Grilled_Salmon Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 To start it off very bluntly, there's a girl I found in Okcupid, that I'm really interested to meet. Within 5km of where I live, a 91% match (I know, this is probably very subjective in a way) - the highest out of everyone nearby. I messaged her back in around March, but at the time, she hadn't been online since February. I waited and waited, though eventually lost my patience and messaged her this on June 30th; Hi (name censored), sorry if I'm really bothering you and that this is really random/out-of-place, though felt that you really should know (plus I want to get it out of my chest badly, to be at peace myself too). I just want to say, that I feel interested in meeting/dating/getting to know you and have been for quite some time, though since it's been months since you were last logged in...well, I suppose you've either given up on Okcupid or found someone else who's more attractive/interesting. If the former, I understand. Online dating can be...well, disappointing for some, and honestly, I'm leaning on that side as well haha. If you already have found someone, then I wish you good luck with your relationship If not any of those and something else, I'd just like to fully honestly say, I'm not looking for trouble. I really thought it'd have been best to simply wait for your response from my earlier message some months ago...but well, I suppose that's not coming anytime soon haha. If, and I fully emphasize IF, you want to consider meeting up, that'd be great and I'd be really thankful. If not, that's cool with me too and I hope you all the best I just wanted to let you know, that's all. Thanks PS - I noticed you seem to have turned 22 recently! Happy birthday! I honestly didn't have any expectations at all. It wasn't until around mid July when I saw on her profile that she finally logged back into OKC, and would continue to do so until July 25th. For whatever stupidity took over me, I somehow assumed that she read my message (and *possibly* was among the 3 people that 'liked' my profile). I think it was around the 22nd or 23rd when I decided to finally message her again, but....it was ignored She hasn't logged back on since the 25th, as I mentioned above. By this point, I'm about 70-80% positive she's either given up completely, thinks I'm not really appealing or found someone else better...yet at the same time, I feel like I should give it another shot with another lengthy letter similar to the one I copy and pasted above. I don't know. Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated. I've made note of it earlier in another thread, that online dating is pretty much a last resort for me My record when it comes to relationships is a wrecking disaster, and to be honest, I was actually extremely reluctant to take up OLD....but even that looks like it isn't going to work out either.
Mrin Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Move on. Aside from the profile like she has shown no interest. Lengthy OLD messages, especially initial contatct, are a turn off. She's an infrequent OKC user so probably isn't terribly serious anyhow. 1
Author Grilled_Salmon Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 Move on. Aside from the profile like she has shown no interest. Lengthy OLD messages, especially initial contatct, are a turn off. She's an infrequent OKC user so probably isn't terribly serious anyhow. *Sigh* I suppose you have a point. Guess there really isn't much of a difference between online and traditional dating after all :/
Beachead Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 (edited) Grilled_Salmon, She hasn't replied back after 2 months. Who knows why. What you should do is let this one go because every moment you spend waiting is going to hurt you a little more. I definitely sympathize with how you feel. It can be a lonely, cold world out there. As tough as it is and as hopeless as you may feel sometimes, you need to be strong for yourself. Don't ever let anyone be in charge of your happiness. I want you to realize your own potential. So what I suggest, if you haven't done this already, is to take on a hobby or two, volunteer, go to the gym, travel, learn an instrument, learn how to cook etc. Stay busy and invest in yourself. Better yourself, not for anyone else, but for you. At the very least, you will meet some great people out there, not necessarily for relationships, but good company that may help dilute some of these feelings you have. You'll also develop a lot of skills, trades, and all kinds of stories to share with some of the woman you will encounter in the future. All the good and bad you face in your life, especially the bad, is relevant life experience that you will use in the future. Learning to stay positive and continuing to drive forward is also a skillset in itself. One that women find attractive. And in the mean time, keep trying OkCupid. See where it goes. Who knows, you may not even need it. Best of Luck to you Beachead Edited August 3, 2014 by Beachead 1
