reservoirdog1 Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 About 2 weeks ago, I started chatting on the phone and MSN with a woman I met through a dating service. We arranged to meet this past Saturday for a drink, but she got sick and had to reschedule. (That's just background, not totally relevant.) We ended up meeting for lunch today. Not only do we seem to have a ton of things in common (plus we're both single parents), but the photo she sent me before we met totally didn't do her justice, and I made a point of telling her so, which she seemed to appreciate. She's beautiful, easy to talk to, fun, etc. She had been feeling bad about cancelling on short notice on Saturday, so when it came time to pay she wanted to "get this one." I asked if that meant she was going to let me see her again, and she said yes. That interest was reaffirmed later before we parted ways. Also, during conversation she made a point of touching my arm several times, and expressing interest in a couple of things I'd expressed interest in... all good signs, in my experience. Women don't tend to do those things if they're not interested. So... point being, I really want to see her again. And even though I've dated a bunch of women in the last year and had some great times with a number of them, for some reason I'm apprehensive right now. Of the women I've dated, I've been looking for the ever-elusive "The One." Some have been broken off by them, some by me. Now along comes this one... and I really don't want to f*ck it up. I really can't stand the game playing that seems to so often accompany dating but I'm also pragmatic, and I recognize that sometimes you just have to play the game, like it or not. She's 30 and I'm 32, so part of me likes to think that we're beyond that whole "I must wait 1.79 days before calling so I don't appear too eager" thing. I prefer to subscribe to the philosophy of, call them if you feel like it, arbitrary pseudo-rules be damned. So, my questions to the ladies: how do you like guys to express interest after a "priming date"? Call the next day? Email, with a "had a really great time, etc."? Try to nail down date #2 ASAP? I'd like to think that most women would be impressed by a guy who's so obviously just saying f*ck it and going for what he wants. But, how much is too much? What qualifies as coming on too strong in pursuit of date #2? Does asking for date #2 too soon seem desparate, or determined? And either way, what's "too soon"? That's a ton of questions, but I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks to all of you...
Sckott Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 There's no set dynamic. And I just got off a date, so I can say this with all honesty... When two people come off a date, what usually happens is some expression that things went well or ok. You never hear about the fact she thought you were funny lookin' or that your nose is too small for her taste or weirdness like that. Neither would you mention something so trivial. However, the truth is, two people have to enjoy each other to come together again. Now this date I had was very "call me!" and I said "Sure!" I even got a kiss tonight! But if I call her, I don't hear from her, I try again and she doesn't call, she's either busy or umm, not interested. What's a person to do? Umm, I've learned it's not always because she didn't like you, but there's SOO much more in it. Maybe she thought you were ok, but she's got a million things on her mind. Her ex is invading her. She's having problems at work. Whatever. NEVER take it personally. Make yourself available, make yourself known you're interested, WANT the second date when you do (and they'll be times you WON'T). If she bites, it's good. If not, MOVE ON. Let me say this again, IF SHE DOES NOT BITE (and give her ample time) MOVE ON. Perfect or not! Never stop yourself from being open for the next good moment. Never.
tanbark813 Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 This post is a good example of why I dislike lunch dates as first dates. It's good in that it's casual, but it's a little too casual. It's more like an interview than a date. You're always going to have a better atmosphere at night than during the day. And then with dates like this, you're left thinking exactly what you're thinking now: "Okay.. hmmm.. now wtf do I do?" It sounds like there was no kissing involved, so personally, since it's Thursday, I would wait until Sunday to call her and then ask her out for later that week. And go out at night, man.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 I agree we are all way beyond the games - however none of us want to seem "desperate." Calling tonight, the day of the date, may be a bit too soon and I agree that calling over the weekend is never a great idea, so Sunday evening seems the right time to call to invite her for the next date. However it would certainly put a smile on my face if the guy I had a great lunch with dropped me a note letting me know he enjoyed the time too.
Hund1976 Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 This post is a good example of why I dislike lunch dates as first dates. The one big advantage of a lunch date is that if its bombing its a lot easier to get out sooner, plus you didn't blow a whole night. I've had a few evening dates that I wish were lunch dates. Quick lunch dates!!! Back to the original question. I would say send her an email and let her know you had a good time and you'll call her soon. That will let her know you're interested in her but not sound desperate at all.
