TylerC Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 I'm trying not to be clingy, because I know it's bad. However, I don't really know what clingy means. Can anyone define it for me and give me some advice on how to not be clingy?
Sckott Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Clingy means reaching out often without any physical/emotional or verbal cues that it's reciprocated. I'm with a chick and I tap her on her knee when I'm laughing. I look and stare at her when she's not looking I kiss her when she's not really expected, and she doesn't reciprocate. ...and I want more, do more, desire more. Love is a two way street. You can be affectionate "being yourself" but if the girl doesn't recieve it right, it can be percieved as "CLINGY" which is a double-whammy. Because when she's not into you and you want "MORE", it turns her off all the more. She has to be into you. If she's not, don't push. Make a simple communication, your actions or words. It's like a telephone call. If she's not answering, don't call. It's about too much information too soon. Hope that helped?
Merin Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Clingy~ The guy/girl who 1) Calls constantly 2) Monopolizes all of thier SO's time 3) Needs to know the 411 and I mean all of the 411 of what thier SO is doing 4) Tries to make thier SO feel guilty if they aren't available to them *right then* 5) Insists on coming along to every and all events 6) Has a death grip on thier SO.. nothing wrong with kissing and what not.. but for real.. when you've got a runny nose, your coughing up a lung, you've got PMS LOL or whatever.. get the hell off me! 7) Has no outside friends or interest besides thier SO 8) Asking what are you doing when you call them.. (that part is okay) but calling back in 10 minutes and saying "how about now?" uh.. not so good I once had a guy who was so gdamn clingy he practically sat on my lap every time we were sitting down.. but I had to draw the line when he followed me to the bathroom.. WTF! I came out of the ladies room and no sh*t he said to me "I missed you" ooohhhhhhh hell no, check please! LMAO! Hope this helped.. if not, it made me laugh
Author TylerC Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 Can you give me some advice if I tell you which ones I have problems with? 1) Not really, the calling is pretty even as to who calls who. 2) Eh, sort of, she and I spend more time with each other than our friends but it's not like we don't go out with friends. 3) I like to know what she's doing, but it's usually just to make conversation and I don't freak out if I don't know. 4) Eh, sort of, if we haven't done something for a while and she blows me off again I'll try to make her feel guilty, but other than that, not really. 5) I come to them because I know she likes to know that I'm there and she said it makes her feel special. 6) I know when to touch and when not to touch, no problem at all here. 7) Definitely not true, I hang out with my friends. 8) I do ask what she's doing, but again, to make conversation, and I have never called back 10 minutes later to ask the same question. Now, my girlfriend says I'm clingy, so judging from MY opinion on the matter, can I get some advice?
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by TylerC Now, my girlfriend says I'm clingy, so judging from MY opinion on the matter, can I get some advice? Hmmm, not to worry you, but this was my first sign that ReluctantJuliette was reconsidering "us". I'd back off a little. My definition of "clingy"? Quoting a sad song about her in your signature, even after she has left
Merin Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by TylerC Can you give me some advice if I tell you which ones I have problems with? 1) Not really, the calling is pretty even as to who calls who. 2) Eh, sort of, she and I spend more time with each other than our friends but it's not like we don't go out with friends. 3) I like to know what she's doing, but it's usually just to make conversation and I don't freak out if I don't know. 4) Eh, sort of, if we haven't done something for a while and she blows me off again I'll try to make her feel guilty, but other than that, not really. 5) I come to them because I know she likes to know that I'm there and she said it makes her feel special. 6) I know when to touch and when not to touch, no problem at all here. 7) Definitely not true, I hang out with my friends. 8) I do ask what she's doing, but again, to make conversation, and I have never called back 10 minutes later to ask the same question. Now, my girlfriend says I'm clingy, so judging from MY opinion on the matter, can I get some advice? Tyler.. this is the same Girl who told you that maybe she was going to make you wait a few months before having sex with you again? Honestly.. I agree with Romeo.. when someone starts saying things like this to you (and especially when you really feel it isn't warranted) it could be a sign she is stepping back.. From what you've described.. I don't think you're being clingy.. with the exception of the making her feel guily bit.. because for real, nobody likes that ya know? BUT I do think thats the *excuse* she's looking at to possibly step back here.. You're a sweetheart Tyler.. take a step back here yourself and really think if this is what you want, or if this is really worth fighting for... Good Luck
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup I am clingy Sweetie, you are the *gold standard* of clingy. And we love you for it, even if he doesn't.
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 gold standard.. why wud anyone luv a clingy person now
alphamale Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 well TYLERC, now that you know what "clingy" is i will give u some more advice. with women, the less clingy you are the better. aloof is good. in other words, make yourself scarce but not totally unavailable.
alphamale Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup why is that cause a secure, independent and confident man needs his woman around less and also cause the less the supply the more the demand. or, in other words, the more scarce something is the higher its percieved value.
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 a secure, independent and confident man needs his woman around less? dont secure, independent and confident men get married?
Pocky Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Yes, why is that, Speed Racer? I dated a guy for a few months that decided to play "aloof." I dumped him two weeks later.
