Zapbasket Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Even though I live literally down the road from my ex, I have not had that situation where I walk into a store, or go to a social gathering, and he is there. I know we skied the same mountain on the same day several times this past winter, but I never saw him. We've passed one another in our cars, and last week I was walking into Whole Foods and he pulled into the lot in his truck; I went inside and then tried to sneak out the other entrance and saw that evidently he had turned around and left. And I was hugely relieved. I realize that given our proximity it is inevitable we will run into each other. But I don't want to because our break-up was not amicable; he did not do it in a very nice way; and I don't like how he treated me generally, or my mother. Unless he approaches me to talk meaningfully and apologize, I do not want any other encounter or interaction. I dread the day the inevitable occurs. I really do. How have you handled / how would you handle an encounter with your ex? I told my ex we could not be friends, because, as I said, "Friends know where they stand with each other, and with you I never, ever knew where I stood."
music_and_poetry Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I actually have sorted this out since we have the same group of friends and eventually we will have to see each other somewhere. Don't plan on changing my friends because he has the same ones lol (that's how we met actually). At said event, I will enjoy myself and pretend I don't care either way about his presence. In other words, feign indifference. If we make eye contact I will probably smile or give some other acknowledgement of his existence. If he tries to engage in a conversation, I will disengage him. I once had a horrible, horrible boss (who I unfortunately dated) and he was brilliant at coming off as professional and still being slightly cold. I always wondered why I wasted my time dating him but I actually realized he taught me the perfect way to handle people who are not worthy of my time/effort. Sooo here's an example. Ex: "Hi." You: "Hey good to see you." <<<< conversation killer If they persist... Ex: "how've you been?" You: "I'm fantastic." <<<< no details cut the conversation off right there. There's no need to look like a bitch in your facial expression, you're just giving him short vague answers because he doesn't have right to that information anymore. And just keep giving him nothing. Hopefully he'll give up or take the hint and apologize.
Author Zapbasket Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 Hey, not trying to be hard on you, but: What will you do when he shows up to an event with mutual friends with a new girlfriend, or a girl and you won't know WHAT she is? I feel far too wronged by my ex even to be able to play off the professional-but-cold act. As I envision it, if he shows up where I am, I will not make eye contact and quietly leave. I won't pull anyone into any drama; I will just disappear. I do not want him thinking he did right by me and he is very good at taking ZERO responsibility. Until he seeks me out to talk MEANINGFULLY, I have nothing to say to him. I know if I had such an interaction, I'd go home and cry my eyes out. I never wanted it to be that way.
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