isurvivedyoucantoo Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I'm trying to move on... I want to so badly. It's barely been a month since my GF broke up with me out of nowhere. One week we were talking about pre-engagement books and the next she is asking for a break that a day later just ended up with her ending things over facebook of all things. She refuses to call me and her original explanation was that I was "too perfect." 3 weeks later she said it was because she met a new guy and started thinking about him more than me and wasnt missing me that much (we were LDR for a couple months to see each other again in August). She says she wants someone that is crazy adventurous.... something that I somewhat am. I think she thinks there is an upgrade out there and Im simply not good enough. She refused to talk to her friends here in the states and seems to be in an out of sight out of mind mentality. Just kinda sucks, she never called and seems confused. She said at the end of the day I would have been the safe option not the right one. She needs someone that takes her breath away and makes her heart beat faster than ever before..... I dont get it though, I treated her so well and all of a sudden she ended it. For the brief moments she has texted me she stresses the fact that Im super nice and aweseme etc. etc. and that she loves me, but is not in love with me. I started catching myself stalking her FB and instagram and becoming upset by the fact she refuses to remove previous photos of us, when with her previous boyfriend she said she did that immediately. As a result of my addictive behavior of checking FB, I decided to block her on all media as it was only hurting me more and more each day. My Question is how do you stop thinking about them or wishing to get back together with them? I still have so many questions for her, but I dont want to contact her. I just feel emotionless at the moment. I still love her, but I dont what she is feeling anymore and it sucks. I would love some advice. I've been working out and hanging around friends which helps a bit, but my mind always wanders to thinking about me and her and I get depressed, angry, and bitter. I dont know kinda just ranting would love some help, or encouragement. Thanks
Pleasant Surprise Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I'm more or less dealing with the same situation as you are. Except maybe a bit flip flopped. I tend to be very adventurous and it is definitely reflected in my personality. I think I may have scared her away with my honesty a bit but whatever this isn't about me. I have asked myself this question though. I think the best solution to this is to just live in the now. Think about how you were before you met your ex. If you're anything like me, which you sound like, then you were going about your business with your friends and just trying new things, living life to the fullest. I highly doubt that finding a girlfriend was one of your top priorities. Then, this awesome girl stumbled into your life and you got sucked in, right? I'm just assuming this is the case. Maybe you were searching for your true soulmate. Anyway, I think it's best to just try out new things, meet new people, live your life to the fullest, and keep busy. Don't hope for anything. Instead, for now, focus on the things that you can control. I promise the rest will fall into your lap just like it always has.
BridgetGrey Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 ahh yes I was never the kind of girl who was desperate for a boyfriend or needed attention , but there was one of my best friends for years and I always had a thing for him. Somehow you just sucked into their charm and I started loosing myself there being miserable when the relationship was ending. Anyhow after 3 months and it was bloody hell LDR yes I demolished all the hope even though he lives 2 hours away but he is moving across the world ..Anyhow When you have 3 months of almost no contact and you see that the other side is content with ending the relationship you can't exactly fight for it. I myself knew it was coming to an end and I concluded it was for the best because it was becoming dry and when you have someone half way there instead of there 100% it's just feel like maybe your better off by yourself. Moreover, relationship need two stable committed people who are in the same place or at least page and we weren't like that. To illustrate, a self sacrifice was needed and I can't blame him for not wanting to settle down because I have my own goals and dreams and even though he was in my life , but I knew he didn't fit into it . Reality is it what it is , I see myself traveling and doing stuff without him in my life 100% .
