sotoman Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 hello all. long story, hope you can help. ive been with a girl for about 6 months, and things arent goin so well. when we hooked up, she threw herself at me, i NEVER had to chase her, or persue her at all. after a few days, she declared that we are together. her personality is odd. she gets horribly jealous when i talk to anyone, yet she feels its okay to hang out with her guy pals without me, even though i tell her im not okay with it. she gets really mad when i dont answer her calls or texts right away, and she will call and yell at me for hours, until i let her come over and spend the night. shes ok as far as talking to or spending time with, but ive felt that we arent getting closer. she is avoiding meeting my folks, she just doesnt seem serious about me. she does spend most of her free time with me, but im not feeling the connection im after. she doesnt defend me in front of her friends or family, so i cant hang out with her friends anymore, they all dont like me. -this is weird, i can only guess that shes telling them bad stuff about me?? she tells me, "you will never be my best male friend, someone else is my male best friend." ive always wanted to be best friends with my woman, so that remark doesnt sit well with me. i do admit that when we first got together, we were like oil and water. to her credit, she does listen, and she has stopped some of the things i didnt like. to me, that shows effort. this is why i have stayed with her so long. maybe i feel that with work, we can find middle ground. i have tried to break up with her before, and she didnt respond well. first she would say that shes got another guy anyway, then shed say that she knew we wouldnt work out. then shed show up at my work, my house, until she found me. then lots of crying. usually we would talk, and work things out... but it still keeps happening. im getting sick of it. today, same thing. i told her over the phone, that im not getting what i need from her. she threw a tantrum, told me she was going to go mess around with another guy, and that shes dumping me. and yet, she keeps calling! shes still trying to ask where i am, who im with, etc. my questions for you: * what does it mean when a girl throws herself at you like that, and declares that youre together? * is she just different from what im used to? or should i be worried? * why would a girl stay with a guy whos so diffrent from the type shes been with before? im older, im not a club going pretty boy, none of her friends like me, etc? (my sister says its cuz shes ready to grow up- shes 27) thanks for your help.
GemmaUK Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 She was a charmer and moved at breakneck speed. She is jealous She is manipulative She has one rule for you and another for her. She is controlling and has seen she can manipulate you. This won't get any better, it'll only get worse. I'd get away and fast. 5
Calcmag Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Everything GemmaUK said. Plus, you'd be well advised to prepare yourself for it taking quite some effort to actually get her out of your life. Run asap.
Dork Vader Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Run... No woman would ever she say has other men if she cared about you. It either means she is immature and playing games or is out right cheating on you. She is clearly making you look bad to her friends. If she was not hanging out with her friends and family would not be an issue. The double standards are only going to get worse. They likely already go further then you realize or understand. You just know about SOME of them. No good will come of this relationship at all. You need to simply tell her. I've enjoyed my time with you. I enjoy being with you. But I can not longer live with these games and double standards. It's unhealthy for me and you both. I feel it is best we go our separate ways good bye. Delete her number and remove her from your life. Trust me she knows what she is doing. If she does not it means she is a pathological liar or has other serious mental issues.
Author sotoman Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 thanks. so all the times shes said she loves, me, etc are lies? got it. so do i have to worry about stalker now? im actually moving to a new apt this week, so i could change my phone number, move, and she wont find me... what i cant get, is why she got together with me, stayed with me for so long, and spent all her time with me? she hasnt been going out with anyone else but me for about 2 months...
Calcmag Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 thanks. so do i have to worry about stalker now? im actually moving to a new apt this week, so i could change my phone number, move, and she wont find me... not necessarily full blown PITA stalking, no, but people like this have a way of not quite believing you when you break up with them and/or reappearing in your life months later. Just my own experience here though so it's entirely anecdotal and may not happen in your case. Although you did mention that breaking up with her had been problematic in the past. The timing sounds good re new apt.
newmoon Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 don't you have a voice and the ability to speak up and either say something back or just leave? sounds like you're a doormat and she just walked right in and took over. you have the ability to pick who you want as a gf...