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 4) Eh, sort of, if we haven't done something for a while and she blows me off again I'll try to make her feel guilty, but other than that, not really. This is the one that caught my eye. Control issue right there. To make somebody feel guilty or bad because YOU want them NOW and they ain't jumping when you say jump. Really unfair and honestly it puts women off...Puts men off when women do it too. Guilt is SUCH as s***ty emotion and to try to PUT that on your SO is just wrong wrong and more wrong. Suck it up when she is too busy for you...I know it's easier said than done...And yes, it may hurt when she says no or can't get together with you but just don't make her your only focus. You can care about her and want to be with her but allow her to do what she wants to do. Be together because you want to not because you HAVE to. I once had a guy who was so gdamn clingy he practically sat on my lap every time we were sitting down.. but I had to draw the line when he followed me to the bathroom.. WTF! I came out of the ladies room and no sh*t he said to me "I missed you" ooohhhhhhh hell no, check please! That's F**k'n hilarious!! I'd be running out the door too!
alphamale Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Yes, why is that, Speed Racer? I dated a guy for a few months that decided to play "aloof." I dumped him two weeks later. well POCKY then u did not like him that much. Had u liked him a lot you would not dumped him. certain things have to be in place before this can work. as in like mutual attraction. EMOTIONSMESSMEUP, we are talking about dating, not marriage here. This is how you get a woman to stay interested and eventually get her to the altar if that is what u want.
Cecelius Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 When your GIRL tells you that you may be/are/she thinks you are/ "clingy" you are absolutely done for. No doubt, no questions asked. Also, alphamale is basically right. "Aloof" may mean many things and it can be over the top, but the point is you need as a man to figure out what is the right mix of "aloof" you have to have to avoid being perceived as "clingy".
alphamale Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius When your GIRL tells you that you may be/are/she thinks you are/ "clingy" you are absolutely done for. No doubt, no questions asked. correct CECELIUS Also, alphamale is basically right. "Aloof" may mean many things and it can be over the top, but the point is you need as a man to figure out what is the right mix of "aloof" you have to have to avoid being perceived as "clingy". correct again, find the right mix and alternate between attention and aloofness but never ever be clingy. it's the kiss of death with most women.
krbshappy71 Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Clingy~ The guy/girl who 1) Calls constantly 2) Monopolizes all of thier SO's time 3) Needs to know the 411 and I mean all of the 411 of what thier SO is doing 4) Tries to make thier SO feel guilty if they aren't available to them *right then* 5) Insists on coming along to every and all events 6) Has a death grip on thier SO.. nothing wrong with kissing and what not.. but for real.. when you've got a runny nose, your coughing up a lung, you've got PMS LOL or whatever.. get the hell off me! 7) Has no outside friends or interest besides thier SO 8) Asking what are you doing when you call them.. (that part is okay) but calling back in 10 minutes and saying "how about now?" uh.. not so good I once had a guy who was so gdamn clingy he practically sat on my lap every time we were sitting down.. but I had to draw the line when he followed me to the bathroom.. WTF! I came out of the ladies room and no sh*t he said to me "I missed you" ooohhhhhhh hell no, check please! LMAO! Hope this helped.. if not, it made me laugh Dunno if it helped him, but it sure as heck helped me, LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH!! Very clever write up, I enjoyed it...very true. Clingy is a state of mind in my opinion, its the desperate feeling you can't be without that person. I've been it, I've experienced it being done to me, it does suck and is very undesirable. Work on being yourself and enjoying life without having someone in it.
Pocky Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale well POCKY then u did not like him that much. Had u liked him a lot you would not dumped him. certain things have to be in place before this can work. as in like mutual attraction. I liked him quite a bit. However, I only allow someone to be an a**h*** for so long before I end it. I don't need a man to be aloof just to prove he's independent and confident. A man that's truly independent and confident doesn't have to play games and "act" in order to prove who he is.
alphamale Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky A man that's truly independent and confident doesn't have to play games and "act" in order to prove who he is. please let me point out POCKY, that men who are truly independent and confident don't have to "act" or "play games". It is part of who they are and their nature and personality. You are seeing the real them.
Pocky Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale well TYLERC, now that you know what "clingy" is i will give u some more advice. with women, the less clingy you are the better. aloof is good. in other words, make yourself scarce but not totally unavailable. Originally posted by alphamale please let me point out POCKY, that men who are truly independent and confident don't have to "act" or "play games". It is part of who they are and their nature and personality. You are seeing the real them. Someone that has to be taught how to be aloof in order to express independence and confidence isn't independent and confident. All they're doing at that point is acting because the variables required to create this behavior are absent. If they are independent and confident then there would be no reason for you to advise them to be aloof. If you're advising someone how to "act" and it goes against their nature, then they are not being the person they are.
Podna Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 OK. Here is the patented Ponda method. (I1+I2+L) – (T1-T2) = C I = independence factor (aggregate number from 1-5 that defines how independent you are) the sub 1 and sub 2 is for each person in the relationship. L = love factor (aggregate number from 1-5 that defines how much 'in love' you both are) T1 = time available factor (aggregate number from 1-10 that defines how precious your time is) All day available = 1 very little time = 10 T2 = time together factor (number representing how much time you spend together each day) All day = 10 very little time = 1 C = cling factor (positive number too much, negative number too little, 0 = perf)
alphamale Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Someone that has to be taught how to be aloof in order to express independence and confidence isn't independent and confident. very good logic POCKY. and using your same logic: 'anyone who has to be taught to read and write in order to educate themselves and learn is not really smart or literate or educated.'
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