Barby Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 I think that you should do what feels right to you. Every woman is different, I would think that if indeed she is interested in a second date (and seeing where this could go).....you should AVOID the "game rules". Call her tonight, (or email her) let her know you had a great time and maybe suggest for her to let you know when would be a good time for you two to get together again. Maybe it's just me...but if a guy tries to play a "game" with me or tries to "stick by the game rules" while dating me, that's a big turn off....I think most women just want an honest up front man who's clear about what they want in a relationship/courtship!
startingover1028 Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 If she isn't interested in you, calling her today or waiting until next month won't matter. If she IS interested and you call you soon... I think that shows her that you're into her and she will appreciate it. If you wait, she may take it as a sign that you really aren't so interested and she may be more cautious about opening up to you. So, if you're really interested... show her... Don't wait... Pick up the phone.
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Res, I'm 34...If I was single or in your spot in life, I wouldn't be playing that dating game either. Wouldn't know how to because I've always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm honest. OK I'm putting myself in her shoes right now...Work with me on this one....HEHEHE... (I'm her thinking now OK? ) I hope he calls me cuz I really like him. I am pretty sure he got the hint I was into him, I touched him and flirted slightly as well...Good talk and he's really CUTE too...Hmmm... SO, with that, definately call her by tomorrow. By phone. Be honest with her...We prefer guys to be upfront than to keep us guessing. Especially in our 30's. So, my questions to the ladies: how do you like guys to express interest after a "priming date"? Call the next day? Email, with a "had a really great time, etc."? Try to nail down date #2 ASAP? I'd like to think that most women would be impressed by a guy who's so obviously just saying f*ck it and going for what he wants. But, how much is too much? What qualifies as coming on too strong in pursuit of date #2? Does asking for date #2 too soon seem desparate, or determined? And either way, what's "too soon"? You won't come off desparate at all because either it's there or it ain't. At our age we know pretty fast whether chemistry and a possible next date right away, or atleast by the end of the first date. You know what I mean? I think you're doing OK and just enjoy her, have fun. Go with the flow of it. Hope this helps abit. Could put down more but at nearly 1:30am here my mind is starting to think sleepy time.
Merin Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 RD.. When I met my BF he asked for my number.. I told him I would give it to him BUT IF he was going to wait the *Mandatory* Three days to let me he know he's into me, not to bother.. for real I told him that. He called me the next day Been together ever since
Author reservoirdog1 Posted February 28, 2005 Author Posted February 28, 2005 Thanks for the advice everybody. She and I spoke on Saturday and are going out again this coming Friday. I'm still in the midst of don't-want-to-f*ck-it-up mode, but hey... I've been this route before and had no problems making it work, so here's hoping. Wish me luck!
Merin Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 Thanks for the advice everybody. She and I spoke on Saturday and are going out again this coming Friday. I'm still in the midst of don't-want-to-f*ck-it-up mode, but hey... I've been this route before and had no problems making it work, so here's hoping. Wish me luck! Yay for you! Good Luck
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Hey, you don't need it, but I'll say it anyway! Good luck!! And you won't f**k it up, don't worry! She likes ya! No, that is NOT a photo of me. -- RD Did somebody actually think that was you?
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 Did somebody actually think that was you? Yeah, one person did, and to the unfamiliar it may not be obvious. Thanks for the encouragement on the date thang!
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 Thanks for the encouragement everybody. Just got home; the date went well. Went for dinner, closed down the restaurant, drove her home. Kissed her (properly) goodnight. She wants to get together again. Amazing what you can accomplish when you enter a situation with a goal in mind!
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Hey!!! That's great! Glad to hear things are moving along well! How was the kiss? OH yeah, fyi - I like your other avatar better...
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 The kiss was great. We were about to part ways, I said, "I'd like to kiss you goodnight, if that's alright." She said, "of course it is." No attempts at tonsil removal (by either of us), she just sort of "flicked" her tongue lightly a couple of times as we kissed, and then I did the same. And then, when it was over, she said, "I hope we can see each other again soon." Unfortunately, I've got a freakishly busy week's evenings coming up... think I'm going to have to suggest lunch during the week. Want to strike while the iron is hot. Day-um!!! Left her a message this afternoon, telling her I had a great time, that she kisses very nicely, and that I'd talk to her soon. What was it about the old avatar you liked?
