IndyT Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 So I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. She's a great girl and is very hard working and loving. I'm going abroad in about a month for the Semester and just don't see it working between us. (skip to the end problem if you don't want to read it all) First, neither of us seems to trust each other nearly the amount that is needed for a ldr. She constantly seems to be accusing me of just going abroad to party and drink and that I'll cheat on her and what not. Then she says she trusts me, just doesn't trust other people or certain situations....which is the same as not trusting me is it not? I'd trust anyone too if they were confined to a room alone, but the fact is other people exist. Next is the time change which would be 10 hours, which is a killer, and she always wants to be in contact. I'm worried that if we'd tried to make it work, it would fail and we'd regret wasting our time and I really would regret wasting my abroad experience. Even if it did work, I think I'd come back feeling resentful because i would've spent so much time talking to her rather than enjoying myself. I also think she'd make me feel so guilty for leaving which isn't ok with me. The main issue though, she leaves for a 2 week europe trip in a week, but she has 3 final exams this Thursday and Friday. I know breaking up before the exams would ruin her...but is doing it the day before a vacation any better? There's 3 days between when she gets back and I leave for the semester, but breaking up after her trip would be even worse wouldn't it? She'd fell like she wasted the trip missing me or worrying etc.I would think going on a vacation with your family would be a great way to get over a break up. But idk her opinion obviously, has anyone been in a situation like this or have any advice? Thanks!
zen2475 Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 TBH, your girlfriend sounds needy and clingy, and that doesn't make for a good relationship no matter what the distance. If you truly think this can't be worked out or some type of agreement made about contact during your time abroad, then perhaps it is best to terminate the relationship. I think the best thing to do is be respectful, tender and honest. There is no good time to break up, but you can treat her with dignity and respect. I wish you all the best.
music_and_poetry Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 So I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. She's a great girl and is very hard working and loving. I'm going abroad in about a month for the Semester and just don't see it working between us. (skip to the end problem if you don't want to read it all) First, neither of us seems to trust each other nearly the amount that is needed for a ldr. She constantly seems to be accusing me of just going abroad to party and drink and that I'll cheat on her and what not. Then she says she trusts me, just doesn't trust other people or certain situations....which is the same as not trusting me is it not? I'd trust anyone too if they were confined to a room alone, but the fact is other people exist. Next is the time change which would be 10 hours, which is a killer, and she always wants to be in contact. I'm worried that if we'd tried to make it work, it would fail and we'd regret wasting our time and I really would regret wasting my abroad experience. Even if it did work, I think I'd come back feeling resentful because i would've spent so much time talking to her rather than enjoying myself. I also think she'd make me feel so guilty for leaving which isn't ok with me. The main issue though, she leaves for a 2 week europe trip in a week, but she has 3 final exams this Thursday and Friday. I know breaking up before the exams would ruin her...but is doing it the day before a vacation any better? There's 3 days between when she gets back and I leave for the semester, but breaking up after her trip would be even worse wouldn't it? She'd fell like she wasted the trip missing me or worrying etc.I would think going on a vacation with your family would be a great way to get over a break up. But idk her opinion obviously, has anyone been in a situation like this or have any advice? Thanks! I'd say before the trip, after her exams. She can go into her exams with a clear head and then she'll have the trip to distract herself and recover. Good luck.
hoping2heal Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I'd say before the trip, after her exams. She can go into her exams with a clear head and then she'll have the trip to distract herself and recover. Good luck. I agree with this Don't do it before exams! Yes, before exams IS worse than a trip. It's going to hurt her either way, you can't avoid that but I think right before exams is worse possible time.
Author IndyT Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Thanks for the tips guys. I know I have to do it after her exams. I just don't know how to even go about it. It's my first serious relationship and she's very very sensitive. I know she is going to take it as me leaving her just so I can "hook up with people abroad" but I honestly just don't see what we have to offer each other when I'm gone. And we have a lot of differences which keep the relationship from having long term potential. I just don't know how to talk to her in a way that won't break her completely.
Author IndyT Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 I'm not sure I can do it anymore. She leaves saturday and finished exams tomorrow night. I don't want to ruin her trip, but also don't know if its worse to do it after. She's been really sweet and loving this week and saying how she'll miss me and such. Maybe its worth it to try it, but then again there are big issues which I think would kill it still. I figured out that we basically can't talk for 3 days in a row each week due to time difference and our classes. Any help would be much appreciated, I have no idea what to do.
redbaron005 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I'm not sure I can do it anymore. She leaves saturday and finished exams tomorrow night. I don't want to ruin her trip, but also don't know if its worse to do it after. She's been really sweet and loving this week and saying how she'll miss me and such. Maybe its worth it to try it, but then again there are big issues which I think would kill it still. I figured out that we basically can't talk for 3 days in a row each week due to time difference and our classes. Any help would be much appreciated, I have no idea what to do. First off, sounds like you are overstating the flaws in the relationship to justify breaking it off with her so you can have fun on your trip with other girls. You need to be honest with yourself and her. Second, don't be a coward, tell her in person before she leaves on the trip.
Author IndyT Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 First off, sounds like you are overstating the flaws in the relationship to justify breaking it off with her so you can have fun on your trip with other girls. You need to be honest with yourself and her. Second, don't be a coward, tell her in person before she leaves on the trip. To be honest, thats not the reason at all. She can be extremely jealous, and I can also be a bit jealous, but she doesn't trust me it seems. Based on her past experiences and what she's seen, she doesn't believe in being able to trust someone and not talk for a couple days. We are in constant contact now and it feels like I have to report to her, if that makes sense. She means well in every way, but that kind of constant communication isn't reasonable when there's a 10hr time difference and limited wifi. Nor do I want to spend most of my time inside on the internet rather than experience the country I'll be in. I care about her a lot and thats why its so hard for me. I see her have hope (I think at least) and it makes me want to believe in it, but my gut tells me its unlikely to end well
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