ExpatInItaly Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 She sounds like she's got a personality disorder. No, I'm not qualified to diagnose. But I dated a man very similar to her, who did in fact suffer from a personality disorder, and he displayed a lot of the same extreme behaviour. It doesn't get better without consistent, long-term treatment. That said, she could just be a horrible crazy betch. Either way, don't allow yourself to be emotionally assaulted by her for one more day. End it and save your sanity.
todreaminblue Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Be firm when you tell her its over that you are sorry it didnt work out you are just too different, wish her well dont contact her again......make the cut quick and deep sever all ties.....deb
Author sotoman Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 thanks all. no, im not a doormat. i know that somethings not right. i just dread whats going to happen when i try to cut her off. drama, etc. i know she wont be easy to get rid of...
mrs rubble Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 thanks all. no, im not a doormat. i know that somethings not right. i just dread whats going to happen when i try to cut her off. drama, etc. i know she wont be easy to get rid of... Change your phone number when you move and go into hiding. If she turns up at your work have her tresspassed from the place. She does sound like she will be drama, your best to be rid of her.
Versacehottie Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 why you are being so passive? I can't understand how someone can bully you into being her boyfriend and why are you just letting it happen? From what you said, there are very few, if any, reasons to be together. You do get to decide this "question" as well. And if you are even considering moving and not giving her your new number well I think you already know what you want to do but are just scared to do it. In fact, it sounds like the main reason you are with her because you are fearful of her reactions. Her reasons for why she got together with you don't really matter if you are thinking about bolting--i can't imagine why you would want to know
GemmaUK Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 The problem is with this type of behaviour is that is creeps up and is also interspersed with normal nice behaviour too. When an incident happens it can be easy to shrug off as ridiculous but then over time it happens again and again. It's abusive behaviour but when you don't realise that you think things will get better. I would change your number when you move OP. Realise too that her lovely side might come out when you try to break up with her or she may threaten all kinds of things. Also, the less contact you have once you say it's over the better.
Noproblem Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 I think she has mental problems. Girls like this one can cause a big problem in the future ..... Like what if she gets angry and hurt you! I think she likes you, but she is not stable But do you really like her? Do you want her to stay or go away? Make up your mind now or you will regret it later.
Author sotoman Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 well to be honest, the reason i got with her, was beacuse i really did like her. and when she showed she wanted to be with me, i went along with it. because i felt the same interest. it wasnt like she just came out of the blue, took control of me, and i gave in. it was a mutual attraction, but she did make the first move. it wasnt until later that her other side came out. and yes, i do plan on disappearing when i move to my new pad. i do not want to deal with her if she gets angry or violent. she does have her good side tho, but im not going to settle for a 'sometimes girlfriend'.
preraph Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 The bad part isn't that you're a different type than her usual. I used to have guys say that to me all the time: Why do you even like me? I'm not what you're used to, am I? And I have to tell you, it was mostly BS or what someone told them who didn't know what they were talking about. Honestly, I think it was because I was a semi-articulate smarty pants who happened to love long-haired musicians and they didn't think those two things meshed or something. But it does on my planet. Anyway, the bad part is she thinks she gets to call all the shots and that she's jealous and controlling, which is abusive at a certain level of course. She may not be okay inside, maybe has intimacy issues or something, but she still wants to possess someone because it makes her feel she must be doing something right because she has this good boyfriend. Now, that's sheer speculation, just one possibility. She indeed will likely be very hard to leave. When you do it, you need to go no contact and let her know that. Because you don't want any ambiguity in case she goes bonkers and you have to do something about it.
bubbaganoosh Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 i do admit that when we first got together, we were like oil and water. News Flash. You still are oil and water and always will be. If it were me, I would be gone. The girl is all about her and your feelings don't mean diddley squat to her so you tell me, why you would want to be involved with someone like this. From what you said, the girl lacks manners, is mean spirited and has no problem running you down. Now if that's what you want, the you got it but IMO you can do a whole lot better.
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