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 Wow, you described that well...Really sexy and sensual kiss...lol Definately do a lunch with her, do afew emails etc...Then you'll be getting more steamy kisses... Oh yeah, the avatar, I don't like change! Just got used to it that's all...Love your new sig, that made me laugh SO hard and yes...SO many deserved to be smacked!
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 Wow, you described that well...Really sexy and sensual kiss... You know, the most memorable kiss I'd experienced in my life, up to that point, happened exactly a year ago last night (so I was definitely hoping that lightning would strike twice...). I was on a first date, the tension was ratcheting up, I told her that I was finding it really hard to keep from kissing her, she indicated she'd be OK with it, I leaned in... it was just our lips touching together, holding it for a second, and pulling away, then doing the same thing again. All she said after that was, "wow." Now there's a new contender for the title.
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 Oh yeah, definately!! That is so neat. Eerie that the timing is the same! I DO believe that some things happen for a reason and some signs are there for us to see...It's great that you remembered that kiss from a year ago! Now there's a new contender for the title. Absolutely!
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 Yeah, that evening from a year ago became the standard by which I judged all dates after that. Last night's was the first that was on par with it.
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 Well, I'm really happy for you Res! She's a lucky woman to have you!
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 As I mentioned, we went out on Friday night. It was great. Here's the "problem": I've initiated every communication between us, whether phone, email or MSN. I'm not used to that... typically the woman in question initiates at least some of the communication if she's really interested. This is in stark contrast to everything else, which suggests that she's interested. The kiss, the comments about getting together again, etc. I MSN'd with her briefly on Sunday night, told her I had a great time, she said she did too, and then she said, "next time, hopefully we can meet on an evening when I DON'T have to work the next day!" Are there women out there who, early on at least, simply don't initiate communication with a guy, despite being interested? Have they simply been taught to let the guy do the chasing? Or are they old-fashioned? Or something else entirely? Or is she just putting up an otherwise very effective false front? I don't have a problem playing by a different set of "rules" than the ones I'm used to... I'd just like to know what the rules are. It doesn't help matters that I'm over-analytical by nature. But I'd appreciate any comments.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 she's shy like me? I wouldn't mind if a guy asked me to call him, but I am apprehensive of calling out of the blue even though I know how much I like to get a call. I did too much boy-chasing in my younger junior high days and made a fool of myself too many times. Maybe she lost your number? Can you give her a business card with your home/cell numbers on it? I would say it's nothing to worry about - it doesn't mean anything.
Author reservoirdog1 Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Thanks MWC. At times like this I envy the main character in the movie What Women Want. The consensus I've arrived at from various sources seems to be that this isn't a point to be concerned about, at least not at the moment. Onward and upward!
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 Hehehe, I live through your excitement...How sad for me eh! I've initiated every communication between us, whether phone, email or MSN. I'm not used to that... typically the woman in question initiates at least some of the communication if she's really interested. This is in stark contrast to everything else, which suggests that she's interested. The kiss, the comments about getting together again, etc. I MSN'd with her briefly on Sunday night, told her I had a great time, she said she did too, and then she said, "next time, hopefully we can meet on an evening when I DON'T have to work the next day!" Are there women out there who, early on at least, simply don't initiate communication with a guy, despite being interested? Have they simply been taught to let the guy do the chasing? Or are they old-fashioned? Or something else entirely? Or is she just putting up an otherwise very effective false front? I don't have a problem playing by a different set of "rules" than the ones I'm used to... I'd just like to know what the rules are. It doesn't help matters that I'm over-analytical by nature. But I'd appreciate any comments. Well, I say if you like her, enjoy her company and there is chemistry- GO FOR IT. Don't hold back. You're too old to play the 'chase me' ... 'no, you chase me' routine. I think she wants you to do that. But eventually talk to her and tell her she can call you as well - Doesn't have to be just you making the arrangements etc. Anyway, I hope things are going well...Look forward to an update Res! (**Still pouting cuz I miss yer old avatar! )
Recommended Posts