Author Grilled_Salmon Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 Grilled_Salmon, She hasn't replied back after 2 months. Who knows why. What you should do is let this one go because every moment you spend waiting is going to hurt you a little more. I definitely sympathize with how you feel. It can be a lonely, cold world out there. As tough as it is and as hopeless as you may feel sometimes, you need to be strong for yourself. Don't ever let anyone be in charge of your happiness. I want you to realize your own potential. So what I suggest, if you haven't done this already, is to take on a hobby or two, volunteer, go to the gym, travel, learn an instrument, learn how to cook etc. Stay busy and invest in yourself. Better yourself, not for anyone else, but for you. At the very least, you will meet some great people out there, not necessarily for relationships, but good company that may help dilute some of these feelings you have. You'll also develop a lot of skills, trades, and all kinds of stories to share with some of the woman you will encounter in the future. All the good and bad you face in your life, especially the bad, is relevant life experience that you will use in the future. Learning to stay positive and continuing to drive forward is also a skillset in itself. One that women find attractive. And in the mean time, keep trying OkCupid. See where it goes. Who knows, you may not even need it. Best of Luck to you Beachead Perhaps I should have put this in my original post, but I'll go ahead anyways; I do have hobbies, from writing stories, art, reading, casual gaming, walks around the neighborhood, to name a few. I also work part-time, and am set to join the military early next year February or March (depending on how smooth the application process goes) + go to the gym on a daily basis. I think I've covered those to some degree at the very least, with more coming along in the near future so those aren't something I'm too worried about. I very well know what I want and what I need to do to attain them. In a way, you can say I'm satisfied with my life in most things. But as far as dating goes, yet alone even flirting with women in my age range, it's the exact opposite. There's a lot of reasons why, some which are even justified in certain cases, but at the other hand, the vast majority of women in my age range that I've met since I was 13 has avoided me whenever possible. I appreciate the encouragement and pat on the shoulder though Many thanks.
GingerVixen Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 OP, I mean no offense but your message to the girl was just too long and quite desperate. I used to have a profile in OkCupid (and it ended up being a terrible idea) and I didn't like it when people would send me long messages, I would always be suspicious about them because I have met many heartbreakers that began talking to me using these long messages and sweet talk. Maybe she is just like me. OkCupid and social websites IMO are the last place you should look for a partner. People lie everytime there, they create a fake persona to attract people and it never feels like the same thing when you meet them in person. Moreover, some of them are real psycho freaks. There is nothing like real life and face-to-face contact, trust me. 3
Dork Vader Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 Give up already she is not interested. You are literally stalking her OKC profile. You are literally harassing her. I'm surprised she has not blocked you. One message that is it. If they do not respond they are not interested. Internet dating is no different from real life. Why you're putting yourself through this over a woman you've never met baffles me. Move on to someone who actually wants to talk to you.
Zippy2000 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 To start it off very bluntly, there's a girl I found in Okcupid, that I'm really interested to meet. Within 5km of where I live, a 91% match (I know, this is probably very subjective in a way) - the highest out of everyone nearby. Dude. Give up. Ok Cupid is the worst site ever. They`ve been known to make fake profiles and manipulating matches. If you don`t believe me then do a google search or read this article: OkCupid admits it has been conducting psychological experiments on members | Mail Online
HappyLove Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Don't fall so hard for a profile. It could be a man for all you know. The percentage thing is a hoax also. OKC admitted to making it up and purposely placing people who don't match AT ALL into a high percentage match. Work on your real life challenges that you have approaching women. Set some goals IRL for yourself like initiating contact and asking out 5 women IRL a week. Rejection sucks but we all have to go through it and it gets easier as we learn what works and what doesn't IRL!
