Lack confidence

[Loveless21]

Just got out of bad mariage, verbal abuse etc.. I think so low of myself, like im nothing... How do i gain greater confidence? I look at other girls. Ck pare myself and dont go after guys bc i feel like they have way more to offer..this one guy i like is going out with a friend and i just backed down bc shes prettier, more confidence and outgoing.. And im not,,

[oldshirt]

you can gain confidence and self esteem through one of two ways.

 

 

One is spend ten years and tens of thousands of dollars in therapy to have a therapist tell you that you are worthy and a good person.

 

 

Or you can go out and do things and accomplish things.

 

 

What do you need to do and what do you need to accomplish in order for you to feel better about yourself and feel a sense of accomplishment?????? I guess you'll have to find out for yourself.

 

 

Start with washing and waxing the car. Scrub it good from bumper to bumper. Then wax and buff every square inch. (say Mr Miaggie's mantra from Karate Kid in your head,,,, "Wax-on. Wax-off" LOL)

 

Then when you are done, let it sit in the sun and you can sit back and admire the shine while you feel the fatigue and ache in your muscles.

 

 

Rinse and repeat with different things every single day.

 

 

Pick something and do it. Do it well.

 

 

in time a thousand little accomplishments add up and you start to realize you are competent and you are capable and you are able to live a good life. That's because in the end, life is just a series of tasks. once you realize you can do all the tasks of daily life, life seems to fall into place.

[bigman1]

You have to look around at couples, and I mean all couples. You will see that people you consider unattractive, less refined, less capable, or less whatever are in good relationships. You know why?

 

Its because those concepts of attractiveness, and other so called attributes are subjective, sometimes judgmental, and often meaningless. You let someone with self esteem problems convince you that you were not as pretty or as accomplished, when in fact you are just fine. Consider this, I don't find the sports illustrated swimsuit models to be all that awesome. They look good, they have very toned bodies, but not my cup of tea. I find chubby girls prettier. I know guys that like HUGE women, guys that like super skinny, nerdy etc. I actually know a guy who married a beauty queen. My point is that there is no ideal woman with ideal attributes. That woman you are awed by may not be prettier than you to another man. You convinced yourself she's prettier, but you aren't gonna date her or yourself for that matter, so stop comparing yourself. Be the best you and believe me, that is good enough.

 

Being confident is sexy as hell. If anyone is basing a relationship on looks, well what happens when they fade. Read the Infidelity section and see how many guys just need an honest, faithful wife. In sum, you are a catch, whether you believe it or not. Start believing it.

 

As to your abusive EX. Fu@# him and the horse he rode in and out on. His opinion never mattered and was only a reflection of how he felt about himself. THAT is not IMHO it is FACT.

Edited August 3, 2014 by bigman1

[Loveless21]

@bigman thanks.

I know im attractive but i still look at others and think they have smaller/bigger boobs and wear it well.. Smaller/bigger ass and wear it better than i do.. Etc... Also i dont find myself to be very interesting.. Im a full time single mom and work two jobs so dont have much time to do things for myself that i enjoy.. Just work, work, work

[bigman1]

@loveless,

 

Here is some sage advice that I received from a widower I know. "Do it now". He told me that he and his first wife always planned to do stuff with the kids but work got in the way. When they finally said they were going to do this big vacation, she was diagnosed with leukemia and then she died shortly after. Now, with his new wife, they do it now, because he said, life could end or change without notice so he is making memories now.

 

What ever you like to do or have held off on doing, do it now. Period. No excuses. Don't plan, just do it and deal with the situations after. Amazingly, you will find that work will recover. Your job (or profession) will be there long after you are gone, so don't think that if you don't, no one will. It will get done. I have workaholic tendencies at times and there is never a right time. There is always a "now" time, and when I do things, life does not come crashing down.

 

As far as being interesting and just being work work work, here is the thing: YOU go to work. YOU are interesting as a person and not because of what you do. You are used to your life, but to another person, your life is interesting because of YOU. Not that it means anything, but I don't know you and I am writing to you on some anonymous board. Why? Your story interested me. Sure it had some sadness to it, but it was YOUR story. Change the story, and it will still be YOUR story and still interesting. See what I mean?

 

Don't be so hard on yourself and don't compare yourself to others. Be you. Be the best in shape you or the best needs to get in shape you. Be the best food loving you. Be the best single mom with a naughty side for the right guy, you. Amazingly, the right type of men pick up on confident women. Predators prey on women who struggle with self worth and value. They know the words to use to entice you and then to ensnare you and then enslave you. You have lived with one before. Time to change your story.

 

First step, actually tell folks that you ARE doing something for yourself because you are celebrating YOU. I mean that, too: you are celebrating you and folks need to know it. That serves notice that you know your value. Second, do it. it does not have to be the thing you've always dreamed of, but then again, it can be. Nothing or no one gets in the way. If you are bringing the kids, don't lose focus that this is about YOU. If they are staying with family, you have to trust that family will take care of them and not spend your time trying to be supermom who plans for every contingency. just freaking do it! Third, enjoy it. Fourth, be outgoing while doing it. chat a few guys of up or anyone else, ask about them, reveal little about yourself but be coy about it. Do it all for YOU AND LIVE OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF.

 

You have nothing to lose. Either way you will have a memory. It will be amazing. It could be the best most wonderful thing you've done and experienced. It could also be the craziest most ridiculous I'm never doing that again debacle EVER!! Still, that is a memory and a story. Both will be interesting and both will be about YOU. Get busy!

[Tayken]

The first step is growing a pair...nobody wants to be with someone that lacks self esteem / confidence.....it can lead to a miserable relationship