Author isurvivedyoucantoo Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 I'm more or less dealing with the same situation as you are. Except maybe a bit flip flopped. I tend to be very adventurous and it is definitely reflected in my personality. I think I may have scared her away with my honesty a bit but whatever this isn't about me. I have asked myself this question though. I think the best solution to this is to just live in the now. Think about how you were before you met your ex. If you're anything like me, which you sound like, then you were going about your business with your friends and just trying new things, living life to the fullest. I highly doubt that finding a girlfriend was one of your top priorities. Then, this awesome girl stumbled into your life and you got sucked in, right? I'm just assuming this is the case. Maybe you were searching for your true soulmate. Anyway, I think it's best to just try out new things, meet new people, live your life to the fullest, and keep busy. Don't hope for anything. Instead, for now, focus on the things that you can control. I promise the rest will fall into your lap just like it always has. You nailed it with the whole minding my own business thing, she just showed up. Im happy she did, just kinda annoyed at this situation and wish the outcome was a lot different.
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 You use logical self talk. Remind yourself that she broke up with you & that she has been with another guy already. Emphasize in your own mind that you deserve a partner who loves you, who is loyal to you & who wants to be with you. She is none of those things. 2
dumbass2 Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I tell my self I blew any chance by the way I handled it when she broke up with me, but now I am finally telling myself it was for the best, but it has been hard dealing with so many mixed feelings. I took the break up very well in the beginning because I was frustrated and did not fight for her. I essentially had given up and acted like I was ok with it. She kept in contact and I did not try to call or send a bunch of messages or try to make sure it really was what she wanted to do. I never really tried and then I started to miss her a lot. She started to miss me less because I think she thought I didn't care, but I really don't know. Bottom line is that she broke up and it was for the best and I can't beat myself up for anything. It just wasn't meant to be. I have had enough time to look back at the relationship and know that it wouldn't have worked as much as I really wanted it to. It takes two and if the other is not on the same page, you can't force it. It's still hard though when you loved someone. 1
whatsherface Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 It's really, really hard trying to kill all the hope. It really is. Even though I was the dumper, it took me 5 months before I managed to convince myself that we were never getting back together again. It was awful. I didn't think I could go through anything so painful, but I did (and still am). First of all, you need to stop stalking her on social media. Or at least, cut back as much as you can. Social media stalking only amplifies the pain. Your brain is already thinking about that person 24/7, you don't need to intensify the dwelling by following up your thoughts with action. Secondly, tell yourself that because she broke up with you, she is automatically no longer good enough for you. In my case, it's different because I was the dumper (which kind of makes it worse for me because I feel like I ruined everything and now I spend my days regretting my decision), but in my previous relationship, I was dumped so I used this mentality to move on. Fake it until you believe it. Because honestly, if she's already thinking about other guys, then no, she is definitely not worth it. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. Thirdly, and this is the most important one, do not talk to her. Cut off all contact. If she messages you, ignore her. Delete her number. Backup your chat history and then delete it off your phone if you have to. Do not prolong this. It will do neither of you any good. It's like ripping off a bandaid, it's going to hurt like hell at first, but it's going to be worth it in the end. It's taking me so long to heal because in the beginning I kept trying to talk to him and I only ended up giving myself false hope every time he responded to my messages. IT WAS SO AWFUL. Please don't be like me, don't do this to yourself. Finally, as lame and cheesy as this sounds, time will take care of everything. It sucks that you can't really do much to make time go by faster, but if you work hard to distract yourself then it does become a little bit easier. You're going to have bad days and good days; don't let the bad days overshadow all the progress you've made. Know that the pain won't last forever. You'll be okay. Humans are resilient creatures. No matter who leaves you (be it your significant other, friends, or family), at the end of the day, you will still continue to breathe and live and survive. You can do this. We can get through this together.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 5, 2014 Posted August 5, 2014 Some things that have helped me, if at least superficially: -flirting and hooking up with other girls -practicing extreme extroversion, putting myself in front of strangers -pampering myself -throwing myself out of my comfort zone -taking on little fears and deepening my sense of self-sufficiency -LOVESHACK.org(basically anytime I'm tempted to check her social media, I come here) -traveling -planning adventures for myself(downtime is your enemy) -stopped referring to her as MY ex. I do not know her. We are not friends. I relinquish ownership. -recognizing that I am not alone in these feelings Stay Strong!!! 2
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