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My girlfriend knows her coworker likes her but she still hasn't mentioned me?

WhatToDo12

By WhatToDo12
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WhatToDo12 New Member

WhatToDo12

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i askde this on another forum but didnt get many answers. anyway...

 

We've known each other for almost exactly 2 years and she still doesnt tell her coworker she knows me. My GF and her coworker have known eachother for a few weeks. ive pointed out that her coworker likes her, and she very well knows he likes her too..

 

i pointed out the same thing today and she literally said.....'i know, but im pretending to be oblivious to it'.. they text each other regularly too

 

BUt here's an important point....she still loves me and I can tell because her behavior hasnt changed one bit from before she knew the coworker.. so i dont know

 

i have an idea what to do but would still like some tips. Is she doing this for attention?

WrinkledForehead Established Member

WrinkledForehead

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She's regularly texting a coworker who likes her and who doesn't know you exist? Giant red flag. Where is her respect for you?

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Grilled_Salmon Member

Grilled_Salmon

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Confront her about it.

 

One does not simply text the person that likes them while already being in a relationship.

 

How long have you and your girlfriend been going out for?

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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What are they texting about? If it's work, you need to hold your horses.

 

I rarely went around announcing to co-workers my relationship status. That has very little place in the workplace.

WrinkledForehead Established Member

WrinkledForehead

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What are they texting about? If it's work, you need to hold your horses.

 

I rarely went around announcing to co-workers my relationship status. That has very little place in the workplace.

 

Perhaps it depends on the work place. In a professional environment, no, there's no room for it. In the industry I'm in, its common knowledge who is paired up. It's not uncommon for coworkers to date each other, so when a person is already in a relationship, it is known and the relationship is respected (ie don't hit on the commited guy/gal).

Dork Vader Established Member

Dork Vader

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What are they texting about? If it's work, you need to hold your horses.

 

I rarely went around announcing to co-workers my relationship status. That has very little place in the workplace.

 

Who textes about work? That is an excuse to bring them into your personal life. Even it is about work it's a red flag. Boundaries are needed and she's not putting any up.

 

Carrying on a regular relationship with a person that likes you while your in a relationship is wrong. It's not friendship. It's not just a coworker.

 

Put your foot down and talk to her about it. You can be polite and say look I feel this friendship with your coworker is crossing boundaries it should not. I feel it has a lot of potential to cause conflict between us. I would like you to put up some boundaries.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I get texts about work all the time. At least 3-4 per day even on weekends & holidays. The most personal they have ever gotten were things like Merry Christmas but beyond that it was all about work. Even the jokes & emoticons were work related . . .complaining about a client or outside vendor but nothing that even touched upon crossing a professional boundary into being a danger to a relationship.

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WhatToDo12 New Member

WhatToDo12

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Thanks for all your replies

 

As far as boundaries are concerned, ive told her to mention me to her coworker and she says things like 'ill tell him if he asks'. they are definitely not texting about work. She's honest and tells me if he asks her out and things like that

 

She herself said she is the jealous type and we've been going out for 18 months. but what i dont get is she is still behaving the same way (very loving) towards me before she met him. thats why i wonder if she is just trying to make me jealous

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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If he's asking her out & they are not texting about work, her failure to mention you is a HUGE problem. When he asked her out the 1st time she should have said, thank you but I have a BF. The fact that she did not do that & continues to communicate with him about things that are not work related does not bode well for your relationship. She's on a slippery slope & heading toward Cheating as we speak.

  • Like 5
Dork Vader Established Member

Dork Vader

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If he's asking her out & they are not texting about work, her failure to mention you is a HUGE problem. When he asked her out the 1st time she should have said, thank you but I have a BF. The fact that she did not do that & continues to communicate with him about things that are not work related does not bode well for your relationship. She's on a slippery slope & heading toward Cheating as we speak.

 

I agree 100% but the simple truth is there is a reason she has not. She's not going to quit talking to him unless she wants too. If she sees it's causing conflict between the two of you the lights might come on.

 

What ever you do you need confident about it. She is going to jusify it all. Don't buy into it.. She knows it's wrong.

newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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yes, it is for attention. i do it too, even when i have a boyfriend i don't mention it or bring him up to other male co-workers. it doesn't mean i love my bf any less, it just means i am very flirtatious and like attention. some women are like that, it just is. the thing is, you should have known that about her up-front, that is a character trait (being a bit needy/wanting attention) so you either let it go, or select a girl that doesn't do this. i have found that my best boyfriends are also big flirts, they understand it is a way of communicating with others and is quite meaningless so long as the person doesn't take it further, it's fun to get attention and doesn't mean you're in a bad relationship. imo.

Dork Vader Established Member

Dork Vader

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yes, it is for attention. i do it too, even when i have a boyfriend i don't mention it or bring him up to other male co-workers. it doesn't mean i love my bf any less, it just means i am very flirtatious and like attention. some women are like that, it just is. the thing is, you should have known that about her up-front, that is a character trait (being a bit needy/wanting attention) so you either let it go, or select a girl that doesn't do this. i have found that my best boyfriends are also big flirts, they understand it is a way of communicating with others and is quite meaningless so long as the person doesn't take it further, it's fun to get attention and doesn't mean you're in a bad relationship. imo.

 

 

 

No it is not a charcter trait it is straight out insecurity. There is no other way you can sum it up.

 

 

You have insecurities and are trying to fill those insecurities with a bunch of attention from men. When the guy your with is not around you fill that void with another man. That is emotional cheating. You know it is other wise you'd be telling every guy you dated about it.

