tsev20 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Iv'e never written on a thread like this but though it might be good to get some outside opinions. I've been seeing this girl. Lets just say her name is S. We met on Tinder which I know has bad wraps for being just a hook up app. However, we met in early June. Did not sleep together unit the 5th date. Everything has been amazing until last weekend. We had plans "definite" plans that she was going to come over and stay with me for the weekend. She was supposed to be over around 2 that sat afternoon. From that Friday night through Saturday I texted her maybe 3 times. To say good night and good morning. No response. Usually she is blowing up my phone with txt. It was odd. So I called her. No answer and then her phone died. I waited a couple of hours and it was still dead. So i began to worry that maybe she got arrested or in an accident. I called my Mom which this girl has met and she said that it seems weird and that I should go check on her. So I do. I go to her place. Knock. No answer. But the door is cracked open so I walk in. Her dog is in there with no food or water and it looks like she had a party. So, I take the dog out and I come back inside and then go walk into the bathroom. I then hear he walk in I walk around the corner and she is there with another guy. She's like WTF and I say " Well I guess you're ok" the guy tries to introduce himself LOL and S goes running out. I went outside with her and we talked and I simply told her that I was worried that something had happened to her and that's why I went over..See this girl was coming over 2x a week and every weekend and staying with me. Never been shady. Any ways she goes on to tell me that she is an emotional wreck and that there are things that she can't tell me and I won't understand. I said "just try me, I mean are you pregnant. Are you having a miscarriage?" She had just broken off a 3 year relationship and canceled a wedding one month before it was schedule on may 29th. We met a month after this…And she didn't know she was pregnant and then had a miscarriage (I don't even know if this is true now. Keep reading) She said she need space and I left and she said that she would come over later. She didn't or the next day. It was very unusual. I get she needed space and is going through a lot (supposedly) but we made plans and she bailed..So this is where it gets crazy.. That monday (this last week) she had some glasses of mine and told me she was going to bring them over to me tues. On Monday she sends me a text saying that she will have to overnight them because she just found out her uncle died and her parents are worried about her so she is going to fly up to Chicago. I say well how bout we meet for lunch and you can give them to me. So we meet for lunch and talk about everything that had happened over the weekend. I asked her if she's seeing someone and she says no, I ask her if she wants to work this out and she says yes and continues to tell me that she's falling in love with me. I told her that her treating me like that was unfair and childish and she should've just been honest. We leave and as were leaving I give her a letter. I tell he that I give you this letter but only if you can keep an open mind and you are serious about this relationship. I give it to her and she tell me later that it was the most amazing letter and that it made her feel loved, and understood, and blah blah. (Keep reading) This is still Monday. She tells me she's leaving for Chicago on Tues. That night she calls me and starts to basically apologize and this and that. Well mid sentence we get disconnected. I call her right back and it rings so I know its not dead. I text saying hey what happened. NO response or call back until the morning. She said her phone died. Its tuesday now and she says that she's leaving around 1 and will be getting in Chicago around 4 and will text me. (Just listen) She text me. Tells me her Dad just picked her up and he says hi to me. She continues to tell me how much she misses me and that she wished she could be with me. And we are texting very romantic stuff all through the night and Wednesday. She is sending me pic of her room in Chicago telling me where her parents were taking her to dinner, that she is so excited to see her sister who getting in that night. She originally told me that she was going to Chicago only until Thursday and was going to leave when her mom went to Pittsburg for the funeral. I was also supposed to be out of town through the weekend but had to stay. When I told her I was staying she told me that she was now going to stay up there until Sunday and then drive to Florida with her family. I said. "Isn't your mom going to the funeral?" She responds saying that she doesn't feel like doing all the traveling lol..So, I like ok this is BS Keep in mind this whole time she is still telling me how much she misses me and how so so sorry she is that her plans changed… So, Thursday I have to go pay a ticket which is really close to where she lives. I drive by her apartment and her cars not there. Which it was in the middle of a work day.. so I drive by her work. Her car is there. So to give her the benefit of the doubt I think. "ok well maybe a friend from work took her and she left it here" But I'm there about ten minutes before her break. So I wait. Which I know is creepy but I needed to know for sure. I think most would do the same. so don't judge. I wait and guess who comes walking out. She gets in her car and drives up the street to a Golden Corral. I didn't see her with anyone but at this point I could've cared less. It was the constructive detailed lie that killed me. I thought about just turning around and not contacting her but I wanted her to know that I knew. So I walk in and she's at the register. She looked so dumbfounded. I just made eye contact with her said "wow" and then turned around and walked out. I haven't contacted her. She hasn't contacted me. I mean there's absolutely no explanation she could give me. I am so hurt by this. I don't know why she felt the need to lie. She told me she was going through some tough emotions with the miscarriage (if that was even true) but why go to the extreme to make such an elaborate lie.. sending pics of your room in Chicago so I think your there, telling me your dad says hi!, come one. Like I said I haven't heard from her. I am hurt. Does she feel guilty? was anything she said to me real? I gave her a chance to leave and she said she wanted to work it out so why the huge lie. If she needed space then why not say it? Do I need to worry about her? Mental health? She's had friends down every week because they are worried about her. Do I need to reach out to someone. I really grew to care about this girl. I don't want to contact her. But whats the right thing to do here? Any females that have gone through a miscarriage from an ex that can give me insight on how she might be feeling or why she lied? Any (positive) advice would be great. Thanks
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 A wall of text like that is a deterrent. Please reduce the text into point form and be direct. 2
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Dear OP, there is so many things wrong with this woman. 1. She is just coming out of a relationship, if it's true. You have to understand that these people are not dating material no matter what they say. Especially not a relationship of 3 years and an engagement, if it's true. 2. I don't believe this miscarriage. 3. She is a liar, plain and simple and one of the worse kind. She did not only lie about not being away but she came up with a whole story supported with pictures and all. That is sneaky and immoral. 4. She is a nut case and it's not your job to cure her from her stupidity. There is nothing to reach out to. There is nothing for you to fix. She is at the core a poor pathetic human being. Move on. 4
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 For example: met a girl on a OLD site, everything seemed to be going great. There I cut out at least 3 lines of text.
