cheater typically does. He then blocked you from all contact and the next day you are in the sack with someone else???? - Somehow I don't believe you were hurting very much, nor do I believe that your ex bf suddenly appeared out of the blue to have sex with you. I mean come on, the day you guys break up your calling someone to have sex???? I highly doubt he was the only "punisher" here. You both need to grow up. 1
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