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 OP, I mean no offense but your message to the girl was just too long and quite desperate. I used to have a profile in OkCupid (and it ended up being a terrible idea) and I didn't like it when people would send me long messages, I would always be suspicious about them because I have met many heartbreakers that began talking to me using these long messages and sweet talk. Maybe she is just like me. OkCupid and social websites IMO are the last place you should look for a partner. People lie everytime there, they create a fake persona to attract people and it never feels like the same thing when you meet them in person. Moreover, some of them are real psycho freaks. There is nothing like real life and face-to-face contact, trust me. And I want to add just because someone has an ad on OKC doesn't mean they are single so it's best to keep the expectations low
Mrs Carter Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Hi (name censored), sorry if I'm really bothering you and that this is really random/out-of-place, though felt that you really should know (plus I want to get it out of my chest badly, to be at peace myself too). I just want to say, that I feel interested in meeting/dating/getting to know you and have been for quite some time, though since it's been months since you were last logged in...well, I suppose you've either given up on Okcupid or found someone else who's more attractive/interesting. If the former, I understand. Online dating can be...well, disappointing for some, and honestly, I'm leaning on that side as well haha. If you already have found someone, then I wish you good luck with your relationship If not any of those and something else, I'd just like to fully honestly say, I'm not looking for trouble. I really thought it'd have been best to simply wait for your response from my earlier message some months ago...but well, I suppose that's not coming anytime soon haha. If, and I fully emphasize IF, you want to consider meeting up, that'd be great and I'd be really thankful. If not, that's cool with me too and I hope you all the best I just wanted to let you know, that's all. Thanks PS - I noticed you seem to have turned 22 recently! Happy birthday! I'm sure you are a nice guy but that message gives out an internet stalker vibe. I can tell you that as a woman we get a LOT of really weird messages and to be honest, this would be one of them. As other posters said, you should really try to mix with other people in real life. It isn't healthy that you got into a woman this much whom you have never even spoken to in your life.
dudemeister Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 Hi (name censored), sorry if I'm really bothering you *don't apologize for messaging someone* and that this is really random/out-of-place, though felt that you really should know (plus I want to get it out of my chest badly, to be at peace myself too). I just want to say, that I feel interested in meeting/dating/getting to know you and have been for quite some time , though since it's been months since you were last logged in... *makes you look like a stalker and will scare the woman* well, I suppose you've either given up on Okcupid or found someone else who's more attractive/interesting *just screams that you have no confidence in yourself*. If the former, I understand. Online dating can be...well, disappointing for some, and honestly, I'm leaning on that side as well haha. If you already have found someone, then I wish you good luck with your relationship If not any of those and something else, I'd just like to fully honestly say, I'm not looking for trouble. *too nice, who cares if she found someone. you don't even know her.* I really thought it'd have been best to simply wait for your response from my earlier message some months ago...but well, I suppose that's not coming anytime soon haha. *too desperate* If, and I fully emphasize IF, you want to consider meeting up, that'd be great and I'd be really thankful. *don't be thankful* If not, that's cool with me too and I hope you all the best I just wanted to let you know, that's all. *again too nice* Thanks PS - I noticed you seem to have turned 22 recently! Happy birthday! I hope you are ready for some constructive criticism. You really need to work on the messages that you send. I just put some notes in bold but basically your message just says that you have no confidence in yourself. You are way too desperate and want to please please please. Of course she is not going to reply - there is nothing there that is attractive. Most sounds like something her best friend would say to her. Women respond to confidence, assertiveness, and originality. It is up to you to learn what works and what doesn't. Practice, practice, practice. When I was doing online dating I just didn't give a crap and would send ridiculous messages like "Did you know that in Oklahoma city it is illegal to walk backwards while eating a hamburger?" I'd at least get a "lol" back from them. Whatever you do, do not send that fourth message.
Author Grilled_Salmon Posted August 6, 2014 Author Posted August 6, 2014 Thank you all for the responses. It's much appreciated. I guess you're all right. I was being an idiot the whole time, and shouldn't have even given it a try from the beginning. For those who suggested meeting women IRL and/or starting with confidence/assertiveness/originality, I've already gone through this process as many times as I can remember - though it simply hasn't worked (neither has the nice guy approach either, now that I fully understand), and likely will not in the foreseeable future, if at all. There's a lot more to it, but it's not something I can very easily say myself anywhere, even in an online forum. Perhaps I should just give it up altogether and simply wait, however long that may be. Again, thank you very much for your responses. It was greatly helpful and made me realize how much I had botched it all up from the get-go, and that I hadn't learnt much from past mistakes.
dogeared Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 Give up already she is not interested. You are literally stalking her OKC profile. You are literally harassing her. I'm surprised she has not blocked you. One message that is it. If they do not respond they are not interested. Internet dating is no different from real life. Why you're putting yourself through this over a woman you've never met baffles me. Move on to someone who actually wants to talk to you. This. When I read the OP I was astonished you were actually asking if you should try to contact her yet again. I thought you were going to say that she actually responded, but nope....leave her alone.
preraph Posted August 6, 2014 Posted August 6, 2014 No response is a very clear "No." Leave her alone.
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