 

 

This very thing is what ended my last relationship. I don't believe my ex cheated on me physically. But she was constantly flirting with other men on her phone. Even when I was with her.. Uhh that is what I WAS for..

 

 

The flirting slowly leads to more and eventually it will cross lines it should not.

 

 

Some day you'll see the truth. Insecure people require TONS of attention more then any person is capable of giving. Thus it takes multiple people to fill that void in them. Been there numerous times..

  • Like 4
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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she honestly should have mentioned you and given the signal that she is not available if the friendship were purely platonic then this co worker would understand that asking her out is a no go zone......as would she......she shouldnt want that kind of attention if she is in a relationship with you doesnt make sense to me.....deb

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Another man has asked her out.

 

She keeps in regular, non-work-related contact with him.

 

He doesn't know you exist.

 

Yes, OP, this is a bad sign. You need to be extremely firm that she tell him about you. If she refuses to do so, you know how much she values the relationship. She says she'll tell him when he asks? Well, she had a golden opportunity when he asked her out. She is not hesitating to appear single to this guy. What reason did she tell you she gave him for saying no? Reg flags are flying all over the place here.

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mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

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1)Get hold of his ph.no off her phone.

2)Take photo on your phone of you and her in a compromising position.

3)Send to him later.

 

That should sort it.;)

Dork Vader Established Member

Dork Vader

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1)Get hold of his ph.no off her phone.

2)Take photo on your phone of you and her in a compromising position.

3)Send to him later.

 

That should sort it.;)

 

Don't do that. That is games and it wont get you any place with your girl friend but drama..

 

 

Just tell her straight out this is a double standard. You're having an inappropriate relationship with him. When she says it's platonic call her bluff.. Just say it's not if it was when he asked you on a date you would have said Sorry I have a boy friend and that would have been the end of it. If she continues with the games.. tell her I'm not going to play these games when you're ready to be honest about this and an adult we can talk.

 

 

Be firm and confident. No anger is needed.

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WhatToDo12 New Member

WhatToDo12

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Ok, good news

 

I had a chat with her and she told him as soon as i brought it up. she said she never intended to do anything and didnt say anything to him because she was hoping he would eventually get the point

mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

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Don't do that. That is games and it wont get you any place with your girl friend but drama..

 

 

Just tell her straight out this is a double standard. You're having an inappropriate relationship with him. When she says it's platonic call her bluff.. Just say it's not if it was when he asked you on a date you would have said Sorry I have a boy friend and that would have been the end of it. If she continues with the games.. tell her I'm not going to play these games when you're ready to be honest about this and an adult we can talk.

 

 

Be firm and confident. No anger is needed.

I honestly didn't think anyone would take my suggestion seriously!:laugh:

Glad to hear OP, that you're feeling happier now and are convinced yr gf's workmate knows about you. Good stuff.

44tt Established Member

44tt

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this is s red flag OP because why would a male coworker have your girlfriend's cell number if he is not her supervisor?

longjohn Established Member

longjohn

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Who textes about work? That is an excuse to bring them into your personal life. Even it is about work it's a red flag. Boundaries are needed and she's not putting any up.

I text about work quite often at times, I can get called at times in the middle of the night. Some of us work in operations that run 24-7. I do however always tell a new GF this up front so they are aware ahead of time so it won't become a red flag issue for them.

 

 

I agree with everyone else though. This is a major red flag if she continues to talk to the guy without telling him up front about you. Or worse, tells you she told him about you to shut you up. If I where you I'd plan to have a look at her phone at some point.

Edited by longjohn
jakrbbt Established Member

jakrbbt

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I used to dread that moment when I'd mention to a guy-friend-who-I-started-to-realize-liked-me that I had a boyfriend, because often he (the guy friend who I thought probably had a crush) would rudely bolt from the friendship and it would be awkward. Nor did I want to mention it all obvious-like and come off sounding presumptuous. I thought that if someone liked you, you were supposed to pretend not to know because that would embarrass them.

 

The reason I thought that was because I had had crushes on men I didn't want to ever find out-- and I figured that men with crushes felt the same way. It was a side-affect of being very young. The problem with it was, not only was I wrong, but I was the one creating awkwardness by just waiting for the guy to find out. The reason I am telling you this is that it may explain where your gf is coming from. She may be a big wuss when it comes to awkwardness and she may have some dumb fear that this coworker might retaliate and pout. She'll have to woman-up and deal with that sort of thing of course, but it does not mean that she doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you. IF that is where she's coming from.

 

Just one possibility.

Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

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Eventually she will not be your GF. It is one thing to flirt a little , but when she gets hit on and asked out, the way for her to stop it if she wants to is to tell hi she has a BF she is happy with.

The continued texting is going in because she is leading him on and he thinks he has a good chance of getting in her pants, which he does.

Either she is committed to you mentally and physically or she is not but you deserve to know the answer to that.

If you move forward and your relationship continues are you going to be comfortable with her continued texting with other men. The next step is hanging out with them as ". Just friends" and we all know where that can wind up. The are books about that.

You need to establish what her and your boundaries are going to be

Priv Established Member

Priv

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I used to dread that moment when I'd mention to a guy-friend-who-I-started-to-realize-liked-me that I had a boyfriend, because often he (the guy friend who I thought probably had a crush) would rudely bolt from the friendship and it would be awkward.

 

How can someone you consider a friend not know something as basic as whether or not you are in a relationship? I have a very different definition of friendship.

 

 

I also don't get how it does not get mentioned in regular conversation. 'Hey x, how was your weekend'. 'I went waterskiing with my boy/girlfriend'. It is almost impossible not to mention it. Problem solved.

Edited by Priv
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