Author tsev20 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 Ok. Sorry Ill try to keep it brief. lol. Wanted to tell the whole story
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Anywho I got the jest of what is going on from gaeta's post. Here's a tip: When they start lying to you, it means they don't have an interest in you anymore and they are a coward to honestly tell you it's over. Stop clinging on like a love sick fool, and have self worth.... move on.
Author tsev20 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 There is a partial reason I believe the miscarriage. This is personal and gross. We were having sex and when we were done I went to the restroom and had blood on my stomach. At the time she said that she started her period. It wasn't that kind of blood. I've had a GF before who had a miscarriage and I immediately thought something was different. And then she came over two days later and her "period" was over. I thought at the time that that's what it was
Author tsev20 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 Not clinging on smackie..It's been two days and I'm trying to get some understanding. This wasn't just a simple lie.
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Having a miscarriage does not make you a liar, it does not turn you into a bad person. If you have integrity it follows you everywhere, online, off line, in good times and in bad times. I had a miscarriage years ago. I cried a lot, I was down, I withdrew from people but I did not start making up stories and lying to people. 2
Author tsev20 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 I know.. It's just so odd? It's like I wonder if she is on meds and stopped taking them lol Is she just a coward? Did she need space and couldn't tell me? It's still not acceptable obviously. I've just never had someone go to that extent…And keep saying how much she misses me, she wishes she was in my bed, omg.. It's just odd
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 I know.. It's just so odd? It's like I wonder if she is on meds and stopped taking them lol Is she just a coward? Did she need space and couldn't tell me? It's still not acceptable obviously. I've just never had someone go to that extent…And keep saying how much she misses me, she wishes she was in my bed, omg.. It's just odd It's all lies and manipulation for need for attention. She did not need anything from you for it to work, it could not work period. She is coming out of a long term relationship + her head is not screwed on properly. Don't try to understand it, I stopped a long time ago trying to understand the deranged people I meet. They are not for me. 5
Author tsev20 Posted August 2, 2014 Author Posted August 2, 2014 has anyone else had anything similar happen? to this extreme
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Yup write this off and walk away. Who cares if it's "odd", it's unhealthy and there is no need to dwell in it anymore. The further away from this you are the better.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 has anyone else had anything similar happen? to this extreme Sorry no I never dated wackos.
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 has anyone else had anything similar happen? to this extreme Once I had a relationship with a man who told me he was from the US, he was not. He told me he had 2 kids and he had 3, he told me his mother had died giving him birth it was not true. He told me he was married twice but in fact had been married 4 times. He also lied a few times about being out of town when he had never left. Why he lied? I don't care to know, the why is not interesting to me, all I know is I will not be with someone like that. 2
HappyLove Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Why men chase after CRAZY women I will never understand. She's a psycho and you're trying to excuse away her psychotic behavior. Find some self respect and leave this crazy woman in the dust before she cooks up some story about you. Stop trying to figure out crazy. Be glad you found out and walk, no RUN AWAY! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 She's not a well person. Lying that much in and in such detail is a deal-breaker and indicative of something much more serious inside her. Stay away from her.
johnson_j Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 has anyone else had anything similar happen? to this extreme Yes, and there's NOTHING you can do. And don't try to do anything. You'll just have to write this one off - at some point, MAYBE, years down the road when she realizes how her lies have destroyed her life, along with some potentially great relationships, she might be sorry about it then. I had a girl who concocted elaborate lies too and I finally untangled the web, and let her know I knew. She flew off the handle too and said it's my fault for finding out. It hurts bro but trust me on this, you're better off now walking away and never contacting her again. 1
WrinkledForehead Posted August 3, 2014 Posted August 3, 2014 There is a partial reason I believe the miscarriage. This is personal and gross. We were having sex and when we were done I went to the restroom and had blood on my stomach. At the time she said that she started her period. It wasn't that kind of blood. I've had a GF before who had a miscarriage and I immediately thought something was different. And then she came over two days later and her "period" was over. I thought at the time that that's what it was Women bleed/spot, on average, for two weeks after miscarrying.
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