tornapartheart Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 My child's father/non committal live in boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. Six months ago he started having a lot of panic attacks, at the time he was unemployed and feeling depressed about life. He began seeing a therapist and they put him on SSRI medication. About 2 months after he started taking it, his panic attacks were almost non existent. I was relived and so was he, and he had just got hired at a new job. We were both happy. But about a month before he became employed, things between us started getting bad. Not just regular bickering, then make up sex like usual, but he was refraining from having sex with me. I'd offer him oral and he'd say no. He was detaching from me. I could feel it. He said it was probably because of the medication he was taking which is known to decrease feelings of love and affection and lower libido. He said he didn't want to stop taking the medication though, because it was helping his anxiety tremendously. I understood and thought of coping with my new sexless life, when him and I were always at each other raring to go on a sexy romp. He has always been a very horny guy and I've always been active with him, so for me this was depressing. After he started working, he began going through a very immature phase. He wanted a new car, a tattoo, to separate our joint checking account and get his own, even though we were living together, and wanting to go out with his friends at least once a week drinking. I was really upset about but thought it would pass. About a month after he started working, I was doing laundry and found a condom in his pocket. Stupidly, I confronted him right away. At first he said it was for me, since I wanted another child and he didn't. THEN he "confessed". He said he used one for oral from an escort and this one was left over. He said he had a "lapse in judgement" and that he came before she could go down on him. Weeks went by and all the while he was still being distant and going out with his friends drinking, not coming home until the next morning. I told him I wanted to see his call log and text history and he refused, keeping his phone locked and taking it in the bathroom with him. He was putting me through so much pain and not even remorseful, telling me half-hearted sorrys and to "let it go" already. Then when I told him he couldn't use MY car to go out with his friends anymore he got angry and said he was unhappy with me and wanted to end it. He's remained with his choice until today. But after he said that, he kept telling me he is moving out, yet not moving a thing. Then when he was asleep in bed the other day, I took his wallet and locked myself in the bathroom to investigate. Everything looked normal, all his time slips for work were in there, all was normal, check in times, check out times, break times. I began to feel a little relief. Then I looked in a deep pocket and what do I find? 3 "ribbed for her pleasure" condoms. I again, stupidly confronted him right away but this time he was angry. I told him if it was one time with a hooker why did he have 3 more?!?? he insisted THESE were for me this time, and that he really didn't want to get me pregnant again. I told him he was an idiot because we had sex 3 times after that and we hasn't used a condom. Also, he HATES wearing condoms. He did suggest it before we had sex though, which leads me to think that these MIGHT have been for me but I just don't know. Before we had sex he would say,"we should use a condom." And I would say no. BUT he never mentioned that he HAD THEM. Then he admitted that there WAS NO HOOKER, and that a girl from work, before he changed locations, had showed him "body language" and asked him out to a bar. He said he bought that first condom for her "just in case anything happened." But that he "didn't" end up having sex with her because she was "sleazy" because she had admitted to dating a black guy before. So according to him, the first condom was never used, the last 3 were for me. I have no PROOF he cheated, but I can feel it in my bones. I am going crazy because I don't know who it could be. He swears up and down he isn't seeing anyone and calls me on all his breaks, comes straight home after work too. All his time in/time out receipts match up and sound right, so I know he hasn't been skipping work or clicking out late or early. I'm just so pissed. He says he isn't in love with me anymore and that he doesn't want to try because ill never trust him again, and he's right, but of course I still LOVE him. It's awful. He's been part of my life since I was 17 years old. He was my best friend, my family. He was NEVER like this before and just like that he flipped and my whole world came crashing down. I told him I will surrender all hope for reconciliation if he would just tell me the 100% TRUTH and he says he has. He's sticking to what he said. But I don't believe him. I need closure, this is such a big loss for me. I'm not just losing a boyfriend, I'm losing the hope I had to marry him, have another child and a home together and to grow old with him. He's throwing my dreams away. To pour salt on a wound, he called me and told me he has begun the enlistment process into US Army. I thought he was lying but then he brought me the paper and business card from the recruiting office. I am so lost.
ktya Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 I have been with two girls who went on SSRIs, one for anxiety and one for depression. It really can change their personality because they dont feel the highs or the lows and can give them a total "i dont give a damn" attitude. There are a different class of antidepressants called SNRIs that are like horny pills. You might go to his doctor with him to see if those would help with his anxiety and see if you can switch. But beware if hes already buying condoms just in case things happen with other girls or escorts it might send him into overdrive. Theres a long post on topix about breakups caused by ssris and antidepressants in general you might want to review it to at least learn you are not alone.
SteakandSalad Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please be aware that these types of medications can really alter your personality as other poster said, can give you the I don't give a damn attitude. I don't know how long this will last, maybe you can speak to your own doctor about living/coping with someone on these medications. He does sound like a totally different person. It must be very hard especially knowing him for so long and then he changes. Kudos to you for sticking by him. A lot of people are always focused on the person taking the medications and forget about the others surrounding them. It is hard work for you too.
Allumere Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 That's nice he started the enlisting process. Please be advised of the following regarding medication: Are anti-depressants disqualifying? (top) Question: What are the consequences for bringing prescribed anti-depression medication? Response 1: Anti depressants are disqualifying for 1 year after you stop taking them. You MUST stop with your doctors advice, DO NOT stop on your own. These medications often have to be reduced slowly to lower side effects and reduce risk of relapse. Once you are off and depression free for 1 year get copies of your treatment paperwork, including therapy notes and take them with you to your recruiter. They will submit the documents to MEPS for review. MEPS will either DQ you, allow you to physical and enlist, or allow you to physical with a waiver (most likely). Response 2: You'll need to bring my medical records from the doctor who prescribed the anti-depressants. You'll go to MEPS, take the ASVAB but your processing will be terminated at a certain point due to being honest about depression. Your records will be sent to the AF surgeon general's office for review. This supposedly takes between six weeks and three months -- mine took a full three months. If the waiver is granted, you'll be cleared to return to MEPS. On your return trip, they'll do a height/weight check then send you offsite to a psych consult. The doctor will then send his recommendation to MEPS where you will be reviewed further. This took nearly five weeks for me. If you are deemed fit for service, you will return to MEPS for job selection. Contrary to what I was initially told, depression rules out many jobs in the AF.
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